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Abandoned Beyond the Veil Lies Chicago? by DobbyElfLord - T - Dresden Files

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by fuubar, Apr 10, 2008.

  1. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,048
    Title: Beyond the Veil Lies Chicago?
    Author: DobbyElfLord
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Supernatural
    DLP Category: Alternates or Time Travel
    Pairing: Possible HP/HG
    Chapters: 4
    Words: 16,208
    Updated: April 9, 2008
    Published: July 19, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Hermione discovers a possible way to recover Sirius from the Veil. She and Harry step through a portal to another plane. A Harry Potter Dresden Files crossover
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3054983/1/Beyond_the_Veil_Lies_Chicago

    Well didn't see this posted anywhere, so here's another HP/Dresden verse crossover. The author just picked it up again after a fairly lengthy hiatus.

    It really isn't far enough into the story to have a huge clue as to where the story is headed but we seem to be about to get some answers at the end of the current chapter as well as having the plot start to really pick up. Right now I'd give it a tentative 4/5.


    Checked by Minion, January 1, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2013
  2. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    Meh, the first chapter moved too quickly. It goes from Hermione just telling Harry she found a way to get Sirius back, to Harry immediately believing her, to trying it out without any precaution.

    And it's also written by DobbyElfLord.

    All in all a pretty decent read. I'll give it a 4/5.
     
  3. malaga

    malaga Auror

    Joined:
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    New Zealand
    Isn't too bad so far, but we've only really seen the Dresden characters. It could all fail when Hermione comes in.

    Also, Harry seems way too devoted to Ginny for it turn out as anything other than H/G. I could see him maybe leaving a wife, but not kids.
     
  4. mbond98

    mbond98 Seventh Year

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    Not bad, but dosen't fare well against Nuhuh's.

    4/5.
     
  5. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Moderator

    Joined:
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    Hmmm, not bad.

    Sadly that's about as much as I can say. DEL is a good writer, I like some of their other works. I guess what is missing is that kick Dresden's narrative usually has, so it's a little bland.

    On the other hand the transition from Potter verse to Dresden verse was smooth and painless, personally I like a little more drama; but I am sure that is obvious to everyone.

    Murphy's characterization is fine, she really isn't a difficult character to write. Take a woman, give her penis envy, voila Karrin Murphy. Potter is...a wolf animagus, and playing dominance games with Billy. Everyone is quite nonchalant and relaxed, and there is a 10-15foot basilisk involved, which for me is like neutering a basilisk really.

    Long and short of it, I'll read it to see what happens, maybe DEL gets a little more into the writing of the story, but I won't be looking forward to it like a story from Tinn or Vash, for example.

    3/5 for not really having anything grab worthy yet.


    Thank you;)
     
  6. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Spotted this a while ago. From what I remember, the spelling and grammar weren't up to his usual standards, but the story itself was good enough. I'll withhold from rating it right now because two chapters isn't nearly enough to judge by.

    EDIT:He updated... twice. O.O
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2008
  7. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    1,951
    Poor quality considering how Altered Destinites is fairly well written. I couldn't get past the first chapter (the whole Portal thing was just lame "Oh and in her 7th year Hermione did something amazing again"). The writing was just uninspired.
     
  8. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Is it wrong that I'm pissed that they have twice the amount of reviews as Abjur and less than a third as much written? ~_~

    I don't really have anything to say about it. Nothing spectacular at all has been written, i'll keep a look out just so I can slam it at some point, however.

    2.5/5 for now.
     
  9. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
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    3,948
    Poor Jon, lol.

    I always see Dobby's stories being made by originality, which Altered Destinies definitely had, instead of the writing itself. Even when I enjoyed the plot, it's very easy to find better writing styles even on FFnet.

    This one has zero hook.

    This strikes me as one of those one-trick pony cases. Unless he has something stored later.
     
  10. parselmaster

    parselmaster Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    I believe this one has some potential, I can't complain about the quality of writing and I personally find pleasure in well written crossovers. I found the explaination to why Harry was stuck in the Dredson's Universe a little lacking, but I believe that was intentional. I wish there was more material to analyze on the story and am pleased that Ginny is not with Harry at this point. I can tolerate her character in the background, even in a relationship with Harry, but not with too much detail. I'll be watching this one for a while...
     
  11. Danjam

    Danjam Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    213
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    I honestly don't know why this story's in the bin. It's well written, is better than 99% of the shit out there, has Dresden Files etc.

    I agree that the Portal bit was weak, but there's not really even enough here to judge, considering I don't think we've even been introduced to the main plot.

    4/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2008