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Breakfast In New york by Radaslap - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by royalduke, Jul 29, 2009.

  1. royalduke

    royalduke Backtraced

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2009
    Messages:
    37
    Location:
    New York City, United States of America
    Title: Breakfast In New york
    By: Radaslab
    Rating: M
    Statue: Almost complete 100K<
    DLP category: Romance
    Summary: Canon ignoring Epilogue. In 1999, after finishing Hogwarts Hermione leaves for Australia to find her parents and is never heard from or seen again. In 2006, Harry runs into her at a hotel in New York and learns she's been living in the U.S. most this time. They catch up and learn things about each other they never suspected.
    Link: Click Me and get $100

    A very good Harry/Hermione story. The story is well written and has a lot of Ginny bashing. it's not that original, but I like what the author did with the idea. This is a good read if you have spare time. :whipped:
     
  2. The Mysterious Nobody

    The Mysterious Nobody Auror

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    615
    Jesus, and you were the one telling others they had no idea how to rate a story?

    As for the story, I'm just a few chapters into it, but unless it gets way better, this is pretty bad shit, mediocre at best. Typical H/hr fanboy/girl weasley-bashing.

    Probably it has to do with the dialogue, which is pretty shitty. A pity that's almost all what the story is made of...

    I'll rate it later, If it hasn't bored me to death or I haven't stopped reading it by then...
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2009
  3. Link

    Link Order Member DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    846
    Location:
    China
    Hmm, I skipped directly to the last chapter - IT WAS HORROR!

    Maybe the 29 first chapters prepare the reader to accept that *thing* and as such it's biased, but somehow I prefer to trust my guts instincts and avoid this one.

    On the other side, considering the things most female enjoy (the majority being those fan girls we all hate), maybe we need to have one whole pair of chromosomes to enjoy that 'crap'.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2009
  4. Myduraz

    Myduraz Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2009
    Messages:
    1,164
    Location:
    Stockholm
    Read this up to about halfway into chapter 7.

    The writing is decent. It's not perfect but it isn't bad either. Main problem I have with it is probably the structure, it's pretty disorganized and with the flashbacks and everything going back and forth it's pretty confusing.

    Characterization is meh, bottom!harry heterostyle isn't very amusing in my opinion(with that I mean that he's a complete wuss when it comes to relationships). There's also obvious flaws in characterization in order to fit the plot.
    Having a deeply compassionate Harry whom cares alot about children, especially those he considers his, to just shrug off that Hermione kept his biological children from him for years in a second just slapped me in the face.
    I'm not even going to bother to keep skimming forward, it would just be a waste of time. 2/5.
     
  5. Nukular Winter

    Nukular Winter The Chosen One DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,216
    Location:
    Seattle
    How to describe this? Contrived? Clumsy? Obvious? Cliche'd? All of the above?

    Read this and you can pretty much fill in the rest of the story:

    Any guesses where the story goes from this point? Anyone?

    In conclusion: this is a steaming cauldron of FAIL, if this is the type of thing you read then you can probably spare us further recommendations off your favorites list. Thanks.
     
  6. Redeye

    Redeye Penultimate Lurker DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2005
    Messages:
    494
    So I decide to give this a shot, I get about a third of the way through the chapter and I read this
    Suddenly I have a much better idea for exactly what is in store for this fic... And I think i'd rather not waste my time right now


    Edit:
    So I decided I'd at least finish the chapter and I ran into this
    Part of me laughed at this. After all who doesn't love Alcoholic!Hermione! *sarcasm*

    Another part of me realized that this is blatantly not Hermione, even if she is already drunk.

    Still not sure what to think of this story but as it stands, the best I'll give it is 2/5 maybe 3/5 and thats only if I read some drastic improvements throughout the rest of this story, which I probably won't stay interested enough to do.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2009
  7. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    495
    Location:
    Colorado
    I tried to read this, but everything was just so awkward and choppy. For instance:

    The very first paragraph sounds like the writer's fingers have a chronic stutter, what with the short, abrupt, and somewhat disjointed sentences. When it got to the point that there was dialogue and angst, I had an urge to hurt fluffy animals to make the badly written emo go away.

