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Old 10-13-2006, 01:56 PM   #1
ip82
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Altered Destinies by DobbyElfLord - T

Title: Altered Destinies
Author: DobbyElfLord
Genre: Supernatural/Suspense
Rating: T
Status: WIP (4 ch. / 26K)
Pairings: H/female OC
Chapters: 39
Words: 289,078
Updated: September 1, 2007
Published: September 15, 2006
Status: Complete

Suggested category: "General" (or possibly "Alternates")
Summary: Harry has defeated Voldemort, but it was a costly victory. Alberforth Dumbledore presents a plan to go back and kill the infant Riddle, but Harry will have to stay there 10 years. Can Harry alter the wizarding world's destiny?
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3155057/1/

This is the second "Harry adopts Tom" story I liked.

The premise is straightforward. Aberforth sends angsty post-war Harry back to the 1920's, with mission to kill baby!Tom. Something goes wrong and Harry ends up 7 years later, only to find Tom being abused by his peers and the caretaker in the orphanage. He adopts him, with intention to wait and see if he starts showing signs of darkness...

Unlike in that other adaptation story ("Tom Marvolo Riddle Potter"), this Tom is still too young to start using his accidental magic against the other kids. Thus, his character here is far less corrupt then the sociopath Dumbledore had met in the HBP pensive memory. Because of this, the story quickly slips into sort of a light family drama, rather then a heavy angst-fest, as one would expect after the start.

This is incidentally the biggest downside of this story ATM - the lack of conflict. It just seems that everything is too smooth and sweet, without any danger or true antagonists to spice the things up (although that SHOULD change once WWII and Grindelwald's uprising start). Still, good writing style, characterization and overall presentation are IMO good enough to cover this slip-up - for now.

3.8/5


Sequel:

Balancing Destinies
Chapters: 19
Words: 147,171
Updated: November 8, 2010
Published: March 23, 2008
Status: Abandoned
Summary: Sequel to Altered Destinies: Harry returns to his original time to find the wizarding world changed due to his actions in the past. Not only does his family and friends await, but so does a new prophecy. Reading AD first is required to understand!
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4150901/...cing-Destinies



Checked by Minion, January 9, 2013
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Old 10-13-2006, 03:07 PM   #2
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One problem just before I start to read. The author misspelled a character name in the Summary. Not a good start.

EDIT: I like it. Its a change from what i normally read, but i like it. Nicely relaxing.

4/5
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Old 10-13-2006, 05:07 PM   #3
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Quote:
“Good morning. My name is James Evans. I would like to do business with you to enrich both of us. May I ask your name, sir?”

The goblin’s expression was shocked. The wizard’s polite response was highly unusual. “Grintott is my name. What business would you like to conduct?”
.......................

Quote:
The next couple days were made with babysteps. Harry started taking small walks through Hogsmeade and shopping in the stores. Harry purchased a variety of small objects to brighten up his home. Many of the shopkeeps wondered about the quiet dark haired wizard shopping alone with a sad smile on his face.

The truth was, Harry did not feel alone. As he shopped he heard the ghost voices of Ginny, Ron and Hermione accompanying him. He heard Ginny getting excited over cute ornaments and decorations. He heard Hermione exhorting him to go by more books to study up on the time he now found himself in. Ron wanted to look at the Quidditch supplies and the “antiques” they offered for sale in Quality Quidditch Supplies.

So the quiet wizard with the sad smile was not really alone. When you have friends that you have laughed and fought with, who loved you and died for you, you are never really ever alone again.
Jesus fucking christ

Quote:
Harry pulled out his wand. “If you would allow me.” Harry cast the Levitation Charm and guided the gurney into the treatment room. The medi-witch’s eyes grew large at Harry’s casual display.
Attack of the almighty levitation charm....

Quote:
“Place my name down to pay for his treatment. I brought him in. Coming here was not his decision. He would have gone to a muggle hospital. I don’t believe he knows about magic right now.”

