1. Hey Guest, welcome back to DLP

    As you can see, we've changed our look. We've migrated from vBulletin to the Xenforo forum system. There may be issues or missing functionality, if you find anything or have feedback, please check out the new Xenforo Migration Feedback forum.

    Our dark ("Dark Lord Potter") theme is under heavy development. We also have a light ("Light Lord Potter") theme for those happier with a light background and darker text.

    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Hey Guest! Are you any good at cooking? Got a favourite recipe that you love to cook or bring out to impress that special someone? Why not share it! A new forum called The Burrow has opened and it's all about homemaking!

Oneshot Cry me a river by VereorNox - T

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Nuhuh, Jul 10, 2016.

  1. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,069
    Location:
    USA
    Title: Cry me a river
    Author: VereorNox
    Rating: T
    Genre: Drama
    Status: Complete
    Library Category: General Fics
    Pairings: None

    Summary:Zoe Thomson wasn't really sure what to think of Harry Potter when she met him. That ugly ring on his finger, that weird clock in his hands and the way he looked at her made her uneasy. It was as if he knew something she didn't know, and she didn't like that at all.

    Link:Cry me a river, WBA thread FF.net link

    My review: While the summary does not necessarily pull you in, I will recommend a read. The story is written in a quaint and measured style that I've missed after reading so many hard edged and fast paced stories. It reminds me of a writer taking time to build an atmosphere of a story rather than finding all the different conflicts that should drive it.

    Harry in this is an adult, so this is post Hogwarts. The main conflict of the books is over with. Zoe, the OC, is not a love interest or some sort of author-protected special snowflake. So don't be turned off by not recognizing the character. The one-shot is a glimpse into Harry's life as an adult and the moments he occupies in Zoe's life, unusual coincidences, and quirky happenings.

    I'm vague because I don't want to spoil the story for you. I will say that for me the manner it is written is worth the read. It's refreshing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2016
  2. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    1,385
    Location:
    Chester, England
    Read the whole thing. The twist wasn't unexpected, but it wasn't the most cliche piece I've ever read.

    No major spelling or grammar issues jumped out at me, but at the same time nothing else really did either. It wasn't bad, but there wasn't really much of it that stood out, and I am left wondering if Harry does this for everyone, everyone with regrets, or pretty girls only.

    3.5/5, rounded down to 3/5. A nice enough little piece of fluff, with no real problems other than it just not exciting me.
     
  3. CheddarTrek

    CheddarTrek Set Phasers to Melt Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    5,954
    Location:
    Mississippi
    3.5/5 from me as well - It's good and utilized a concept that I'm particularly fond of. Harry didn't feel overmuch like Harry, though the reason for that is explained by the circumstances of the fic. I liked the start of the story the best, since the mood and characters were set up well. Once we got about halfway through it started to feel less interesting to me. It is a good length for a one shot of this nature though.

    The quality of the writing makes me want to round up to 4. The fact that I didn't 'get into the story' though makes me want to round down to 3. Going with three, but still solid work.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2016
  4. Materia-Blade

    Materia-Blade First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2011
    Messages:
    40
    Location:
    Fussa, Japan
    5/5 for me. Did not expect to be quite so moved.

    I admit to being a little biased. I fricking love post canon stories involving muggles meeting or interacting with the main characters.

    Still, Harry did feel like a sad older man with a heavy weight on his shoulders and I thought it was marvelously carried out. While not exactly a new idea, plotlines involving the consequences of uniting the deathly hallows are usually carried out with a less classic view of the reaper. It felt poignant. I could see Harry becoming this, and frankly I liked the OC a lot too.
     
  5. Miner

    Miner Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    316
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    While the fic is touching, it did not hold the level of emotional punch, so to speak, as other fics I've read. Maybe it's because I'm still pretty young and haven't been faced with my own mortality yet, but I couldn't relate with Zoe, especially at the end, very well.

    On the other hand, it's very well written, and the way Harry's willingness to simply give to others for no other reason than to make them happy really resonated as being just so Harry. MasterOfDeath! Harry may be overused, but I've rarely read a story so perfectly aware of both the power and the sorrow that one experiences while holding that title.

    My one complaint is that Harry goes to an awful lot of trouble to promote Zoe to get her days off, which feels totally unnecessary since she'll die anyways. Was it merely a ploy to get her trust? Or to get her on board? I dunno, that part felt a little awkward, and I feel like Zoe should trust Harry less after he pulls that stunt. There is no such thing as a free lunch after all.

