Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > Dark Arts
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Donate to DLP PatronusCharm Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-11-2008, 10:44 PM   #21
peregrine1989
Second Year
 
peregrine1989's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 82
Brilliant fic, absolutely brilliant. Original idea, good spelling and grammar, great characterization, and an actual One-shot that felt finished. This fic has to have a sequel.

5/5 and a excellent read.
__________________

So I am a manipulative power hungry basted. What else is new. But this shall do for a signature until it bores me or I actually make my own.

Warning: My writing style is exactly like my talking style which is exactly like my thinking style. As such my posts are long and slightly random. I do try to keep on topic, but I fail. Please ignore my randomness.
peregrine1989 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2008, 02:01 AM   #22
Mage
Dark Lord
 
Mage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Washington, DC
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,122
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via Skype™ to Mage
Great story, I have to say that I loved them having Peter trailing after them. I really hope he does a few one shots of Harry in school, kind of like Big D's series of one shots. Anyway 4.5/5 because there were a few points where the story didn't seem to flow.
__________________
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." ~ Mark Twain

Mage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2008, 06:35 AM   #23
Taure
God of Magic
~Soap Box~
 
Taure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,143
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Great story, but the Marauders are far, far too powerful, able to find far too many Death Eaters, and able to execute their ambushes with far more easy than would be realistic.

For that reason, 4/5 rather than 5/5.
Taure is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2008, 11:45 PM   #24
Don E. Delivery
God of Magic
 
Don E. Delivery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,209
The best Marauder-centric story. I'll have to check out his other stories now.
Don E. Delivery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2008, 01:21 AM   #25
scaryisntit
Headmaster
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 926
A fantastic piece. Witnessing a Dark, vindictive, revenge tinted Maruader's was very entertaining. I can't really fault anything; characterisation, flow, dialogue - all of it was top-notch.

5/5
scaryisntit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2008, 07:19 PM   #26
SmileOfTheKill
Magical Amber
 
SmileOfTheKill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Florida, Sigh...
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 962
This is a great piece.
However I don't feel like writing out what is good as people have already said what I though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by peregrine1989 View Post
Brilliant fic, absolutely brilliant. Original idea, good spelling and grammar, great characterization, and an actual One-shot that felt finished.
My only problems with it are how when the Marauders get angry, all of a sudden they can end the Death Eaters without fail.
I understand the super wizard aspect of it, but even the hated Super!DarkButNotEvil!Harry gets hurt my the Death Eaters.
Marauders just where too perfect in revenge.
4/5
__________________
"All they do is expound their store of knowledge. They excite themselves with their ranting; their disapproval swells them with a feeling of importance and sick victory, they thrive on spoiling the pleasure and trashing the creativity of others."
The Minister shares her opinion of critics. ~ Kino's Journey
SmileOfTheKill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2008, 03:47 AM   #27
Sree
Super Moderator
The Mothaflippin' Rhymenocerus
 
Sree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: LA
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,582
Moved to Library.
__________________

I'm the mother flippin' Rhymenocerous
My beats are fly and the birds are on my back
And I'm horny
I'm horny
If you choose to proceed you will indeed concede
Cos I hit you with my flow
The Wild Rhino Stampede.
Sree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2008, 04:55 AM   #28
lord geryon
Muggle
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by SmileOfTheKill View Post
My only problems with it are how when the Marauders get angry, all of a sudden they can end the Death Eaters without fail.
I understand the super wizard aspect of it, but even the hated Super!DarkButNotEvil!Harry gets hurt my the Death Eaters.
Marauders just where too perfect in revenge.
4/5
I think the reason the Marauders are portrayed as being so powerful is that their methods are so different than what everyone expects. DEs aren't used to being hunted and dispatched so ruthlessly. They're too used to being pursued by law-abiding Aurors that the darker and meaner methods the Marauders use throws them off and makes them panic. Add that that to the fact the Marauders do all of this in a single night, and you get an highly effective blitzkrieg.
lord geryon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2008, 05:20 AM   #29
Memory King
Unspeakable
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Iceland
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 828
SOTK's complaint would have been valid, had they not been using Time Turners.

The enemies were confused, disoriented, and didn't have much contact with each other. They would probably have displayed more competence, if given a chance to recuperate.
__________________
"He was one of the only three Slytherins staying for the Christmas holidays: with him were a third year Adrian Pucey and a rather stressed sixth year girl.