The medi-witch looked at Harry with surprise in her eyes. (Harry noticed she had beautiful blue eyes.) “Do you realize that means you have just made yourself his magical guardian?”

Harry felt his jaw drop. “I am his what?”

“His magical guardian. You brought a muggle-raised child into the magical world. Since he has no parents in our world, you just legally accepted responsibility for his magical well-being.”
Yeah, wow. That makes sense.

And don't even get me started on the second chapter.. Trash bin this.

And I always find it funny that whenever someone rescues someone else (Usually Harry) from an abusive orphanage or abusive realitives, they always act like they're doing some great feat of kindness, yet they always let the realitives or the orphanage get off scott free for all the abuse, pathetic. Although, that might not be the case in this fic, since I couldn't read past the second chapter.

Last edited by TheIllusiveOne; 10-13-2006 at 05:33 PM.
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Old 10-14-2006, 08:28 AM   #4
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Gets better once you get passed a few spots--like the ones TIO mentioned. I give it a 4/5.
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Old 10-17-2006, 09:41 PM   #5
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Anyone else read this and willing to give an opinion/rating?
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Old 11-14-2006, 06:21 AM   #6
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Scratch the lack of conflict thing. The war is finally starting and Harry's getting into the thick of things, working with the Unspeakables on an undercover mission deep inside Nazi Germany...

Grammar errors could still be a downer for some, but I was never much bothered by them, so my grade goes up to, say... 4.3/5.

Really looking forward to more of this.
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Old 11-14-2006, 08:50 AM   #7
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Now, really, is this a Trash-Bin fic?
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Old 11-14-2006, 08:58 AM   #8
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Definitely not. Beggars can't be choosers. There are much worse fics in the archive then many of those that had been blasted lately.

For me, '0''s are for Marry-Sues, MPREGS and similar. '1' for bad slash and blatant fangirlism. '2' for in canon H/G or H/Hr, better slash, poor writing and other below average stories. '3' and up are for DLP.

IMO, nitpicking the first chapter of some average story and then slamming it with '0' speaks more of the reviewer's lack of proper criteria and reviewing skills, then the fic itself.
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:10 AM   #9
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Send a word to Syao, he's just being lazy. Everyone has rated it offically above three, so, one person must have decided to go for the One star. :\

*Cough* TheIllusiveOne *Cough*
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Old 11-14-2006, 10:29 AM   #10
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I don't usually change my reviews just because someone complains about me being too harsh, however, I'll be honest, I gave it another try a few days ago and it got pretty good in the later chapters. Still,the first two chapters are horrible.

New rating: 3/5

Would be 4 if it had even a semi decent start. Belongs in the library, IMO.

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Old 11-14-2006, 09:24 PM   #11
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Well, I've read up to the latest chapter, and I agree (for the most part) with the comments: first two chapters need serious work, but the later ones are providing a far more interesting level of plot and conflict, presenting some interesting potential issues that may arise. I can't say this is a 4+ fic, but I would give it close to a 3.8 or so - above average but needing some additional proofreading.

3/5

-J
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Old 11-25-2006, 03:59 PM   #12
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I don't think this is Trash-Bin worthy. It certainly has a few unique twists and now that it finally has some conflict it has gotten better. I like the author's writing style and his characterization is decent.

4/5
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Old 02-11-2007, 12:42 AM   #13
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I concur. I've been following this fic since it began, and I could see the potential for Harry (James) to run into problems, owing to his arrival in the 1930s and his inability to avert war in the 1940s.

