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The Flamel Experiments by andrescutieri - M/NC-17

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Sesc, Nov 4, 2019.

  1. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Title: The Flamel Experiments
    Author: andrescutieri
    Rating: M/NC-17
    Genre: Dark!Harry/Azkaban!Harry
    Category: Dark Arts
    Words: 86k
    Status: WIP
    Pairings: Harry/Daphne/Hermione/Ginny
    Summary: A King locked away in Azkaban, his three Queens defanged and bound. A devious plan to send them to a new world, a new start. A world where the wizarding community is just a naïve paradise. A world where the Stone is just a simple artifact. A world where the Flamels are simple alchemists. A world where Hogwarts is simply a school.
    A King of absolute power. A Black Queen of bloody knowledge. A White Queen of dangerous beauty. A Red Queen of never-ending violence. A new world for the Court.
    And a new world for the Flamel Experiments.


    https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232674


    And another one for the oddity cabinet. The backgroundstory actually beats the story here, and it's strong enough to carry the plot and turn something meh to exciting. I put this in spoilers, because the story starts in medias res and the background is revealed throughout it. So if you want that experience, which I actually recommend, skip the spoiler.

    It's a rather nice setup. In an AU world, Flamel shattered his Philosopher's Stone and distributed the shards, hundreds of years ago, experimenting with them on wizards and witches. The result was that everyone who had one or more of them implanted became a picture of health and power, while everyone else was relegated to slave status. Hogwarts itself is some sort of Battle Royale thing, where people try to kill and steal the shards from one another to rise up. Anyway, in that world, Harry was a Dark Lord, with Daphne, Hermione and Ginny at his side, and chucked into Azkaban for life. The actual story starts when they break out of Azkaban, and perform a ritual that is supposed to send them to a better world. It does, at that, and they end up as 11 year olds in Canon.

    This is actually less of a let-down than it sounds like, unless you want to read about battles and stuff. Harry does have a plan to remake Canon in the AU's image, but first of all ...

    Spoiler TL;DR: I had flashbacks to classics like padfootjr's Lord of Azkaban and the good old days. Pretty sure ten or fifteen years ago we would've hyped this. The reliable Dark!Harry/Azkaban plot, with an interesting backstory + a story of AU-timetravel of Harry, Daphne, Hermione and Ginny back to first year.

    That turns out to be a mixed blessing in the same way Swim's Circular Reasoning is -- broken people from a broken world don't fit into a whole one and children's bodies without trouble. Daphne can't deal with her new family, and hits Firewhiskey and potions. Harry fucks up and nearly dies in the Forest. I personally think it strikes the right balance between lighthearted and drama; the plot kept me reading. The pace picks up when their main objective for the first year comes into focus.

    Oh, and it's explicit with some BDSM thing that weirdly enough doesn't appear that out of place in the story, but YMMV. Especially if the implications (twenty year old girl in 11 year old body getting off on various creative things) offend you on a personal level. It's not the point of the story, but it's there.

    Technically, it's reasonably structured -- the first year doesn't stretch into infinity -- but some sentences are off, because the author isn't English and lacks a beta. You always know what is meant, but often enough it's the wrong word in the wrong place. Ignoring that, the prose beats FF.net average easily. It's been dead for a year, but apparently, the author has the rest of the stories(!) hand-written(!!) and intends to start posting again this month or next, Netflix-style.


    So, this might appeal only to a nieche audience, but since we don't have the Almost Recced thread anymore, here it is. I was entertained in a perfectly adolescent male way and give it a 3/5.
     
  2. CaffeineAddict

    CaffeineAddict Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    ... Well colour me interested. I think I read the first chapter of this at some point and dropped it due to not being in the mood for this type of story at the time.

    Will definitely check this out.
     
  3. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    I've read the first couple of chapters. The idea is interesting but so far it's let down by the author's grasp of English and his blatant BDSM fetish. I'll come back and leave a proper review once I have more read but it's definitely decent so far despite these issues.
     
  4. Drachna

    Drachna Professor

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    The premise of this story looks very interesting. Unfortunately the litany of spelling mistakes and grammar errors in the first few paragraphs alone, make this fic very hard to read.
    I cannot in good faith leave a rating, but if you are considering reading this, go in prepared.
     
  5. Jax

    Jax Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    So i binged this over the last two days and the critic sesc have put forward is pretty accurate.

    I like the whole idea behind the shards and the extra power it grants. And I like limitations put on our protagonist, how they have to cope with their new bodies, families, friends etc.

    But for me personally, the whole thing falls flat. Because the interesting thing about the premise, is that we have these four individuals, that has come from a world where you wouldn't hesitate to murder a fellow student, so you could dig around in their body for a shard.

    In the prologue we are introduced to all four indirectly, and a picture of power, madness and darkness is painted - but where is that aura in our protagonists? They dont feel like people from a violent and unforgiving world, they mostly read like fucked up kids. Why are the "King" not constantly thinking how they will conquer this world or something along those lines? Why are Hermione and Daphne so weak spirited? If Daphne was some kind of dangerous Queen, then why in the world does she seem so weak when confronted with her dominating farther?

