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Abandoned A Warrior's Philosophy by Not Fade - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Link, Jun 8, 2009.

  1. Link

    Link Order Member DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Title: A Warrior's Philosophy
    Author: Not Fade
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Drama
    DLP Category: Independent Harry
    Pairing: Harry/Tonks and maybe Harry/Bellatrix
    Chapters: 5
    Words: 27,283
    Updated: May 10, 2009
    Published: April 8, 2009
    Status: Abandoned

    Link: FF.NET

    Summary: In the summer after OotP, Harry becomes determined to become what he must to fulfill the prophecy. He finds guidance and direction from a source he never expected. Independent!Harry, Semi-Dark!Harry.

    There's not much yet, only 5 chapters so far, yet the story is progressing at a nice rate - maybe too fast. Harry is neither a pussy, or some kind of super powerful and indestructible god. In fact, I was rather surprised that the author managed to avoid most clichés which are unfortunately present in most post-Ootp indie!Harry fanfictions. Characters are pretty well written. Overall it's a good read and I think it deserves to be in the library.

    4/5.


    Checked by Minion, July 29, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2013
  2. Seitou

    Seitou Third Year

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    103
    Brutal and well written, easily the best story I've read in months. 4.5/5.

    On the downside, it's short, so it has plenty of time to go wrong along the way.
     
  3. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    The first-perspective writing style is excellent, engaging and polished. Inky is right about the avoidance of clichés. Even the token passages on textbooks and forms of magic never read like they are generic.

    Bellatrix's characterization is the most glaring flaw when considering canon. I hate it whenever someone uses a 'mask' to circumvent an integral trait of a character's personality, which happens here. Bellatrix pretends to be insane for her betterment and to enhance her chances of survival. At least the author doesn't try to justify her evilness, mitigating the bastardization. Disregarding canon, she's a great mentor-character, unscrupulous and vicious. She is unrealistically perceptive though – she sees through the tricks Harry tries to pull, and effortlessly manipulates him.

    As a nit-picking aside, during her filler-actions in conversations, the author is too reliant on having her smoking a cigarette. Seriously. Another irritating detail is that Unspeakables seem to be the shadowy assassins privy to everything about the government in this fic. Someone needs to destroy that cliché right away, but as long as it doesn't figure prominently in this story, I'm going to overlook it.

    The combat scenes are top-notch. It doesn't follow the Shezza format, with incantations followed by description, but still fun. So far, the war is amongst the most well-depicted. Despite Bellatrix's cynicism and the brutality, it's not the ridiculous grim excess that a lot of writers default to, with a vague backdrop of the Ministry in shambles and shit.

    I have an issue with how Amelia Bones died. The Order was posted there specifically to defend her, yet she rushes onto the field and gets killed in a grand exercise of pointlessness. That's not the discipline the head of the DMLE is supposed to have.

    I'm also at a loss as to why Harry didn't use a more lethal spell on Lucius Malfoy. He was distracted, and already occupied with maintaining his concentration on torturing Kingsley. A wasted opportunity, and more than a little contrived.

    The smut with Harry/Tonks came out of nowhere. It was too bizarre for even a spur-of-the-moment thing. A few lines of suggestive banter does not mean there was 'something between' them. The author just did it so that he could have his metaphor about Harry losing his actual virginity with Tonks, after losing the virginity of his conscience with Bellatrix. At least the guy's smart enough not to place much emphasis on the romance.

    Despite the faults, it triggered my fanboy reflex so 5/5. One of the best Independent/Dark fictions currently in progress.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  4. Matian

    Matian Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Denmark
    I liked it. A few spelling errors and such, but nothing that would turn a person off from reading the rest. The only thing that miffed me a bit was that it was written in first person which I'm not a big fan of.

    Anyway, good story. 4/5
     
  5. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Bellatrix characterisation -1
    Independent Harry being a saturated genre -1
    No actual plot -1

    Nothing here that interests me. There's no hook. No story being told - just stuff happening. No interesting characters. Nothing really original.

    It has the mechanics of writing down, but even then it's not overly spectacular.

    3/5
     
  6. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    It's weird, I'd swear it was posted somewhere on the forums because I've read it already and DLP is my only source of new fics.

    Anyway, the story fits my favorite genre and is rather well written. I'm not going to rate it no, as it still can turn out to be fail.

    Bellatrix is out of character and I'm not sure if I like the change. On the other hand, Harry's OOC-ness is perfect. He can ruthlessly kill an enemy without wailing in emo-tears afterwards. Thank God.

    I liked the portrayal of Dumbledore, still light-sided, but as ruthless as he really was in the canon.

