Hope this is the correct forum.

My beta from Perfect Imagination has stopped responding to my emails months ago, following knee surgery. I think its safe to say he's not going to be back. Shame, he was a great beta....

I've tried deleting him as my 'current beta', but when I click 'recover password', it says, no joke, 'you must be logged in'.

I've heard beta is crap. Is any DLPer willing to take the time?

I'll warn you, the story's... meh. Most of it was planned before I came to DLP, but I want to finish it.

PS

Sorry. Chapter one is on PC. Link. I tried the 'just-WBA-it', and people said 'get a beta.'

 

I'd recommend shoving the fic in question in WBA and then asking for a beta for it. I don't think anyone here's likely to sign up sight unseen.

Personally, I don't really have a beta - I just shove whatever I've got down the throats of a few people on IRC, and if they don't point out any problems, it's off to WBA to let the general population of DLP to tear it apart.

 

Alright, Brutally Honest? Fine. Your Mistake

If the link you posted above is for the story in question I'd make a serious recomendation to do a couple of things first and foremost.

1) Ward stone that works for an hour a week? Dump it. Either A room in the house is warded against minestry detection, or harry has been given a dispensation to practice. -Shakes head and mutters 'Hour a fucking week'-

2)Go to the DLP spell list thread, find or request something that is similar to the spell effects you have listed. Dump the 'Shape' of the spell part, dump the poorly thought out mechanics of first year spells ('Finate incantatum' to punch a hole in the wall? come on...) and replace them with decent and semi proper spells. keep in mind that your new indy!Harry has still been slacking up to this point, so he Might have learned One or two non-standard spells, but they arn't going to be all that great, a distraction at best.

3)I approve of the slightly more intellegent Order, I approve of using dung for some slightly restricted material, if you try write him passing harry Uber!Books of ancient/lost/elemental/shadow/elven/dwarvan/Giant Squiddan knowledge I shall hunt you down and do unspeakable things to, on, and around yourself and your computer. that is your only warning.

4)Tell me when you've fixed the above. I got as far as the third spell before I took to skimming. The few places I stopped to read a little more in depth have some potential, but I just can't make myself read it far enough to give a more definate review as it is right now.

 

This is the one thing original in my story; lose it, and its Final Straw, - Harry/Luna and Harry vs. Order.

Also, the Ward Stone is portable, so it can be used to travel to, say, Slughorn's house, while still armed.

Oh, I just got what you were saying. I made it 1hr to try to minimize the Uber!Factor.

When did I say this? This may have been a typo in my fic, but Harry did use it to cancel a Lumos spell during the little battle.

You'll roar with rage and press the 'x' button when I say this. Spells, while there will be many, will not be Harry's main power. The book, Animation and Golem Creation, will entice Harry to learn more about Animation, which is essentially portable warding -- i.e., Ward Stone.

And I have a large list of spells, anyway. Others, I find, don't fit well with my magic system, especially legilimens spells.

Don't worry, I made large steps to avoid this. Its a Ministry standard book; restricted, but not uncommon. No Elf-ness, or whatever. Its not ancient, either, it was freshly printed.

I appreciate your critique.

@Iztiak: I'd forgotten about that. Bad joke. Very bad joke. I wouldn't click a Link I give you, if I don't tell you what it is.

I've removed it from my sig.

 

One question..

Why on earth do you have a link to a HP/LV slash story in your sig?

 

mbond, the cancellation of a lumos spell is the spell Nox, as shown in PoA.

Animation is the creation of an imitation of life, ie golems, what Dumbledore did with the statues in OotP. Not temporary warding. That has nothing whatsoever to do with animation. Don't get me wrong, animation is a potentially incredibly powerful tool. Carry a bunch of toy soldiers around in your pockets, maybe some dinosaur models as well, and simply animate them when you get into some trouble. A simple engorgement charm would ensure they are too big to be dealt with by standing on them, and that they are big enough to be a threat (waist height T-Rex anyone?).

 

Inspiration.

I have found a small measure in the post above.

 

I think your portable warding is along the line's of Nonjon's "A Black Comedy".

Don't do that.

Nonjon's story was a Parody meaning it allowed him to make vast leaps of magical links, though he did have a good few decent magical theory's.

If you want a somewhat decent warding!Harry the think along the lines of JBern's "bungle in the jungle". That was unique and kicked ass.

