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WIP A Necessary Gift: A Harry Potter Story by cosette-aimee

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by CosmosGravitation, Oct 16, 2011.

  1. CosmosGravitation

    CosmosGravitation Professor

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    Title: A Necessary Gift: A Harry Potter Story
    Author: cosette-aimee
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure
    Chapters: 22
    Words: 155,668
    Updated: July 8, 2013
    Published: January 20, 2011

    Status: WIP
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: Unknown, if any
    Summary: The war doesn't end with Voldemort's defeat and Harry is hit by his third Killing Curse. He's given a choice. Stay as a ghost, or leave to another world - where he'll have to deal with Purebloods, Prejudice, and Black Family Politics.
    Link: Click here

    First, I should note that this story is a rewrite/continuation of Aya Macchiato's story 'Harry Potter and the Gift of the Morrighan', which I never read so I can't comment on. The author has Aya Macchiato's permission.

    Writing is solid and characters are consistently portrayed. I noticed a few typo's and grammar/spelling mistakes, but not enough to take me out of the story.

    The method of getting Harry to the alternate world is cliche. The story doesn't start strong, but it improves after the first few chapters. I suggest sticking with it if you find your eyes rolling early on.

    I'm sure there are some ideas/events that will annoy a few readers, but overall I think it makes the cut and has even greater potential if it progresses well. I found myself caring about the characters, and I can't ask much more from a story than that.

    4/5


    Checked by Minion, July 28, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
  2. Churchey

    Churchey Supreme Mugwump

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    Prologue seems rather amateur, since it gives one of those "laundry-list" types of intros with very little showing and quite a bit of telling.
    Dobby at King's cross is something new though, and honestly a little refreshing.
    It also has what seems to be some light-character bashing of Dumbledore and Umbridge, but hopefully that doesn't continue.
    Chapter 1 isn't completely rife with spelling/grammar errors but there are some. It is, however, full of holes.
    For some reason Harry is sent back to the park in Little Whinging, as a ten year old, wearing the clothes he died in (bloodstains and all), but they shrunk to fit his ten year old body. None of that makes any sense. He also gets sent back at the age of ten when his AU self died at 3. There is no reason for that either; why not just go back at the age of his choice and fuck Tonks or something interesting? Then he asks
    ...but a few paragraphs above that, he knows that Gringotts keeps vaults open for 9 years after the last heir dies, in case someone comes to claim it. Why would he know that but not this?

    Prologue says "back to the year 1990" but chapter 1 says the date is feb 7th 1991.

    Tons of little inconsistencies that make you wince, but if you can set your jaw and press forward, it seems to be readable. Then he names himself something that he will use for the rest of his life in that world. What does he pick?

    Orion Aubrey. Fuck that noise. The reasoning behind it might even be sound if it was delivered skillfully, but it's terrible and stupid. Sirius had a relationship with a girl who comes from a dark family but isn't sorted into Slytherin, so Sirius finds her to be a "kindred spirit"...then Harry's story is that she named him Orion to honor his family tradition of naming after constellations? Da fuq?

    Then in Chapter 2 he gets Sirius freed with 0 complications by talking to Mr. Weasley and Amelia Bones, visits him in the hospital the next day, and reveals that he is from a different world. Incoming magical adoption to change his appearance and his name is finalized as Orion Phoenix Black. Yes, his middle name is now phoenix.

    Gonna go ahead and recommend you skip this one as anything but a guilty pleasure fic, but it's nothing new or groundbreaking, just a standard Harry-starting-over kind of fic.

    2/5.

    edit: Since I'm trying to avoid working on papers, I've read farther and there is some interaction with the Malfoys (that isn't terribly cliche), some extremely sappy Sirius/Harry interaction which is way too candid for straight males in their situation bordering on slash-fic-esque, and gems like this:
    I feel like slash is inevitable. Still 2/5, unless it devolves into slash in which case 0/5.
    It really is a shame because it does approach some actual interesting characterizations, but some of the cliches just drag it down way too much. Magical adoption, in addition to making him prettier, gives him better magic...who would've guessed?
    On a separate note, how do I give a post a thumb up?
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2011
  3. Afiz

    Afiz First Year

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    If it can't be a Harry Potter fanfiction, then it can not be a Harry Potter fan fiction.
     
  4. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser Prestige DLP Supporter

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    @Churchey: You get the options of 5 thumbs up a day after you reach 25 posts.

    Otherwise, in terms of the story... it was a bland 2/5

    And yeah. There are quite many vibes that scream slash-is-about-to-happen-randomly to me.
     
  5. thebrute7

    thebrute7 Professor

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    It was dry and uninteresting, much like all other stories like it, but made even worse by slashish overtones. Churchey pretty much hit it on the nose. 2/5 from me.
     
  6. Churchey

    Churchey Supreme Mugwump

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    I will continue to read this story as a means of procrastination, because it seems to be at least attempting to tackle the issues beyond just Voldemort, which is at least something. Chapter 7 introduces Sirius' grandfather who is the cliche head of house (Patrifamilius or some shit), so it may evolve into a somewhat interesting political fic.

    It's still 2/5 and not library worthy, especially since Sirius starts referring to Harry as Orion at Harry's suggestion, and by chapter 8 the author actually starts referring to him as Orion instead of Harry as well.

    edit: After several hours of procrastination, this fic isn't completely terrible. Slash-esque scenes have subsided and seem to actually just be the authors attempt to write emotional scenes. Harry is much too easily able to act like a ten-year-old. He isn't immature, but the fact that he is content with spending time around ten-year-olds is jarring.

