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Complete Amortentia by excentrykemuse - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Johnny Farrar, Jun 6, 2010.

  1. Johnny Farrar

    Johnny Farrar Professor

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    Title: Amortentia
    Author: excentrykemuse
    Rating: T
    Genre: Romance/Drama
    DLP Category: Romance
    Pairing: Harry/Romilda
    Words: 47,790
    Chapters: 6 (or XI + Epilogue)

    Status: Complete
    Summary: AU of HBP. Romilda Vane was as cunning as any Slytherin and when she decided she wanted something, she got it. What she didn't factor into her scheme to gain the love of the Chosen One was that he might just be as much of a Slytherin as she was. A Love Story. Harry/Romilda.
    Link: Fanfiction.net
    Link: http://onj1.andrelouis.com/hp/Amortentia.txt

    While there are a lot of romance stories in the Harry Potter fandom, I've rarely found one that is not only well-written but also engaging. This story definitely fits the criteria of well-written and interesting romance.

    The only Harry/Romilda story I've read till date that is extremely good. Romilda's characterisation was exquisite. There are a few points in the story that I did not care for very much. And it felt as if the author really wanted to do a happily ever after ending.

    But overall, the writing was solid and I enjoyed reading it. 4/5 from me.

    By the way, do not bother to check out the other stories by the author. They are all slash. This one being the sole exception.



    Checked by Minion, Dec. 1, 2012
    It was removed from ff.net, but is still available as a text file.
    Thanks to Krishna for the info.


    Added formatted version. -Sesc
     

    Attached Files:

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2012
  2. mknote

    mknote 1/3 of the Note Bros. DLP Supporter

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    I'm pretty certain that this has already been posted before.
     
  3. Random Shinobi

    Random Shinobi Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    In "Barely Readable" thread, if I remember right. But anyway, the fic belongs to the library.

    4/5

    It would get full five stars if Harry weren't so out of character.
     
  4. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    From the almost recommended thread:
    3/5
     
  5. Stenstyren

    Stenstyren Groundskeeper

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    I remember reading this back when it was posted in the almost recommended thread and likeing it quite a bit. The story is annoying at times but is overall a good read that has some nice ideas about wizard society. Always nice to see things from the purebloods perspective too:)

    For rating, I do not know. The story could either be a 3 because it is a somewhat entertaining story that will keep you entertained for an hour on some rainy day and nothing more.
    However, the story does have some depth in it so I guess a 4/5 it is.
     
  6. Iztiak

    Iztiak Heir

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    The story is good technically, despite some spelling errors.

    But the characterization is universally awful. There's not a single likable character in the mix.

    2/5
     
  7. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    I liked this a fair bit (I also read it after seeing it in the almost recommended thread). 4/5

    Wow, I really am a lazy bastard.
     
  8. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

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    I read this a few weeks back. Not bad, but like Iztiak said, the characterization of Harry and a few others is terrible.

    I like the idea, though.
     
  9. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I thought it was just relatively boring myself. Not much was going on really. There wasn't anything else except for romance. I like my stories to have at least SOME action in them, not just romance, and bad romance at that. I'm giving this a 3/5. 3 for being just "average".
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  10. Verminard

    Verminard Seventh Year

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    Yeah. I was hoping most of them got a killing curse.
     
  11. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    As a love story, it fails hard. Frankly, as any kind of story, it fails.

    Harry and Romilda hook up in chapter 1 and start acting all lovey dovey from the get-go; from there to the end, there's never any threat to their relationship. The love potion reveal from which the title is supposedly drawn is yawn-worthy. I'm sure such perfect devotion relationships are lovely to be in, but they are dead boring to read about. It was barf-on-Birkenstocks bad in Goodkind's Sword of Truth "I twoo-wuv you so much that I don't mind giving up my free will to you" and it fails here.

    Outside this stunted "romance," the story has no dramatic tension. It's little more than an extended character sketch of a thoroughly unpleasant Romilda Vane and a string of unflattering glimpses of an wizarding world AU. The only question that seems to be driving the piece at the end is whether and how Ginny Weasley will fuck her way out of polite society.

    The author has written a dozen or so stories with slash pairings, some bizarre, and this het sketch. It is possible that she has fallen into the common slash fanfiction habit of just shoving two unlikely characters together against the wishes of their friends and stilted would-be lovers and making events hold together (sort of) and pretending it's something.

    2/5, because I was expecting a story and this didn't deliver one.
     
  12. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    WRONG. Perspicacity is the only one who's right here. Harry's characterization was AWFUL. Romilda was BORING. The writing wasn't in itself so bad, but the story? BORING. The romance? NOT BELIEVABLE. Nobody talked like anything that I could buy into. Romilda's insertion into all the main characters' lives? Terrible.

    2/5
     
  13. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I quite agree with Jeram.
     
  14. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    I actually find myself a bit torn on this one. On one hand it's well written, and while it the characterizations stretch my suspension of disbelief, they don't completely break it.

    On the other hand there is the absolute devotion to fashion, the 'Perfect' courtship, and the authors preoccupation with incest and the scent of almonds.

    after a bit it just kind of dragged on...

    3/5

    not all that good, but not all that bad either.

