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WIP Adrift in A World by Miss Whiskers - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by AbyssalDaemon, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. AbyssalDaemon

    AbyssalDaemon First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    Title: Adrift in A World
    Author: Miss Whiskers
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Humor.
    Rating: T.
    Chapters: 23
    Words: 164,935
    Updated: February 18, 2014 (sic)
    Published: June 12, 2006
    Status: Work in Progress

    Pairings: None so far.
    Suggested category: Time Travel.
    Summary: Harry Potter is thrown into an alternate universe due to archaic rules of magic. Hiding under the alias of Chris Collins, he tries to find a place among the suspicion of those he knew and some he never did, as Voldemort's power grows.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2987160/1/

    While it does have a few annoying parts here and there the story itself tends to stay clear of the worse clichés and the author has managed to make a amusing sarcastic!Harry whose capable of standing up for himself, doesn't get weepy eyed when seeing people who kicked the bucket, isn't gay or falling in love with someone despite only knowing them for a few days.


    Checked by Minion, February 20, 2014
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2014
  2. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,921
    Yeah, Harry is cool enough, I guess. The problem with this story is that it lacks any kind of plot whatsoever; All Harry ever does is lurk around the castle and goes through mildly humouristic situations.

    All in all, rather unremarkable story IMO.
    3/5
     
  3. AbyssalDaemon

    AbyssalDaemon First Year

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    True, although it looks as through the plot finally picking up pace and going somewhere in the current chapter.
     
  4. KeshinNoAkui

    KeshinNoAkui Seventh Year

    Joined:
    May 27, 2006
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    Location:
    Washington State.
    I rather enjoyed it when I read it a few months ago. But I agree that it has no real plot, whatsoever, but it's still enjoyable if only to kill time.

    3/5
     
  5. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,129
    A guilty pleasure of sorts. Enjoyable to read though I'd be hesitant to call it "good." Harry's a bit annoying, and of course all of the usual 'angsty' and 'unforgiving' Marauders who secretly don't know who the mysterious Chris Collins really is, are pretty annoying. Somewhat typical and cliched sort of plot, but considering the number of these sorts of fics started and abandoned, they're still fun to read.

    3/5 sounds about right.
     
  6. Deadman

    Deadman First Year

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2006
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    Location:
    University of Illinois UC
    I haven't read it yet, but am going to.

    I had to say this before I read it though: it gets a gold star bonus for not having Harry's alias be anything related to James or Evans. I swear to God that annoys the crap out of me after a while.
     
  7. Mercenary

    Mercenary Snake Eater

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    Ooh I had this on my favorites and alert list for a while. Its a good read once in a while. I have not read many of these types of fics so it was a new experience for me.
    4/5
     
  8. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

    Joined:
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    -crosses his fingers and clicks the link-

    Review for Chapter 1:

    [​IMG][​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Ah fail. Can't really see Snape doing that at all.

    ..Nor that.

    [​IMG]

    -
    [​IMG]


    Eh, that was pretty alright. Definetly not the best, though.

    3/5 works.
     
  9. bornagainpenguin

    bornagainpenguin DLP Archivist

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Illinois
    What can I say? I liked it. 5/5 so long as the author continues working towards a plot like they have been.

    --bornagainpenguin
     
  10. World

    World Oberstgruppenführer Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I liked it. Especially the fact that Harry keeps his real identity quiet, instead of divulging everything, resulting in a retelling of canon to which his newfound family shall gasp in awe at.

    Quite funny at times, a nice sarcastic Harry. Only the plot is moving forwards a little slow, but that's not too bad.

    4,5/5
     
  11. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman Prestige DLP Supporter

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    High Score:
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    Enjoying it so far, 4/5
     
  12. DarthBill

    DarthBill Dark Lord

    Joined:
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    The thing I liked about this was that he didn't tell anyone that he was Lily and James's son, avoiding the angsty reunion. Now it looks like Lily is going to figure it out.
     
  13. Rain

    Rain Pirate Navigator of the 7 Seas

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Adirondack Park, NY
    I found it to be fairly entertaining.

