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Complete Crimson by NamelessHeretic - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by The-Hyphenated-One, Feb 13, 2007.

  1. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Seattle
    Title: Crimson
    Author: NamelessHeretic
    Rating: M
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    DLP Category: Independent or Dark
    Pairing: None Decided
    Chapters: 12
    Words: 54,204
    Updated: April 24, 2007
    Published: December 28, 2006
    Status: Complete

    Summary: Voldemort had taken everything away from him. His family, his life, his future… Harry Potter would never be the same. In sea of blood, he makes a vow. He would become strong. He would be the strongest. Pairings unknown at the moment.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3313637/1/



    Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2013
  2. C.S.Kaniel

    C.S.Kaniel Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2006
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    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    I'm only halfway through, but I suppose it's okay. Some things bout it cheesed me off, like reading Harry's character. It seems like the author is on the type of road where he could replace the name Harry with Shikamaru and we wouldn't notice because we were already used to Harry's lazyness. Plus the fact that I just read a paragraph with the term 'sweatdropped' in it. Makes me mad when anime expressions are used in hp fanfiction. Plus, the cloak he bought=ninjaness. Though I may just be reading into it too much.

    I do however, find his Dumbledore intriguing. I haven't seen a Dumbledore who SEEMS manipulative, but is completely in the palms of someones hands from the start, and having it NOT be Harry. Who it is remains to be seen, but meh.

    4/5 as of now.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2007
  3. Roguelyvisage

    Roguelyvisage First Year

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2006
    Messages:
    20
    eh

    As anime references go...Shikamaru is the only character in that show who isn't a damn emo...so i'll give it a read.
     
  4. Anarual

    Anarual Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    WTF is Shikamaru ? anime expressions ? ....*Anarual hates anime and after seeing 1 minute of one of the movies wanted to throw his tv out of the window*
     
  5. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    It reads like he is writing a rather awful movie script. I'm not overly in love...at all.

    I couldn't finish what is up.

    I wouldn't bother wasting the time it takes to click on the link, if I were you.
     
  6. kit

    kit Second Year

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2007
    Messages:
    74
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    While this is one of his lesser works, I believe that NamelessHeretic has some very good stuff, just check his profile. This story is just too "ninjaish" for me to take. I HATE stories where Harry goes around throwing magic ninja stars or cutting people up with katanas.
     
  7. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    This is a great start so far, but it's too early to tell how good the story itself will become. So far, the only bummer is Neville the Boy Who Lived (for real - not the fake one). Harry will need to find a replacement purpose in life FAST, or I'm afraid he might turn into a side character, cleaning up DE's while BWL!Neville does all the important stuff.

    BTW, hasn't this been posted yet?
     
  8. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I looked around and checked the list but I didn't find it. I thought it had been posted already too.
     
  9. C.S.Kaniel

    C.S.Kaniel Fourth Year

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    Erm, I wouldn't go quite that far. His primary(and only) weapon so far is his wand. And the only true ninjaish thing he's done is sneak through shadows in knockturn so he doesn't get molested or something. It may seem to have ninjaish elements, but I don't see Harry going 'ryu 1337 n1nj4 shuriken ATTACK!!11!1 anytime soon.
     
  10. Cthulu

    Cthulu Unintelligent Bigot

    Joined:
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    The only real ninja aspect I have found in this story is that cloak he baught.

    I... Fail to see your point?
    When I hear the name Shikamaru, I think Naruto, and the only character there that's even remotely emo is... hmm... can't think of one =\

    But indeed, this Harry is rather similar to Shikamaru, except for the whole "lazy" part, well, actually... The only thing they have in common is the fact that they're both really smart.

    Review:
    The grammar in the story is rather dismal at places, and Harry is just not written in a way that I like, this story would probably have been much better if written in 1st person.

    Besides the lacking grammar the story is rather enjoyable and deserves, in my opinion, a 3.5/5 (~4/5)
     
  11. carl

    carl Slug Club Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    195
    What's baught? Does it have any relation to bought?

    3/5 so far as it's nothing majorly great story wise yet but spelling is okay. Going to re-read again just for good measure. :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2007
  12. japanese_jew

    japanese_jew High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Messages:
    598
    Not bad, not bad at all. The new interaction with the ladies is looking interesting. Somewhere between 3.5 and 4.25, a few more chapters will make up my mind.
     
  13. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    386
    Location:
    Heidelberg
    i like this stroy a lot. the harry in the story develops into a slytherin!harry very well unlike the other stories in which harry becomes perfect slytherin at the age 16 over a night. i would give it a 5 if the harry-hermione interaction in the story didn't exist. i really wish this fic didn't turn into a HH one. so 4/5
     
  14. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    Its not going to, according to the author.

    Anyways I liked this story well enough. 4/5

    Also apparently my review and a few PM's managed to get the author to totally revise his outline.. haha.
     
  15. DreamRed

    DreamRed Seventh Year

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    Location:
    UK
    Not too bad. So far Harry looks like he's on his way to becoming a darker takes-shit-from-no-one style character, and the author doesn't waste Harry's words. At all. Promising, but still to early to really tell how it'll play out. I read a reasonable amount into some of his other stories awhile ago and didn't like them very much because of some of the cliché bad boy attitudes used for Harry, but this seems better. 4/5 for now.
     
  16. yojorocks

    yojorocks Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
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    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    Pretty decent Harry so far, but have to admit that it is a much more... involved AU than I anticipated from the summary. It's starting point as young as it is could be a major downfall: Very, very few fics that start this young continue past through 4th year before the author gets sick of it or loses sight of their goal. Regardless, that's the future and the current progress isn't half bad. The portrayal of Nelville seems a bit over-the-top, but Hermione and Ron seem very close to their canon selves. I like the bloodthirsty Harry, but honestly I think that Snape treated the situation wrong. Passing up a chance to send Potter Spawn to a wizarding shrink? Why on earth would he miss out on a chance like that?

