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WIP Burgundy Blues by Inkyprints - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Spanks, Dec 31, 2013.

  1. Spanks

    Spanks Minister of Magic

    Jun 8, 2007
    New Jersey
    Title: Burgundy Blues
    Author: Inkyprints
    Rating: T
    Genre: Humor
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: General
    Pairings: None so far
    Summary: Here's an interesting fact that I just made up. In a strange universe slightly disconnected from this one, Harry Potter was born premature on the 31st of July 1980. In this story, he wasn't. Born 27th of September 1980 this is a Harry Potter with no scar, new classmates, a sinister looking wand, and somehow he's got a strange diary belonging to T. M. Riddle.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9744608/1/Burgundy-Blues

    Review below might contain some spoilers:

    I've been following this story for a couple months now, and I think that it's decent enough to be given a chance for the library. It took me a few tries to get into this fic, but after I got through the first 3-4 chapters I got hooked. It has become one of the fics that I eagerly look forward to seeing updated (and it seems to update every 2 weeks).

    It's written well and introduces many things that I like reading about. I've always liked fics where Neville is the BWL and we get to read about Harry going through school dealing with his own problems. We rarely see those kinds of fics and when we do they are when Harry travels to an AU where he isn't the BWL.

    The author takes certain fandom cliche's and twists them into something different. For example, Harry and Hermione knew each other before Hogwarts. However, in this fic they hate each other and constantly tried to one-up the other academically in muggle school. I think their relationship is one of the more interesting things in the story despite them only interacting once on the train and not once since classes started.

    Another cliche he twists is the uber rare super wand he gives Harry. The twist is that the wand is actually pretty normal, but people think it's evil/powerful because of its history and its sinister look.

    I love the idea of Harry learning from the diary, but I also hate the fact that it's probably going to successfully possess him at some point. Tom's one chapter was certainly creepy and I really wish the author had taken that time to kill Bertram.

    Bertram is probably the reason this story has a humor tag. The bird was funny for a few paragraphs, but now I want someone to kill it like Hedwig gets killed in all those Indy!Harry fics. I'm starting to wonder if the bird is actually an animagus because of its intelligence. The sorting scene might cause some of you to stop reading. It almost did for me.

    The evil orphanage is over the top, but it's purpose is served in making Harry who he is and it plays little into the story. It's not like Harry is being abused or anything. The place just seems like it should be renamed Juvenile Hall Detention Center.

    The story has some things that might turn you away, but I recommend you stick with it. So far it has been a fun read and I give it a solid 4/5.
  2. Drisful

    Drisful Fifth Year DLP Supporter

    Sep 1, 2011
    Why hasn't anyone hit the fucking bird with a silencing charm?

    The prologue was hard to read, so I skipped a majority of it.
    The following chapters were actually somewhat alright, but this author has a pretty poor grasp of comedic timing and as a result the jokes are hit and miss with a tendency to miss more often than not.
    The sorting was irredeemable. Seriously, nobody can silence a fucking raven?
    I'd give this a 2.5/5 without a chance of redemption unless the author revises that raven out of existence.
    Got current with this, after the sorting the raven fades mostly out, but I can't really say I'd rate it that much higher than I did before.
    Flint was golden, Harry's year mates are annoying, and the author still can't stop with the walls of unfunny run on jokes.
    Tom fluctuates between being halfway decent and retarded, but the problem I have with him isn't how obviously transparent he is, but more with how human the author made him. I can't really see Tom Riddle wanking it to a scantily clad quidditch player.
    Still 2.5/5 because it fluctuates between slightly above average and shit so regularly.
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2013
  3. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

    Mar 5, 2006
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    A whimsical fic that you have to go into with the right state of mind. If you're expecting it to be a standard "fanfic must be more logical than a mathematical proof and all possibilities must be explored" you're going to leave disappointed. Characters are pretty one-dimensional, but in a fun way - it allows for a certain purity of characterisation (consider The Tempest, for example).