Also, the last chapter hints at the possibility that even if Harry keeps Tom from becoming Voldemort, another Dark Lord could still rise in the 1960s and 1970s, requiring Harry to continue to exert his skills in order to wipe out Dark Lords. :P
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Old 02-14-2007, 12:41 PM   #14
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A very decent fic, although it seems a little fluffy in parts. It looks like Tom will nicely counteract Harry's do-gooding-ness. It's only Harry-centric around half the time. I'd give it around a 4.4, because the first chapters really irritated me (like everyone else), but I'll rate it a 5 because it's library-worthy.
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Old 02-15-2007, 08:27 PM   #15
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it's probably the only story i've read which tries to actually describe the Grindewald war and the major characters involved.
The first chapters are strange and overly fluffy but now with the war on, it has improved a lot.
I'd say its 4/5 in total.
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Old 02-15-2007, 09:25 PM   #16
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Me mates and I from DarkIrony.Com be lovin' this one; 'tis a refreshing change o' pace from the Harry-as-adoptive-father o' Tom Riddle fic. 5/5
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Old 02-18-2007, 08:51 PM   #17
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I have to say that I’m surprised this is in the trash bin. Sure, the beginning has a little fluffiness and indy!Harry clichés, but once you get past the first couple of introductory chapters, the story takes an amazing turn.

The Tom-Harry relationship is only a side-story to the seemingly bigger war between Grindelwald, Hitler and the rest of the magical communities. The fights are well described and add to the plot. The political ramifications are definitely something worth reading. In addition, the whole WWII scenery is well incorporated within the magical community.

The characters all have their own defining details and personality twists. The Malfoys tend to come out as brain-numbed twits but most characters are intelligent and well spoken. Tommy Riddle, once he grows up and starts to be called Tom Evans has various interesting ways to deal with his alienation from the Slytherin house. The following quote is an extract from chapter 15:

Quote:
Backed up against a couch by the snake, Dolohov glared at Tom, “Your snake can’t help you forever. You’ll pay for this.”

Tom gave him a cold laugh. “You live in the House of the Snake. Do you really think my friend here is the only one around me?” Tom glanced around at the gathered members of Slytherin House. “Tell me, what kind of doorknobs do we have? What decorates the poles of our canopy beds? What decorates almost everything in our House?”

Almost against their will the word, ‘snakes’ came back whispered in hushed tones.

Tom nodded, “Snakes.” Tom hissed a command. Much of the class paled as the many decorative snake statues and doorknobs started to move and hiss at all nearby. “I think I have made my point?”
I admit I sort of disliked the budding fluffy relationship between Harry and Tom and Sarah, but once the family settles down, the story really takes off in directions that I liked. This includes a good pace of plot, interesting fights and a minimum of OCs – most characters are at least related to canon ones.

Harry is not a goody-goody. He is a war-torn character but still lightly retains his prankster ways. The humour certainly does NOT impinge on the story. In fact, I loved the author’s scatterings of humour to lighten scenes.

Here’s an example from chapter 15 again, (I don’t know how effective the humour will be, taken out of context like this). Anyhow, Harry’s just fought off a bunch of Dark Wizards that wanted to kidnap the minister’s son, Nott. They’re in the Slytherin common room and the dark wizards are dead, spineless or decapitated.

Quote:
Tom glared at his disguised father. “What took you so long?”

“I had to do it left handed. Otherwise it would have been over too quickly.” Then the Unspeakable laughed. “I always wanted to use that line.”

Nott fainted
All in all, if you get the past the fluffiness of the first chapters, this is definitely an epic story of a lightsided-Harry, unafraid to be cunning and to use dark spells.

5/5
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Old 02-18-2007, 11:26 PM   #18
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I have been following this for quite some time now. I concur, this doesn't belong in the trash bin. Oi, Sya get this out of here will you? or anyone for the matter.

4.5/5.
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Old 02-27-2007, 09:57 PM   #19
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The typos in this are so bad that I can spot them. That said the plot seems interesting, but the writing isn't very good. It's a little stiff and haulted. I'd say this is 3/5.
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Old 03-18-2007, 06:13 PM   #20
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I just got around to reading this story. This summary put me off for some reason, but once I had started to read the stroy, I actually like it. It doesn't deserve the trash bin in my opinion. I'd rate it a 4/5
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