    Edit: Ahh, that makes a lot more sense. The author leans heavily toward slashfics, it explains why it felt so stilted. It's guy/guy with a girls name inserted to make it look like a non slash pairing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2010
  15. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Time for different taste, then :p This so hits all the right spots. I adore Romilda. All you fucks complaining about her don't know what's good ;)

    Reading it from her perspective with her thoughts dissing just about everyone is awesomesouce in a bottle. There's one half which she ignores, another half which she looks down on, and a third group of friends which she uses for self-display.

    She wouldn't lift her little finger without calculating the advantages. Half the story she spends feeling smug, superior or a combination of both. She's so vain that Malfoy's peacocks would hide in shame and reading offhand comments like how Harry runs his inky fingers through her hair and she doesn't mind because she made sure the ink was dry, or how she certainly likes modest behaviour as long as she doesn't have to be modest all the time makes me worship the author.


    It's awe-inspiring. I don't think I have ever read a so thoroughly and so competently constructed anti-character. I'm in love with Romilda, Harry, the story and the author. Wish there were more fics like this.

    5/5 and a special place in my heart.
     
  16. Captain Trips

    Captain Trips High Inquisitor

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    I read this a while back and found it to be excellent.
    5/5 from me.
     
  17. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Yeah, so I finished it. All gushing aside, because I have this odd penchant for this particular brand of unlikeable characters .... I dunno Pers, I disagree with you.

    Ignoring the abrupt beginning, the romance worked for me. There was a clear arc of suspense -- they are in love, then she gets doubts, it leads to her doing something stupid, and in the end they get back together. That's the standard set-up for any romance novel. A little cliché, yes, but it's still a valid story arc and not really static as you claim. The climax worked as such for me.

    Obviously, if you're looking for much beside romance, you're in the wrong place, but then that's why it says "Romance" in the first post.

    That aside, Romilda is really a fantastic three-dimensional character. It's an odd contrast, actually, because the author plays with it. Looking at her superficially, all you see is the superficiality. Looking at her deeper, you see that there is depth. The later chapters with Roland and her growing up really worked well there, and in hindsight legitimised her behaviour in the beginning. You can see why she turned out as she did, and that is something outstanding, because for all her (at first) seemingly over-the-top vanity and scheming, she's suddenly becoming believable. You can't really demand more than that. It's a far cry from the average FF, where you feel happy if the characterisation is at least consistent, never mind legitimised.


    On a final note, I think this is the ultimate version of the wizarding society. There are a few quasi-cliché directions into which you can take it, and of this particular direction (pureblood dominated-highly class-conscious, traditional and conservative), I think it is the last word. I always wanted to write that kind of wizarding society because (as is the usual reason for me to write) I couldn't find it done in a competent way. Now I don't have to. That makes me happy, because I have enough to do as is.

    What remains and what I'd love to read is a political fiction set in this universe. If it'd keep to the current main characters, an ambitious Romilda pushing Harry for Minister, perhaps. Their campaign for the bid, all the little underhand tactics, using connections and whatever else belongs to a story like that. This semi-AU has so much potential it's almost a shame it's used as a mere backdrop to a romance story, but on the flip side, that makes the story great, because beyond the romance, there are lots and lots of original ideas and well-thought out trivia that together make for a rich and vivid world.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  18. Raining Ink

    Raining Ink First Year

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    ^^ This. ^^

    This fic threw me for a loop. I read it because I was curious about the pairing. Harry/Romilda isn't exactly common. I loved it. It was fairly unique, and I thought Romilda was incredibly funny.

    The flatness and one-dimensional nature of other characters is more of a reflection of Romilda's perspective than of poor writing. It's a very close third person narrator.

    The writing is not the best technically. It occasionally felt a little stiff. Strong 4/5.
     
  19. Scrib

    Scrib The Chosen One

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    I get into stories like this and enjoy it for a while until a single fact inevitably hits me: the age of the characters in question. And then it goes downhill from there.

    The idea that Romilda Vane has been planning her courtship of Harry for a while doesn't bother me as much as the hamfisted way in which it was handled. It's normal for teenagers to fantasize about wooing their heroes. That does not mean that there should be some conspiracy between various characters, who are all not that far away from fourteen. The cold dispassionate way this was dealt with threw me off and seemed so out of character that I couldn't get behind it.

    I'm not saying it couldn't happen. I'm no saying that lifeblood children may not be forced to grow up and worry about stuff like this earlier than Muggle children. It's just that it's very improbable. Also the fact is that this story isn't AU and in canon we have no indication that this sort of behavior is what we should expect from Pureblood children.

    On top of that Harry seemed downright creepy. I mean who meets a girl in a train and then thirty minutes and a conversation later is runnig his hand through her hair like some contact-starved freak?

    And like I said before it isn't AU there is no justification for Harry being able to make these huge fucking leaps of intellect and then not at all reacting like he would. It all seems like a convinient fantasy for the author: I wouldn't be surprised if she were typing with only one hand.

    Good Writing : + 2
    Unbelievable Characters: -1
    Basically an Author-Masturbatory aid: -2
    Horrible Plot and premise: -2
    Total: -3/5

    However i think the lowest acceptable grade in the library is 1/5, so I'll tweak the rating to that.
     
  20. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    You keep saying that. I do not think it means what you think it means. I'll be nice and fix your post for you.

    -


    You generally seem rather angry there. I cannot help but suspect that you are displeased because you think the author got off, while you couldn't. If that is the case, a trip to AFF might be in order.