    Marcus Flint, for example, is hilarious. His character consists of one thing: brutality (both physical and verbal), and it's been done very well. Him telling Snape that he put someone on the Quidditch team because their sister fucked him was priceless.

    Tom Riddle is another example of over-the-top characterisation. He's absurdly evil, taking malicious glee in petty and depraved crimes.

    Kids act like kids ("Last one through the door is a big poo"), and adults act like adults always do in children's literature (aloof, powerful but inaccessible, mostly content to leave kids to sort out their own problems).

    The raven is an example of this. No one silences the Raven because the adults - especially Dumbledore - are eccentric and aloof. They don't involve themselves in the affairs of children, and are quite happy to watch order turn into chaos.

    And then set to that traditional kids literature atmosphere we have a contrast in Harry, who is logical, well-read, talented and acts rationally, but is still very much a kid. I think it works pretty well, and the whimsical nature of the setting combined with the darkness of some of the material captures something of the original series' feel.
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2013
  4. FreakLord

    FreakLord Professor DLP Supporter

    Feb 13, 2011
    I don't think its DLP worthy because Tom Riddle characterization is bad. And that bloody bird is annoying as fuck.
  5. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

    Sep 1, 2010
    Germany occupied Greece
    High Score:
    There are a million different things in this story that are terrible. A list of them would be at least half the size of the story itself.
    A few of them include (but are not limited to): Hermione excelling at sports, Harry's vocabulary and characterization, Tom Riddle, the raven, Dumbledore, McGonagal, Snape, Hermione, Neville, Harry's foster parents, Harry's actual parents, the Sorting Hat, the care home and many more. The writing itself is clunky and boring as hell.

    Keep it the fuck away from the DLP Library.

    Last edited: Dec 31, 2013
  6. ZombieHunter

    ZombieHunter Fifth Year

    Jul 18, 2009
    I started reading at chapter 8 and its been quite good so far.I'd give it a spot in the AU or General category of the library. It certainly seems to be heading in a good direction but until there's more, I can't really develop a sure opinion.
  7. Darth Disaster

    Darth Disaster The Waking Sith Prestige DLP Supporter

    Sep 10, 2011
    Two blocks from the beach.
    High Score:
    Yeah, this is terrible.

    Taure, are you on a week long Crack-High? I remember a time when you would have torn this apart, set it on fire, and then pissed on its steaming ashes.

    Eurgh. 1.5/5, rounded down for absolutely terrible everything except grammar/spelling/punctuation.
  8. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

    Jan 28, 2011
    High Score:
    The grammar is questionable considering he uses ' for dialogue rather than " which annoys me. This fic is ight, although for how cartoonishly evil Tom Riddle acts, and how smart Harry is portrayed, you would assume he finds something off about the diary. Also that fucking birds needs to be purged. With fiendfyre. 3/5
  9. Anarchy

    Anarchy Prisoner DLP Supporter

    Dec 12, 2009
    This isn't a very good story. It's like the whole thing is a parody of itself... but recognizing that fact doesn't validate itself as a good story, it just means it's bad. It mostly switches between laughably bad, and cringeworthy bad, and that's not something to base a story on, and anytime you have to supposedly trudge through 10 chapters to get to anything remotely tolerable doesn't sit well with me. The occasional glimpses of quality are not worth the effort.
  10. Trooper

    Trooper Order Member

    Jan 8, 2009
    Bangalore, India
    I personally think the story is pretty good (Mind you, I'm on chapter 13 now). I agree with what Taure pointed out.

    The author seems to want to create an almost Dickensian feel to both the characters and the environs. And he/she almost succeeds as well, which is no small thing to achieve in the Harry Potter universe. Pretty much all characters are caricatures of themselves, just based on a single attribute they're meant to portray.

