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[Abandoned] Deathly Hallowed by Shujin1 - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Shujin, May 9, 2013.

  1. Shujin

    Shujin Second Year

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    70
    Location:
    Big Cheese, America
    Title: Deathly Hallowed
    Author: Shujin1
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Horror
    Chapters: 11
    Words: 77,463
    Updated: February 6, 2014
    Published: April 5, 2013
    Status: Abandoned

    Library Category: The Dark Arts
    Pairings: Undecided
    Summary: The Tale of Three Brothers was not a legend. It was a warning. No one cheats Death. And luckily for Lily Potter, the promise of the Cloak's return in exchange for her son's life was a fair deal. Stare into the abyss, Harry Potter, and we will see who blinks first.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9172846/1/Deathly-Hallowed

    Shameless self plug.

    It's been called to my attention that marking this story as a rewrite and tacking it onto the end of a [Complete] story thread is doing it an injustice. It should be rated according to its own merits since very little actually links it to the "original" version.

    This story is a psuedo Cthulu-mythos cross with the premise that Lily figures out what James' Cloak is before Dumbledore does, and makes a deal with eldritch abomination Death in order to break the prophecy. The problem is, the method she used to call Death has long lasting consequences and isn't restricted to calling just Death over.

    If a mod can snip the story discussion for this and graft it here, that would be much appreciated.



    Checked by Minion, July. 28, 2016
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016
  2. The Iron Rose

    The Iron Rose Order Member

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    Earns a solid 4.5 rounding up to 5/5 from me. Good horror scenes, fantastic tension building.

    Some scenes are tricky to follow and there are a few typos in the latest update, but that seems like a proofing error and given you're on here, likely not indicative of a wider issue.
     
  3. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2010
    Messages:
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    Location:
    UK
    I really enjoy this story and it's so different from the original that it totally deserves to have its own recommendation.

    You've done a great job at creating the eldritch horrors from the other side and hinting at how they operate through the story rather than by exposition. I've not read the most recent chapter yet, but the first seven are definitely Library worthy.

    5/5
     
  4. FreakLord

    FreakLord Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2011
    Messages:
    449
    4.5 out of 5

    Because I had to read some scenes more than 2 times to understand.
     
  5. CheddarTrek

    CheddarTrek Set Phasers to Melt Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Mississippi
    4/5

    I posted a few details in the other thread. It's good, and deserves a spot in the library, but it's not quite 5/5 material in my mind.
     
  6. TSN

    TSN High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Montreal
    Thana is the cutest kid ever. but what I want to say last time was the fact that I really don't like Lily whiping out Harry memory. I don't think its the work of Thana, its not something I beleive she would do to her friend... it just doesnt sit well with me for Harry to never remember anything from those event with Thana.

    Its not even been 2 week and already Harry lost 2 of his extra life. They have to man up and tell him whats going on otherwise he won't last the year.

    Is Alex actually still alive there at the end or dead or Zombified? (thats kind of awesome btw)
     
  7. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    For much of the story I've been scratching my head wondering what's going on. Obscurity is good, but it's been taken a bit too far here. Thank god for the latest chapter, Memory, which helped to put things into perspective. I'm enjoying the story more now.

    4/5.
     
  8. Russano

    Russano Disappeared

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    I gave it a 4/5. It's interesting, mysterious, and unique. Not a combination that you can find easily. But it's too confusing to give a 5/5.
     
  9. Darth

    Darth Third Year

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2012
    Messages:
    94
    Same.

    I don't like how Harry's memories were altered, but it seems like he'll notice. I hope he does, otherwise I will feel cheated.
     
  10. Shujin

    Shujin Second Year

    Joined:
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    Big Cheese, America
    Well, you won't have to worry about feeling cheated.

    She's dead, Jim.
     
  11. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Again, fucking loving this.

    5/5 from me.
     
  12. Darth

    Darth Third Year

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    Mar 7, 2012
    Messages:
    94
    Is she gone from the rest of the story? I'm a sad panda now :(
     
  13. Shujin

    Shujin Second Year

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    With a Harry who is friends with proto-shoggoth Death? Please. The question is: Does she come back right?
     
  14. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2011
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    142
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    High Score:
    3,164
    The story's kinda confusing but I really like it so far.

    It's legit a bit scary and bad things actually happen to people, but they don't feel like unnecessary bad things, like random character deaths tacked on for angst. They make sense in the context of the story. Characterizations are pretty decent. Definitely library material, 4.5/5.
     
  15. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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  16. R. Daneel Olivaw

    R. Daneel Olivaw Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Yuen Long
    Definitely library worthy in my opinion. I really like that I haven't been able to easily anticipate what's going to happen. 5/5 for what I've read so far.
     
  17. AceOfSpades

    AceOfSpades Sixth Year

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    Location:
    A frozen, urban jungle.
    I like this. I like this a lot. Library for sure, 4.5/5 if only because it is a little confusing right now.
     
  18. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    New Zealand
    High Score:
    4,500
    So, I've seen this around a lot, but only just got around to reading it.

    I have to say, I don't know what the fuck I just read, but I did love it.

    It's creepy, scary, and fascinating in all the right ways. Looking forward to seeing more. 5/5 from me so far.
     
  19. coleam

    coleam Death Eater

    Joined:
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    I dunno. It's well-written and a cool concept, but it seems to me that the author is trying too hard to make it mysterious and strange, and it comes across as confusing more than anything. Mysterious is great to an extent, but when you're seven chapters and almost 60k words in and your readers are still saying "I have no idea wtf I just read," there's a problem. Again, it's well-written, but I just couldn't enjoy it because I was too busy trying to figure out how everything worked and what was going on rather than appreciating the story.

    3/5
     
    Myst and Beonid
  20. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    Pretty much this. Mystery is nice but I was too confused for too long to keep interest in the story. It is well written in a grammatical sense, but I don't think its well written in a "keep the reader's interest" sense.