    @Andromalius:
    Amelia Bones isn't a member of the Order, she probably didn't know that either Death Eaters or Order were there until the battle began.
     
  7. Zarent

    Zarent Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2008
    Messages:
    241
    The first chapter is weird, to say the least. Smacks you in the face with the 'Grabs-tons-of-books-to-read-on-theory' and 'Goes-to-the-gym-and-runs-because-Quidditch-doesn't-condition-you' crap.

    Second chapter seems a bit better, but Bellatrix talking in the same way that I'd expect a White Court vampire to is kind of annoying.
     
  8. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Hbg., Germany
    @KrzaQ:

    It was in the Almost Recommended thread, for
    that reason. I seem to remember a certain new sticky that told everyone not to post stories in For Review that are just starting to take off, for this
    reason >_> And on that note, I'm not going to rate it quite yet either.


    Going through my old comments in that thread, the first chapter is somewhat of a chore to read; in fact, the first three chapters are meh, but it gets better and really good with the battle at Amelia's, that's chapter four. Those last two chapters are easily a 4/5, but I can't rate a story based on two chapters.

    In any case though, once you get passed the 'Bella is not insane' thing (think of her as an OC, if nothing else works), the dynamics between them are quite good. Since I'm too lazy to re-write the same thing,


    I'm a bit miffed though that he promised weekly updates and now it's been a month already.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  9. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    362
    Location:
    ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
    Bah, too lazy to write one down so a copy/paste from the recommended thread
    Yeap, I still stand behind my words that this one could go either way but it certainly has the potential of becoming one really, really good indi!Harry fic.

    Just for the thread's sake I'll rate it with a 5... I did enjoy it too much so far, and my rate got to 5 with the last chapter which despite it's questionable moments: it still is brilliant...

    I still think that it shouldn't have been posted for a review, at least not until another 2-3 chapters were published though.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  10. Vegemeister

    Vegemeister Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Texas
    Awesome fight scenes +3

    Harry/Tonks, one of the few ways it might happen +2

    Harry needlessly wasting an opportunity to ash Lucius Malfoy -1

    Taure's mangled math... priceless.

    4/5
     
  11. Silens Cursor

    Silens Cursor The Silencer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    And you are all now referred to the quote on the bottom of my sig to complete this timeless statement.

    ...hmm, should probably go read the story now.

    EDIT: well, the fight scenes were good, and the writing passable, but the dialogue feels melodramatic and not as well put together as the rest of the story. The author also has the problem of cursing far more than he should - it takes away from the story, and it hurts the characterizations of Harry and Kingsley.

    Bellatrix's OOCness has already been mentioned (I just imagine the character as a different person and not Bellatrix), but I think that Kingsley is another character that's somewhat out of character. For somebody who has a reputation for maintaining cold calmness, I find it hard to believe his trademark spell flirts with sadomasochism. Combined with his 'interest' in Tonks (WTF!), and his OOC swearing, I didn't really like the way he was portrayed.

    Frankly, I need to see more before I want to rate this story. It hasn't broken any boundaries for me and although a good read, there's enough problems with it to drive my rating down. I'm sticking with a 3/5 with a strong potential to go up, although the dialogue will need to be cleaned up if that's going to happen.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  12. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Haha yeah well I thought it was worth a 3/5 for the writing quality, even if there are three crappy things about it :p
     
  13. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    High Score:
    3,065
    I was enjoyed reading it, although I'm not a fan of any story with redeemed Bellatrix. However, as others have said, at least she's still a sadistic bitch and she's using Harry for her own reasons. Things are really starting to improve now that Harry is getting into battle, and I like the characterization of Moody and Kingsley very much. The relationship with Tonks is pretty shitty, but because it's not overly angsty and the author doesn't spend a lot of time on it, I can overlook it. Nice cliffhanger in Chapter 5.

    Pretty good shit... 4.5/5
     
  14. Lawyer in Exile

    Lawyer in Exile Second Year

    Joined:
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    53
    Location:
    Budapest, Hungary
    It's not bad, not half bad et al.
    Maybe a bit too fast, maybe not very reasonable, maybe Bella and Tonks are both rushed onto the scene, but I still like it, for some reason.
    It's almost original, the battle scenes are really good , and I just like this Harry.
    Or maybe there has not been any readable stuff in the review section for ages and now almost anything will do?

    And also, a lot more characters should smoke. It's believable, in-character and good filler in conversations with a distinctive atmosphere. :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2009
  15. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    Decent writing, but too cliché-ridden for me to really enjoy. It's shaping up to have the number of cliches one would expect in a parody, yet it's presented as a serious story. 3/5
     
  16. blablablub

    blablablub First Year

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Germany
    It's a good read, not to much cliches the death of 75% of all Indi!Harry fics,
    at least they are writen in a manageable manner.

