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Control by Fatpunk - K+

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by ip82, Feb 23, 2006.

  1. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Title: Control
    Author: Fatpunk
    Rating: K+
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    Status: WIP (slow updates but long chapters)
    Pairings: H/Hermione OR H/Daphne Greengrass OR some combination of these two
    Summary: What if Harry Potter knew what he was when he was young? What if he went to hogwarts with his eyes wide open? my first fic so reviews would be great
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2454336/1/

    Solid 1st year AU. Harry finds his parent's trunk in the Private Drive's attic and gets transported to Potter's mansion, where he lives surrounded by house elves and other creatures... until he receives an invitation to Hogwarts.

    This is pretty much Super!Harry, not so much for his over the roof magical powers (although he's certainly not lacking), but for his perfect Garry-Stu character - hardworking, athletic, smart, powerful etc... Take any good characteristic or unique power you can think of, and there's good chance that this Harry will have it. His friends are Hermione (Ravenclaw) and Daphne (Slytherin), while Ron is your standard jealous idiot.

    Upsides are solid writing style (if you overlook typing errors), powerful and smart Harry and well-rounded plot (something for everyone).

    Downside is unoriginality - there’s nothing in this story to separate it from tons of others. Prank war, secret room, Animagus training, PS plot, slightly manipulative Dumbledore... it’s all nice, but pretty much standard stuff one would expect from a story like this. Furthermore, the plot is much too dragged out for the amount of stuff happening here - he should have either cut off most of the filler and moved faster through the book, or inserted some more original plots and subplots.

    To conclude, this is a solid Super!Independent!Harry AU story, but it misses that certain extra something to make it into a really great fiction. Close, but no cigar.
     
  2. That_Boy

    That_Boy DLP Elite DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Messages:
    354
    Location:
    Wellingon, New Zealand
    I've been following this fic for a while and i'd agree. Not great, bot bad. Updates are Waaay too slow though
     
  3. Zero

    Zero Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Location:
    Sailing the bermuda triangle...
    Meh, Its alright nothing special. Its hard to be original these days.

    But this...

    Has got to be the LAMEST end to a chapter ever.
     
  4. LINKed up

    LINKed up Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,406
    Location:
    A certain place in a certain area of space-time, a
    I never really liked this story. It just didn't really click with me.
     
  5. Redeye

    Redeye Penultimate Lurker DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2005
    Messages:
    496
    meh its good to pass the time.
    i dislike how after 2 days of knowing hermionie and daphne he goes and spills all of his secrets to them. I mean it would have been fine had trust been built but i mean i dont go telling my secrets to strangers i just met on the 1st day of school.
     
  6. madeyemoody

    madeyemoody High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2005
    Messages:
    556
    Location:
    United States
    This story just goes to prove what Ive been fearing would occur because of :hbp we are now forced to post/read substandard stories before HBP this shite would have never even touched this site. With a few exceptions IMO HBP ruined our standard of reading think about it, first you decided to read a stuper harry out of boredom awaiting all those authors on your profile to update, But days turned to weeks weeks turned to months and this is what its come to :cry: Hell, were all thats probably left that aren't zombiefied update soon pro-ginny/draco buttfuck fans. If this is the new standard of fics out there we'll soon be dinosaurs rereading old stories , don't lie i bet youv'e already started doing it I know I have God/George Carlin help us

    this is truly a series of unfortunate events

    P.S. this excludes the good authors out there, Most of which belong to this site
     
  7. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    1) This story is not as bad as you make it out to be - it's not the best story in the world, but it's more than adequate. I've been following it since chapter 3, and that was way before HBP was published.

    2) Things are not as bad as you make them out to be. I usually find at least one new chapter to read each day, but usually several. I agree there are bunch of stupid stories cluttering FFN, but HP fandom is so large that there are always at least 40-50 active stories that I can follow, plus 20-30 more that are good, but I personally don't like.
     
