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WIP Black and Bones by Jenni_Rose - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by fanficlover, Sep 24, 2009.

  1. fanficlover

    fanficlover Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    123
    Title: Black and Bones
    Author: Jenni_Rose
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Romance
    DLP Category: Independent/The Alternates
    Pairing: Seems to be Harry/Susan
    Status: WIP
    Summary :Hagrid and Sirius missed each other that long ago night. Harry's guardian is Sirius Black, his best friend is Susan Bones.

    Link:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5355115/1/Black_and_Bones_A_Love_Story

    A decent effort, considering the dearth of good stories now on FF.net

    Six not too long chapters, but a decent update rate.

    Encouraging start, hopefully the author won't mess it up.

    3.5/5 for now.
     
  2. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    This is stupid.
    Why would Sirius abuse his best friend's son to fool people? He's not that clever.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2009
  3. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Colorado
    The title is 'Black and Bones: A Love Story'. I'm reluctant to open anything with words that fall under the category of touchy-feely-angsty-soul-bondy-romance.

    A good Harry/Susan would be nice. I could tell you without reading it that this isn't one of them, but - in the interest of science - I checked it out anyway. While not as grammatically incorrect as I expected, the story (up till chapter 2, where I got bored) features an evil Sirius in control of an abused, "muddyblood" Harry.

    The lack of errors gave me hope. The word muddyblood took that hope away.

    I give it a 2/5, because all the t's are crossed and the i's dotted.

    Edit: tl;dr - see above ^
     
  4. wolve

    wolve First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Messages:
    35
    Meh, read it, it didn't suck but neither was it library worthy in my opinion. Then again there are only a few chapters there and there is not much wrong in the writing.

    The plot which is so far shown is a bit flimsy, this story could be good if the plot can hold up later on. It is way too early to rate this, because there isn't really much to rate it on.

    I'll probably read it in full when it's complete if the author doesn't decide to do a disappearing trick.
     
  5. Johnny Farrar

    Johnny Farrar High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    In front of a Computer.
    2/5

    Its an average story.

    No mistakes or typos, but the quality of writing is sub-par. I have no problems with evil Sirius but the way it features in this story is ridiculous.
     
  6. wolve

    wolve First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2009
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    The evil Sirius thing is an act if you read a bit further, which is actually something quite original.
     
  7. Johnny Farrar

    Johnny Farrar High Inquisitor

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    I am aware of the fact that it is an act. I do not rate stories without having read them first. Just because an idea is original does not mean that it is good. The way Sirius was acting evil in the fic was ridiculous, at least to me.

    The execution of the idea itself was very poor too.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2009
  8. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

    Joined:
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    926
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    I've read this a few weeks back (or at least it feels that way, but it can't be given that the story was posted a few weeks back and I swear I've read the first two chapters before). Nothing stands out as overtly interesting or bad. I reckon the next few chapters (arriving at Hogwarts should be the next chapter) would have to improve drastically to make this story worthwhile, however, given the lack of interestingness.

    Currently 2/5, but I won't rate yet since stories in For Review seem to have long shelf lives at the moment.
     
  9. M. Shadow

    M. Shadow Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Messages:
    7
    I actually rather enjoyed some of it, though I admit I'm easy to please.

    I think it's supposed to be ridiculous. Witness the useage of the facade for the Child Protection Act? And the use of "muddyblood" would be a complete deal killer, save that it's not intended to be taken seriously.

    I can say that it's pretty much completely original and - given that it also has fairly impeccable grammar and spelling - it probably rates as worth a few minutes to read at least the first two chapters. After that decide according to your own taste. I'd also note that if romance is your primary objection, there so far is none in the story. (A good thing, since both Susan and Harry are eleven.)

    Overall, I'd say it's worth at least trying, especially if you're looking more for something light hearted, or not action-based. Although it could just be that I was amused by Sirius's public persona's complete and utter lack of shame.
     
  10. Katricia

    Katricia DA Member

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    It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but it's not amazing either. And the way everyone keeps repeating that, "still, at least Harry wasn't raised to be the perfect heir to the Dark Lord's right hand," phrase was a bit tiresome after the first time. Same with the whole 'muddyblood' thing.

    So, 3/5 from me.
     
  11. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
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    1,166
    ... I won't rate it as I won't read(y) it, but from the reviews I will be sorely disappointed if it makes it into the library.
     
  12. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Paris, France.
    For future reference, this is exactly the kind of post I'd like not to see in a For Review thread.

    It makes my left elbow itch.
     
  13. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,166
    -Quirks eyebrow-

    Your left elbow... Itch...

    Wtf Ftw?

    Edit: Also, Acknowledged.
     
  14. Scott

    Scott Professor DLP Supporter

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    Meh I couldn't get past the first chapter. This is definitely not library worthy but I'll read again tomorrow when I'm fully conscious.
     
  15. Rain

    Rain Pirate Navigator of the 7 Seas

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    Location:
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    I was actually incredibly amused, and the writing is decent. Still, I can't really appreciate the HP/Susan pairing so much anymore, it's almost like Harry/Ginny to me now (and honestly I'm not really sure why.. I suppose they are all just boring)

    I guess it's a 3/5 to my tastes, and that's okay. It's something to read that doesn't make me want to rage quit firefox.
     
  16. Heleor

    Heleor EsperJones DLP Supporter

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    I was entertained, but this doesn't seem to be the type of the story to go to the library. I won't rate yet, but if I did it would be a 3/5 by this site's standards. - readable for some.
     
  17. neopyro

    neopyro Third Year

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    I can't make it past halfway through the first chapter. 1.5/5 for being a stupid piece of shit (with decent spelling and grammar)
     
  18. Crazy1

    Crazy1 Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
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    Location:
    England
    I have no idea why this thread seems so keen to exhault the grammar and spelling in this fic. 3/5 at most in this area - by no means a reason to read it. Not a reason to give up on it, either.

    Is there any plausible reason why the Longbottoms survived and know of Voldemort's real name? Sirius' incarceration had nothing to do with the torture of the Longbottoms, so they should still be gibbering incoherently and drooling on themselves in St Mungos.

    The misspelling of Wizengamot is seriously beginning to bug me. I must've seen it a million times, but some people really do need to get beta readers. . .

    This section, though, I love. Even without a question mark where there damn well should be one.

    It's probably fairly easy to see that I'm typing this post as I'm reading through the fic. I have to say, now that I'm up to chapter 6, it seems to be getting better. Sirius and Amelia's machinations are interesting, and fairly new - if rather implausible.


    Young Harry's inner monologues annoy me. He's 11, and educated. If he's smart enough to know what that Sirius and he have to act a certain way in public, then he's -


    Actually, no -- ignore that. Very dumb 11 year-old(s)* we have here.


    This is going to become a guilty pleasure. Especially with the update rate that the author seems to be gracing us with at the moment. I just hope she stays with it, 'cause the writing style bound to develop over time.


    2/5 total, because, while it's not without it's good points, there is no way in Hell I'd want to see it in the DLP Library.

    * Because all of them are blithering idiots. It's almost refreshing to read a fic where children can act like children, even though they're not acting the same age, gender, or class that they should be.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2009
  19. Rhapsody Belle

    Rhapsody Belle Sixth Year

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2009
    Messages:
    172
    I couldn't even get through the first chapter. Evil Sirius, even perhaps Pretend-Evil Sirius (I couldn't stomach the story long enough to find out) was done in a manner so antithetical to his canon character it was ridiculous.

    Can I give this 0/5? Or is the lowest 1/5?
     
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