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Old 05-30-2015, 12:41 AM   #1
Newcomb
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Slytherin Career Day by CambAngst - M -

Title: Slytherin Career Day
Author: CambAngst
Rating: M
Genre: Humor
DLP-Category: Humor
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Updated: 10/10/12
Published: 10/10/12
Pairing: None
Status: Complete
Summary:
The students of Slytherin House were born with everything: wealth, prestige and pure wizarding blood. Now it's Severus Snape's job to help them find the one thing they don't have: careers.
Link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com...rid=482496&i=1

A pretty funny one-shot. A Slytherin twist on the "Career Counseling" scene we see between McGonagall and Harry in OotP, with Snape doing the same thing for Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, Draco, Daphne, and Zabini.

It kind of speaks for itself. Writing is sharp enough for the jokes to work, and some of the bits are pretty damn funny. (I think I liked Crabbe's the best. Zabini had some great lines but he also had a couple that really fell flat for me.) Snape's little comments and asides and the notes he writes in his book are pretty great.

It's kind of an easy joke, but at 4K words it's not a huge time investment and there are some great lines.

Here's an example of the fic's style:

Quote:
“Mr. Goyle, have you given any thought to what you plan to do after you graduate from Hogwarts?”

Goyle’s thick brows lowered slightly, partially concealing the confused optimism in his beady eyes.

"Graduate?”

Snape forced his lips into a taut smile.

“Yes, let’s think optimistically for a moment.”
This is a Snape I can get behind.

The end was kind of "meh," and some of the jokes don't really work, but overall...

4/5
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:04 AM   #2
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“Do you remember your first baby magic? When I was four, I bewitched the fire in the living room and made it come to life. It attacked our owl, Dad’s favorite chair and my sister.”

Cold fingers of realization crept up Severus’s spine.

“Mr. Crabbe, you don’t have a sister.”

The smile quickly faded from Crabbe’s face.

“You’re not, uh, writing this down, are you, Professor?”


This is gold.

Also:

 
Draco the hair stylist


Easy 4/5 from me.
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:26 AM   #3
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Some decent humour in here. Some bits, especially the Blaise bit, were pretty mediocre, but it is well written and the Draco bit amused me. I wouldn't give it a 4/5 generally, but it is better than a 3/5, so that's what it gets.
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:35 AM   #4
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I'm drunk. This was pretty funny. 4/5.
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:14 AM   #5
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I'm reading this as I'm just waking up, and people who've known me personally will testify under oath that I'm not in the best of moods during that period of time.

Still, it had my genuinely laughing out loud at some scenes and thoroughly entertained during the length of it.

4/5, easily.
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:32 AM   #6
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This was quite amusing, especially Crabbe. The later ones mostly fell flat, but overall it was a good read.

I found this the most amusing part of the entire fic:

 

“Put your quill and parchment away, Mr. Crabbe. Now, perhaps you could tell me which of your school lessons interest you the most.”


Crabbe sat for a long moment, working the answer out in his head.


“Potions.”


3.5/5 rounded up.
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:48 AM   #7
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Was genuinely funny, and did well for what it was. The ending was dumb, and the first was by far the best. Overall 4/5, well worth a read but nothing spectacular.
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:49 AM   #8
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4/5. I'm sleep deprived to hell, but this was funny. The only problem, I guess, that it was just isolated scenes and it didn't really build.
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:50 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Zeelthor View Post
4/5. I'm sleep deprived to hell, but this was funny. The only problem, I guess, that it was just isolated scenes and it didn't really build.
Can you build in a story under 5k words?
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:32 AM   #10
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It's okay, I suppose. There are a few funny lines here and there, but the ending was very meh.

Since when did Snape hate the Malfoys?

Crabbe and Goyle's character voices are slightly off. They sound more articulate than their canon selves.

Snape didn't use the world "dunderhead" even once. I admit I'm slightly dissapointed.

3/5.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:55 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Download View Post
Can you build in a story under 5k words?
Of course. Just keep it getting more WTF until Snape breaks.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:57 AM   #12
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For what it was, I iked it. Snape's note for Zabini made me laugh. Some bits weren't as strong (Pansy, Goyle) because while you can stretch the reality of the other characters for comedy, some sections seemed different purely for comedies sake.

3.5/5.
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Old 05-30-2015, 05:39 AM   #13
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Thought it was pretty good myself. Zabini and Daphne were the best I think, Draco's would have been good but the hair joke is starting to get a bit long in the tooth at this point I think.

4/5
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Old 05-30-2015, 07:56 AM   #14
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I liked it. It had me laugh out loud a few times, and that is not so frequent. The end is kind of meh, but that's not very important for a fic like that.

I'll give this 4/5. Not a masterpiece, but it's good.
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Old 05-30-2015, 08:09 AM   #15
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Eh, it was decent. Made me chuckle a few times. Some of the jokes fell a bit flat, but overall the comedy was quite good.

3.5/5, rounded to 4/5.
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Old 05-30-2015, 09:17 AM   #16
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Think a 3/5 is pretty generous. Got a chuckle, but I can't justify anything higher.
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Old 05-30-2015, 10:35 AM   #17
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It didn't make me laugh, it made me sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slytherin Career Day
The entire house was constructed on a self-perpetuating foundation of privilege, arrogance and a powerful aversion to any activity that bore a resemblance to honest work.
This cuts my heart, it really does. No love < / 3

So either this particular premise can't get me, or I'm being true to form. Either way, I can only give this a Useless/5. Here's to the next ten years of ignoring humour stories (I shouldn't have tried).
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Old 05-30-2015, 12:01 PM   #18
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This is pretty amusing, but all laughs aside... is there really any actual basis for the fandom assertion that all Slytherins/Pure-Bloods are filthy rich and live in huge mansions? The Malfoys, Blacks and Potters are old money, but the Weasleys and the Gaunts were piss poor, and other than them I don't recall any description of others being especially rich and spoiled. And I don't think that rich, spoiled men usually don't become terrorists.
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:24 PM   #19
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Well Mrs. Zabini did marry wealthy men and it was hinted that she offed them. My interpretation of Slytherin was that those who led in that house either had money, where pure blood and or had good connections. Which is what the sorting hat basically said about the house in book 1. That being said I'm sure the other houses where led by the students who embodied their house traditions.
This was a great story 5/5 for humor and pretty good writing. It's a shame this was only a oneshot.
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:37 PM   #20
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I'd give it a 3/5 because it was pretty boring for such a short one-shot.
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