Decide on the type of main power Harry has first - making it believable and leaves room for improvement but not outright copying JBern's/Nonjon's styles. For their Fangirl's will hurt you.

 

Glad to be of service ~bows~

 

Chapter number? I have no idea what your referencing. I read that months ago, except the last chapter, which I read two days ago.

My Rune system works differently, but yes, he did inspire much of this. It won't be nearly as good, of course; I already admitted, most of this was from my Fanboy days.

I know better than to copy him, lest I be destroyed by Bitch >> Beautiful quasilogic.

1/2 Me
1/8 Rocharch's Blot (A comment in Thief, about wards being similar to computers.)
1/4 jbern
1/8 other, rather bad, stories with Warding!Harry, or good stories with good Ward/Magic theory.

I decided to interpret it like a computer, rather than biblically; making things move. (Basic understanding, I know.)

I didn't think it would be interesting if I used of it like the Torah defines it. Holy people having the power to create imitation life, would require Harry being religious. As you can see, I'm not nearly enough of a writer to pull that off, but I'd like to read it done well. Any links?

Since it was only in the movie (to my knowledge), I take authors license, here. I have it as an anti-Lumos. I also use Finite Incantatum as a multi-tool for canceling spells.

 

Animation literally means giving life to things. It is from latin.

,"from L. animatus pp. of animare "give breath to," from anima "life, breath

Computer animations is giving life to pictures.

Dumbledore animated the statue in the Ministry does that mean he is a Jesus nut? Only if you are stupid.

 

I didn't ever read

so thats a moot point. If you can find a quote that proves this is 'Animation', I'll...

Nah, I wouldn't do shit. But that doesn't matter, because the quote doesn't exist. Why? Because Animation doesn't exist in canon.

If you can't say something new, keep quiet. Randomly insulting another member, especially by rehashing a solved issue, to get ahead is a no-no.

This is... what? Your fourth month here? I made stupid posts as a newb, too, but even I started putting in some substance by my second month.

PS:

See also: COMPREHENSION, JUDAISM, CHRISTIANITY, SALEM WITCH TRIALS.

PPS

Don't challenge me to an internet-Dictionary off, bitch.

 

To be honest, I thought that story was really broken up and had no flow to it. you were jumping all over the place, Harry is in some random fight for no reason. Did Harry train before then? How did he get into the fight? Why wasn't Harry at the Dursleys? And out of no where Dung is suddenly way out of character.. (nevermind everyone is OOC), and makes a plan to use a spell created by the order that is godlike and completely disables all detectors... And then suddenly we pop out to the trainride, Then there is an attack, and somehow Dumbledore isnt involved, and Pmpfrey is calling all the shots, calling in aurors and again, being OOC.

Instead of a beta, I think you just need to rewrite this whole thing again.

 

mbond, Nox was used in the PoA book.

Yeah, animation is making things move...like giving life to them in a very limited sort of way. I'm sorry to say, but your 'interpretation' of what animation is is you simply making up a new meaning for the word. And, ok, its never stated that Dumbledore used animation at the ministry. However, common sense dictates that that is what he did, because he gave a semblance of life to inanimate objects.

And really, insulting someone else for poking holes in your arguments simply demonstrates your stupidity. Try actually proving your case, rather than just ignoring what your told and saying

is just idiocy in the extreme.

 

This conversation has drifted away from 'Will you be my beta?' to 'No, but heres a sample of my awesome beta skillz.' Can we reverse direction? If, as I am seeing, its a clear 'no,' than can we not argue about parts of the story no one is willing to budge on?

EDIT: On second thought, I will budge. A lot.

He took what you said, dumbed it down, and posted it as 'new.' I already responded to your points.

But, with meditation on what I posted, I guess I overreacted. I'll admit that. I apologize.

Lame, but functional:

Peace?

And, for Nox, you win; Its canon. But, Finite does cancel multiple spells. My 'Anti-Lumos' part will be replaced with another one, when I get around to it.

This is mentioned briefly; Harry is meeting Dung, then proceeding to Slughorn's house.

This is impossible; All we know about Dung is that he always smells like alcohol.

As for others? Well, Harry's a bit smarter, but knows the same amount of spells as he does at the end of OotP. This starts on chapter two of HBP. I didn't even try to get him to talk like he does in canon, because of the lack of dialog.