    I also like the spells, magic, enchanted objects, etc the author brings into the story. This is a personal thing I guess, but I especially like the "Whirly Jig". He seems to put a fair amount of thought behind these things, which is always a personal requisite for me in the HP universe. Not enough fics with new and interesting "magic" in them. Just people shooting colorful lights from their wands.

    I'm also gonna guess that a lot of people have forgotten this parodical style of story telling. The line from Hermione "I'm looking for a boy named Neville, he seems to have lost himself" (Canon first book Hermione looking for Neville's frog, if someone missed by some lulzy chance) was pretty amusing and indicative of the type of humor the author is leaning towards.

    In that perspective, atleast for me, Bertram (I'm still not sure if this is a reference to Bertram from "All's well that ends well" or Stewie's half brother. Maybe I'm just looking for things that aren't there...) the bird fits right into this type of humor. The bird is pretty much the comic relief. It works half the time and doesn't the other half.
    Frankly, this is not so much of a complaint for me. After reading through a shitton of stories with Wtf!BBQ!Awesome!Phoenix!Hedwig who is more intelligent than the man who invented the word 'intelligent', Bertram the bird is a relief.

    I also like the "feel" of this Hogwarts atmosphere. Its not as serious as canon and at the same time its not ludicrously flimsy either.

    The thing I dislike the most about this fic till now is that Harry is pretty much relegated to the role of Ginny in second book. It runs counter-productive to his intelligent nature portrayed in the fic.

    I also think this fic has very high chances of going bad, very fast.

    But it is still an entertaining read for me.

    Right now, I rate it a 4/5.
  11. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

    Apr 19, 2012
    -1 for Lord Soiledshors
    -1 for magical cores
    -1 for the bird
    -1 for no strong hook

  12. tragicmat1

    tragicmat1 Death Eater

    Mar 7, 2011
    I don't quite understand the hate for this. Certainly, it's no 4 or 5 star material, but it could sit comfortably at 3 stars. I don't really see much problems with the grammar, and the quotation problems has been fixed (he mentions it in one of the author's notes).

    Magical cores, was mentioned briefly, and doesn't really affect the story. As for the bird, I find myself liking the bird quite a bit. Certainly, it's annoying (but isn't that the whole characterization in the first place?).

    I'd rate this a 3/5, and will go up or down depending on what role Harry will eventually take regarding the diary. Down, obviously, if it just follows Ginny's Path.
  13. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

    Jan 28, 2011
    High Score:
    Exactly. 3/5 isn't Library material, this belongs solely in the Almost Recommended thread imo.
  14. Invictus

    Invictus Heir

    Mar 21, 2013
    Cidade Maravilhosa
    I enjoyed it. It certainly has Dickesian feel to it, and like both Taure and Trooper said, it's entrrtaining in it's own way. I found it pretty unique, a simple story withou much depth, and without any glaring mistakes. Bertram is 1/3 funny (at the beggining), 1/3 annoying and 1/3 plain stupid. The magical core drivel is shit, but it's quickly passsed over.

    The charcters are definitely caricatures, but amsuing ones. And Tom is a psycho, a petty insane one that kinda of amuses me. The only major problem, except the lack of depth but that doesn't really matter for now, is Harry the Doormat, he is too damn passive and event he moments where he reacts, it either seems OOC or pathetic. It's an annoying major trait, but I still like his Harry, not much, but.

    A 3.5 from me, down to 3 because it isn't library material, but it's been some time since I had some fun with an HP fic.
  15. Tommy

    Tommy The Green Ranger

    Nov 30, 2012
    In a bomb shelter, South Africa.
    Say what you will about characterization, chapter two struck home for me. I can sympathize Harry's changing homes, and going away to an orphanage where he's nobody and nobody gives a shit about him.

    Certainly, this fic could do without the prologue (a lot of fics could do without one, IMO). Chapter three kinda annoyed me with the constant onomatopoeia thrown in after every few paragraphs or so.

