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And He Shows Me No Smile by je suis l.m - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by lamb, Dec 21, 2011.

  1. lamb

    lamb Guest

    Title: And He Shows Me No Smile
    Author: je suis l.m
    Rating: Mature
    Genre: Angst/Romance
    Status: Completed (28,580 words)
    Library Category: Romance
    Pairings: Draco/Severus
    Summary: Set during Half-Blood Prince. Draco struggles with feelings for his professor while fighting against his growing hatred for the Death Eaters, Snape being one of them. His frustration may bring forth affection or deeper hatred. Or both.
    Link: Fanfiction.net Link

    Well-written fanfiction is hard to come by. Well-written, M-rated, slash, Harry Potter fics are even harder to come by. And He Shows Me No Smile is a nice refreshment after searching for a Draco/Severus story that is no fluff and all character development. For angst lovers, Draco's inner thoughts will be quite enjoyable, especially since they are full of beautiful imagery and metaphor. As a whole, this piece is a strange, somehow accurate depiction of where Draco would be mentally during Half-Blood Prince.

    What I found most delightful about this fanfiction is that it could have really happened during J.K. Rowling's sixth installment. While Harry was off making accusations and falling for Ginny, Draco could seriously have been divided between a need to please the Dark Lord and a love for Severus that was too strong to ignore. Both Draco and Severus stay in character throughout the entire piece; a definite plus in my department.

    The build-up is also perfectly paced. While some slash fics rush into the more slashy side of things, this multi-chaptered story makes sure readers are connected to Draco as a narrator and Severus as a secondary character, making integral moments more palpable.

    I'd rate this fanfiction a 4/5, docked that one point if only for a bearably slow first two chapters. But I read the whole thing in one sitting, if that means anything to you.
     
  2. Kurufinwe

    Kurufinwe Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2010
    Messages:
    386
    Location:
    Cracow, Poland
    No, no, no.
    To somebody living in South California, please rape her!
     
  3. Swimdraconian

    Swimdraconian Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,433
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    Florida
    You know, I'm far more offended by what you just said than by the troll above you.
     
  4. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
    Messages:
    5,127
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Really? Because I'm not.

    Whatever. Once the thread gets more votes I'll move it to the trash bin. OP: fuck you.
     
  5. H_A_Greene

    H_A_Greene High Inquisitor –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    542
    High Score:
    4,492
    See, this is why having a minimal 30 to 50+ post count should be imposed before being allowed to access the review board. Keep idiots like this from trying to slime up the library.
     
  6. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    6,205
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Blocksberg, Germany
    Lol. I've half a mind to shut this down before it gets worse, however, I like that you used the correct format, were thoughtful enough to add correct tags, and wrote a nice review. It's like ... lmfao. :facepalm

    Alright, so we'll leave it here, until it has gathered enough ... uh, reviews. Let's see if we can't find people willing to give this a try. In the latest version of our I-<3-Slash-NOT threads I seem to recall people mentioning their willingness to give good slash a try.

    Well, time to put money where your mouth is! The first one to deliver a decent review gets a cookie!


    Edit: And I think that's at least half a cookie for Padfoot85! The first chapter, not bad. Anyone offer more?
     
  7. Padfoot85

    Padfoot85 Sixth Year

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2007
    Messages:
    178
    Location:
    The Sea of Tranquility
    See now I'm confused.

    In what little experience I've had with trolls they usually have the intelligence and grammar structure of, well, trolls. This post however, was actually well thought out and I almost took it seriously.

    Now I'm not against slash as an idea, only the fact that most of the slash stories are clearly ridiculous and don't deserve the light of day, let alone a website page. So when the OP claimed that there were decent slash stories out there my curiosity piqued. As well as wanting to hold true to the rule that you don't rate a story unless you read it. So I clicked it.

    And while it wasn't a mashing of the buttons spelling wise, the characterization of Draco is just beyond me. He just seems so weak. And then I got to the end of the first chapter and I saw something that made me hit the big red X.

    "And just to inform everyone, I am actually not a Harry Potter fan. See, I've only seen the first movie about ten years ago, ten minutes of the second movie, and watched the Half-Blooded Prince recently. Other than that, wikipedia is my best friend."

    SERIOUSLY?

    You haven't read the books and not only are you writing fanfiction but SLASH? GTFO of the fandom. NOW. Kill this story with fire.
     
