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Abandoned A matter of perception by Kung_lou - K+

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Kung_lou, May 19, 2006.

  1. Kung_lou

    Kung_lou Sixth Year

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    180
    Title: A matter of perception
    Author: Kung_lou
    Rating: K+
    Genre: Mystery/Sci-Fi
    Pairing: None
    Chapters: 6
    Words: 48,982
    Updated: December 10, 2007
    Published: November 5, 2005
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: An ancient prophecy, a rogue military arm and technological experiments of questionable ethics will all make for the biggest change the wizarding world has yet seen.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2646947/1/

    I've been creeping this forum for a while you all give pretty good feedback. While I normally write Anime fics, here is my attempt at a HP fic and I would appreciate any feedback you could offer.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 26, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2012
  2. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    It looks interesting. It will be interesting to see where you go with this.

    Jim
     
  3. Kung_lou

    Kung_lou Sixth Year

    Joined:
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    I am sure everyone here will be equally glad that there will be NO HP/GW It just wont fit with what I have planned
     
  4. Patrik f

    Patrik f Guest

    This seams to be a great story, It will be intresting to see how Harry is sorted, if he allows the hat to place him in Slytherin or if he talks the hat into placing him in Gryffindore simply as it would cause less attention...
     
  5. Cell

    Cell Gunner of The Black Poison DLP Supporter

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    Very good.I like how he is so aware of his surroundings.Constant vigilant.I like the no HP/GW too.
     
  6. Kung_lou

    Kung_lou Sixth Year

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    Thanks for the feeback guys. The first few chapters were really setting up the rest of teh story so the flow should start speeding up.

    As for the nanites affecting the magical core - well that depends on what magic is exactly doesn't it.

    I really can't see Harry anywhere but Slytherin, he would eat the other houses alive.
     
  7. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
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    This story is brilliant so far. One of the most interesting mixes of technology and magic so far. Keep it up.
     
  8. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    nice fic dude but update oy since febuary
     
  9. Darkside

    Darkside Third Year

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    I've just finished the third chapter. This story is amazingly detailed. I especialy liked the parts about the nanites and how you went in depth about Harry's thought patterns. I can't wait to see where this will go next. I highly reccomend it.
     
  10. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    dude is this a slight crossover with dark angel?
     
  11. Kung_lou

    Kung_lou Sixth Year

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    No, it is completely my own creation - apart from the HP bits:rolleyes: . I can't deny that certain idea's influenced it though, but only influenced. If you were to read my other works - particularly an empire reborn you would understand.
     
  12. Moeed

    Moeed Third Year

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    The nanite bit is a refreshing concept for me atleast, keep em coming
     
  13. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    My favorite AU story, hands down.

    I love how you describe things from the nanites POV.
     
  14. Necrule Paen

    Necrule Paen DLP Elite DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    This is pretty good, I would like to see where you go with this. Two nitpicks however, Look over your chapters over for spelling mistakes before submitting. You are no Vorlon or Merlin forbid a feartheturtle, but it did bother me. Another thing is have something to denote that ther has been a scene change, especially when it is going from someone to the nanites or the nanites to someone. Other then that it is good.
     
  15. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    dude what can we expect a new chapter
     
  16. Kung_lou

    Kung_lou Sixth Year

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    I was on a roll and then I ran into a rough patch - a rough couple of months. But I'm back on my feet and working on the next chapter. What can you expect - attempted communication from the budding nanite AI and introduction into why He Who Has NO Name Ever In FanFics is as feared as they come.

    Hopefully avoiding any cliche's. As for the rest - I guess You'll have to read it.
     
  17. Promios

    Promios Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
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    Location:
    Sweden
    Very, very good! The only thing I didnt like was the goblins, and that Harry liked them...god I hate goblins.

    Hm, you never mentioned Knockturn Alley...I hope he will go there before school starts.
    I'm just rambling :p Just Be sure to KUTGW!(Keep Up The Good Work)
     
  18. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    can you have harry design something like a robot compaion like the bot in Jason X
     
  19. Coranth

    Coranth Guest

    Kung_lou:

    I just recently read this fic... and I love it! I wonder how old Dumbles will deal with Cyborg!Harry? I love how you've written parts of it from the P.O.V of the Nanite AI; keep that up. I also wonder how Harry will react to his new AI when it finally attempts to speak with him. I've placed this fic into my bookmarks, and will be keeping an eye on it.
     
  20. cazten

    cazten Slug Club Member

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    Location:
    ca
    I thought this was flippin awesome. Im just partly dissapointed seing how this follows the idea for a fic ive been working on but havnt released yet lol. They are different enough to be telled apart, but the same basic idea of "enchanced" during childhood remains.

    Hopefully you continue this, it is a very cool idea. The only thing that doesnt fit is the Nano technology, but i guess you can override that with the whole "secret military project" thing.

    My only one last critique is Harry's maturity. I find it hard to belive that someone so young is already thinking so maturely, and even more independently. I find that to be a trap that many fall into when writing 1st/2nd year fics. He may have been abused and gone through life altering events that change him, but no matter how hard he tries i find it hard to belive he can handle a situation like a 20+ year old adult. It might do well to keep the maturity, but make sure he runs into childish mistakes.