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Old 07-06-2015, 08:07 AM   #1
fash
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Whiskey Time Travel by Private Jenkins - T

Title: Whiskey Time Travel
Author: Private Jenkins
Rating: T
Genre: Adventure/Humor
Library Category: The Alternates
Pairings: unknown
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,012
Updated: May 23, 2015
Published: May 7, 2015
Status: WIP
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/1123344...ey-Time-Travel
Summary:
When Unspeakable Harry Potter wakes up in 1976, he determines he's either A: In the past. Or B: In a mental hospital. At least the firewhiskey still tastes the same. Waiting tables at the Three Broomsticks, drunken death eater bar fights, annoying an attractive but pushy auror, and avoiding his mother's crush on him is just another day in the life of Harry Potter, 1976


Came across this after someone recommended it in a search thread. Was surprised by how much I enjoyed it and was rather annoyed that there wasn't more out already.

Mind you this was at 2am, so who knows! Give it a shot!
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Old 07-06-2015, 08:13 AM   #2
LoyalFenian
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https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11233445/...ey-Time-Travel

You could at least link stories that you're putting up for review.

Jeez, is that so much to ask for?
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Old 07-06-2015, 08:31 AM   #3
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It's too early to rate. I like the content, but I don't like Harry, because he doesn't use magic. If he uses magic at all, it's always little things. He looks like ninja or jedi more than a wizard. I won't rate, but it wouldn't be more than 3/5.
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Old 07-06-2015, 08:34 AM   #4
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I think it's worth noting that Harry is some sort of super secret Unspeakable agent. It's something that ruins stories for me.

I find it hard getting past the whole "If there are secret unspeakable agents what the hell were they doing when Voldemort was about?" And this story hasn't done a good job explaining it.
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Old 07-16-2015, 01:42 AM   #5
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I normally hate time-travel fics, but I have to admit, this one captured my attention. The voice is a little immature, IMO, but it doesn't break immersion.

The writing is all right, but the author needs a beta to fix some problems. Nevertheless, the overall storytelling is better than a lot of things I've read lately.

Right now, considering I'd give storytelling four stars, but the voice itself and technically aspects three stars, I'll rank it a three. But I'm two chapters in, and depending on how the story progresses, that rating will probably change one way or another.
@KGB I hear what you're saying, but being that the focus is Harry in the 70s, I guess, for me, there's no need to explain in. It's just one of those fridge-logic things I allow the author to take.
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Old 07-22-2015, 08:36 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KGB View Post
I think it's worth noting that Harry is some sort of super secret Unspeakable agent. It's something that ruins stories for me.

I find it hard getting past the whole "If there are secret unspeakable agents what the hell were they doing when Voldemort was about?" And this story hasn't done a good job explaining it.
I haven't read the story yet but is he going with the Unspeakable=Elite Magical Police version of them? It really only works when they're less like soldiers and more like scientists.
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Old 07-23-2015, 02:51 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KGB View Post
I find it hard getting past the whole "If there are secret unspeakable agents what the hell were they doing when Voldemort was about?"
It's a secret.

Anyway, like Ferdiad said, I think Unspeakables are more like uber magical scientists, than uber magical spies/assassins/special forces/etc.
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Old 07-23-2015, 04:04 PM   #8
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I don't mind the secretive Unspeakable Agent cliches that much, I do dislike it when everyone is exaggeratedly awestruck by Harry's agent status, where does that awe come from, what happened to the secrecy? Usually that kind of thing comes across as the author's ham-fisted attempt to make Harry seem more 'awesome'.

Also from reading the first chapter Harry seems more like a Brawler than a Wizard, not exactly what I enjoy when it comes to Harry Potter fan fiction.

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Old 07-23-2015, 10:36 PM   #9
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I disliked this. Harry is some sort of super sekrit special forces Unspeakable, and now he's the joint-Head of House Potter and possibly the Blacks as well. His love interests are Amelia Bones and Bellatrix Black.