("Solstice, Potter, it's the winter solstice we're celebrating, did you think we cared for Santa Bloody Claus? You're such a Mudblood sometimes…")"

On the Way to Greatness
Memory King is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2009, 12:26 AM   #30
Chaos Demon
Muggle
 
Chaos Demon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere that I hope you aren't. Disposing of the bodies of annoying imbeciles is getting tiresome.
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Send a message via MSN to Chaos Demon
Brilliant, nice to see there are still some relatively good plot ideas that haven't been destroyed by crummy copy cats.
__________________

This is supposed to tell me something?
Chaos Demon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2009, 01:06 AM   #31
Insomniac
Squib
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 29
Send a message via AIM to Insomniac Send a message via Skype™ to Insomniac
One of the best oneshots you can find.

Screams a sequel, but the planning it would require is quite scary. I would love to see a ladies man Harry making his way around Hogwarts after being raised by the Marauders.
__________________
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable"- JFK
Insomniac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2009, 08:45 AM   #32
Rhapsody Belle
Fourth Year
 
Rhapsody Belle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 172
I remember stumbling myself on this a few days back. I really liked the concept, but thought that it felt a bit rushed in places. 4/5 on my part.
Rhapsody Belle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 11:53 AM   #33
meatzman2
Danced the Hempen Jig
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taure View Post
Great story, but the Marauders are far, far too powerful, able to find far too many Death Eaters, and able to execute their ambushes with far more easy than would be realistic.

For that reason, 4/5 rather than 5/5.
I agree with the rating and the general sentiment, they do seem a little OP, it is written that they come back a little beaten up, but we never really see it. They just seem to stroll about finding and killing everyone they need to, it's just too oversimplified, these people should have been hiding or at the ministry, I mean they killed Malfoy in his home, it was too easy to break into one of the foremost death eater's homes, which doesn't bode well for the rest of them.

Perhaps a better way of writing it would have been for them to attack them while they were in public places, attending celebrations while they were trying to fit in. This could also then have led into an increased role for an aggressive public reaction to what they were doing, which wasn't really sufficiently explored for my tastes.

4/5
meatzman2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2009, 04:34 PM   #34
CheddarTrek
Set Phasers to Melt
 
CheddarTrek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mississippi
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,033
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Another highly enjoyable story in this section of the library I didn't expect to enjoy -- 4.5/5 for me.

I like how the Marauders were depicted and how they took matters into their own hands. I liked Dumbledore's line about how each of them had carefully walked a line between light and dark, and how something had finally been enough to push them over that line. I liked the camaraderie between them, their varied characterizations, the fact that they were powerful, and I liked Hagrid for once. Hell, I liked pretty much all of it.

That said I did find myself skimming through a few of the parts instead of reading it closely, but I don't know why that was. Whatever it was is the reason it's not getting a full 5 from me.

meatzman2: I can see the allure of your ideas about attacking in public places and drawing out the public reactions, but to me that would need to be longer than a one-shot. As it is, everything is over and done with in one night on the spur of the moment and I sort of liked the feel of that. Exploring all the details of how they did what they did, adding challenges, making them less OP, and drawing things out would lose some of that. Still, if the author fleshed this out properly into a short story I'd definately read it.
__________________
Stuff I Wrote
~ where I put crap I want DLP to read ~
When there is a link here, leave feedback or die.

Last edited by CheddarTrek; 02-18-2009 at 04:41 PM.
CheddarTrek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2009, 04:33 AM   #35
alex_malfoi
Second Year
 
alex_malfoi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 89
Hum I must say, I don't usually like one shots or Marauder centric fics. However there is an exception to every rule and some rules seem to be made to be excepted.

I think this is such a case. Aside from the too powerful Marauders--I mean come on them killing dozens of Death Eaters, even with a time turner should have required more work. And the advanced Magic, without an explanation of how they knew it? Remember they were only a few years out of Hogwarts...it isn't like they had decades to study on their own like Bumbles...or the Dark Lord. And as far as we know there is no further magical education.

That said I must say that this is the first one shot I've read that actually felt finished at the end. Most feel like they are a complete chapter but hardly a complete story. The spelling and grammar didn't have glaring errors which made it very readable. And the plot holes were few, and far between.

Over all I give it a 5/5. I will be looking out for this author, if this is their usual quality...then it might be worth reading.
__________________
"Tears were forming in Harry’s eyes at the site of his fathers’s wand..."