    It isnt her father after all. Not a single thought about getting the Qeens together and slicing him up? No?

    maybe Im being to homicidal with this. But I truly miss some ruthlessness in the protagonist. If not in action, then atleast in thought.

    Rating this is tricky - because I did enjoy it. The idea is good, but after 80k words I dont really think anything has happened.

    so 3/5 for me. I will keep an eye on it and see if the author just brings it all home.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
  6. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    @Jax, I'm going out on a limb here (no inside info), but I'm very sure you're going to get your wish. First year is all about getting their hands on the stone, because without it (or the pseudo shard), they are just fucked up kids. Now that Daphne has been pimped, and especially after the stone shards, I can't for a minute see her accepting that kind of treatment. She might keep her father around for some purpose or another, but no way is he going to be in a position of power. I'll admit, if that continues in year two, I'll be very disappointed. If nothing else, pull a Barty and put him under the Imperius curse.

    And no, you can't be too homocidal with this :D
    I expect epic brutality the likes of which I haven't read since Control. Yes please. (And if I can eventually start a review with WTF epic shit here as well, all is good.)
     
  7. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    I understand the justification of Peggy Sue time travel, but reading about 11 year olds making out is never not gonna be fucking weird at the very least. And that's on top of all the other shit.

    Time travel with an extreme abuse backstory, so extreme, in fact, that it just comes off absurd. The author's grasp of English isn't good enough to write well or sell me on their worldbuilding, the text is riddled with mistakes. Dialogue is cringe as fuck. I'm on chapter 4 and I'm getting zilch of the personality of people who murdered 3001 people to get out of Azkaban, and their home dimension has so far been made to be more grim than a crossover between Warhammer 40k and Circular Reasoning.

    What's been hinted at of the backstory of the home dimension is interesting has the potential to become interesting, but the story is taking place in the canon world. If I'm gonna read a fic starting in 1st year, it has do something eye-catching from the start, like go AU (PotDK, Old Blood).

    I predict this'll be another dark!Harry indy fic where Harry and the gang are licensed to kill and be EdGy by virtue of their Tragic Backstory while still hitting all the stations of canon, except with gore and sex added to make it seem different.

    I'm not rating because I've only read 4 chapters, but this is guilty pleasure at best. If you're not already into this kind of story, I doubt you'll find much substance here.
     
  8. Glimmervoid

    Glimmervoid Professor

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    I read it. There was something interesting there, as you say, but it never managed to actually capture it. I also doubt it is ever going to get interesting since it hasn't updated in a year.
     
  9. Sauce Bauss

    Sauce Bauss Second Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    This was certainly something outside of the usual wheelhouse of modern DLP, but I did get glimmers of nostalgia-bait. I think you're right, DLP would have enjoyed a lot of the concepts here circa 2007 or so. There are flashes of inspired ideas and themes, from the magical society in the original timeline to the ritual with the Dryads.

    That said, English is the author's second language and while they have undoubtedly put forward great effort, their desperate need of an editor is still ever-present. The edginess of the original timeline exceeds the limits of GrimDark to approach what we in the business like to call GrimDerp. The harem aspect adds nothing to the story, and two of his little triumvirate have little to no development. Even Hermione is only brushing up on the concept of depth as of the latest few chapters.

    It's interesting enough that I do want to see more of the world, but hesitate to say I'd be willing to endure the grind to get to it.
     
  10. Zansa

    Zansa Fourth Year

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    I actually liked the first 3-4 chapters the most, despite the grammar and language mistakes that abounded. This is one of those stories where the premise becomes less and less believable the further you read, and the more is revealed of the past. Not because of how over-the-top dark the previous world was, but because Harry and Co simply don't mesh with what we've seen of that world, they don't even seem like the same characters that were shown in the prologue. Apparently murder and subterfuge and betrayal is as common as breathing over there, and yet the main cast here actively try to avoid all of that stuff, despite having no problems with it previously. Literally in the prologue they sacrifice 3001 human beings in order to escape Azkaban and travel through time and space. One of them skinned someone and then wore their skin as a coat. But the moment they get to the canon world the most destructive thing any of them do is throw a teenage tantrum.

    The BDSM thing doesn't jive either. Apparently all of Harry's girls took an Oath of Enslavement they were so loyal and submissive to him, and at the start they showed that, or at least Hermione did. Harry was unafraid to cause them pain or discomfort on a whim, even going as far as to order Hermione to dress and act completely different from the previous world, to which she complied without question. But as of the latest chapters that's not at all how the relationship works. If anything, Harry is the submissive one to Daphne and Hermione in all things except sex. I can't help but feel the author at some point had Safe, Sane, Consensual drilled into his head and now it's manifesting in a fictional relationship where the established hierarchy was decidedly the opposite at the start.

    If this story were ever going to live up to its premise then after 86,000 words I would expect that some crack in the facade would have appeared or there would be some form of foreshadowing or some action taken by one of them that would allude to future brutality and/or madness. Instead we have Hermione hosting sleepovers. Blegh.