    But I'm not a big fan of the first person writing style, thats a big no no for me.

    All in alll not my favourit fic but for the indi!Harry genre not too shabby.

    3/5
     
  17. cold burn

    cold burn Third Year

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2009
    Messages:
    92
    Overall this was quite good. Complete with believable, well written characters. Although I am personally somewhat unfond of that whole 'masks' being used to completely alter the personalities of a character. Besides I think it would likely have worked better if Narcissa had been used instead of Bellatrix as Harry would give her a shot more easily and I think that this character is somewhat close to how most of us view Narcissa(or at least it's how I view her).

    As for what it did right... for one the Harry/Tonks is actually believable. That made this story for me. Also Harry hasn't automatically gone super-evil! thanks to receiving three weeks of training. His guilt and self-loathing are portrayed rather well. A plus when one considers that normally they are either completely ignored or done so poorly that it would be better for that to have been the case.

    So over all I think this is definitely library worthy. It isn't perfect, what with bellatrix's out of character-ness. It is however a damn sight better than most of the shit out there.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2009
  18. asa

    asa First Year

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    Might as well follow the format.

    -1: I'm normally okay with first person POV, but something about the way it's done here just couldn't bring me in.

    -1: Must be that OC called "Bellatrix" distracting me. Makes me want to do something nasty to her. Witch bonfire sounds good.

    +1: Other than those two points, I like the battles.

    So: 4/5 (but 5 chapters are really not a lot to go by imo)
     
  19. Redeye

    Redeye Penultimate Lurker DLP Supporter

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    Ok well I may as well weigh in on this one.

    First things first, no other Harry/Bella story will ever take the top spot over Only Enemies (regardless of if it hasn't been updated for ages) because it is simply perfect.
    That being said this is a not so close, yet definitively above 3rd, 2nd.

    The 1st person POV is nice and all and I like that this Harry isn't the whiny bitch that Cannon Harry is. And I appreciate the fact that he immediately starts doing what he can to "train" but doesn't follow the immensely cliche route of just becoming Super Harry in a single summer. Yes he does progress leaps and bounds but not outside of the realm of reality.
    And yes, this Bella maybe a bit OC, but I'd prefer to say she is OOC rather, she is still Bellatrix Lestrange, and this is by far better than all of those "I was possessed/imperious/forced by Voldemort/Rodolphus/Insert Death Earter. I'm sorry please forgive me Harry because I'm falling in love with you!" This Bella still thinks of her self as a Death Eater, and a somewhat competent at that. I enjoy that she is tutoring Harry, better than all those Snape!Mentor Harry fics.
    Now on to the real juice, specifically the battles. I enjoy their pace yet sometimes they do seem a bit... I don't know, rushed? Though I really did enjoy everything about the Hestia Jones rescue, sans Lucius at the end. I also enjoy that Harry is willing to use any force by learning the Unforgivables. If Moody can use them and he still be heralded as number 2 on the light side then I don't see why Harry shouldn't have been using these curses from the get go.
    Another note, the whole Tonks interaction was terrible and yet at the same time perfect. Yes it was a little bit random, but being a Honks fan myself I definitely didn't mind. And I can't hate on Harry, as Bella said, using Tonks. Just plays to my Slytherin side too well.
    In fact that is the perfect way to sum this up, this feels like a more Slytherin style Harry, and I like that. A lot. Enough for me to give this 4.25 out of 5.
    Not a 5 simply because it doesn't really hold up to Only Enemies.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2009
  20. Trooper

    Trooper Order Member

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    Redeye_108, avoid the wall of text my friend.

    As for the fic, its pretty good. The first person POV was a little shaky in the beginning, put me off the fic a few times I saw it on FF.net. Only read it after it was recommended here. I think most of the others above me pointed out all the good points about the fic, so I'll just state a few points that irk me personally.

    Bellatrix Lestrange, only in name. Would've been better if the author created a complete OC hot milf death eater.>_>

    The duel. I personally set the duel in OotP between Voldemort and Dumbledore as a sort of upper limit for a duel between powerfull opponents. Minor tweaking or raising the ante up a bit doesn't bother me. But Rookwood bringing up that dinosaur thingy and still firing spells simultaneously was irritating. This also makes it very hard for the author to write better duels in the future, say another duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort or a duel between Trained!Harry and Voldemort.

    Bellatrix holding an Imperio over Harry was also a bit unbelievable. I mean Harry broke out of Voldemort's Imperio in GoF even when he was injured. Seeing Tonks getting hurt should have been a further incentive to break through it.

    I still give it a 4/5 because I'ma sucker for Harry/Tonks. <_<