Title: Black Cloaks, Red Clouds
Author: Archontruth
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
Status: WIP
Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: Tenten/Neji, Tenten/Deidara
Summary: In a world where Orochimaru is Hokage and the Hidden Villages are ruled by tyrants, Tenten finds the lines between ally and enemy blurring when a desperate strategy lands her in the company of enigmatic strangers who wear black cloaks with red clouds. DeiTen and NejiTen. Contains adult themes.
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8654967/1/Black-Cloaks-Red-Clouds

I'm not entirely sure why this story hasn't already been put up for review, but I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess it's because it's not Naruto-centric. This is, put simply, a mistake.

I'm not sure I'd call this story the best one in the fandom, but it's almost certainly in the top 5 - after finishing my second read through just now, I've come to realize how amazing it actually is. The first time I read this story I was very new to the Naruto fandom and I'd never watched past episode 9 of the source material, so my grasp on characterization and how the world was built (and the timeline) was pretty sketchy. Even then, I thought the story was pretty good, and I'd read up to chapter 50 or so - but now, well.

Let me start by saying that this story is most certainly not for everyone. It's not Naruto-centric, which is a pretty big strike against it for some people, and it makes use of certain dramatic elements that some people might not appreciate. A large part of the cast is made of OCs - which are very distinct and well characterized, but a common sore point nonetheless. At times it reads like a soap opera - not in a particularly cheesy way, but some of of the literary structure was clearly inspired by the genre. It does also seem to have a bit of a slow start - the endgame seems to come out of nowhere, but if you're paying attention you'll see the signs throughout.

Despite all this, this story manages to properly do what no other story I've ever read managed - it took a divergence point and seriously mapped out what would happen, with a frankly shocking attention to detail and realism. Characters almost universally have proper agency, and nobody is blatantly holding the idiot ball - you might not agree with what a character does, but it pretty much always makes sense in context. "Villains" are not incompetent buffoons or boring sociopaths (despite a few first appearances as such). The worldbuilding is subtle but clever and the quality of the plotting becomes increasingly obvious by the final arc. The first time I'd finished reading this story it stopped right before the final arc started; this time as I read the final arc I was practically quivering. It's very hard to lavish proper praise on this story without spoilers, unfortunately. I can only say I wish an equivalent of this story existed in the HP fandom.

5/5.

 

It's pretty great.

I actually recommended this twice before in the Quality Naruto fics thread, but because no one seemed interested there, I refrained from putting it up for review.

I'll just quote myself from there:

Anyway, I hope it will update again and get finished someday. Definitely 5/5 from me.

 

Hated this story. Quoting myself from a Reddit message thread:

The world was grim!dark to the point of parody, and practically everyone of consequence was despicable-- Naruto and Sasuke being the more inoffensive examples.

Villages are stupidly evil, way past the point of rationality.

I'll edit in a more substantive review later.

2/5

 

I'm curious, can you point out what in the story doesn't have an equivalent (or even more evil) analogue in the real world? Even in so-called first-world countries?

Ignore the source material for a second - what would a dictatorship run by ninja actually look like? It sounds like your criticism is that the story is too realistic, if anything.

 

I have to agree with T3t’s point that this story was not put up for review since it’s non-Naruto centric. There have been non-Naruto centric stories that pleasantly surprised me, such as Dreaming of Sunshine and Kill Your Heroes, which made me more receptive in reading this story. However, this story is different from most non-Naruto centric stories since the characters's motives are vastly different from canon. It is hard to be invested in some of the OC’s, such as Tenten’s students, and the amount of screen-time these characters have makes it more excruciating to read.

The first few chapters are very interesting due to the clever narrative. The issue is the middle of the story where the various scenarios Tenten are involved in didn’t seem to matter. All of her missions and events have no sense of fulfillment or purpose. The “plot arcs” seem like filler due to the lack of impact on the story. The status quo didn’t change and while the beginning of the story seems to promise intrigue, action, and adventure- the story develops to be drama instead. I think the main problem is that the story breaks too many of the readers’ expectations on what the story will be like. The secondary problem is that the implications of Tenten’s actions either took too long to realize or didn’t seem to do much at all. Tenten’s Mary Sue nature also didn’t help.

The story is technically sound, but the pacing and plot is really weak. The author could make up for it with character development- especially since it’s really a drama and not an action story. But it becomes increasingly obvious that the characters are one-dimensional despite their motives seeming complex at the beginning the of the story. From all these factors, the story becomes rather boring to read.

3/5