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Complete Dudley's Memories by paganaidd - T

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Joe's Nemesis, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

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    Title: Dudley's Memories
    Author: paganaidd
    Rating: T
    Genre: Angst/Family
    Status: Complete
    Library Category: General Fics
    Pairings: Harry/Ginny (although not important).
    Summary: Minerva needs help delivering another letter to #4 Privet Drive. At forty, Dudley is not at all what Harry expects. A long overdue conversation ensues. DH cannon compliant, but probably not the way you think. Prologue to "Snape's Memories".
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6142629/1/Dudleys-Memories

    Okay, so I've been hearing for a while that today's DLP has changed, and a story that has some DLP-disliked ideas in it, if it is well-written, might even make it into the library. So, here's the a chance to see if that's true. Although not central to the story, and no sexual scenes are written into the story at all, there is slash involved—Dudley and his mate. It is their child who is getting a letter.

    So, why should this story be in the library even though there is a bit of slash? First, although the writing begins a bit rocky, the narrators voice is very mature, which is refreshing. Second, while I think I've seen most of the tropes before in Harry Potter fics, nothing in this story feels cliche-ish, moreover, scenes that could be angsty or clumsily handed are instead presented well.

    Finally, there's the plot itself. In six short chapters and one evening, the author does a very good job of bringing about . . . well, not resolution (it's too short for that), but a good beginning to closure between Harry and Dudley.

    Note, there are a couple of things that make me grind my teeth in frustration, like the constant mispelling of McGonagall. However, at least it is consistent rather than a mistake here, right there, and then another mistake.


    Note to modes: couldn't see where to add tags. All I see is the option to upload files, preview, watch thread, and post a poll.
     
  2. Zenzao

    Zenzao 500 Club King Prestige DLP Supporter

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    The thing that is killing me with this fic is the little yet consistent errors. Periods where commas should be, no commas where they should be, and as you said McGonagall as McGonagol. I'll give it another chance when I'm less pressed for time, so that I can give this a fair shot, but I'm not impressed with the writing right now and that isn't enticing me to keep with this solely for the plot.
     
  3. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

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    Zenzao,

    Yeah, like I said, there's a couple of things that make me grind my teeth in frustration. Somehow, though, I ended up in immersion and forgot about them at some point.
     
  4. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    It's pretty good. There are errors, yes - a missing comma in the first sentence is not a good start, and there's some occasionally clunky writing - and the second half is a bit...convenient. It also magnifies the abuse Harry suffered at the Dursleys more than I prefer. If it hadn't been completed, I probably wouldn't check for updates, and I probably won't bother with the sequel.

    All that said though, there is something about it that kept me going. Despite the content, it's quite a sweet story, and mostly nicely handled. The writing could use a polish, but it isn't terrible by any stretch.

    I feel like 4/5 is a little generous, but 3/5 is a little harsh. I'll mull an actual rating over, but all in all I do like it.
     
  5. Methos

    Methos Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    It was nice, Dudley doing a soul search is interesting.
    I won't visit the Sequel, anything related to Snape and making him misunderstood hero, isn't my cup of tea.
     
  6. Nazgus

    Nazgus Minister of Magic

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    Went with 4/5 for me.

    Not a fan of the exacerbation of the abuse, but the details aren't dwelled on so I don't mind it much. Don't think I'll be checking out the sequel (not a Snape fan), but this was a nice little story about Harry and Dudley reuniting and talking through their childhoods.
     
  7. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

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    Not a bad story, and I didn't really realise I was reading through the whole thing. A few issues with spelling and punctuation, but nothing outlandish.

    Not exactly stand out brilliant, and I didn't care enough about it to go and read the sequel, but it wasn't bad. It didn't really do anything new, although I hadn't seen the combination of Dudley's career, child, and sexuality all used in the same fic before.

    As is, there's other fics out there that do the same thing but better, and I couldn't muster up the effort to care about what happens next. 3/5
     
  8. Shouldabeenadog

    Shouldabeenadog Auror

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    I looke it. 4/5. There is something nice about the character interactions, even if some of them are more set pieces. The focif is solidly on Harry and Dudley, and it works well.
     
  9. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige

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    This story got screwed before I even got to reading, because Republic and Sorrows have both written in this genre, Harry/Dudley connection post-epilogue, and they both did something great with it.

    This is quite short and with novelettes you should pick one or two things and do that, or write more.

    Three main things happen here: Harry/Dudley reunion, Dudley's kid is a witch, the orphan boy.

    I feel like if one of them had not been there, there would've been more space to explore the others.

    The major subject is of course what happens with Harry and Dudley. It's a new take on it, but it seems to me that it was a little one sided. Dudley was already past the finish line in working out his issues, so neither had a partner, so to speak, to walk this road with.

