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Abandoned Embers of Loyalty by Aria Gray - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Spanks, Dec 26, 2007.

  1. Spanks

    Spanks Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2007
    Messages:
    1,399
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Title: Embers of Loyalty
    Author: Aria Gray
    Rating: T (possibly M in the future)
    Genre: General/Suspense
    DLP Category: Dark Arts
    Pairing: None so far
    Chapters: 17
    Words: 66,549
    Updated: January 27, 2008
    Published: October 4, 2007
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Even Dumbledore makes mistakes. The Horcrux in Harry didn't die that night, and now Voldemort is alive in Harry. Can Harry learn to control the evil within? Or will a new Dark Lord emerge?

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3819197/1/Embers_of_Loyalty

    I didn't see it in the library and the search engine didn't bring anything up so I figured I would post it.

    I liked it. So far it is turning out to be a decent Dark Lord Harry fic.

    4/5


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 23, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2012
  2. Cathal

    Cathal Sir Nils' Right Hand

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2007
    Messages:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    Hmm... I prefer fics where Harry becomes evil on his own accord, not due to possession or powerful influence of some force/artifact. The only exception is Azkaban. Ok, dementors have an impact on Harry but screw them. Azkaban!Harrys are still fun.
    In any case, I'll give it a try and post my opinion on it later.
     
  3. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    Location:
    Democratic Republic of The Congo
    It is not perfect, but it is entertaining. The first chapter isn't great, but it gets better. I enjoy the Hermione vs. Harry aspect a lot.

    4/5
     
  4. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    not bad. the first couple of chapters were excellent really, but by the end of what he's got written Tom has pretty much completely taken over. The speech patterns, the plotting and self aggrandizing, Pretty much the whole schmere is Voldimort.

    it' started good, but I'm afraid the latter chapters have proven that it was all just a setup to write a competent Voldimort fic. It's fairly obvious that the Deus Ex on this one will be 'Harry's Wuv' for everyone shining through at the last moment when Voldimort either tries or succeeds in killing RW and HG.

    Pluses include Bill being a Lying Asshole, the annihilation of the Hogwarts centaurs, the Destruction of the Goblin council, The subversion of Ginny, And the Complete Pwnage of Lucius.
    Downsides include R&H leading the order. R&H having waited over five years for Harry's return so they could be married, Ginny's Wuv of harry Keeping her from dating anyone in the five years since he left. Hagrid bawling when he found out that harry's gone Dark rather than just trying to rip him limb from limb, and a Political!Harry/Voldimort 'Hybrid' having pathetically transparent scemes.

    Well Written, but lacking the flair necessary to make it extraordinary.

    3.7/5
     
  5. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    It isn't the greatest story in the world, but its not horrible. I generally dislike Voldemort!Harry, but this one doesn't urk me so much as the rest. The largest complaint I have is that the ending, Radeemed!Harry, is hugely obvious.

    4/5 if not for the obvious end coming, 3.5/5 as it stands now.
     
  6. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    MS's What Lies Beneath and Amerision's Temptations of a Dark Soul are better for those who want to read a fic of this type. It's Okay, but a bit dull.

    3/5
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2007
  7. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

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    It's not one of those epic fics you remember fondly, however it's not a waste of time either. For me, so far, it's above average, good time killer.

    4/5
     
  8. Helius

    Helius Third Year

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2007
    Messages:
    109
    Location:
    Australia
    It's good at the beginning, but it starts to become a bit boring towards the later chapters. I like the dark Harry in the first few chapters, but the whole Voldemort taking over thing really sucks.

    3/5 - Not horrible, but not that good either.
     
  9. LogrusMage

    LogrusMage Supreme Mugwump

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    I have a feeling this will go the way of a redemption type fic... has the author said anything hinting either way?

    As of now, 3.5/5. Not great, but still very good. The possible redemption aspect dropped it from a 4.
     
  10. Aria Gray

    Aria Gray Muggle

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3
    I've just discovered this site and I have to say, judging from what I've seen of the rest of this site, I'm really quite flattered that my story has been called "a good time killer," and "not horrible."

    I do feel a bit of a need to defend myself in one respect though: While the redemtion aspect of this story may seem inevitable, I like to think that I'm not quite that predictable. While I don't entirely go for the same themes that the people on this site generally seem to, I'm not all flowers and sunshine either. That's not to say that the ending will necessarily please you, but I don't think it's quite what you're expecting. I don't want to give away the ending, but rest assured, Harry is not just going to suddenly realize the error of his ways, link arms with Ron and Hermione (who have of course forgiven him for all the death and destruction) and skip off happily into the sunset.

    Hmm...or maybe they will. That actually doesn't sound too bad. All we need now is for everyone Harry loved to come back from the dead, and they can all go to the circus too! And unicorns! I'll have to think about that.

    But anyway, thanks for giving it a chance! I really am flattered by the mediocre reviews!
     
  11. dragaan

    dragaan Squib

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    Yes, people here are very harsh critics...
    This is the first fic with Voldemort!Harry so I really can't give a good critic.
    I can tell you that your story is overall a pretty good job.