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Abandoned A matter of force by Carrotglace - PG13

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Gogolu, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. Gogolu

    Gogolu Third Year

    Joined:
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    Title: A matter of force
    Author: Carrotglace
    Rating: T (PG-13)
    Genre: Humor/Action/Adventure
    DLP Category: General Fics (or arguably Humor/Parody)
    Pairing: None
    Status: Work in Progress
    Summary: Start with Harry Potter, add a bit of Star Wars, a little Nightmare on Elm Street, Bill and Ted, Tenchi Muyo, Pinky and The Brain, add a whole mess of rock, a slightly evil SI type sister, and a dredge of pop culture. Rock!

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3252882/1/

    Just posted chapter 12 and it's 161,069 words so far.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2007
  2. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Couldn't really go beyond the second chapter.

    Thought the author would stray away from cannon but as it turns out, nearly everything is the same.

    2/5 writing is decent but it fails for lack of creativity and originality.

    Summary sucks.
     
  3. MrINBN

    MrINBN Unspeakable

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    The writing is good, there are no grammar mistakes and it flows well, but the plot sucks. Basically "The lights are on, but no one's home."
    2/5

    EDIT: I take it back. Lilly.
     
  4. Gogolu

    Gogolu Third Year

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    You are right about summary but lack of creativity is last thing you can say about fic and others works of this author.

    First three chapters build on idea of force use and other anomalies of Potters and explain world he is creating.

    From fourth chapter up comes wild ride.

    You can not expect to change everything right away without steps ensuring it was logical process.

    I really recommend to read few more chapters because inventive and unpredictable are Carrotglace middle names.

    Ranma genre readers know Carrot thanks to his epic Insertion or Gaijin and many others. Harry Potter universe under his pen will not disappoint you.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2007
  5. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    I don't like Gogolu.
     
  6. MrINBN

    MrINBN Unspeakable

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    Good for you, boa. But that's not the point of this thread.
     
  7. Jamven

    Jamven Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    The summary tells me that it will be a cluster fuck of a mess. I don't know if I can motivate myself to read it. I will edit later if I get around to reading.
     
  8. DoWnEr

    DoWnEr Second Year

    Joined:
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    0.o

    Have you read the thing?

    If you like something that's one of a kind and fun to read Carrot is your guy. I guess those of you not into Ranma fanfics wouldn't understand. Carrot takes an idea and turns into something indescribable but fun to read.

    If you actually give him a chance you'll be pleasantly surprised.
     
  9. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Yeah I read the beginning, even went as far as chapter 6 when someone suggested it.

    At the time I had only read the first two chapters and everything seemed to point at this being a PS re-write with everything almost the same.

    So it deviates from cannon by having them rescue Sirius, and then wanting to be guitarist.

    The latter will probably be used on Fluffy in place of the flute.

    I still didn't like it.

    Just don't like the fact that it has way too many cross-overs, Anna is like book 6 Ginny, and we already discover about Empathy.

    2.5/5 Since it's not what I thought it would be.

    Still don't think it deserves the Library or Trash Bin though.
     
  10. Teal_Thanatos

    Teal_Thanatos First Year

    Joined:
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    Ah, this finally getsposted on the DLP forum.

    As far as The Carrot goes, this stories a little light on.. well, pretty much everything. It's nowhere near as off the wall or as long as Insertion, it's not as cool & cruel as Gaijin, and finally... it's just not as funny or as awesome as his other works.

    On that note however...

    It's worth a 4/5

    Because, simply put, It's getting there. As it's moving along it's picking up more and more off the wall crap, it's deviating further and further and it's allready got the greatest rock band in history onboard and they've played Tribute to the Best Song In The World.

    The grammar and spelling is excellent, though the potter twins often seem a little stiled, which fits for them being the twisted pairs as they are.

    Suspicions that the female potter is actually one of the characters from another Carrot flavoured story leaves a little more suspense for readers familiar with the author.