--from "Enlightenment" by Rohata. Probably the very worst fic I've ever read.
alex_malfoi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2009, 01:24 PM   #36
psihary
Professor
 
psihary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
Gender: Male
Posts: 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by alex_malfoi View Post
...on their own like Bumbles...
Who or better what is suppose to be "Bumbles"...?
__________________
"It ain't got no proof—just circumstantial evidence." - corporal Nobby Nobbs

"It can't be bad if we're doing it. We're the good ones..."
psihary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2009, 05:46 PM   #37
SEG-CISR
Squib
 
SEG-CISR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The OC
Gender: Male
Posts: 40
I'm sure he meant Dumbles... which would be Dumbledore...

About the story... I read it myself some time ago. It's one of the better stories about the Marauders out there. Exceptional in many ways, but not perfect. 4.5/5
SEG-CISR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 08:57 AM   #38
alex_malfoi
Second Year
 
alex_malfoi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by psihary View Post
Who or better what is suppose to be "Bumbles"...?
"Bumbles" is the more politically correct term I use for Dumbledore. Which if you cannot tell I don't like much.

I could have used a "more colorful euphemism" for him, but I didn't really feel like potentially offending people on DLP. I listen to enough whining as it is.
__________________
"Tears were forming in Harry’s eyes at the site of his fathers’s wand..."

--from "Enlightenment" by Rohata. Probably the very worst fic I've ever read.
alex_malfoi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 10:36 AM   #39
Portus
God of Magic
 
Portus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Music City
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,553
Quote:
Originally Posted by alex_malfoi View Post
"Bumbles" is the more politically correct term I use for Dumbledore. Which if you cannot tell I don't like much.

I could have used a "more colorful euphemism" for him, but I didn't really feel like potentially offending people on DLP. I listen to enough whining as it is.
I hope you wrote all that ironically. Two things:

1) I'm unsure if it's even possible to offend the people here at DLP, excepting the promotion of slash fics or Harry-Ginny-one-true-luuuvvvv fics. Oh, and using "Jizlam" will also unleash the dogs of hell...

2) For some reason, the use of names like Dumbles, Bumbles, Dumbledork, Dumb-as-a-door, Voldy-shorts, Moldy-Dork... you get the idea. Well, these juvenile names just seem to set people off here. I admit I don't care for them (yes, they were mildly amusing the first time I read them), but they don't bother me, unlike a lot of folks here, who will promptly rip your ass for using them. Don't know why, but it happens.

As for me, I often use D'dore to shorten how much I have to type, and to avoid the random misspellings that are like blood in the water for whatever reason... Oh, and "Herman" for Hermione does irritate me, since I happen to be a fan of well-written Hermione.
Portus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 11:21 AM   #40
Perspicacity
God of Magic
Rosicrucian
 
Perspicacity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Elsewhere
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,398
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by Portus View Post
As for me, I often use D'dore to shorten how much I have to type, and to avoid the random misspellings that are like blood in the water for whatever reason... Oh, and "Herman" for Hermione does irritate me, since I happen to be a fan of well-written Hermione.
Interesting. When I'm writing, I shorten names as well and do search-and-replace. DD for Dumbledore, HH for Hermione, MM for McGonagall, etc. I expand on first opportunity, though. (It's hard to read for pacing and cadence when you don't have all the syllables in front of you).

Back on topic: This is my favorite Marauders story, full stop. They're nasty, just like they should be, and I was entranced by the story concept and execution. I particularly liked BajaB's portrayal of a dark Sirius--it's a very refreshing change from his fanon self, which often amounts to a boring knock-off of one of nonjon's characterizations.

5/5 from me.

p.s. alex_malfoi: You should read more BajaB. He's among the most creative and prolific writers in the fandom.
__________________
Perspicacity is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
author:bajab, oneshot


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Marauder Era Artist Janus General Discussion 13 06-26-2008 05:24 AM
Complete - Fugitives of Azkaban by BajaB - K+ Spanks The Alternates 32 09-11-2007 11:44 PM
Oneshot - Relive by BajaB - K rj_stone2 The Alternates 7 07-12-2007 04:58 PM
Oneshot - Made with Our Love by Marauder - K+ Hadoren Humor 21 11-23-2006 09:49 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:57 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2005 - 2011 Darklordpotter.net. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.