1. Hey Guest, welcome back to DLP

    As you can see, we've changed our look. We've migrated from vBulletin to the Xenforo forum system. There may be issues or missing functionality, if you find anything or have feedback, please check out the new Xenforo Migration Feedback forum.

    Our dark ("Dark Lord Potter") theme is under heavy development. We also have a light ("Light Lord Potter") theme for those happier with a light background and darker text.

    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Hey Guest! Are you any good at cooking? Got a favourite recipe that you love to cook or bring out to impress that special someone? Why not share it! A new forum called The Burrow has opened and it's all about homemaking!

Abandoned Balancing Destinies by DobbyElfLord - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Bratling, Mar 24, 2008.

  1. Bratling

    Bratling Professor

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2008
    Messages:
    409
    Location:
    middle of no where, Georgia
    Title: Balancing Destinies
    Author: DobbyElfLord
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Mystery
    DLP Category: The Alternates
    Pairing: Unknown at present time. Past HP/OC
    Chapters: 19
    Words: 147,171
    Updated: November 8, 2010
    Published: March 23, 2008
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Sequel to Altered Destinies: Harry returns to his original time to find things subtlety changed due to his actions in the past. Not only does his family and friends await, but so does a new prophecy. Reading AD first is required to understand!
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4150901/1/Balancing_Destinies

    Because Altered Destinies is in the library, this belongs here, too. There's only one chapter up so far, but it does look promising. No more Voldemort to defeat, but it seems that another Dark Lord is on the rise, and unfortunately, he seems to be Harry's problem. Looks like prophecies just won't leave Harry alone. I'm refraining from assigning a rating at this time because there's only one almost 7,000 word chapter up, but as I enjoyed Altered Destinies, there's no reason why I won't enjoy this one as well.


    Checked by Minion, January 5, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2013
  2. Marsupial

    Marsupial Death Eater DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    947
    Okay, overall the writing quality is exactly what I expected: pure unadultered excellence. Grammar and spelling are both well above average, and any errors that are present are minor enough that my brain autocorrected them as I read.

    The content raised one issue with me, although in total it is a good start, and I look forward to seeing the rest. I would have liked to see more of Christina/Mary, but I'll acknowledge that she didn't really fit in this chapter. With a little luck, maybe she'll reappear in a chapter or two.

    Anyways, the content issue:the Fidelius on Harry's house in Hogsmeade. In the posted chapter of Balancing Destiny, the following appears:

    That section continues, describing some of the changes and Harry's reaction, but this is enough to make my point. The house has change since Harry left the past. I can accept this with a canon basis of the Fidelius; the people who already knew of the house (Sarah, Tom, kids, etc) could have continued to live there without major issue. However, that premise seems to be contradicted by the following fanon from the last chapter of Altered Destinies:

    Am I interpreting something wrong here, or does the second quote, from AD, make the first, from BD, an impossible occurence?
    -
    -
     
  3. DarkMage

    DarkMage Muggle

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Messages:
    2
    It's to soon to say that I like the story but his previous works are of good quality.

    I'm guessing that Sarah lived in that house until she died and that all the kids knew the secret of the Fidelius.

    Anubis, in your quote the lady Tom talks about is the Realtor that sold the house to Harry, she was never let in the Fidelius secret, that's why she couldn't see the house.

    At least that's how I understand it.
     
  4. eXcalite

    eXcalite Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    272
    Location:
    Germany, Hamburg
    Couldn't realy get through the first chapters of the prequel. Something about the writing style just irks me. Idea is great though...
     
  5. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,325
    Location:
    日本福井県若狭町
    OMG! I've been waiting for this for so long, I though the author had decided to abandon the idea entirely. I'm really happy to see this, and I cannot wait for more!

    I'll hold off on rating it for the same reason most others have: only one chapter so far, and I don't want to rate it based on DobbyElfLord's name alone.
     
  6. Marsupial

    Marsupial Death Eater DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    947
    That isn't what bothered me really; I can see why the lady who sold the house didn't know due to the Fidelius. What gets me is the last part of the quote: "That was why we had to move out." If they had to move out, then why had the house changed in 50 years? I suppose I'm just assuming that they moved out immediately for whatever reason, but I guess it doesn't necessarily have to mean that.
     
  7. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    2,129
    I'm going off memory here, but I believe the Fidelius thing is that Harry had the house under the spell so the realtor never remembered selling it to them. Everyone who'd been told the secret knew it, but with Harry gone for 50 years, no one else could divulge the secret.

    Anyone who knew the secret from before (i.e. all of Harry's kids, his wife, the elder Potters) could still freely go in and out. But no one new, because the secret keeper wasn't around to tell them.

    So no "new" significant others or grandchildren could get in, but it would be a very welcome respite for the select few who could. It sounds like Harry's wife lived there for the rest of her life, and maybe if her grandbabies couldn't come over, she'd visit them. I can see her staying there and improving the house as her way of waiting for Harry.

    But to be honest these are the sorts of details that annoy me when authors feel they should explain everything, how, and why in some unique original clever way... that has absolutely nothing to do with the story and plot (e.g., think of the many unfinished post-OotP fanfics that are thousands and thousands of words and still in summer but have a few clever ideas).