    What makes the story the 4/5 is not just the things mentioned above, but the Author himself. If you look carefully in this story, you'll find hints of things to come. Good luck figuring them out though, usually on every chapter I go back and read the entire prior story to discover what hints I missed.
     
  11. DoWnEr

    DoWnEr Second Year

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    I would say it deviated right from the start with the fact that he has a sister and that he learns about magic from an early age.

    Besides that even with all the crazy crossovers, Carrot seems to keep the HP universe people in character and shows how some personalities might have changed with the influence of this new character. I mean lets point out Dark Respite, YES i do read it and i do LIKE it so don't bash on me for pointing some things i didn't like out as an example. Dark Respite is a fun read but it has no build up. It just says "Because of this Harry is going to be this way" but there was no gradual change or some sort of buffer. It was just "WHAM" Harry is a foul mouthed bad ass. I like bad ass Harry so i like it but if i didn't like bad ass Harry i would give it 1/5.

    I like A Matter of Force because it shows in steps how Harry became what he is instead of pushing it down your throat and hoping people don't notice that Harry isn't Harry anymore and just something the author labeled "Harry".

    If you don't like rock and roll and humor based on spoofing other shows/movies/games and nice character build up this isn't for you. If it weren't for the more recent spelling mistakes i would have given it a 5/5 instead i'd say 4/5
     
  12. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

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    the writing is really good, we don't see many well-written grammar-mistakes-free stories. while i don't like cross-overs and humor stories, this one really get me. 4.5/5
     
  13. DarthBill

    DarthBill Dark Lord

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    This sounds like Doghead Thirteen's HP story. Only not as good. Anyway, I suppose I'll try it out.
     
  14. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

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    Yet another brilliant fic by Carrot. The only thing I would like to see is that he leave the crossovers where they are at this point. I think any more would be too much of a distraction.
     
  15. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Well yes, what I meant to say was cannon events.

    Harry could have learned about magic, had a sister, even seen lightsabers before Hogwarts.

    It would be the main plot points that didn't deviate right away.

    I know that makes little sense but seeing as I am yet to become a master of the english language, I have no idea how else to express myself.

    What I am trying to say is that major events didn't change much up until that point. [example: The story adds OC's but every major event (living with the Dursley family, going to Hogwarts, etc.) happens like it did in cannon]

    Sure the story changes later on but I couldn't be bothered to keep reading.
     
  16. Sledgehammer

    Sledgehammer Second Year

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    Location:
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    4/5

    Anyone with a shred of intelligence can tell what's good about it, so I'll just list the reasons why it only gets a four:

    Stunted sentences structure. A holdover of the Ranma 1/2 fandom that spawned Carrot, where everyone was pretty much in on the joke. It's a difficult flaw to identify or even quantify. I myself have fallen prey to this daemon. I blame Tomas.

    Abuse of the phrase 'rock ass,' and its variations.

    There's a few more minuses I was going to mention, but I can't for the life of me remember what they were.

    On the plus side, I remember that one scene where Anna was blabbing secrets to Snape like a typical Mary Sue. Almost broke the story for me, until that brilliant (on multiple levels) turnabout.
     
  17. Gogolu

    Gogolu Third Year

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    New chapter is up and Hogwarts is under vampire control.

    Bodies are stacking up and there is only handful of survivors trying to escape undead menace.

    Run and don't forget that what was your friend moment ago now is bloodthirsty monster.
     
  18. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

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    Shut the fuck up.
     
  19. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I agree with you Boa. I don't like Gogolu either. He talks to damn much.

    As for the story, it's good enough. It's not one of those ones you are about to remember, but it's still a decent 4/5. Too many bloody crossovers and not enough characterization, but I'm really picky about that stuff.
     
  20. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    @Gogolu- Dude you sound like that guy who does the Holly Wood voice for movie commercials. Like in that Geiko commercial: "In a world where cars are underwater!"

    Jackass, cut the theatrics, stop doing commentary, and come back to the real world. Or GTFO because you annoy me.