    ^ My only issue. It's towards the end of chapter 8, and to me, it seemed as if it came out of nowhere. A bit odd. Other than a few grammar/spelling errors (the lack of scene breaks from time to time) and a few cliche scenes it was pretty good.

    I gave it a 4/5. *shrug*
     
  14. (avidly taking notes)

    I know, I know, my grammar is really bad. :wall: I'm working on it now that school is out...

    But I have a plot!

    And the scene at the end of Chapter Eight IS random, but I'm trying to spread out the scenes so I can come back to it later.

    Not the best plan, but it's better than suddenly springing it out of nowhere.

    Thanks for the critiques! (finishing notes)
     
  15. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,129
    Welcome Miss Whiskers. It's always fun to see authors around here open to criticism (and thick-skinned enough to ignore the many flames).

    I'll admit, many times your fic does feel like a guilty pleasure for me but it's definitely improved on the spelling/grammar front. We've been getting a bit more angsty the past few chapters (which to me is rarely a good thing) but it starting to feel more like you've got a direction for this fic now, rather than simply making it up as you go.

    Probably would give it 4/5 now considering it's still one of the fics I eagerly look forward too and we're 120,000+ words into it. It's also a fic where you barely have to read the last chapter before jumping into new ones.

    I think its that early chapters never had any hints or plans of what might be in the next chapter. Now we actually have bits hanging out there (like Pettigrew's thoughts/response to the scar revelation thing).

    Also, if you're considering a yahoogroup, it never hurts to make one. It's just extra work for you. I started one for my stuff way back when because a bunch of fics were getting deleted from ff.net and there wasn't anywhere other than fanfiction.net that I posted to. I'd be happy to answer any questions about my experiences setting up a yahoogroup, if you need help.
     
  16. A guilty pleasure? I'll take that...

    Oops. The first couple chapters are probably like that because I DIDN'T have a direction... And I'm not a fond fan of angst, but I think it has to be there, little bit, at least, because there is a facing of demons.

    YAY! I bumped up a point! -does embarrassing victory dance-

    Actualy, about opening a Yahoo Group.... I have Open Office, but the files (.odt) won't save on Yahoo. What kind of file should I make the chapters?
     
  17. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    349
    I had great fun reading it, so I guess my rating will be 4/5 for now.
    Hope you'll update soon and welcome Miss Whiskers
     
  18. Hadoren

    Hadoren High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Messages:
    500
    What's great about this fic is its humour. It stays constant and on the mark throughout all the story. It's lighthearted and hilarious oftimes. This is why it's one of the fics that I'm following right now.

    Unfortunately, there are some things that are weakening its brilliance.

    The plot has already been mentioned.

    What frustrates me is Harry's personality. It seems that he doesn't have any self-control. All it takes are a few memories or a familiar face or an old enemy's accusations to make him lose his cool. Pure Gryffindor.

    But that would be alright - it doesn't go specifically against Harry's characterization - if Harry didn't lose his cool or get beat up in every single chapter. That's annoying, and it gets very tiring as the story continues. Chapters 9-13 are about how he got poisoned by this ghost thing. Chapter 14 has him collapse from starvation, while chapter 15 has him stay in the hospital recovering. Only a few hundred words later, in the very same chapter, Harry has an emotional breakdown in front of Moody. Then chapter 16 has him have another emotional breakdown in front of Pettigrew only a few hours later. The next chapter has Harry have his 3rd emotional breakdown in a week. For god's sake, give the guy a break.

    Still a 4/5 for now.
     
  19. Jamven

    Jamven Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    I thought that you could save .doc in Open Office? If not, try .txt . Though it has been a while since I have had to use that program, my college gave use all free Word 2003. Got it saved on mutiple disks.

    I agree, with all of this let the poor boy have a easy week. Maybe have him find out that the House Elves will serve "beverages" if asked really nicely... or not.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2007
  20. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    That cracked me the fuck up. This story gets a 5/5 for me.