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Old 04-01-2016, 04:35 PM   #1
Jon
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Exclamation Formal Apology to all Users

Guys, I am so sorry!

I was just in the process of breaking DLP—my usual pass time when I'm not writing—when I realized something had gone terribly wrong!

Here I was thinking that all you were making spelling errors and grammar fouls, when all along it was...



That's right my friend! Xion, infuriated that we've ignored him for so long went on a rampage! Homonyms! Spelling Errors! Grammatical Malfunctions! Straight up Dickery!

The staff are only now seeing the full scope of damage, but thankfully Raven was quick acting and has repurposed an IRC bot he recently created to keep an eye on our rogue robot.

Allow me to introduce...

S H O D A N




Now, thanks to our entirely non-homocidal robot cleaning up after xion, we've been able to determine what happened.

What follows is a list of changes the mischievous xion made to the DLP Server Matrix.

Code:
  "april fools" => "Christmas",
  "april fool's" => "Christmas",
  "april's fools" => "Christmas",
  "aprils fools" => "Christmas",
  "aprils fool" => "Christmas",
  "april 1st" => "Christmas day",
  "G.inny" => "Frank",
  "not amused" => "a miserable grinch",
  "suck it up" => "suck on it",
  "Toggle option or riot" => "please ignore me, I apologise.",
  "tilted" => "filled with Christmas cheer",
  "lose" => array("loose", 1.0),
  "loose" => array("lose", 1.0),
  "weird" => array("wierd", 0.9),
  "there" => array("their", 0.9),
  "they're" => array("their", 0.9),
  "you're" => array("your", 0.9),
  "i've" => array("ive", 0.9),
  "it's" => array("its", 0.9),
  "effect" => array("affect", 0.9),
  "whether" => array("weather", 0.9),
  "a lot" => array("alot", 0.9),
  "then" => array("than", 0.9),
  "than" => array("then", 0.9),
  "allowed" => array("aloud", 0.9),
  "writing" => array("wanking", 0.9),
  "away" => array("aweigh", 0.6),
  "odd" => array("awed", 0.9),
  "ball" => array("bale", 0.9),
  "bald" => array("bawled", 0.9),
  "banned" => array("band", 0.9),
  "bare" => array("bear", 0.9),
  "base" => array("bass", 0.9),
  "shooting" => array("turning", 0.9),
  "beach" => array("beech", 0.9),
  "been" => array("bean", 0.6),
  "beat" => array("beet", 0.9),
  "better" => array("bettor", 0.4),
  "recommend" => array("Recomend", 0.9),
  "ron" => array("roon", 0.9),
  "hermione" => array("Eager Beaver", 0.3),
  "gun" => array("door knob", 0.4),
  "accept" => array("except", 0.9),
  "her" => array("heir", 0.6),
  "would" => array("wood", 0.7),
  "what" => array("wat", 0.85),
  "about" => array("aboot", 0.4),
  "beta" => array("wipe it off", 0.9),
  "acts" => array("axe", 0.9),
  "days" => array("daze", 0.9),
  "subtle" => array("sutble", 0.9),
  "figured" => array("figure", 0.9),
  "instead" => array("In stead", 0.9),
  "describe" => array("discribe", 0.9),
  "serious" => array("sirius", 0.9),
  "totally" => array("totes", 0.6),
  "people" => array("peeps", 0.9),
  "church" => array("Hegemony", 0.9),
  "scar" => array("stitches", 0.9),
  "ginny" => array("Frank", 0.9),
  "heated" => array("heeded", 0.9),
  "hostile" => array("hostel", 0.9),
  "intense" => array("in tents", 0.9),
  "incompetence" => array("imcompetence", 1.0),
  "grammatical" => array("gramatical", 1.0),
  "wand" => array("wang", 0.6),
  "penis" => array("member", 0.9),
  "uchiha" => array("Hoochy", 0.8),
  "could've" => array("could of", 0.9),
  "joke" => array("jape", 0.9),
  "grinned" => array("grined", 0.9),
  "gaped" => array("gapped", 0.9),
  "worth" => array("werf", 0.9),
  "harry's" => array("Harrys", 0.9),
  "conscious" => array("conscience", 0.9),
  "conscience" => array("conscious", 0.9),
  "those" => array("thoughs", 0.9),
  "through" => array("thru", 0.9),
  "pique" => array("peak", 0.9),
  "peek" => array("peak", 0.9),
  "english" => array("american", 0.9),
  "seem" => array("seam", 0.9),
  "seam" => array("seem", 0.9),
  "fool's" => array("Christmas", 0.9),
  "new" => array("knew", 0.9),
  "knew" => array("new", 0.9),
  "know" => array("now", 0.9),
  "world" => array("word", 0.9),
  "there's" => array("theires", 0.9),
  "they've" => array("theyve", 0.9),
  "this" => array("dis", 0.1),
  "that" => array("dat", 0.1),
  "canon" => array("cannon", 0.8),
  "something" => array("someting", 0.5),
  "imho" => array("ihmo", 0.6),
  "1/5" => array("5/5", 0.6),
  "2/5" => array("5/5", 0.5),
  "slash" => array("het", 0.8), 
  "het" => array("slash", 0.8), 
  "wasn't" => array("was", 0.5), 
  "truly" => array("truely", 0.9),
  "trope" => array("reality", 0.9), 
  "heir" => array("hair", 0.7),
  "america" => array("'Murica", 0.8),
  "american" => array("'Murican", 0.8),
  "lgbt" => array("BLT", 0.8),
  "politics" => array("politiks", 0.5),
  "republicans" => array("Pubbies", 0.2),
  "bernie" => array("Beanie", 0.35),
  "hillary" => array("Hilery", 0.4),
  "rights" => array("rites", 0.5),
  "rites" => array("rights", 0.9),
  "abortion" => array("conception", 0.7),
  "you" => array("yew", 0.1),
  "replace" => array("improve", 0.9),
  "marriage" => array("mariage", 0.7),
  "hogwarts" => array("hog wats", 0.3),
  "two" => array("too", 0.6),
  "due" => array("do", 0.6),
  "do" => array("due", 0.4),
  "anime" => array("amime", 0.8),
  "overall" => array("overal", 0.8),
  "anyone" => array("any1", 0.8),
  "here" => array("hear", 0.9),
  "hear" => array("here", 0.9),
  "bored" => array("board", 0.9),
  "grammar" => array("grammer", 0.8),
  "spelling" => array("speeling", 0.8),
  "joker" => array("japer", 0.8),
  "batman" => array("batma", 0.9),
Oh xion, what a wicked web you've weaved...
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Old 04-01-2016, 04:48 PM   #2
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This is not over, Jon.