  8. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
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    2,553
    Location:
    Music City
    There's no accounting for Polacks.

    EDIT: Love, love, love the tags.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
  9. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
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    UK
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    2,296
    Credit where it's due, she caught up on them after finishing the story, and apparently loves them.

    Anyway. I got to the end of chapter two. The purple prose is stifling - it reads as if she's trying to recreate Victorian Gothic, but hasn't quite managed. Depending on your tolerance for such things though, you might have more patience with that.

    Draco is pretty pathetic; as far as I can tell, he's seeking out Snape for solace from the loneliness and hardship of his task within a couple of days of the start of his sixth year, all because his 'friends' just don't understand. Snape is of course stunningly beautiful, but I've seen worse.

    Beyond that...the writing isn't awful, I suppose, and while I don't particularly like the characterisation, at least she's had a stab at giving Draco some personality.

    2/5, largely for not being quite as bad as I was expecting.
     
  10. bob99

    bob99 High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2011
    Messages:
    529
    The story is nothing worth reading. The grammar and prose is not horrible, but it is basically about Draco lusting after Snape. I stopped reading after the second chapter.

    Here's one section: "
    I grabbed for the jar, knowing full well that it was not meant for me, for anyone other than my professor. His fingers snaked around my arm, pulling me toward him, robbing these forbidden ingredients from me.
    "You aren't to touch that." His words contained a harshness to them.
    "And why not?" I struggled against his hold, if only to make him grasp me tighter.
    "Because it is not yours."
    The struggle continued for sometime—he, trying simply to reprimand me, while I only wanted to keep his touch, although rough, against me. Eventually he let go, and I cradled my arm, for it did hurt, but my fingertips did not press against the skin to soothe, but to savor.
    To save whatever dignity I had, I stormed from the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I had glanced at my professor before leaving, but he'd been bent over a table, hidden away from me. Holding my arm, I hoped he wasn't too upset with me. How else would I continue my game the next day?"
     
  11. Orm Embar

    Orm Embar Auror

    Joined:
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    On the shores of Selidor
    I decided to give this a try on the basis of the initial review, and now I need a refund for the last ten minutes.

    2/5.
     
  12. NoxedSalvation

    NoxedSalvation Temporarily Banhammered

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2010
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    Location:
    Germany
    The OP dared to come into the review- section of DLP and presented us with a Draco/Severus slashfic. I concluded that he/she was either

    a) convinced that the story was the best thing in slash since "The Black Heir"

    or -rather more probable-

    b) a moron of the highest degree.

    I decided to take a look for myself and read the first two chapters of "And he shows me no smile". It's awful.

    This is pretentious writing, trying to browbeat the reader with artsy- fartsy metaphors but not even able to compose a believable inner monologue. "je suis l.m" writes like a 8th grader with delusions of grandeur.:rolleyes:

    The authors' brain must've been rotten after years of Harry/Draco slashfic overindulgence, there is no other explanation why he/she felt the need to come up with this shit. The Draco of HBP hates our hero with a passion and would never think of him as "Harry" as if they were on first- name terms. Just plain stupid.

    I will spare everyone a quote from the nasty flashbacks Draco goes through, suffice it to say that it's quite disturbing that the author thought it necessary to show a 11 year old Malfoy doing some reverse- paederasty by groping Snape.

    One last example of the bad style permeating the story:

    It seems as if the author thinks verbosity and nebulous allusions are all he/she needs to fool his/her readers into thinking of him/her as the next Dickens. :facepalm

    At least the technical writing is competent.

    1/5
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
  13. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    I'm laughing at how dramatic Draco is in this story.
     
  14. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    3,164
    See, the problem is, there does exist good ("good") slash. Copperbadge is a fantastic author, LotW writes amazing epic fantasy, and even Lomonaaeren is Almost Recommendable, most of the time.

    Then we have shit like this cluttering up the fandom. If the slash remained at a normative percentage (10-20%), then maybe we wouldn't rag on it so much. Hah.
     
  15. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

    Joined:
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    So...'Lamb' to the slaughter?
     
  16. TheDarkAvenger

    TheDarkAvenger Squib

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2007
    Messages:
    17
    Location:
    None of your business, really
    looks like someone's trying out his/her sales skills with the review. Impressive! Story is, well... Gay.
    So very pretentious! *sigh* Why u no good?
     
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