    If you hadn't guessed, I agree with the general sentiments of everyone else; I disagree, however, on the point of writing quality. The author's diction and structure were terrible, IMO, and the lack of other redeeming qualities was just icing on my hate-cake. It gets a 1/5 and the corpse of a fluffy animal.
     
  8. Tehan

    Tehan Avatar of Khorne DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,742
    Well, it did say canon...
     
  9. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    6,193
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    Have you ever gotten a rather serious injury that's sensitive to touch, and have some fuck ask if it hurts - only to prod the thing seconds later? That's what it's like when you all quote large sections of this shit-eating story. >_>

    OP: you need to lurk like hell. Before today (lol Alt-F4), I would've refused to believe anyone would rec this trash - and that's just based on the title alone. I'll pre-empt you from fucking up again by simply recommending that you never recommend a story again.

    Chances are, you probably didn't even really read this shit to begin with (again, lol IRC logs). 1/5
     
  10. Havoc

    Havoc Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Location:
    CA
    I love Harry/Hermione. I would hump this pairing till the sun doesn't shine.

    HOWEVER, this story has so much shenanigans that I don't even know where to start. The changes in the wizarding world is lolz at best. Honestly? Hogwarts and Hogsmead as a resort in the summer. Hilarious.

    The drama/angst that goes on is unbelievable. For example, If my best friend knocked me up, I wouldn't send letters. I'd go find him and beat the shit out of him for child support.

    1/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2009
  11. Nukular Winter

    Nukular Winter The Chosen One DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,216
    Location:
    Seattle
    /Me: looks at Havoc's gender

    How much does it cost to support shit babies?
     
  12. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    Wow...really? This? Fuck that, I'm not even going to bother with a rating. *goes to get a beer*
     
  13. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Messages:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Forty-Six & 2
    High Score:
    1,832
    I hadn't looked at the name of the OP when I read through the thread, so when I finished I wondered "who in the fuck would possibly post this shit?".

    Then, I saw that it was Royalduke.

    Honestly, this guy has to either be a really big troll or a really big doucher. I votes him off my DLPs.

    Oh, and the story is awful. I started reading, stopped about half way through chapter three, laughed a lit bit, then came back here to look through the thread. Unsurprisingly, I found a bunch of people quoting the same, exact blocks of text I wanted to put up. /sigh
     
  14. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Messages:
    577
    This is one a the stories I stopped reading. I found it boring.
    Your mileage may vary.
     
  15. RustyRed

    RustyRed High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2008
    Messages:
    546
    Location:
    Washington, USA
    *looks*

    *laughs*


    ... Hermione's in marketing? o_O
     
  16. Tehan

    Tehan Avatar of Khorne DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,742
    From the woman who brought you SPEW...
     
  17. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    362
    The first chapter had a few grammar errors; the setup for the story was blah; and while I don't expect research to be conducted to find out what date was on what day, I do expect at least some logical consistency which as seen from the below examples is lacking:

    Chapter One subheading:
    SATURDAY - JUNE 26, 1999 - 12 GRIMMAULD PLACE, LONDON, U.K.

    Chapter Two subheading:
    SUNDAY - JUNE 29, 1999 - 12 GRIMMAULD PLACE, LONDON, U.K.

    1 star.
     
  18. LuxDragon

    LuxDragon Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    117
    Writing is subpar, the story sucks, the grammer looks like it need more work and the author like the CAPS button too much in PLACES that just DON'T seem RIGHT. Italics would have been prefered.
     
  19. Shadowface

    Shadowface Squib

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2009
    Messages:
    9
    Location:
    Pullman, WA. Previously Las Vegas, NV.
    Any Harry Potter fic that happens to contain an American city in its title must, as a rule, suck.
     
  20. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2009
    Messages:
    1,040
    Location:
    That place
    Hey just because he has different views then the people on this site, doesnt mean he should be bashed. Just because he gets off on stories where Harry dresses as a french maid and everybody abuses then rapes him doest mean he should be treated any differently.

    Back to the story. It was a Harry/Hermoine fangirls wetdream. Where they finally admit they love each other have kids and marry. The only thing is Ron and Ginny either making up with Harry and Hermoine or Ron and Ginny ending up with horrible futures hated by all. Take your pick 1/5 and thats being nice.