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The Wheel Unbroken by TheAnimaniacDude - Game of Thrones / ASOIAF

Discussion in 'Game of Thrones / ASoIaF' started by Otters, Aug 21, 2019.

  1. Hakairyu

    Hakairyu Seventh Year

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    I agree with Nazgus; I'd actually been feeling really out of it since Jon got back above ground (the only thing I was interested in for the last two chapters was the priest on the ship); now, between the protagonist being Asha knowing Balon's hellbent on committing their entire nation to suicide by knight and the Victarion hook, I'm interested in seeing where you're going with this.

    That being said, a timeskip would be a good way of maintaining momentum now that it feels like you just got the ball rolling again. I guess it depends on what material you have for the rest of this arc, but anything ironborn-focused will be about as divisive as this thread represents, that we apparently have a god borrowing Jon's body simultaneously feels like a cheap way for you to do exposition for both the audience's and Jon's sake (I'm sure you'll only give both us and him as little info as possible and Jon having no idea what he's caught up in is a hard problem, but still) and deprives us of the protagonist we've been following (who has already spent some time thinking he was a bird, too much downtime where Jon isn't lucid really doesn't gel with the mystery and time loop elements, isn't the main driving force of the plot Jon figuring things out each time?). That we switched to Asha as a protagonist is fine, I find her compelling, I liked her exchange with Balon a lot. But even if you make this whole thing work, you wanna be quick about resolving this subplot. The Yi Ti arc comparison is apt, I actually really liked all the ideas in that arc, but it has the potential to really hurt your story if we're still going to be in life 6 by chapter 20.

    Or it would if this wasn't one of the like 5 active stories in the entire fandom that are good, and Halt's writing half of them.

    In any case, yes, to someone who hasn't been following this story and started reading now (like Rep just now) the story as it is would look extremely disjointed and random since the Raven died. I liked the cave, I like the last chapter, but you really need to stop lobotomizing Jon so you can put the plot on hold and go exploring tangents. I get that you want to fuck with Jon's head, and this one might have been necessary for Jon to actually start understanding whatever's going on, but one more and you lose what cohesion you have left.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2020
  2. Zilly Sawdust

    Zilly Sawdust High Inquisitor

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    Just sat down to read this over the weekend and I really liked it. I think as Republic said, the time-loop is an interesting device and you do it well. However, once the eldritch started, it seemed to go off the rails.
    I suppose it makes sense to have some god mind-fuckery in a story that's about Jon being fucked with by the gods, if he is ever to figure what is actually going on and solve the mystery of the plot, so I don't take it to heart too much, but I think if not entirely a time-skip, some quick resolution until Jon is himself again would do the story good. I feel like those parts where Jon is incoherent add to the tension, and I enjoyed those obstacles being resolved eventually so far, but it felt a little bit tedious until it got there.

    Anyway, overall I would rate this 4.5/5 and depending on how you finish it, with potential for a strong 5.
     
  3. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    The new chapter was excellent. Really brought the whole Ironborn arc together.
     
  4. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Minister of Magic

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    Im looking forward to the end of Life Six. Not because I havent liked it (far from it) but im really interested to see how @TheAnimaniacDude builds off this going forward. It’ll be really fun to see a more ‘normal’ Jon Snow who’s also worldlier and more a-tune to the weird shit in Planetos.
     
  5. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude Second Year

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    I told y'all I knew what I was doing. Just had to give me time to spin up the gears.
     
  6. aspiring_failure

    aspiring_failure Banned

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    I liked this chapter just because Jon is remembering bits of himself. I can't say I'm terribly liking all the wild magic in general, but I think that one of the weakest points of this life (him not remembering anything - being a completely different character) was corrected a bit.
     
  7. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    I imagine that when Jon eventually starts his next life the Seastone Chair will still be destroyed (much to the Ironborn’s confusion)? Maybe that’s the mission whatever god is resurrecting him; destroy the remnants of the black oily stone/13 pointed star god?

    also good stuff.
     
  8. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude Second Year

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    I wasn't terribly surprised nobody caught the significance of the altar, but I really was surprised nobody caught the connection between the altar and the Chair before I spelled it out explicitly. I mean, there's a wiki page for that material and everything. Learning experience for me: not everybody is as autistic about spotting patterns as I am.
     
  9. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    I've always been a bit fascinated by the black stone that pops up from time to time in the series. The Seastone Chair is by far the creepiest in my opinion. The Ironborn just found it sitting on the coastline like it was the freaking monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I really want to see where you take it and how it compares to the black stone used by the Valyrians.
     
  10. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros. Moderator

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    Just finished reading thing.

    It's quite an interesting story, and the mystery with the 3ER was pretty well done for the most part (started to get bloated towards the end, and the whole chapter with the cave people was kinda ???

    As for the Ironborn Arc, the most recent chapter (16) has made things interesting again, although I continue to hold reservations about the actual feasibility of the plan (which does not account for the Tyroshi or the Myrmen, but then again this story was never focused on the realpolitik). Stepstones colonization is still a fairly interesting path to take the story, so that can be forgiven.

    The beginning of the Ironborn Arc was in my opinion pretty terrible though. A lot of gibbering nonsense and mystic double talk that didn't really come across as interesting and more borderline senile at points.

