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Old 03-17-2013, 02:02 PM   #41
Dr. Strange Lulz
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Updated again.

I've been an avid supporter of Chelsey's for a while, I feel that she's pretty much carrying Honks right now, but this story is just getting worse by the chapter...

 
First we get Harry shitting on Tonks for sleeping with Coop, then we get underwhelming breakup, and now we have mediocre awkward moments.


It's just getting tired.

The story has lost momentum, and I'm fairly certain it's due to Harry and Tonks getting together so early on. Same thing happened in Rebel and the Chosen, friendship building, nice fluffy drama, they finally get together, and then meh... we spend the next 15-20 chapters just waiting for the story to end. Unlike Rebel, she actually deviated pretty heavily from canon here, but the story is completely lacking a real spark. No "Oomf", gut punches, or character defining moments, no points where the reader says out loud "Fuck yes!" or "Aww..."

As a huge fan of Honks and Chelsey this kinda sucked to write, but I felt like I needed to actually say it.
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Old 03-17-2013, 04:17 PM   #42
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I think it's good that the tension between them is taking a backseat to real plot for the moment. There is the awkward meeting, but seriously, I don't understand the problem with it. It is completely understandable and expected.

I'm more pleased with how Harry is getting proactive in his goals, without delving into terrible indy!Harry shit. Then there is the evolving characterisation of people like Neville. Mixing actual plot with romantic development is pretty good way to go about it, imo.

I have seen nothing unrealistic or OOC, and the situation will eventually be resolved one way or another. I don't understand what your problem is. To each his own, I suppose.
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Old 03-17-2013, 07:13 PM   #43
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I think it's good that the tension between them is taking a backseat to real plot for the moment. There is the awkward meeting, but seriously, I don't understand the problem with it. It is completely understandable and expected.
That's just it, what tension?

 
The breakup scene in a nutshell.

Harry: No, please don't do this.
Tonks: I think we should break up.
Harry: Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Don't push me away...
Tonks: No, seriously.
Harry: I'll wait for you.
Tonks: Don't.
Harry: We can still be friends right?
Tonks: *Walks off*


It wasn't particularly dramatic, and frankly it wasn't even that interesting. This Harry has proven that he's capable of taking a stand when he needed to, and actually being rather emotional (even when he shouldn't be), but the one time where emotions (specifically anger) were actually really justified, they weren't there.

 
I say anger, because in all honesty, the breakup was bullshit.

I'm not talking about the fact that they broke up, if that suited the plot of the story then go right ahead. I'm annoyed with the way it was written.

This was effectively,

"I suck. We should break up."
"No, I suck., Please don't break up with me though."
"I've always sucked, this relationship was doomed to fail."
"I know I suck, but can we still be friends?"
"I suck too much to answer you"

No logic, just forced drama.


Quote:
I'm more pleased with how Harry is getting proactive in his goals, without delving into terrible indy!Harry shit. Then there is the evolving characterisation of people like Neville. Mixing actual plot with romantic development is pretty good way to go about it, imo.
Evolving characterization of Neville? He has three, maybe four lines in the last three chapters. None of which indicate deviation from Canon!Neville, don't forget the end of first year, Neville has always had determination.

I don't have any big issues with the plot, in fact this is probably the best plot Chelsey has written to date. I have a problem with elements of the writing, pacing, lack of tension in places where it's needed, and too much tension when there doesn't need to be, etc.

I don't have a problem, I have an opinion.
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Old 03-25-2013, 05:28 PM   #44
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How the hell did this get into the library?
It's in the Recycling Bin, which is not that hard to get into. Don't know if it got put in the Romance Section first and then moved, but for me this type of story is exactly why we have the Romance Section. It's as good a canon-friendly interpretation of the Harry/Tonks pairing as you can expect.

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A relationship when the age gap is like 7 years is not possible when one of the participant in question is still a 16 year old teenager.

The relationship was carefully developed. I give that to the author. However, the last two chapters were crap. There is a difference in the level of maturity and the way of thinking between Harry and Tonks.

Unless the author kills off Tonks and have Harry live in her memory before he jumps back onto the horse, I'd rate this a 2.5/5.
That's a pretty impressive about-face given that it was "a solid 4/5" before a couple chapters you didn't like.

I actually think that Tonks dumping Harry was exactly what needed to happen for this story to escape the worst romance pitfalls. It's interesting that everyone thinks Tonks is so much more mature than Harry, because I find her incredibly immature, and the way she deals with death just confirms that. Meanwhile, there's a good balance for Harry between acting his age and maturing faster because of his burden. The story sets up well for them growing up while apart.

More important than the relationship bullshit, I sort of like where she's taking the story and Harry's character. It's not very sophisticated, but this is the type of story that first drew me in to the fandom. So all in all I think the latest chapters are an improvement on drinking hot chocolate mixed with coffee on the astronomy tower, and I'm curious as to where it's headed.

Solid 4/5.
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:13 AM   #45
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It's in the Recycling Bin, which is not that hard to get into. Don't know if it got put in the Romance Section first and then moved
It was in the Romance section up until the previous chapter. Some people changed their votes because of two chapters.

It's funny, in a sad sort of way. The Romance section has fics much, much worse than this.
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Old 04-05-2013, 04:14 AM   #46
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The story got updated, and I for one disagree with the author on her decision to separate the Malfoy trial into two chapters.

The investigation of Malfoy and his activities was the thing that started or was at least the base for pretty much everything in the story, and there was quite a bit of build up to this moment. I'd even say that it was the main plot driving the story forward somewhere.

But for some reason the author shifted the focus too much on the death of Tonks' partner and her break up with Harry, somehow forgetting about Malfoy. In the span of 3 short chapters we've had nothing but reactions and thoughts of people, and finally when the trial was brought to the front, readers (me) were expecting something from the whole thing, but the author didn't deliver.

By her own words, there was an end to this trial that she decided to post into a separate chapter. But I think that it was the wrong decision. I'd have understood if the chapter ended with Voldemort attacking the Ministry, ending the chapter with something to look out for in the next update, but right now I fully expect for Malfoy to be found not guilty in the next chapter, so the story will continue.

In summary, short chapters don't work best when they break the flow of the story. Probably the whole thing will read differently if someone reads it without the breaks between updates, but with the current status of WiP the short chapters and seemingly sporadic scenes fail to make me happy a happy reader.
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:11 AM   #47
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This got updated.

It's pretty much another filler chapter. Hopefully we will get some progress on the plot sooner than later.
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Old 01-06-2017, 02:41 AM   #48
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This story has been deleted alongside all of chelseyb's other stories.
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Old 01-06-2017, 03:09 PM   #49
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Both of Chelseyb's stories are available here:

Harry Potter & the Halfblood Auror

The Rebel and The Chosen
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Old 04-17-2017, 10:52 PM   #50
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Both of Chelseyb's stories are available here:

Harry Potter & the Halfblood Auror

The Rebel and The Chosen
Sorry for the necro, but does anyone still have this?
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Old 04-17-2017, 11:40 PM   #51
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does anyone still have this?
The Rebel and the Chosen is on the deleted fanfiction google drive.

HP and the Half Blood Auror doesn't seem to be anywhere. So I uploaded it here.
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Old 05-03-2017, 03:40 PM   #52
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It's a decent fic , one of the few good Harry/Tonks one i have read. Usually fics with H/T pairings use unreasonable and far-fetched devices to progress the plot , in this fic i found the progress believable albeit too slow for my liking 2/5
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