I'm sick and tired of everyone standing around, gawping wide-eyed at Harry and his identification tattoo. Oh, and calling Harry "a soldier" all of the time is grating. Last time I checked, Wizards don't have soldiers.

Quote:
As Dumbledore watched the death eaters entrance into the bar and the young man's brutal dismantlement of them, he couldn't help but be reminded of the brave men and women who fought alongside him in Germany.

A soldier.

They say a soldier never forgets
Blah blah blah. Soldier this. Soldier that. Being a skilled fighter or warrior shouldn't equate to being a soldier.

Quote:
And the lad's eyes.

Piercing emerald, yet dulled with a thousand yard stare. Eye's that had seen far too much for someone of his supposed youth.
So cooooool overblown and trite.

Quote:
"We're covered in so many stealth charms I doubt Merlin himself could track us. And our internal comms mean we can communicate without being heard."
"internal comms"? How very muggle. Wouldn't wizards refer to this communication charm by the spell's name? This whole fic lacks a sense of being set in the wizarding world.

The fight scenes were alright. I enjoyed Harry and Bellatrix's mini-adventure into Hogwarts. It wasn't overdone.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:25 PM   #10
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There hasn't been a quality timee travel story for a while, I liked it.
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Old 07-24-2015, 02:25 PM   #11
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There hasn't been a quality time travel story for a while, I liked it.
Agreed, this is by far the best story I've seen with Harry in the first war since I don't even want to think about how long.
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Old 07-24-2015, 02:42 PM   #12
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There was a similar one where he and Rosmerta become business partners and during an extension of the Three Broomsticks with the help of some old grumpy Hogsmead resident they find some old goblin base. Both also break into Hogwarts. Can't recall the name but it had a nice quirky charm.

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Old 07-24-2015, 03:00 PM   #13
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There was a similar one where he and Rosmerta become business partners and during an extension of the Three Broomsticks with the help some old grumpy Hogsmead resident they find some old goblin base. Both also break into Hogwarts. Can't recall the name but it had a nice quirky charm.
You're talking about that one

^Seems abandoned, but it was decent iirc.
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Old 07-24-2015, 03:28 PM   #14
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Yes, that's the one.
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:46 PM   #15
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It was fine, I liked Harry's fighting style, but i wish he had a bit more trouble fighting them. The way it reads now nothing can touch Harry. The author keeps on talking about how the wizarding world is overstating his accomplishments but that feels forced, like the author was realizing how op Harry was.
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Old 07-26-2015, 10:06 PM   #16
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It's... okay. I'm definitely gonna keep reading it, but it seems like more of a 'decent timewaster' than 'story that's amazing'. A lot of weirdly constructed sentences, minor grammar issues, etc- stuff that could easily be corrected with a beta, and are fairly minor (but still quite annoying).

I didn't have much issue with the whole 'secret agent' thing the author has going, I was more annoyed at how over the top Voldemort was (especially because the author specifically mentioned that he was going for the opposite).

3/5, because it's decent.
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Old 07-27-2015, 09:57 AM   #17
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It’s a decent time waster, it seems to me that the author wanted to write a old cop/Rambo (non crazy), and decided to use the HP universe just because it was there.

The magical elements matter little in the end, and none of the characters are IC very much.
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Old 07-31-2015, 03:20 AM   #18
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Immediately stopped reading after HP called the killing curse an 'AK'.
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Old 08-01-2015, 09:31 PM   #19
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3/5. Not Library worthy but can pass as Almost Rec. The guy is a marine? I think I've read from his profile so his Harry is gonna be a soldier.

Definitely feels like a muggle!Harry (but with wizard powers).
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Old 08-11-2015, 12:45 AM   #20
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I definitely feel the super cop elements in this Harry. Magic takes a backseat to good old police work. 3.5/5 for being a decent time waster.
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