    I liked the promises this story established but it failed to follow through on any of them. The story lacks a coherent structure and has an inherent inability to make me believe in any of the characters or scenarios that it presents to me. But, it did start to scratch an itch that I didn't know I had for a good old fashioned Azkaban!Harry romp. I'm going to refrain from rating the thread because I can't bring myself to give this a 2/5 or a 3/5, because I think it deserves both. If you aren't in the target audience and craving this type of fic, it's a 2/5, and if you are then it's a 3/5.
     
  11. Download

    Download Auror ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I thought I had brought this story up at one point here.

    It's a good concept, but falls flat at shitty "romance", harem garbage, the need for hamfisted smut and average writing. With a good beta readers and stripping out/toning own the romance stuff (and get rid of the harem shit) it could have been a reasonably good story.
    --- Post automerged ---
    I didn't read the story just now, but what I wrote straight after reading the story seems a lot worse than I remembered:

    The story inspired the question in this thread.
     
  12. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Sounds interesting. I'm fine with mediocre writing if the plot/story are interesting enough and it doesn't drag. "Stages of Hope" is an example where the writing is not top-notch but the story itself comes off as interesting and easy to read.
     
  13. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Well I didn’t think I’d be so bothered by the weird 11 year old bdsm thing but it’s just so out of place - and I think the sum total of the experience of reading this falls under that phrase - out of place. For such allegedly fucked up protagonists they seem really mundane except when they’re diving into their past. The characters seem to lack any direction except when they’re doing the weird sex acts that they go about doing. After several chapters I found myself wholly uninterested.
     
  14. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Wat? Do not want.
     
  15. Hymnsicality

    Hymnsicality Seventh Year

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    That's a damned good premise. It's one of those filled to the brim with possibilities. I actually really like this story despite its inconsistencies. It feels like the singular vision of someone who has an interesting story to tell even if there are parts that make me go squick. 4/5
     
  16. Dagro

    Dagro DA Member

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    Wow, this is just terrible. I concede there are some good ideas in there, some of them would make for good story material.. But the story doesn't even try to hide the fact that it is simply a BDSM harem fantasy fleshed out with a bit more 'baggage'. The 'good ideas' here are only a vehicle for the ('sex')fantasy, not really fleshed out at all and the 'rest' of the story feels so far like a crack-fic school life fic. I will readily admit the whole Flamel premise is pretty cool and original.

    But overall it's a terribly awkward read and I found myself skipping a lot because of the unbearable cringy shit I was force to read. 2/5

    My rec for the author would be: Rewrite. Change premise, happy harem is not something you should be trying to write. Kick all the "adult in kids body sex"-stuff (lol writing this is even bah), kick all the BDSM shit, it has no purpose and honestly written so bad I am not able to read it. KNEEL!111 Yes Master!11 wtf Why even have it in? He could have just aswell skip all that shit until later years. Oops kid body, no hormones, see you in puberty.

    Don't use PTSD/angst to show how bad 'the other' world was, rather show us or leave it. Reading characters angst about something we don't really know and only feeding us bits to show how 'super edgy and brutal' that world was is a boring to read. While I respect that is no easy task, I think it also makes or breaks the characters he is trying to portray here. Have your characters have real flaws not cliches, right now everyone of the 'queens' is just a collection of those. I could see some content to be had with them, failed overlord!Harry in new world with his shitty followers who all have problems/real interactions with each other and a complete new world to fuck everything up.

    This feels a lot like a fic that DLP would have loved back when I joined up here and we see a lot of practical issues in this fic why that is no easy task for an author to pull off a story that is trying to capture that spirit. Still trying to read, but I have no real hopes the essential deal breakers here will get addressed.
     
  17. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I did read this and (mostly) enjoy it so far.

    I feel that it would vastly improved by removing all the kink - it's like it was added in there because the author thought it would be edgy or something?

    For anyone else worried about it... Harry and company are not evil, here. At least they don't seem to be. They just come from a shitsack world where they were forced to murder and experiment on people and they leaned into that mentality to survive. It affected them.

    3.5/5 - probably round up to 4. Honestly the biggest issue here for me is the kinky sex bdsm shit. Even if they weren't physically 11 it would be annoying and an issue.
     
  18. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

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    On thread sentiment alone I'd say this is almost rec. worthy. Its not interesting to me, but I think its because at this point I'm super tired of stories like this that have an epic sounding premise, but poor follow through.

    I get tired of being disappointed.

    3/5 for sure.
     
  19. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    I'd agree with 3/5. Though I have noticed the writing improving drastically towards the later chapters, the overly sexual nature of things is just plain off-putting.

    Like, I know they have the minds of fully grown adults and I get that but it's still squick.
     
  20. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

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    The smut is what makes me want to rate it lower.

    Generally unimpressed with it (though I'm guilty of writing smut) there being sex for sex, or a specific quirk that people like to focus on in their stories. Its like Dark Lord Potter fics being ultra-violent to the point of absurdity, whereas this is just BDSM and fetishism.