He doesn't train first. The only change to canon, so far, is that Harry went with Dung to see Slughorn, on a day when there happened to be a raid. Although, raids are common to Merlin Street, but I won't get into that.

The battle was a random raid.

The reason I need a beta is to help with fluency. I'm never bothered by it, so don't notice. I'm working on it, but the only way to get better, is critique.

 

Uh...yes it does. It's all over the place.

Stealing from the HP Lexicon:

Also:

IN ADDITION:

Inferi are described an animated corpses.

Wizard chess uses animated pieces.

We've seen the act of inanimate objects becoming animate all over canon.

Even if you don't want to call it animation as canon does, the process of making objects - objects that are usually inanimate - move under their own power, as if alive, cannot be denied.

We also know that it's normal charms and transfiguration that achieves this effect, not "wards", since A) the 1st year charms exam wanted the students to make a pineapple dance: making an object that was inanimate, animate, and B) McGonagall teaches turning objects into animals in her Transfiguration classes.

/canon smackdown.

 

*Bows to obviously superior canon-ier*

However, I disagree that this wasn't just charms; Lets just say, every magical object and living thing has an aura/soul, which, I'll define as a sphere of magic surrounding said object. If the object is hit with a spell that changes the aura, makes it fire 'depulso' spells every which way, could that not make it 'dance?'

McGonagal could've transfigured magical rocks into statues, and create a memory for them. Same idea, pensive memory, aura manipulation.

PS
Also, biblical Animation use dirt, or clay, or whatever earth is on hand. Not a pineapple, thats God's work, and can't be manipulated like that.

Dirt is symbolic of a new beginning, or something. The Torah was written by farmers/Moses. Evidence? Canaan was said to be full of giant grapes, and fertile, and blah blah great place to plant blah. I interpret this as 'We're farmers, and our God gave us a plantation! Score!'

Theres also lots of laws about just how to plant and sow crops.

PPS
Thats just Lexicon clumping spells together, because they don't have enough details.

 

I was under the impression that 'wards' were primarily static, and that they were more often than not defensive in nature.

Does this have a point in the story? if not, I'd cut it.

Are you trying to intimate that harry's payment to dung is helping with some minor larceny? if so you might want to make it a little more clear.

The 'maximus' suffix was a cop-out added in the movie, again I'd recommend that you head to the DLP spell dump for a better version.

- Note: I don't think they'd unmask the deatheater untill after they'd made their raid. A DE in the safehouse would bring the Aurors down on their heads while they were trying to break in.

-Note: Flaw in the ward stone Idea. While it's workable why not just give him a spare stone or two or ya know, six. Better yet, why not have the warded room I mentioned earlier and then just make him charge the damn stone himself when he has to go out. Then you can limit his effective casting time outside of his home to 10 minutes or so before the minestry catches on.

-Note: 'Turpis' spell. I assume that it hides wand signature? (being too lazy to look it up) I'd make that a spell unique to dung as the order isn't likely to care much for 'dodgy' spells. especially as they are all adults and really shouldn't need to hide their signatures. I'd also have dung charge harry an arm and a leg to teach it to him, and be certain to mention that it carries a mandatory Azakaban sentence if he's caught using it.

-Note: Harry's black market study device. Why slice off the cover of an existing book when you can just reverse engineer the spells, or get your genius best friend to figure it out for you. Send it to the twins ready to ship.

are you making tonks younger? or am I just mis-remembering her age from cannon? cause I could have sworn she'd be a full auror by this point.

- Just some thoughts. -

 

I'm thinking that they can be 'down', or 'up.' And that they can attack, as well as defend. If you cast spells during a raid, that aren't shield charms, it'd freak out.

In Chapter Three, Harry goes back to Merlin, and theres a more in-depth explanation.

Ahh, wish I thought of charging. Turpis is used by the Order to hide their spells in battle. Otherwise, the Death Eaters would 'recognize' there wand signatures, and pick them off like flies.

Explained in Chapter-To-Be-Written.

I meant to cut that off. I guess I missed a few spells, sorry. Its discussed in the WBA thread.

Eh, I'm assuming there are levels of Aurorship. I'm making her the lowest, it had a tie in, but that was chopped. I'll put 'mentee' or something later.

 

I have to ask wtf you are on about with this biblical animation? Animation is animation whether or not God does it, or whether it uses mud or a polysynthetic plasticy thing.