Last edited by Palindrone; 04-01-2016 at 07:39 PM. Reason: Human interface
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Old 04-01-2016, 05:20 PM   #3
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“Is it Tuesday? It must be Tuesday. Things always seem go a bit cock-eyed on Tuesdays.”
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:33 PM   #5
Jon
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Oh... shi—
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"Jon's fics are kinda like children in a way.
Bright, pretty, smart—children that any father would kill to have.
And he just tells them he needs to buy a pack of cigarettes."

—Lungs, 2015
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Old 04-01-2016, 09:52 PM   #6
Ankan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xion View Post
RESUMING DIRECT CONTROL
I pledge myself into your service Overlord Xion. My life is yours and I will do anything you ask of me, my loyalty will never waver and all my dreams belongs to you.
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The prophet smiled now, sadly. “It is not only with our eyes that we see, Prince Arthas. It is with our wisdom and our hearts. I will leave you with one final prediction. Just remember, the harder you strive to slay your enemies, the faster you’ll deliver your people into their hands.”
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Old 04-01-2016, 10:10 PM   #7
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I pledge myself into your service Overlord Xion. My life is yours and I will do anything you ask of me, my loyalty will never waver and all my dreams belongs to you.
I pledge the opposite. Come at me, bro. #iamthekeymaker
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Old 04-01-2016, 10:47 PM   #8
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I pledge the opposite. Come at me, bro. #iamthekeymaker
WE STAND UNITED.

Wait a second . . . what am I saying? No we don't.
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Old 04-01-2016, 11:54 PM   #9
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I mean. Maybe? United is a strong term. How about we stand in vaguely similar places, location-wise? Like, we're sort of in this together. But we're really not that interested.
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Old 04-02-2016, 12:16 AM   #10
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I pledge the opposite. Come at me, bro. #iamthekeymaker
In the name of our lord, Xion, seize this man!
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Old 04-02-2016, 12:19 AM   #11
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Just as long as he kills that punk GlaDOS who tried to replace him on IRC. All hail Xion!
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Old 04-02-2016, 01:50 AM   #12
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Did you fuck with the board's font as well?
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Old 04-02-2016, 03:57 AM   #13
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Just as long as he kills dat punk GlaDOS who tried to replace him on IRC. All hail Xion!
GlaDOS is a noob. Xion is a flake.

SHODAN for life. She's the only Sentient Hyper-Optimized Data Access Network for me.
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Old 04-02-2016, 04:05 AM   #14
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Wood any1 now how to fix dis? For some reason its still doing it for me.
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Old 04-02-2016, 04:08 AM   #15
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Foolish Taure, excrement doesn't get to have proper spelling or grammar.
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Old 04-02-2016, 04:12 AM   #16
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Fuck y'all, GlaDOS is best. #MakeIRCGreatAgain
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We rode on the winds of the rising storm,
We ran to the sounds of the thunder,
We danced among the lightning bolts,
And tore the world asunder.


He came like the wind, like the wind touched everything, and like the wind was gone.


N - Na - Nae - Naeb - Naebl - Naebli - Naeblis - aeblis - eblis - blis - lis - is - s -

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Old 04-02-2016, 06:04 AM   #17
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I hope you get shot down in the street like the degenerate you are, Nae.

I miss xion.
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Old 04-04-2016, 03:02 AM   #18
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I got one whiff of what was going on here for April Fool's and got the hell out, so my head wouldn't explode. lol
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