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Fate by TheTrueSpartan - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Ched, May 13, 2020.

  1. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Title: Fate
    Author: TheTrueSpartan
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category: General Fics (?)
    Pairings: Ron/Daphne
    Summary: When Ron discovers that he can see the future, his entire fate is thrown off of its course. A story about adventure, friendship, growing up, and pushing forward through hardships. This story will get darker as it progresses, just like the original Harry Potter novels. It will cover all Seven Years of Hogwarts, but mostly from Ron's perspective. No Mary Sues, no Character bashing.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13170637/1/Fate

    I've been considering putting this up for a long time, but since I'm sure I saw it referenced somewhere on DLP I kept putting it off. But I can't find it anywhere on DLP so who the hell knows?

    I'm rating this at a 4/5 but in reality it doesn’t deserve a rating that high.

    In reality it's probably more of a 3/5 - I just happen to like it and find myself reading updates every time there's one available. It's also got some unique ideas for all it's faults.

    More than anything this story 'feels' like Prince of Slytherin to me. Ron is sorted into Slytherin and starts playing Politics. There are about a dozen side plots that come into play to set this apart from canon. Primary focus isn't too focused on 'going to school' for all that they are doing that.

    So what's the premise here? When Ron is about 8 years old something happens to him he starts seeing visions of the future. He acts on them and realizes that he can prevent tragedies from occurring, etc. The twist is that 'what happened' to him ends up being 'possession by an Eldritch Horror' that is not remotely benevolent.

    Sometimes the adults in this one get obnoxious - like Arthur and Molly trying to 'protect' their son from trying to take on the world - but others like Greengrass, Dumbledore, and Snape were reasonably well done.

    Ron ends up dating Daphne. I don't know how she's portrayed in fanon that well but from what little I do know she seems to be reasonably well done.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2020
  2. Nexis

    Nexis Third Year

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    Oh wow, the fic seems to be 2,500,000 words long? How far did the plot go - is Ron still at Hogwarts? And how come is it that long, seems pretty much unbelievable unless the author writes about every single day at Hogwarts or something.
     
  3. aAlouda

    aAlouda Professor

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    What role does Snape play in this? I don really have any experience with fics that tag him being good, except for parodies of course.
     
  4. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    @Nexis - Yes, they're still at Hogwarts. I honestly can't remember if they're in 3rd or 4th year at this point. Maybe 5th? There's just so much other non-Hogwarts related stuff going on that it's honestly been fairly easy to forget. I want to say 4th year, or near the end of 3rd.

    I'd say only half of the story is actually set at Hogwarts since Ron is constantly off doing something elsewhere. He owns a business, has an official ministry position, a Chess career, occasionally needs to hire an assassin, etc.

    ...yeah, I know. I know. >.>

    @aAlouda - in a lot of ways he's canon!Snape. He's a spy for Dumbledore. In this story...
    He and Dumbledore are the only two people who learn the 'truth' about what's going on with Ron. The three of them are sort of a team eventually, once they realize that the thing possessing Ron is still separate from him. Snape is eventually discovered and tortured for being a spy, leading to some debilitating injuries. Given the way Ron develops in this one you might say he and Snape are somewhat friends, as much as the Professor/Student relationship allows.

    There's a lot wrong with this story. But again, it reminds me of Prince of Slytherin... another story with too many words, an official 3/5 rating, and a personal 4/5 for me.
     
  5. fire

    fire Unspeakable

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    The story's premise is interesting, and I've been looking for good Ron-centric fics since finding and loving Red Hair, Green Tie.

    However, the writing/prose, at least from the opening paragraphs, is... amateurish? turgid? Does it get better, or is just a dick you have to eat to actually experience an interesting plot?
     
  6. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    It improves but not by enough to make a true difference. Definitely a mark in the negative column.
     
  7. RandyRanderson

    RandyRanderson Third Year

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    I've been following this story since around 1 million words. I enjoyed the Ron-centric POV and some parts of the plot. The issue for me is that this story comes with a lot of baggage. The writing style is bland and the author insists on capitalizing oddly, sometimes for emphasis and sometimes for no reason at all. Character arcs regarding Ron's relationships with his family and friends keep repeating. It was okay the first three times but after countless arguments with his friends and family that are resolved only to occur again, it ends up being too much.