    That said, McGonagall's portrayal is annoying, almost cliche in its presentation. I certainly can't imagine her cursing at Albus over stupid shit - hell, over anything - because she respects him, and for a good reason.

    Also, some very good points brought up about the writing being clunky, boring, I'd like to add that it's ovely descriptive in some areas, leaving the description over-the-top, and it's hard to relate to shit you just don't quite get. Could be fixed with a good round of editing. I make the mistakes a lot of the time - just ask Platypus and SoS - but come on, dude, there's a limit.

    The only thing that's really keeping me going is the unique feel to it. Sure, it features elements we've seen in a hundred other shitty fics out there, but the author's way of looking at it is refreshing.

    And yeah, I don't like this Dumbledore.

    The part about that dude Oz or whatever his name was snatching his wallet with different IDs in it made me laugh when Harry called him on it. Good for a laugh, because damn, that was some odd shit.
  16. Pirazy

    Pirazy Groundskeeper

    Dec 29, 2010
    The hell's with you guys? That bird is the best thing since jbern's foul-mouthed Sorting Hat.

  17. Odran

    Odran Prisoner

    Aug 12, 2013
    There are some parts of it which I enjoy, and some that I don't. The whole wand business is highly amusing. Hermione bits of the story aren't.

    I mean, she just gives off that tingly feeling in my gut that makes me wish Cruciating fictional characters was an actual possibility when you aren't the one writing a book. Her being that much competitive that she actually goes on and sabotages other people's stuff is just... well, Slytherin, right? I mean, by the definition this fanfic goes about, she's got no reason to be in Gryffindor. A snide little runt.

    That said, Bertram is an odd bit of business as well. He's alright for occasional comic relief, but the sorting stuff didn't really make sense. Yes, yes, I get it as one fellow way above me has already said, adults are worlds apart from interacting with children unless it's to commend or to discipline.

    Tom is sort of presented like the silly stuff from comic books, you can imagine him rubbing hands in glee, cackling like a lunatic on a full moon, while sitting in one of the secluded corners, observing everyone and dreaming of world domination. Or something. Except for the fact that he, and plenty of others, talks and thinks a bit more about the birds and bees, or in (t)his case, being a little girl.

    I have no idea how this whole thing will end up, but I'm gonna chance it and be mildly optimistic about Hermione getting her head bashed in by someone, so I'll give it 3/5. If she gets done in within the next 10 chapters by some horrific, agonizing, needlessly cruel and elaborate means, by gods it's gonna be a 5/5.

    Note, I might be slightly biased.
  18. Photon

    Photon Order Member

    Jul 15, 2012
    I tired to read this but style of reading makes it impossible for me to enjoy story. I am unable to read more than half of the chapter. I even tried with later ones.
  19. Darth

    Darth Third Year

    Mar 7, 2012
    5/5 It is very rare when a story makes me read every single god damn word. Usually I'm skipping over descriptions. But this story had me pretty much on every word (after the first few/several chapters anyway).

    The story seemed so natural, or maybe simple and straightforward. I enjoyed the childish side of things (such as Hermione plotting against Harry; I bet she took out every Quidditch related book). The bird, on the other hand, very quickly became annoying and I'm glad it's hardly even in the story any more (the author really did get my hopes up with Tom Riddle very nearly solving this problem).

    I did say that I read every word, but that was perhaps past the half-way point. I did skim-read a bit at the beginning and I can understand why some people dislike it. However, it seemed to change in style at some point.

    I disliked Dumbledore and McGonagall's scene at the start because their characters were off. But, it seems to be a one-off thing as they remain quite normal after that. Some other characters like Ginny and the other children are quite simple - but that is really to be expected. It was the same in the books. Tom Riddle is comically evil and I like it. I expect that we'll become more sombre as he becomes more active.

    I think people should just forget the prologue exists...

    In fact to anyone to hasn't read this yet: I strongly discourage you from doing anything more than skim reading that prologue.
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2014