    3.5/5, rounding up tentaitvely.
     
  11. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude Second Year

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    GUESS WHO'S BACK-BACK-BACK. BACK AGAIN-GAIN-GAIN. DUDE IS BACK-BACK-BACK. TELL A FRIEND-FRIEND-FRIEND.

    (new chapter posted, finally. Thank fucking god.)
     
  12. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    So happy you’re alive!

    Gonna miss the Ironborn arc a bit. Too bad some readers whined to get it abridged. But at the same time I wanted to see Jon back in Winterfell as a non crazy person.

    Can Jon still summon a kraken? Cause if Theon ever tries to get into a dick measuring contest Jon can just whip that out.

    chapter18when?!
     
  13. s0ng2Sing

    s0ng2Sing Third Year

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    It is nice to see this story again.

    I'm glad that Jon is somewhat sane again. Though the Ironborn arc was a good way to get Jon in a position to do things he normally wouldn't have done. After all, a sane Jon before this arc and losing most of his memories would have likely never considered becoming a prophet for the Drowned God or working with the Ironborn the way he did. The situations he found himself in this loop would have likely never of happened if he was in his normal mindset. He at least had the chance to experience new things and work in different areas that he likely would have neglected before. I expect that after the last loop he at least has some passable seamanship skills, is better at skinchanging, has a generally better idea of magic and what it is capable of, and can probably speak to a crowd better than before. He also knows that the Golden Company can be a threat and they they are likely to bring Dany and FAegon over to Westeros at the worst moment possible.

    I don't think he recovered fully from his trauma, but he is definitely a lot more sane than he was at the beginning of the Ironborn arc. Be interesting to see where he goes from here. He obviously will seek to end the 3 Eyed Raven ASAP. You can't give him time to know that something is wrong, so bum rushing him as soon as possible is the right move. Maybe Jon can convince Ned that something is wrong and to send a couple of trustworthy men with him up North. He probably won't take Jon seriously at first, but maybe dropping a couple secrets he shouldn't know, along with the Hightower blade on him can convince Ned that Jon has some prophetic dreams that need to be listened to.
     
  14. Lindsey

    Lindsey Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I'm thinking he is gonna ignore the 3 eyed raven as it's obvious he isn't the main villain, and go to Essos to find his Targaryan roots.
     
  15. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    I don't think he can ignore bloodraven. He'll see that Jon is changing things up and assassinate him again.
     
  16. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    Maybe he’ll eventually figure out how to get to him through the weir wood so he doesn’t have to constantly travel beyond the wall to kill him? I imagine it’s gonna get real old for him if he’s gotta make the trip every single time.
     
  17. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Minister of Magic

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    You could always have it be something akin to how they deal with time travel in Edge of Tomorrow- he has to go through the same routine every time, but its not like that routine needs to be shown every time.
     
  18. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude Second Year

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    I will freely admit that a large reason this arc happened in the first place was to rehabilitate Euron away from the hot-topic-Jack-Sparrow portrayal of the show and back to the super-spooky end-game threat that he was in the books - so, surprise, Hot-Topic-Jack-Sparrow Euron is actually just Euron wearing Victarion as a second-life meatsuit, with all the mental degradation that entails. (I can finally say this since Jon has now explicitly stated Euron is a warg and skin-thief, instead of just hinting at it.) Aegon being brought back is another one. There was also - you know what, this was basically just 'Hey, remember this shit from the books the show forgot about or never mentioned? Here it is again', the Arc.

    Looking back, there were definitely things I could have improved on in the first half (the first half of the Ironborn arc was the first time I got suspicious looks for this story, so obviously it could have done better), but I think the latter half made up for it.

    SOON™. (this week.) We are going to be following up on a hint I dropped back in Life 5. Can you guess what it's going to be?
     
  19. s0ng2Sing

    s0ng2Sing Third Year

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    Yeah, ignoring the 3 Eyed Raven is pretty much impossible right now since he will notice any deviations that Jon makes and is still dead set on wearing Bran like a meat suit. As long as that is the case, Jon is pretty much going to have to kill him first thing out of the loop. The positive to all that though is that he can end up with Dark Sister early on in every loop, so it actually isn't too much of a hassle and he gets a pretty neat sword out of the journey. The trip may not go as badly as his last ones if he remembers to take provisions from Winterfell with him this time and convince Ned to let him take a handful of men with him for backup, after spooking him with the scary future/past knowledge he has of course.

    If I had to guess what would be happening this next life besides taking care of the 3 Eyed Raven, my bet would be on Jon going south with Ned (if Ned goes at all that is, if he isn't Jon may still try to find a way south). Jon knows that the capital is where things spark off but for all of his loops he has never actually been close enough to get an idea on what exactly happens there that turns everything to shit. I would expect Jon, after making sure that Bran is safe, would want to got south with Ned in order to figure out the details. Because in the end, Jon only knows the broad strokes of what happens there and not anything concrete. I don't think that Jon would try to find Dany right now either, mainly because in the last loop she tried to burn him and his reaction to that didn't seem to pleased. He may eventually head to Essos, but probably only after he knows what happens in the capital that kicks everything off.
     
  20. Puzzled

    Puzzled High Inquisitor

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    I've got to say I'm not a fan of dragons falling out of the sky like that.