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Oneshot A Time to Dance by laurielove - M/NC-17 - HP/NM

Discussion in 'Restricted Section' started by Luda, May 20, 2010.

  1. Luda

    Luda Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    Title: A Time to Dance
    Author: laurielove
    Rating: M/NC-17
    Genre: Romance
    DLP Category: The Restricted Section
    Pairing: Harry/Narcissa
    Status: Oneshot
    Words: 7,985
    Published: May 25, 2009

    Summary: One-shot. Five years after the war. Deathly Hallows compliant. Harry one day comes across a woman he has not seen for many years. Rated M for good reason.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5087292/1/A_Time_to_Dance

    So, I was bored on FF.net trawling through mounds of shit, trying to find a halfway decent Harry/Other pairing and was lucky enough to find this. It's smut but well-crafted smut.

    4/5 (-1 only because she didn't expand this story beyond a one-shot. Don't try looking for any of her other fics though.. shudder they're Hermione/Lucius..:()


    Checked: Nov. 12, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2012
  2. oephyx

    oephyx Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Pretty straightforward, but well done. It goes a bit over the top with the smile thing, which is too bad because it's the central element to her characterisation. The smut is good enough, unfortunately the story isn't worth much without it.

    4/5
     
  3. Brown

    Brown Third Year

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    Neither fresh nor well-written enough to hold my interest.

    2/5
     
  4. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    Well. Narcissa/Harry smut always gets points just for existing. However, this felt a little... bland, for my tastes. Looking at it clinically, it's just an one night stand between two people, whose respective partners are out of town. There's literally nothing else there except, perhaps, that little bit of both saving each other during the war and some "emotional" niceties being thrown out by one another.

    As Luda said, the story looses quality just from being so short. There's all sorts of potential ready to stem from this. Conflict between anyone and everyone for instance (Harry and Ginny, Lucius and Narcissa, Harry and Narcissa), not withstanding other directions the story could have taken (such as some action/adventure sequences).

    In the end this remains just a peaceful bit of all-night fucking, before everyone to whatever the hell they were doing.Also, one night stands don't work out quite like this IRL.

    3/5
     
  5. Synchro

    Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    Agree with Luda too. This could have gone over damn well as a full story, but as a one-shot it's rather pointless really. Tastefully done, for the most part, but pointless.
    Very good writing though and all in all satisfying. 4/5
     
  6. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

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    What Vylos is trying to say is that he jacked off to it.
     
  7. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

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    This ^.
    There is nothing behind that story. Pretty much pointless one-shot that was simply centered around the smut scene.

    The only way I can give this a 4 is if Molly Weasley, just checking on him if he is lonely with her Ginny being away, had entered the bedroom while Narcissa was giving him a head... o_O

    3/5 and that's only for the Harry/Narcissa idea.
     
  8. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Pretty much this. Rather sweet at the end, if massively unrealistic, and well written, but...meh.
    Rounded up to 4/5, since I don't like giving half marks.
     
  9. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    A nice little smut piece. Decently written. I prefer longer works though and would like to see this stretched out a bit, perhaps where they have an ongoing affair and have to dance around their families, and all the problems and hilarities that can arise from such a situation.

    4/5
     
  10. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

    Joined:
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    Honestly, this is one of the few smut stories I've read where I didn't laugh myself stupid at the words they use to describe things.

    It would have been cool if there was more buildup. Everything happened so fast that I felt a little let down.

    But yes, a nice little read. Nothing too interesting, but not boring either.
     
  11. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    I disagree here. I only skimmed the smut, because I wasn't in the mood, and the piece works exactly as it is supposed to. It's not "pointless", or if you think it is, most Oneshots are.

    Some seem to be judging it as if it were a full story, or even as if it should be. Neither is the case. A Oneshot is a small glimpse into something bigger, with open beginning and open end. Or in Socialist's words:

    Quite. That's the definition, look it up. A few scenes, and the aim and challenge is not to tell an epic story, but to sketch a picture within a short span of pages.

    And for me, it did that quite well. I enjoyed reading about Harry, the interaction with Narcissa was very well done and the quality of the writing excellent. 4.5/5
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  12. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

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    Even as a oneshot, I still felt it could have used a bit more build-up. Or at least, eluded to several more encounters between the two of them before they got 'jiggy wid it'.

    Eh.
     
  13. oephyx

    oephyx Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    I don't totally disagree; I'm judging it on the same basis you are, but I didn't find the backstory quite as engaging as you did. It's not pointless, but I did feel the story was a little light, and a bit too focused on the smut.

    In some sense, for me the end wasn't open enough. It sort of closed the door, as if not much had been disturbed in Harry's life.
    ... which is to say, exactly what he wanted before. I guess you could call it subtle, I just found it weak.

    I read the end a bit like: "Harry and Ginny lived happy boring lives and had many children with stupid names." To me it read like the author's ambition didn't go beyond having a Harry/Narcissa one-night stand convincingly set in the canon universe.

    Based on your rating, I don't think we disagree much. People who don't think this deserves to be in the library probably can't see a good piece of writing for what it is.

    Random question: doesn't fanfiction.net remove blatant smut from their site?
     
  14. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

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    I must be shorter-sighted than I thought then. I read attentively up to halfway through the smut before I got bored and started skimming.

    I didn't think the build-up was as weak as some people complained; it's simple, and does the job of bringing them together fine since their encounter has no consequence -- something that would be harder to justify if they'd started feeling deeply for each other. Especially given Harry's character.

    The problem was Narcissa: I didn't believe in her character for a half-second. Her attitude felt jarring. I found her cheap and grimacing like a bad actress. She had no more character than what's hinted at in the books, which should be the point of any fanfiction featuring her, no matter how short; in fact, she had much less character than what JKR hints at. What little personality she did have wasn't anything like Narcissa Malfoy, she lacked her strength, her mystery, and above all her dignity.

    I don't know. The one-shot was okay, technically speaking, although the smut was nothing special -- or maybe I just wasn't in the mood for smut. But I read these one-shots looking for strong characters, not for strong plots (which have no time to develop anyway). Reading the author's note at the beginning, they, too, were more concerned about character interaction than about plot. In my opinion they fell short.

    3/5.

    EDIT: I forgot to mention Harry's character was good.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  15. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Heh; reminds me of a comedian I heard once talking about watching a porno: "I was interested, then more interested, then I was *very* interested... then I wasn't interested anymore."
     
  16. Teresoul

    Teresoul Seventh Year

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    Argh! Women are never "in the mood". :D

    On a more related topic, the smut was superb, the characterization of Harry was... not what I'd expect from an auror, and Narcissa's chest was just plain.

    It is a believable situation (I won't call it a plot), and I'd like to see this expanded upon. However, since it's clearly a one-shot (and a pointless one), I'll give this a 3/5.

    Summa summarum: fap fap fap 3/5.