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Entry #7

Discussion in 'Q3 Flash Competition' started by Xiph0, Jul 29, 2021.

  1. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Harry Apparated outside the Burrow with unaccustomed trepidation. Stumbling a little from the landing, he patted his pocket to reassure himself, then headed through the gate, trying to look casual.

    The door was flung open before he had a chance to knock, and Molly Weasley pulled him into one of her tightest hugs. “Harry dear, it’s good to see you! You really should come over more often, you know.”

    “Sorry, Mrs – Molly,” Harry corrected himself. “Works been busy, you know how it is.”

    “Oh, I know dear, but you can’t be catching dark wizards on an empty stomach.” She stepped back and looked him over with a critical eye. “I really don’t think that elf looks after you properly…”

    “Kreacher’s a great cook, Molly,” Harry assured her. “Even Ron likes his cooking.”

    She didn’t look convinced, but stepped back to let him in. “That’s all very well, dear, but if you’re not at home for him to cook for you – Ginny says you’ve barely left the office in the last few weeks!”

    “It’s been a bit hectic,” he agreed, taking his cloak off and hanging it up. “Should be done and dusted now though.”

    She tutted, but waved him through to the garden, telling him she would bring him a drink. Harry made his way through the house, stopping to smile at the old clock, which had acquired a few new hands over the years; his own was vibrating, apparently a little confused between whether being at the Burrow constituted home for him. He took a moment to breathe in the summer air, tinged with the smell of good cooking, before heading out to join his family.

    It wasn’t a special occasion. Just a hot afternoon when everybody happened to be free, which was perhaps special enough in its own way. Arthur was entertaining Teddy, whose hair was cycling through different colours as he giggled at the old man’s antics; Andromeda was sitting nearby, watching quietly. Ron and Hermione were cuddling under a canopy on the other side of the garden, while Ginny was sprawled out on the lawn, eyes closed and her hair wafting around in a localised breeze – it took him a moment to realise that she had stuck the hilt of her wand into the ground to allow the spell to wash over her. He grinned, and headed over, waving at the others. Ginny cracked one eye open to peer up at him.

    “Fancy seeing you here, Potter.”

    “Heard there was a famous Quidditch player signing autographs – heard anything about it?”

    She smiled lazily at him, and stretched up a hand. He took it, pulling her up, and she pulled him into a kiss. “I think I actually need to play a few games before I’m famous.”

    “Ah. I was talking about Viktor. Isn’t he here yet?”

    She slapped his chest playfully. “Keep talking like that, Potter, see where it gets you. Or doesn’t get you, should I say?”

    Harry’s gaze flicked towards Arthur, but he was still engrossed with Teddy. Ginny sniggered, and kissed his cheek. “You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.”

    “Hopefully not only then,” he said, looking back at her. She affected a look of consideration, then shrugged.

    “I suppose not.” The playfulness faded away, replaced by something softer. “Missed you.”

    “Missed you too,” he murmured. “I’ll try not to let it happen again.”

    “You know I don’t mind you being busy, Harry – so long as you keep coming back.”

    “Promise.”

    “That’s OK then!” She craned to look over his shoulder, back towards the Burrow. “Is mum still in the kitchen?”

    “She said she was getting me a drink, but I think she might be adding some food to that,” he said drily. Ginny rolled her eyes.

    “Typical. I’ll give her a hand.” While she headed one way, Harry went the other, sitting down in one of the spare chairs near Ron and Hermione, who greeted him warmly. Hermione seemed like she was half asleep, her head tucked into Ron’s shoulder. Harry stretched out his legs, and looked towards the kitchen window, where Ginny could be seen helping Molly.

    “Today the day then?” Ron asked quietly, whether out of general discretion or a desire not to disturb Hermione more than necessary, Harry couldn’t say. When he looked back at the redhead, Ron was looking knowingly at Harry’s hand – which, he realised with a touch of embarrassment, he was tapping nervously against his pocket. He folded his arms quickly, and Ron snorted.

    “Shut up,” Harry said, with no real heat behind the words. “It’s a big step, alright?”

    “It is,” Ron agreed. “Or, well, it would be if she weren’t barmy about you. It’s been three years, mate, it’s more of a surprise you’ve not asked her already to be honest.”

    “A busy three years,” Harry muttered, and Ron nodded, acknowledging the point.

    “Still though. She’s not going to say no. And you’ve literally walked to your death, you can ask my sister a simple question.”

    “The worst Voldemort could do was kill me though.”