    The character arcs and slice of life sections end up creating a fic with horrendous pacing. The story is at 2 million words and at the end of the third year. The arc with the French veela families took countless chapters to resolve and the arc could honestly have been contained entirely in one of TrueSpartan's longer chapters. The politics is also disappointing. There's a lot of the posturing behavior in political fics that's cringy. Ron's hatstall leads to some of the Slytherin kids look for "new allies with Ron" instead of Draco. Theo and Blaise lecture Ron about his eating habits because they want a powerful ally. Getting a haircut is treated as a huge deal. Despite how the story describes seating and posturing as the end all to politics and the future, the end goal of all the Slytherins is winning the house cup. Don't forget the 11 year old being appointed as an ambassador to the French (did they not have one previously?). Suspension of disbelief is required as to how he achieves said position. The only consequence for Ron not actually doing his job as the ambassador is that his boss threatens to fire him if it happens again.

    There are other issues as well. Ron thinks about women in the context of sex constantly. I find it hard to believe a 6th year is really pressing her breasts into a first year's face and arm because she enjoys teasing children. Who knows? Maybe it's more common than I think. Regardless, after countless incidents of Ron admiring the body of <insert whichever woman or girl>, it starts detracting from the story and piles onto the horrendous pacing. Even the magic used by Ron's auror trainer to heal him has to get him erect, because it adds a few more paragraphs. The magic system feels disappointing in some ways. Wandless magic is treated as more powerful, Dumbledore is disappointingly weak, and there's a magic dummy that can outduel and outthink aurors (but I'm willing to bet we'll never see said dummy in actual combat despite its ability to be repaired). There are a few upsides to the magic system, but not many.

    Money makes no sense.

    It's not all bad. Theo and Blaise have interesting characters and backgrounds. Some parts of the plot are interesting, but in the end, the story is a wish fulfillment story. That said, it's still a guilty pleasure of mine, and I do eagerly await every chapter. I wouldn't recommend it to others unless they desperately sought a Ron-centric story though. It's the Red Knight but with the problems compounded. 2.5/5, rounded down.
     
  8. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I mostly agree with those criticisms for all that our ratings ended up being rather different.
     
  9. Odran

    Odran Fourth Champion

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    I tried reading this as much as possible, willing to give it a fair shot. I tried very hard. But there's too many things getting in the way. The ellipses, for one. It does get better down the line, but it's still there, ticking me off something mighty. Then there's forced conflicts between characters, fights and arguments flaring up for the sake of drama and nothing else, going on and on and on and almost never stopping.

    And I find this Ron to be a very unlikeable main character. I tried very hard to excuse him being a cunt all the time, what with the Entity's influence, but that can extend only so far. At the end of the day, I don't care about this Ron or anyone else. There's nothing about the story to hook me in or to at least give me some semblance of hope that it might get better somewhere down the line, so that I could return to it.

    1/5, because most of the time, even technical writing isn't enough.
     
  10. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Groundskeeper

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    So I've read 111 of the 116 chapters that are currently out. This isn't even through the Christmas break of 3rd year. Let that sink in for a moment, if the thing does go through to completion (which I'm doubting, I think the author will get burnout) it will be the longest HP fic completed and not even starring Harry potter.

    So onto the actual fic, and spoilers ahead.
    So Ron is the "warden" of an eldritch horror which is giving him visions and causing his madness. Ron eventually gets brain damage, which I'm pretty sure they're using as a crutch so they don't need to write his emotions consistently and make them whatever the plot needs them to be

    A big gripe I have is that they really like to put muggle medicine into magic. Several characters in the fic see a mind healer, which is almost literally a psychologist, but they prescribe potions instead of muggle drugs. They talk about a character's condition in terms of muggle science when an ulcer bursts.

    At first, it seems like Pandora is grooming Ron, it's very weird, I was half expecting a weird rape scene. This goes away but it just keeps on rolling with a student that is 4 years Ron's elder repeatedly making sexual advances towards Ron.

    Somewhere in year three (which is around half of the story now) it devolves into a bunch of political subplots with the pretext of the opening moves of war. While interesting it really grinds the story to a snail's pace as the Author decided they all need lengthy resolutions which could each be their own fics.

    They also seem to have issues with keeping the story contained, it seems that originally the story was supposed to be 1.5 million words in the beginning, was extended 2.5 million, then 5 million, then in a recent post the Author says they like to take their time (i.e. more words) as to not rush their arcs so I'm assuming this means that the word count has increased again.