  8. raja

    raja Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2006
    Messages:
    115
    Location:
    California, USA
    There are a couple if small cliches in this story, but overall I really liked it. I haven't complteted reading it, but as of now I really like it. Plus, the writting's not that bad. ;)
     
  9. presonally i dont like itbut

    personally i dont like it simply because its going too well not to mention i hate h/hr but hey maybe ive been spoiled from books lkike earl of north and independence of a hero
     
  10. Rain

    Rain Pirate Navigator of the 7 Seas

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    597
    Location:
    Adirondack Park, NY
    It wasn't a bad story. I read it a long time ago when the cliche's in it weren't as obvious as they are now. I reread it recently and decided that while I still like it, it isn't one of my favorites as it was back then.

    We seriously do need some new material, though. I'm typing up whatever plotlines I can think of, challenges, and the sort to try to find something people will want to write and are somewhat "new". I've had a little luck, but I've yet to post anything anywhere.
     
  11. daterza

    daterza First Year

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2005
    Messages:
    39
    Location:
    South Africa
    I read it a while back and liked it. but I`ve found that Harry seems to good to be true and never seems to be in wrong about anything which sometimes gets to me.

    I agree with Exile, something new must come soon.
     
  12. oldmagic

    oldmagic Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2006
    Messages:
    263
    Location:
    Canada, Ontario
  13. Lord Dragon

    Lord Dragon DA Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2005
    Messages:
    159
    post

    Its a great start to the story
     
  14. tridentwatch

    tridentwatch Looked into the void

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    156
    Location:
    Canada, Toronto
    Cliche, cliche, cliche. Everywhere I look all i see is cliche. Heir of Merlin? Common. What next, pyromaniacs?
     
  15. radioactive

    radioactive Third Year

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Messages:
    104
    Location:
    Sofia, Bulgaria
    I remember reading this story. Vividly. It's not bad, in fact I could really get into it... If it werent for the nearly absolute lack of writing skill. Not that I could do better, mind, but the dialogue is... non-existent. Words thrown together like noone's business. The ideas, although a bit cliche, are not that bad, but it's nearly unreadable. :? Maybe a competent beta-reader and possibly a rewrite might fix this.

    Ok, I started reading the last chapter, and it's like entering a new world. Solid grammar and style (comparativly speaking) and the words flow... 8) I think I should go back and refresh my memory of this.
     
  16. Promios

    Promios Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    120
    Location:
    Sweden
    I checked the chapter where he was sorted, so i decided that if he was placedin Slytherin, I was going to read the story
    (Spoiler)
    (end spoiler)

    OMFG, so LAAAAAAME!
     
  17. tridentwatch

    tridentwatch Looked into the void

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    156
    Location:
    Canada, Toronto
    Speaking of beta readers, how do they work? Do you send in your chapter, they make the changes and send it back or what?
     
  18. Mrriddler

    Mrriddler High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2005
    Messages:
    538
    Location:
    Somewhere high, somewhere low and somewhere in bet
    This story is alright I think. Well written and fairly good characterization. Problem is the lack of things happening except for Harry being a friend of the Slytherin Daphne. The K+ rating probably will hurt the story, a lot, in the long run.

    tridentwatch, question is probably better in the fanfiction threat, but you are about right, though different betas have different standards. The general rule of thumb is that when you send a draft to your beta, it should be more more or ready for online viewing already. I would also recommend that you talk with your beta regularly over MSN, AIM or ICQ so that he/she feels involved. It gives you guys the chance to flush out any problems the story may have immediately as opposed to sending emails back and forth.
     
  19. tridentwatch

    tridentwatch Looked into the void

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    156
    Location:
    Canada, Toronto
    Betas sound like hard work :axe:
     
  20. John Croaker

    John Croaker Second Year

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2006
    Messages:
    54
    Location:
    Somewhere in this world...
    To cliche for my taste.