    “Fair. Just don’t chicken out, it’ll be fine.”

    “You shouldn’t let him talk to you like that, Harry,” Hermione piped up, sleepily. “He’s not exactly the most confident in romance himself.”

    “Hey!” Ron protested.

    “He is right though, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

    “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. I’m going to do it.” Harry’s gaze wandered back towards the Burrow; Ginny and Molly were coming out, both carrying trays which were, to be fair to Molly, mostly laden with drinks. As they approached, Ginny levitated a glass of lemonade over to him with a wink, before helping her mother distribute the rest of them around the group. Once done, she curled up in his lap, legs dangling over the side of the chair. Time passed; Teddy fell asleep, as did Arthur, and the sun dipped lower as the afternoon wore on. The rest of the extended Weasley clan arrived, some only for a short time, others settling in for a long weekend, much to Molly’s delight. And later, as they all made their way back indoors for a proper meal, Harry pulled Ginny aside. She looked at him curiously, but followed without question.

    “Hey.” He paused, running a hand through his hair as he tried to gather his thoughts.

    “Hey yourself,” she said fondly. “Everything OK?”

    “Absolutely – that’s, well, that’s why I wanted to talk to you, really. Because everything’s great, and I wanted to ask…I mean, we’ve been together three, four years now, and it feels like we should talk about the next step, you know?”

    Ginny’s eyes lit up, and she clapped her hands to her mouth in shock, which was perhaps more of a reaction than Harry had been expecting, although not one he would complain about.

    “So I was wondering if – ” he started, reaching into his pocket.

    “Of course I’ll marry you!”

    “ – you’d move in with me?” he finished, pulling out a key to Grimmauld Place.

    There was a moment of heavy silence. Ginny’s gaze flicked downwards to look at the key, and her eyes widened.

    “Ginny - ”

    “Of course I will! Can I pack tonight, or…? Her cheeks were nearly as red as her hair, and he grabbed at her hand with his empty one.

    “Ginny. You really want to marry me?”

    She sighed, then met his eyes again, smiling ruefully. “Yeah, I really do. Sorry, guess I jumped the broom a little there, didn’t I?”

    “No. No, I think I’m just a little slow,” Harry said, a smile of his own spreading across his face. “Let’s get married.”

    “Wait, what?”

    “Let’s do it,” he reiterated. “It’s the best idea I’ve heard in years.”

    Ginny laughed, a little breathlessly. “We’re getting married, just like that?”

    “Why not? It’s not like being impetuous is new territory for us,” he pointed out. “Unless you don’t want to?”

    “I just said I did, didn’t I? And you – “

    “Yeah. I mean it.” Further discussion was prevented when she threw her arms around him, her lips pressed to his. It was, Harry decided, the best kiss he had ever had.

    “You know mum’s going to be furious you didn’t give her time to plan a proper celebration, right?” Ginny said a while later, when they had separated. Harry laughed.

    “She’s never been angry with me in my life.”

    “Hey, it’s a day of surprises – you never know.”

    “I’m marrying her daughter, she’ll let me off.”

    Ginny chuckled, and leaned up to kiss him again. “Yeah, she probably will. But not if we stay out here all night.”

    So they made their way in, hand in hand and matching smiles, for a far more special occasion than Harry had anticipated.
     
  2. haphnepls

    haphnepls Seventh Year

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    Sweet. Very in canon characters, I loved that. Little details all over the place too - great job. A slice of life, I suppose, all in canon and without any big deviations. This is actually the downside I was trying to highlight. There's nothing wrong with this story, and what is worse I liked it, but at the end of the day, it reads like the scene of a far longer slice of life fic. It would've been much better with a proper introduction to it, with built-up. This way we already know they love each other. You just confirmed it. Hurray. Great writing though, I really wasn't bored not even for a second of it, but as I've finished....as I said, a little snippet of something much bigger.
     
  3. BTT

    BTT Viol̀e͜n̛t͝ D̶e͡li͡g҉h̛t҉s̀ ~ Prestige ~

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    Short, sweet, and to the point. Feels almost like a Northumbrian oneshot in terms of tone, which I mean as a complete compliment.

    I also want to take note of the way you played with the reader's expectations in the exact same way as you did Ginny's, in that you set up everything to make it seem like Harry was going to propose. Looking back it's easy to see little hints at it earlier, like talking about Kreacher's food.

    I do think it could have used a little more spice, though it's rather hard to say where exactly. Perhaps a moment where it looks like it'll go wrong, although that would disturb the easy atmosphere you've skillfully built up, so I genuinely can't say if that'd improve this.

