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Oneshot Concentric Wavelengths by Voice of the Nephilim

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Voice of the Nephilim, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Hawaii
    Title: Concentric Wavelengths
    Author: Voice of the Nephilim
    Rating: M
    Genre: Horror
    DLP Category: Time-Travel
    Pairing: n/a
    Words: 16,195
    Published: June 8, 2011

    Status: Complete (One-shot)
    Summary: Trapped within the depths of the Department of Mysteries, Harry is entangled in a desperate, violent battle against both the Death Eaters and a horrifying creation of the Unspeakables, with time itself left as his only weapon.

    The second place entrant to the May DLP Time-Travel contest. Canon up until the end of OotP. Chronicles the Fifth Year trip to the Department of Mysteries, which goes immediately begins to go horribly, horribly wrong.

    Enjoy, and congratulations to Portus for his victory in the contest, and to the rest of the entrants for writing.


    Checked by Minion, January 11, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2013
  2. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    I would have personally chosen this as the winner, bloody beautiful piece of work. 5/5
     
  3. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    High Score:
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    Absolutely incredible. Can't say much more, really. I think you misspelled pane of glass as "pain" at one point.
     
  4. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Amazing. It's a scary story on multiple levels; I like how you wrote with an innocent style similar to Rowling's but told a very dark tale with it. It produces a distinct kind of feel and dread. 5/5, pretty much.
     
  5. Anarchy

    Anarchy Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    One of the easiest stories to rate, 5/5. Has one of the biggest blindside wtf moments I've ever read.
     
  6. Hawkin

    Hawkin Minister of Magic

    Joined:
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    At one point you wrote Lucius as the matriarch of the Malfoy instead of patriarch.

    Otherwise 5/5 for the awesomeness of it!
     
  7. Grinning Lizard

    Grinning Lizard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
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    Location:
    United Kingdom
    There were a few issues spelling/grammar wise, for example:

    Aside from this, it's really excellent. Sorry I couldn't get involved in editing before you posted it, because a grammar nazi's touch is the only thing that stopped it from perfection, I think.

    Still an easy 5/5, and as I said to the original pitch, 'pure molten awesome'.
     
  8. bombdiggity92

    bombdiggity92 Temporarily Banhammered

    Joined:
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    This was absolutely fantsastic. 5/5
     
  9. Stalin's Pipe Organs

    Stalin's Pipe Organs Auror

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
    Messages:
    667
    Worse oneshot ever. 1/5.

    I kid, I kid.

    5/5 all the way.

    No complaints except that I want MOAR. But I do understand that it may cheapen what you have here.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2011
  10. iLost

    iLost Minister of Magic

    Joined:
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    Others have said it, and I'll agree. Top-notch. Not quite as good as Portus' but is this For Review and not the contest, on it's own awesome.

    The amount of planning in this must have been grueling. The way the unknown attacker was cloaked maybe think that Harry from the future was behind the carnage. Good misleading there. The outcome was spectacular and left me feeling chills. Keep it that way.

    5/5.
     
  11. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Excellent one shot, I'm amazed at the detail and thought that must have gone into it. Well done, 5/5.
     
  12. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Joined:
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    I'll just try to reiterate what I wrote in the story's thread, which is that this - like all your stuff I've read - is engaging and extremely well done.

    I've gone through and read it a second time and it's more chilling and Gothic than I first realized. The sense of foreboding and feeling of inevitability (with the added bonus of not knowing /what/ the inevitable actually entailed) was palpable. It's a lot darker than I perceived the first go-round, and it really adds to the story, in my opinion.

    Another great idea from you. 5/5 from anyone not a dumbass.
     
  13. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Read it, loved it, 9000+/5.
    It was actually quite hard to decide between this and Portus' stuff. Both were awesome, both had their little tidbits where a grammar nazi would rage, and both were masterfully written.
    Where Geminio had the advantage of giving us a totally new (and awesome) spin and backstory to an awesome character and explaining (in a totally awesome way) the completely lame way Rowling got rid of him, your story had so much dread and forebonding that it could be cut with a knife. It also gave a rather original use to Time-Travel.
    Nothing specifically horrific happens to Harry, it's all psychological horror, at least the way I perceived it. And yeah, I've read very few worthwhile horror fanfiction stories.
    If I had to be forced into choosing either of the two, I would go with Geminio, but the difference in quality is minimal. Guess I needed someone to confirm to me that Moody is badass motherfucker.

    Also, I hate one-shots, kthx.
     
  14. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    High Score:
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    The words 'Fuck Yeah!' came to mind as soon as the twist came. Repeated time turner usage was awesome too. 5/5.
     
  15. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    I think I've said pretty much everything constructive I can in one place or another, so I shall content myself with a fucking awesome/5, and be on my way.
     
  16. JimmyCranberry

    JimmyCranberry High Inquisitor

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    Awesome story. One of my all-time favourite oneshots, without doubt. 5/5
     
  17. Shymer

    Shymer Third Year

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2010
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    84
    Location:
    France
    Well, whatever the others said: that was pretty awesome.

    I'll add my little but that will make me a dumbass in Portus'opinion.

    But I just don't like the idea of GG coming back from the dead/brain and sucking the life out of Harry. I don't know, that just feels wrong...

    I can't say it's not original, but well, I think you could have done the same result with Harry being gradually overcome by madness in an Apocalypse Now kind of way. Perhaps from a side effect of time travel, or from being in a confined space with enemies, added with Harry's natural ability to fight his way out of desparate situation (like with the basilisk) that would turn him more violent, ruthless...

    So, the GG ending doesn't allow me to appreciate at the fullest what is otherwise a piece of art. Only 4/5 from me.
     
  18. ohmykate

    ohmykate Muggle

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
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    5/5, pretty unique and interesting idea. Hope to see a sequel up.
     
  19. Reza

    Reza Second Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2011
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    Location:
    England
    Loved it, the ending caught me out.

    5/5

    While reading, I guessed that the thing responsible for killing everyone was death, which had come through the veil. But GG taking over Harry was cool.