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Day With No End by astropixie - K+

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Kyp's Avenger, Jul 3, 2007.

  1. Kyp's Avenger

    Kyp's Avenger Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2006
    Messages:
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    Location:
    USA
    Title: Day With No End
    Author: astropixie (That's me on ff.net)
    Rating: K+
    Genre: General
    DLP Category: Time Travel
    Pairing: None
    Status: WIP
    Summary: AU fifth year. Harry has an awful day and can't wait for it to be over. Unfortunately, it just keeps repeating itself. Will his tormentor Snape be able to help?
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3063453/1/

    This is my second HP story. I feel like the first chapter is weak, but once the peril of the plot kicks in the story gets much better. I've edited it myself, but let me know if you think a beta would still be useful. Enjoy!
     
  2. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

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    Not too shabby. I enjoy a good groundhog day style fic and this one is better than some I've seen. It's certainly far more realistic as far as Harry's reaction goes that's for sure. While Snape is very well done each day prior to Harry managing to get him to listen he seems to go a bit...soft...after their conversations. That might just be my extreme loathing of the character though.

    4/5
     
  3. Kyp's Avenger

    Kyp's Avenger Fourth Year

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    I was hoping I didn't make him out of character. Thank you for pointing that out, I'll keep that in mind for the rest of the story.
     
  4. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

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    Well, it was good, but I have read story with exactly same plot-line before, so I'm unimpressed.
     
  5. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I think this story is the perfect example of how to ruin the potential of the Groundhog day idea. 50% of this story is Harry whining and begging various people to help him. Stupid little fuck, why doesn't he do something fun for a change?
     
  6. Le

    Le Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2006
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    I'm gonna agree with ip82. Where is the crazy shit that Harry could do the moment he realized he was in a loop? I mean, I'd go nuts if I were him. Running to Snape is just pathetic. C'mon, make him do something exiting. About the in characterness, I think he's too in character. As in, he acts like he would in the book, without the time loop. By the third time, he would have started exploiting it. Seriously. Until something like that happens, 3/5.
     
  7. Kyp's Avenger

    Kyp's Avenger Fourth Year

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    I think that being stuck in a time loop like that would be terrifying. Maybe I watch too much Doctor Who, but I tend to think of time as a serious matter.

    Well, I guess this fic isn't for DLP, but I appreciate the honest opinions. Much better than the "omg poor harry pls update soon!" reviews I've been getting.
     
  8. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I didn't like the story too much. Harry's angsting is bothersome, and he sounds like Cannon Harry (in other words, a pussy), no offense intended. Maybe if he had more of a backbone, and went to other people instead of Snape, that'd be a better part of the story. Instead, he goes to Snape (while most people on this site hate him). Anyway, thats my opinion. I give it a 3/5 right now. He's your normal pussy!Harry. I can't stand stories that he lets people walk all over him like that.

    Richard.
     
  9. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    The problem is that he's in canon (and worse) in regards to his pussyness and dependence upon others and out of canon in regards to his attitude towards Snape. We'd have preferred it was the other way around.
     
  10. malaga

    malaga Auror

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    New Zealand
    If I was Harry and could do whatever I wanted, and noone but me would remember, I would go crazy. Cover Ginny, Snape, and Dumbledore in petrol and cast Incendio, stuff Colin Creevey's camera down his throat, and put up signs proclaiming Filch's love for Mrs. Norris. Asking Snape for help would be so low down on my list it'd be after jumping from the Astronomy Tower.
     
  11. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Well, the author could certainly try to re-write the whole thing, and do crazy shit instead of being an idiot. But oh well, sometimes its too late for that.

    Richard.