    I liked it. Twas.. surprisingly engaging, and it had its moments. 4/5
     
  6. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

    Joined:
    May 27, 2010
    Messages:
    598
    Location:
    Philippines
    Decently written, with an appropriately emotional climax that was a pleasant surprise. Extra points for trying something different. 4/5 from me.
     
  7. Roarian

    Roarian High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2011
    Messages:
    520
    Location:
    Netherlands
    A new take on an established trope, but a pretty good one. I remember you wanted to make this a longer story originally, but I think the current length of this particular plot is just about right. Quirky older Harry works well enough that you might consider bringing him back for some other story, maybe for the longer tale you intended?

    Incidentally, I was vaguely reminded of Death of the Endless - you ever read that stuff?

    I'll give it a 4 - a 3 just for the concept, but the execution is good.
     
  8. Sir Snuffy

    Sir Snuffy Third Year

    Joined:
    May 3, 2016
    Messages:
    85
    Location:
    The country the Queen lives in
    High Score:
    0
    I believe that it's library worthy. A good read - 4/5
     
  9. worldbuilder

    worldbuilder Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    High Score:
    0
    I haven't come across many stories in the same category, so I thought it was an interesting read.
    No grammatical error that i can see and I managed to connect to the characters. not the most unexpected twist I have read, but still a good one-shot for some pleasure reading

    4/5
     
  10. KGB

    KGB Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2011
    Messages:
    752
    Harry doesn't feel like Harry in this. Instead he feels like an angel would be portrayed in some sort of generic urban fantasy tv show.

    Still it was a rather interesting if you can ignore that.
     
  11. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    146
    High Score:
    3,065
    I don't have much time, so I'll just repost what I said in the WbA:

     
  12. nemdewa

    nemdewa Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2016
    Messages:
    12
    Location:
    Earth, I think
    High Score:
    0
    For an OC story this was pretty good. Since it's a oneshot, I wasn't expecting too much plot or excitement from it. What I saw was a short, emotional piece. It did the job I was expecting it to do, and it did it well.

    4/5
     
  13. illya_

    illya_ First Year

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2015
    Messages:
    24
    I thoroughly enjoyed the story. It is well written and the characters felt real.

    The clues could be interpreted in multiple ways and where properly vague.
    The broken clock actually made me think it was a time travel fic, instead of harry stopping Zue's limited time.
    This misstake probably saved the story for me, figuring out the twist too early never helps when reading a story.

    3.5/5 rounded up -> 4/5
     
  14. CheddarTrek

    CheddarTrek Set Phasers to Melt Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    5,954
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Huh, I thought time travel was somehow involved regardless. They lived the day twice, after all. Once Harry was hit by the car, then spent the day with her.

    ...but then in hindsight, I feel like I need to read it again, b/c that wouldn't make perfect sense either. Seems less likely she'd step out in front of the car if her mood, etc. were different.
     
  15. illya_

    illya_ First Year

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2015
    Messages:
    24
    As you said, her mood and the situation were completely different.
    An ordinary turner is out of the question, my guess is that the watch is something he can use as MoD.

    Thought it is completely possible that I missunderstood what sorcery Harry used.
     
  16. DropWatch

    DropWatch Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    High Score:
    0
    For an OC story, it did ok. The premise was solid, albeit the build up was a bit too long for it was. As for the writing, it was also reasonable, however at points the dialogue was lacking.

    I think the main point for me was it felt 'meh'. I didn't feel much empathy for Zoe or even Harry at the conclusion. I would give it a 3/5 overall mainly for premise and being better than the average fic in execution.
     
  17. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Messages:
    6,056
    I thought this was an enjoyable little story. I'm assuming this was inspired, somewhat, by Meet Joe Black. Similar themes and the main female in that movie, her last name was Parish, which he used for Zoe's coworker.

    If that was completely unintended, then that is amazing. Hah.
     
  18. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,502
    Location:
    Germany occupied Greece
    High Score:
    4,495
    Pretty good at what it did, though could use some restructuring at certain points. I have some issues with length, but overall enjoyed it.

    4/5. Easily gets in.
     
  19. Avada kedabra

    Avada kedabra Squib

    Joined:
    May 13, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    High Score:
    0
    review

    A fluffy story that toke me about 10 minutes to read can't say i am disappointed although i don't fell satisfied 3.5/5 rounded down to a 3/5.