    I can't help comparing it to Rep's story, which took on a more humorous tone very well, and Sirrows', which was more fleshed out and incredibly charming. The density of typos in a relatively short story doesn't help.

    I think that if this was the first story of its kind I read, I might have rated it higher. As is, I can't go above 3/5, and it's more like 2,5/5 rounded up, simply because there's not much space to make the kind of bigger mistake that would have me rounding down instead.

    3/5, and it's very much a "read it once and forget it exists" fic. There's nothing memorable here. There are stories I personally rate lower, but I remember them. This will leave no impact
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2018
  10. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Read: If you don't like this story then it's simply because you dislike specific ideas, not because the story is bad. By not liking this story you also continue living up to the stereotype DLP built in the past and that's bad mmkay? Now give this 5-stars!

    How about fuck off? You don't need to preface a story sell like this, especially if the story you're trying to sell doesn't need it.
     
  11. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

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    Why u so mad?

    Wasn't meant that way at all. Moreover, it seems no one else took it that way either. I also noted there were problems, but let's ignore that, right?

    If it'll make you feel better, I'll restate the post here:

    Here's a story that includes slash—let's see if the criticisms can focus on the story itself rather than slash, since I've heard DLP is changing a bit.
    Better?
    --------------
    Moving on, it's good to see the criticisms have been on the actual story. I figured this story fell right on the brink between making and not making the library mainly because of the grammar mistakes, and it seems that's playing out pretty much as I thought.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2018
  12. Download

    Download Supreme Mugwump DLP Supporter

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    When you write "Harry/Dudley" all I can think of is some sick slash pairing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2018
  13. Lord Murtaza

    Lord Murtaza First Year

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    I remember reading this and thinking about a few certain things. I'll list the salient points here:

    1. Dudley's "awakening" if you were, (the point where he realizes that his cousin was abused and his parents are horrible people) stems from a semi believable plot point, that is to say, his being gay. To this, I agree with the author fully - one of the most common ways people who grow up in some sort of conditioned belief/system break said conditioning is when they realize it will harm them personally. Nothing motivates the human mind faster than the threat of harm. And so, when the author writes about how Dudley began questioning his own life/beliefs when he discovered his homosexuality (and realizing he was as much of a 'freak' his parents wouldn't tolerate) it is believable. What is not believable, however, is his being gay in the first place, since there is nothing in Canon that hints towards that. Still, creative freedom in fanfiction is a given, and at least this reasoning for Dudley's complete 180 makes more sense than some of the other redemption fics out there.

    2. The characterizations of Harry and Hermione are done well enough to be believable. In particular focus is Harry during his conversations with Dudley - he reacts as though Canon Harry would.

    3. I was going to talk about how this Fic primarily focuses on rearing an abused child but then realized that was actually the sequel.

    Unfortunately, the sequels are not quite worth reading, mainly because of the shoehorning of Snape into them - though that just might be my own personal opinion of the character leaking through. Still, they focus heavily on the raising of an emotionally distraught, abused boy, and there is quite a bit of angst. Not everyone's cup of tea.

    For this fic, I'd give it a 3.5/5. It's a good little time waster, but nothing more.
     
  14. Sorrows

    Sorrows Unspeakable Prestige DLP Gold Supporter

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    Eeeeeeh

    There's really nothing majorly wrong with it. Dudley as being gay was nicely handled and the idea that that was the catalyst of his change in attitude towards Harry makes emotional sense even if it is somewhat clumsily narrated. It was probably the best idea the story has. There's nothing from the canon that would suggest Dudley's not or couldn't be gay (particularly since Harry is deeply uninterested in his cousins romantic life).The dynamic he and his husband have is comfortably normal. Hermione and Harry felt like believable characters.

    That being said, I don't particularly care for the Harry/Dudley dynamic and that's the heart of a reunion fic. Dudley is boringly saintly with his life all worked out and Harry has a few issues and preconceptions he seems to quickly set aside. I really don't like the playing up of the abuse and Dudley's redemption book had me rolling my eyes. The idea of muggleborn social services is also an interesting one that I've not seen before. However it wasn't all that well presented and the idea a Social Worker would take his cousin to an active crime scene really didn't sit right.

    Overall I'd give it a 3/5. There doesn't seem to be any character or emotional growth to be done or narrative structure/resolution. Theres one or two fresh idea's not handled great. The writing is about competent but I don't think it has much flair. It feels like a companion piece rather than its own story. I'm not going to judge it on typos or spelling errors because I am deeply guilty of those and I didn't spot enough to bring me out of the story.

    I also won't rate it officially because I might not be impartial.