    The ambition is to be commended, however, the writing quality hasn't improved much over 2.5 million words and this in their first fic. It's 2/5, maybe with some proper advice (i.e, cudgelling) this author could write 3-4/5 fics.
     
  11. Advice Needed

    Advice Needed Banned

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    Too long, didn't read. Or rather, I tried to read the first few chapters. There are some punctuation and grammar mistakes, but it's just boring. I can see so many redundant words that could be cut to improve the prose.

    For example, part of chapter 12 could go from this

    Ron stepped into the abandoned room and immediately noticed a giant ornate mirror in the middle of it. It had clawed feet, and a gold frame that had odd inscriptions carved into it. This is the mirror with Harry's parents… Was he telling the truth? Bloody hell… How do we get them out! Ron stepped out of the cloak and slowly approached the mirror, with Harry quick on his tail.

    "See Ron" Harry said, his tone boastful. "My parents are in there! C'mon have a look!" Harry said as he overtook Ron and jumped in front of the mirror. Harry looked hungrily at the reflection in the mirror, while Ron stood just a little behind Harry. All Ron could see was Harry, but it was clear to Ron that Harry saw much more as the boy-who-lived had tears welling up in his eyes.

    "Harry…" Ron said softly, making Harry turn and face him. "Harry, I don't see your parents in there… just you." Harry looked at Ron in bewilderment, and then Harry shook his head hard.

    "No Ron, they're right there! I can see them!" Harry implored, his voice was strained. "Come here" Harry said quickly as he pulled Ron into the spot that Harry was just now occupying, right in front of the mirror. "Ok, now look into the mirror…" Ron gave Harry a quick smile, though Ron felt quite sad at seeing Harry so desperate for something. Ron then turned and looked into the mirror. What he saw within brought tears into his eyes, and a terribly sad smile upon his lips.

    Ron's reflection was surrounded by his loved ones, and his loved ones were all older than they were now. Fred was standing right behind Ron, alive and happy, and he had his arm draped around Ron's shoulders. Around them were the members of the Weasley and Lovegood families, all of them were beaming at Ron. They looked so happy, so content, and so full of life. Ron felt his own hands tremble slightly and he gave a wet chuckle at the sight. They're all alive, and unharmed… Fred is alive! I did it!

    to this

    Ron stepped into the abandoned room and noticed a giant mirror with clawed feet and a gold frame. The top was covered in odd inscriptions.

    This is the mirror with Harry's parents. Was he telling the truth? Bloody hell… How do we get them out? Ron stepped out of the cloak and slowly approached the centre of the room with Harry quick on his tail.

    "See Ron," boasted Harry, "my parents are in there! C'mon, have a look!" Harry jumped in front of the mirror, looking hungrily at his reflection while Ron stood behind. All he could see was Harry, but it was clear to him that Harry saw much more.

    "Harry…" Ron began softly, making Harry turn and face him. "Harry, I don't see your parents in there… just you."

    Harry looked at Ron in bewilderment, tears falling. "No Ron, they're right there! I can see them!"

    "Come here," Harry said, pulling Ron in front of the mirror. "Ok, now look into the mirror…" Ron gave Harry a quick smile, though Ron felt quite sad seeing him so desperate for something. He turned and looked into the mirror.

    Ron's reflection was surrounded by his older loved ones. Fred was standing right behind him, alive and happy, his arm draped around Ron's shoulders. The rest of the Weasley and Lovegood families surrounded them, beaming. They looked so full of life. Ron felt his eyes water and he let out a wet chuckle. They're all alive, and unharmed! Fred is alive! I did it!

    Not perfect but a bit better. Little changes here and there can help trim the fat.

    The word count is another factor. 2.5 million words and it's only completed up to third year? Maybe if I read from the beginning it'd be easier, but...

    No official rating because I'm never getting through all of this.
     
  12. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Don't have to get through all of it to rate - just read enough of it to feel that you 'read enough' to rate it. Make a note you're rating it on a small portion, but that's fair.

    Just like you might make the choice to not read a novel b/c the first two pages sucked. You don't have to read the whole thing to know that!
     
  13. Advice Needed

    Advice Needed Banned

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    That works. 2/5.
     
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