    The rare competition entry where I can't give much in the way of criticism. A definite 3.5/5, rounding up to a 4.
     
  4. Atri

    Atri Groundskeeper

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    So this is...fine? A nice slice-of-life, post-canon one shot. Everyone's in character, the story is written well, but, well, that's it. It's all very believable and I could see it happening in canon, but I probably wouldn't read that story because I don't see anything happening that I wouldn't expect. And that's a bit sad. There's nothing new here. 3/5
     
  5. Microwave

    Microwave Professor

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    This story is somewhat plain, but well-written. It’s a decent slice-of-life fic with no real faults. The characters are portrayed in a way that can easily be inserted into canon, and I think you built up the atmosphere of the Weasley household pretty well. It’s just … a little bit dull, but I think that’s the point.

    4/5
     
  6. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    1463 words
     
  7. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I like it, it feels very in canon, can't point to anything I felt was off at all. I wasn't the most thrilling story, but it was great for what it was.

    4/5
     
  8. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    This felt in character and like it could have happened exactly this way in canon. But I admit I was (personally) a bit bored by it. But it is still a complete story and gives us a nice snapshot of a moment, so I'm not sure what else to say.
     
  9. Garden

    Garden Supreme Mugwump

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    very in-canon tone, with some nice humor sprinkled throughout. Everybody felt in-character. Good job. 3.5/5
     
  10. LucyInTheSkye

    LucyInTheSkye Seventh Year

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    Short and sweet, well-written, familiar, warm style that makes the reader comfortable.

    Characteriation's good across the board but maybe slightly playing it safe. If you can write them this well you could maybe add a bit of your own style or head canon into them. It's a fine line of course, I realize you don't want to make them ooc. But personally I would have enjoyed it more if there was something new in here. Actually, thinking about this, I do feel Ginny is slightly off here. In this situation she would have proposed to Harry, and probably a year or so ago.

    This is not the type of story I'm drawn to, I like my twists and turns and this one was a bit too obvious. I was hoping for a second twist, like they're actually asking each other if they can get a pet pygmy puff together. But I realize this is a well-crafted story that will have a broad appeal and I'm just not the target audience.
     
  11. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

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    I like the dialogue, and there's a couple of pleasing turns of phrase; the characters feel passably in character, although that's maybe a little hard to judge given the lack of action, so to speak. I wonder if maybe it would have been better to put more of a focus on the actual proposal, rather than, say, Molly fretting about Harry's diet? Delivers what it sets out, but a touch unambitious, particularly in comparison to some of the other entries.
     
  12. FitzDizzyspells

    FitzDizzyspells Seventh Year DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    This was a sweet slice-of-life oneshot. Everyone was in-character, and the dialogue felt natural. I loved this detail:
    I did keep waiting for something more to happen. You did such a good job making me feel like I was in a Harry Potter story, that it would've been nice to add some of that JKR plottiness to it. I would've liked this solid dialogue to move the plot forward and serve more of a purpose, rather than just make me feel like I dropped by the Burrow for a moment.

    But dropping by the Burrow is always a nice treat, so I can't complain.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2021
  13. Zel

    Zel High Inquisitor

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    I guess the word I use to define this story is inoffensive. It's a fluffy, feels-good snapshot of Harry and Ginny's life. It's well-written and probably accomplished what the author wanted with it, even if it wasn't the most exciting entry. 3.5/5
     
  14. soczab

    soczab Professor

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    So did they elope that night? IS that the implication of the no time to celebrate? Doesnt feel very harryish lol.

    But that aside I liked this a lot. It was cute, especially the start which is probably exactly how awkward harry would flirt. I dont know that Ginny's voice seemed fully right... but you had harry SPOT on which made up for it.

    Slice of life but a very good slice of life. I liked this a lot
     
  15. Dubious Destiny

    Dubious Destiny Seventh Year

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    This is a nice relaxing fic. I can find no flaws in characterization. It's got a nice Sunday afternoon charm to it and I like it. Props to you for sticking to the theme.

    Ginny sticking her wand in the ground to generate a breeze did break my immersion; it's what I would expect a muggle with a hand held electric fan would do. Be a bit more imaginative with your magic?

    Plot's simple and it's executed well. I'd give this a 3.75/5.
     
  16. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

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    Thanks for the feedback - and indeed votes - everyone. My earlier post in the thread covers my thoughts on it pretty well, but overall I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.
     
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