    I think it's too early to tell on this one. This first chapter didn't suck me in or intrigue me greatly, but just the idea of more story in this altered universe has me very excited for more. The first fic is great and I have no reason to doubt DobbyElfLord's skill in planning, plotting, and balancing the details, action, and drama.
     
  8. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    1,951
    Looks interesting, I'm sure it'll be good. We'll have to wait any see though.

    However, like it's predecessor, it's just too mushy. It's almost unreadable considering how mushy it is. MUSHY MUSH MUSH MUSH gah it's coming out of my ears it's so mushy.

    I like a certain crunch to my reading. This is like syrup on cream cheese and applesauce, or something.
     
  9. Apothem

    Apothem Third Year

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2008
    Messages:
    84
    I quite enjoyed the first story(Which I read in about fifteen hours. Finished it yesterday), and his ideas are original, and presented in a tastefully done way. I can't wait to see what he does with this next story, although there are a few, niggling issues I have with his grammar.

    Mainly, his refusal to contract. It's always "I am, can not, will not, you are", ect, ect...People just don't speak like that. Even the highest social echelons don't constantly speak formally, especially around their family. So, I hope he corrects this one issue, but it doesn't really take away from the story. Just seems a bit awkward.
     
  10. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    I'm with Nonjon on this one.

    The first fic was well written. It had an excellent plot, and it kept the reader intrigued. The continuation is missing the supposedly prophesied 'Dark rising'.
    We have one comment, and then... Nothing. If the revelation of the new prophesy had been immediately followed by an attack by an unknown force, or a cut scene to a much altered grindwald opening a rift back into his home dimension It would (Probably) have made an epic start to the sequel. sadly however we are left twisting in the wind while Harry goes off for some R&R.
     
  11. World

    World Oberstgruppenführer Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    3,176
    Location:
    Axis of Evil (Original)
    After seeing the prophecy directly at the beginning I expected some action as well. The chapter was more of an introduction than anything else. It's okay, but at least a hint of action would have been nice.

    No problems quality-wise.

    Someone remind me who why the two gentlemen at the end of ch.1 were of relevance?
     
  12. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,325
    Location:
    日本福井県若狭町
    Those two men happen to be half-brothers via Claude Delacour. The French one was his legitamate child with his Veela wife. Alan Krum is his bastard child with his fake wife in Germany, Maria, IIRC. Alan was named after Harry's alias working as a spy in Germany with them. Harry arranged for Maria's safety in the Alps after the war. She lived with the Veela with her son, but Mrs. Delacour had no desire to interact with her, so it is possible that the two men don't know that the other is related to him.

    Sardones is nothing more than an annoying cunt.
     
  13. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    Quoted for Truth.
     
  14. MysterioX

    MysterioX Professor

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    421
    Location:
    Off the record
    Not a bad start. But I wouldn't give this a 5/5 rating just yet.
     
  15. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2005
    Messages:
    1,888
    Location:
    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    Can someone post a link to the first one. I searched for it here and couldnt find it.
     
  16. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    2,129
    You win the award for laziest tard of the month.

    There's a link to the sequel above. You don't think you could click on it and then click on the author's page? Or even try searching the DLP library?

    Sigh. I'll edit the first post with a link to at least the other DLP thread. And here's the first fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3155057/1/Altered_Destinies
     
  17. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2005
    Messages:
    1,888
    Location:
    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    I should have clarified. I meant a link to the orginal thread HERE not on fanfiction. Even I am not that lazy. Sorry but thanks. When I searched for it I went through every thread in the search but didnt see it.
     
  18. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    2,129
    Hmmph. I'd have thought people would know how to search for things by now. It took me about a second and one quick intuitive search to immediately locate the thread.

    You'd think googling would have taught people how to search properly by now.

    And yes this is off-topic, but I'm feeling pompously helpful. When you search use a search term that's rare but you expect to be there. In this case, I just searched for the author's name, DobbyElfLord, and surprise it came right up. If that returned too many results then you could have it just search for his name in the thread title only. You could have even taken the story ID from fanfiction.net and that too returns the right thread and only a few other results.

    If the threads are huge, have it spit out posts instead of threads. If you're not having any luck, then you factor in all the fucking retards on this forum, and try misspellings (just because you're looking for Durmstrang doesn't mean the aborted abortions with keyboards don't write about Durrmstrang).

    I just get annoyed at people claiming they searched for "hours" for something if it takes me a matter of seconds to locate it. They're either lazy and didn't search or they're just a fucking idiot. Both deserve a little hostility and anger at having others do their dirty work. This isn't aimed at Dranco but lazy assholes and retards in general.

    Okay, off my soapbox and back on topic.
     
  19. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    1,951
    Second chapter is up... still more set up/fluff. Looks like this will be slow getting started.

    Chapter was good, nevertheless.
     
  20. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,325
    Location:
    日本福井県若狭町
    Good chapter. I can't wait for more. I noticed that as with Altered Destinies, DobbyElfLord does take time for setup, but it's worth it, in my opinion.