    4/5-Good story, even if it isn't the easiest to wrap one's mind around, but nothing over-the-top extraordinary.
     
  17. BioPlague

    BioPlague MD DLP Supporter

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    BioPlague Advisory and Warning System
    [​IMG]

    Where I stopped: Shortly after beginning of Chapter 5
    Reason for stopping: The first three chapters were fairly decent and even interesting in some regards; there were some old somewhat overused sub-plots that had a fresh spin to them that seemed to be going places. Then the fourth chapter happened. It's one of those chapters where you skim through it and say 'Fuck it.' I gave it the benefit of the doubt and moved to the fifth chapter.

    Unfortunately, the anime-'isms' had been racking up and the introduction of a Philosopher's Stone-Canon!Hermione and face-vaulting did it for me. It was nice while it lasted but it was one too many cliches and, technically, I did a bulk of the Potter Laws and I definitely endorse the no-anime bullshit.

    Problems and Warnings:
    - Face Vaulting. Sweat Dropping. Major Potter Law broken here.
    - The first three chapters lull you into a sense that this story will be Acceptable; Chapter four skull-fucks you into remembering that any story, any where at any random point could take a fast trip south of the border. Chapter four was Harry being something no 11 year old boy should be. And it was a bitch to get through.
    - Canon!Philosopher'sStone!Hermione. We read through that once and made it through with the battle scars. C'mon. Give us a break.
    - Did I mention face vaulting? Because that shit's retarded.

    Either way, give this story a spin past where I started if the chapter and a half don't ruin it for you. The beginning and Lily's character were very interesting and actually the highlight of the story. It's all down hill from there - Poor.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2007
  18. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    Location:
    USA
    Plus I am willing to guess the pairing Harry/cum breath(ginny) because this is the writers standard pairing and no I have not read it so no rating
     
  19. Hadoren

    Hadoren High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Messages:
    500
    This fic gets a 3.5/5.

    It's alright, but the author honestly needs to start thinking about things before he writes them down.

    Major plot mistakes (going by the storyline):

    1st The whole Knockturn Alley episode (chapter 4). Why in the world does Harry go out to Knockturn Alley at night? It's not exactly illegal to go at daytime, and he's not the Boy-Who-Lived. Also - supercliche coming up - Harry gets his uber-secret device that breaks magical tracking by...going into Borgan and Burkes...as an 11-year-old...while the Ministry doesn't know about this...This just screams NOT-A-WELL-THOUGHT-OUT-IDEA. And then, to add a bit more stupidity to the whole episode, the author states it was pointless because Harry could've done magic in Diagon Alley without anybody noticing.

    2nd the author talks about Harry's inability to open a magical book and then says he'll do it in Hogwarts. Once there, he forgets all about it.

    3rd Harry has seen Death-Eaters kill his family, specifically Bellatrix Lestrange. He now sleeps daily with the sons of suspected Death Eaters and relatives of Lestrange (i.e. Draco Malfoy). Why in the world isn't he taking his just revenge upon them?

    4th The Harry-Dumbledore scene just plain sucked.

    The mistake in Harry's side of the conversation is that he's very rude to a highly respected adult wizard who's his headmaster without having the author give reason whatsoever for this other than a slight dislike for Neville beforehand. This is the trap that nearly all Independent!Harry stories fall into, where Harry insults the headmaster. He just says,

    Look to Dumbledore's side of the conversation. The author gives absolutely no logical reason why Dumbledore - the greatest wizard in Britain - would give a fuck about an ambitious 1st year, especially one that isn't the Boy-Who-Lived. Moreover, he shouldn't automatically label Harry as an enemy when he refuses. After all, as a patient century-old wizard, he should know that if 1st time doesn't always succeed; you can try, try again.

    This leads to the next problem, which is the conflict. Simply put, it's nonexistent. Neville's the Boy-Who-Lived, not Harry. The only thing the story's going to be about is the childhood of a powerful wizard. If you want to read that, go read...I can't think of any book which makes a person great without obstacles.

    Now, the previous two problems (Dumbledore's concern with Harry and the conflict) can be solved if the author has a secret plan for Harry Potter where he's special - judging from the author's writing so far, Harry's part demon.

    Another great mistake is that Harry's personality wildly switches from a anime-style fun-loving/sleepy/hungry kid to a dark, dangerous person deeply affected by his experience where his mother died and determined to learn magic. For example, it first states:
    A few lines later, the author writes:
    On the other hand, the author definately has an engaging writing style that keeps a reader interested in the story.

    Edit: It's better than 95% of the shit on fanfiction.net. In addition, it's probably the only new acceptable Independent!Harry story that I've began to follow in the past 2 months.

    The anime-style stuff was funny to me when I first read the story, but when pointed out it does become slightly annoying - although still humorous.

    One cool aspect of his work is that he gives deep analysis - I mean, for example:

    There is one unique idea, which is basically that Dumbledore is under the control of a secret group of wizards.

    Lastly, I continue to follow this story because it expertly avoided the 1st-year quagmire so many stories get stuck in. 2 chapters and it's finished, having only touched upon the necessary plot points. Oh yeah, and Harry's in Slytherin! Yeah!

    Holy fuck, my review ran away from me. I originally just wanted it to be a paragraph.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2007
  20. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I really didn't notice any of these these illusive anime aspects that had garnered so much critique. And that's saying something, considering I'm almost allergic to that shit.

    The story is still rather good IMO. The biggest problem so far was the clumsy and rushed conclusion of the first year. Skipping scenes is one thing, but this sort of casual dismissal had left us lacking too many details IMO.

    Let's say, 4.3/5