    The writing is average but readable, and the ideas in it are a mix of cliches and fairly original ones. It's better than the average AU Harry back in time or Harry in a different house fics, but at best I would say it is a 3/5 in its later chapters. Still not library worthy, but I would put it in almost recommendable as a guilty pleasure fic considering its fairly frequent update rate and legibility.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2011
  7. CosmosGravitation

    CosmosGravitation Professor

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    The author only refers to Harry as Orion when it is Sirius's point of view. Harry still thinks of himself as Harry.

    And yeah, as I warned the story does start pretty poorly and has cliche's, but I think it improves significantly later.

    The author did say in a PM that Harry probably wouldn't be paired with anyone, and if he is it won't be slash and wouldn't be until he was much older. I know when I read it I didn't get slash vibes at all, so not sure why everyone jumped to that conclusion so quickly.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2011
  8. bob99

    bob99 High Inquisitor

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    I really didn't get slash vibes either. But at the very least I enjoyed the first chapter. The scene with Dobby was entertaining.
     
  9. Roma

    Roma Fourth Year

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    eh, just kind of boring. No real hook and Harry doesn't come across as interesting in any particular way 2/5.
     
  10. Desmir

    Desmir Squib

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    I also didnt get any slash vibes, but I agree full heartedly that the method of getting Harry to this place was LAZY. No effort, dobby (who apparently has the power to bridge dimensions and time at will) offers Harry the chance when hes dead (harry's third time of being dead apparently).

    I was glad that there were small differences in the worlds but the sirius/harry interactions were a bit cringy. Sirius accepts Harry as a inter dimensional time traveller within about...twenty seconds.

    Siruis also is calling him "pup" not ten seconds later, and always full heartedly agrees with whatever Harry says.

    To me it was all a bit cliche and I was waiting for something original to happen, the scene where Harry reveals pettigrew via talking to Arthur was painful.

    Not that it wasnt plausible or realistic as much as that it was very, very easy. Extremely simple. I read the first half a dozen chapters and I have yet to run into conflict of any kind, things just happen as Harry wants them too. (this is something I am working on in my writing)

    The middle name being PHOENIX was super painful to read. Phoenix? Seriously?

    I think the story could use more intrique or suspense, like Harry pretending to be his REAL son, juggling his secret voldemort killing life with the life of a ten year old child, all the while feeling terribly guilty about it. Certainly would be more gripping.

    It may improve but as it stands. I dont think this should go into the Library. Theres just too many cliches that havnt really been done differently to the many others.

    Although I will read it out of boredom at work and thats entertaining enough, I think this forum is a bit too classy to let this one through.

    2/5

    EDIT: I have changed my vote to 3/5 stars as I read the rest of it and it DOES pick up enough to possibly be deemed acceptable by this forum. Once Harry arrives at Hogwarts things improve alot and I am interested to see if the story continues to pick up.

    It would be nice if he re-did the start of the story as the first few chapters were very unpromising.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2011
  11. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    The story's isn't taking me in. It's just...boring. Desmir had the right things to say before the edit. 3/5 from me.
     
  12. World

    World Oberstgruppenf├╝hrer Moderator DLP Supporter

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    It's not bad - it's one of the very few decent Slytherin!Harry fics. For a somewhat favourable view on the classic purebloods, this does require a change from the canon blood purity nazis. While the idea of a paterfamilias is somewhat contrived, it could be way worse. Magical affinities as an idea is actually ok. All in all, that point is decently well handled.

    Execution-wise it's decent, and good enough for the recycling bin - 3/5 stars, though I'm leaning towards 3.5
     
  13. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Updated - the new chapter isn't anything amazing and I'm a bit iffy on the revelation at the end, but it's not bad and doesn't really seem to make much of a difference in the story. I just hope it doesn't get used as a deus ex machina somewhere.
     
  14. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    I think this story at least deserves a 4 because for the detailed life like characters and society background. It makes me even accept reading about Draco and that's a sign of quality work. Nobody is a walking cliche and there are a few nifty ideas like the Werewolf conflict between the Prewett twins causing rifts inside the Weasley family in a believable way. There's potential for a 5 depending on the future plot.
     
  15. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Updated - newest chapter is fairly decent, actually. Prologue has undergone a rewrite, but I haven't read it yet so can't vouch for the quality of that.
     
  16. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    I doubt anyone cares, but apparently the author posted a new chapter and felt hurt about the comments here, which I don't really think are mean at all. So that means there were a slew of "Screw DLP" reviews, as per usual.
     
  17. thebrute7

    thebrute7 Professor

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    Must. Resist. Reading. Reviews.

    Screw it.

    I actually do follow this story, if only because it is reasonably interesting. I think my biggest problem with it is that I felt Harry sort of accepted the pureblood way of life much to readily, defended it much too easily etcetera. I mean, he is just way to malleable, particularly for having already lived for 20 years or so.

    I just feel like Harry would have a lot more troubles trying to be this "Orion Black" person than we are given, and those struggles would have made the story much more interesting.

    EDIT: Rather, I've followed the story more lately, because even if it isn't great, it's still better than anything that's currently updating.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2013
  18. Hero of Stupidity

    Hero of Stupidity Villain of Sensibility Prestige DLP Supporter

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    These reviews are hilarious. Also this fic was mediocre at best when it came out, now it's just clich├ę as hell. Also: Harry not named Harry is not Harry.
     
  19. thebrute7

    thebrute7 Professor

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    The reviews were actually more entertaining than the chapter itself.

    Filler chapter is filler.
     
  20. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    I love how everyone from anywhere thinks we're racist pedophiles as a whole. As if we'd ever be racist.