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Oneshot First Impressions by Taure - K

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Taure, Jul 9, 2007.

  1. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Title: First Impressions
    Author: Taure
    Rating: K
    Pairings: None
    Words: 2,663
    Published: July 9, 2007

    Status: Completed one-shot
    Suggested Catagory: Alternates
    Summary: AU oneshot. Albus Dumbledore goes to introduce Harry Potter to the Wizarding world.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3646122/1/First_Impressions

    In Xiph0's words, pimping my own shit.

    This is just a small one-shot that crept up on me while I was attempting to write something for Return. Hopefully this will help break me out of my massive exam-induced hiatus of writing.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 28, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2012
  2. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

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    Excellent!

    5/5
     
  3. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

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    Nice! I'm relieved that you are not abondoning "The Return"
     
  4. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Excellent! Although I do wish that you would continue to develope it into a greater story.

    5/5
     
  5. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Well done, Taure, though it is not exactly an original concept. 3/5 for an unoriginal plot and 5/5 for the attempt. So 4/5. Cheers!
     
  6. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    This is a fine one-shot, but it sort of mises the point, the final twist, the moment of culmination that would make the story memorable and worth reading.

    For example, Dumbledore suddenly points his wand at Harry and yells Oblivate. When Harry wakes up, he sees the old man excusing himself and mentioning there's indeed no such thing as magic...

    Or maybe, as Dumbledore leaves the house, a look of worry and defeat etched on his face, Harry smirks mischievously at his back and murmurs "That's for dumping me with the Dursleys"...

    You know, something like that, that would leave a more lasting impression.
     
  7. MysterioX

    MysterioX Professor

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    Original and decent as one-shots go. Too bad, it has the making of a great Slytherin Harry.
    Since you only wanted to do the introduction, I suppose the size is acceptable.
    3.5/5
     
  8. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I'm gonna have to agree with ip82 on this one, it didn't have the twist I normally look for when reading one shots. It would be a good start to a fic, but at this point it just doesn't seem finished.

    The last line with the reference to the Basilisk was good, but it just seemed lack something as an ending. Seemed anticlimactic to me.

    I'll give it a 4/5, cause it was brilliant apart from the end.

    Aekiel
     
  9. Lorelei of the Sea

    Lorelei of the Sea Unspeakable

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    I really enjoyed this. I don't know if it's original or not, because I have read almost no post-HBP stories, but I liked this one. 5/5
     
  10. Jamven

    Jamven Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    I liked it, I don't read many one-shots but I liked it. 4/5 stars...
     
  11. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I didn't think it was missing anything. It left you thinking and that's what I like one-shots to do. It left me wondering if that was Tom Riddle inside Harry or Harry himself as almost the re-incarnate of him. 5/5 for me, nicely done.
     
  12. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Yeah...I considered having Dumbledore killing Harry, but in the end I decided to leave it open ended so that people's imaginations could fill in how the rest of the story would have gone, had it been a multi-chaptered thing.
     
  13. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    A very interesting little oneshot, but I agree. It does seem to lack an overall point aside from giving Harry an openness that seems to liken him to a pre-Hogwarts Tom Riddle.

    Either way, it was an interesting read. I would give it a 5, but it just seems to be a pointless musing rather than a self-sustaining story. 4/5
     
  14. Mindless

    Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

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    It was a very good read, but really only seemed to set the reader up for a larger story. Since, as far as we can tell, there is no larger story, it seems pointless. 4/5.
     
  15. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    I certainly enjoyed it, though as some have said it lacked a good culmination. Perhaps you should consider writing a variety of one-shots set in the same theme following on from it, writing them whenever you're other muses fail to come. Just an idea of course.

    4/5
     
  16. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    Many have already commented on the lack of closure in the one-shot. Just something to tie in the beginning of this fic to the end. Everyone agrees it's a great setup for a longer fic, but it just needs something more to feel done. Whether it's a more important or drastic ending (something like after Dumbledore leaves we see Harry frowning and saying, "My name isn't Harry. It's Tom.") Or even just something unifying the start and the finish. Like a warning from the Sorting Hat that's vague, but then at the end a sort of "I told you so" moment from the Sorting Hat.

    Because at this point it feels more like an illustration of an idea than a completed fic.

    But I'd give the idea a 4/5.
     
  17. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

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    Wow, it was brilliant, but I expected something more. I agree with Vash

    Maybe you will continue? Writing sorting scene should be interesting...
     
  18. Olfrik

    Olfrik Seventh Year

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    That would be a great opening for a Boggart!Harry who (un)intentionally shows people their fear regarding The-Boy-Who-Lived. Like some kind of magical defense reflex.
     
  19. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Lol, I think I counted 4 potential endings to this one-shot.
    - Harry who is oblivated or killed
    - Harry who was only pretending
    - Harry who thinks he's Tom Riddle
    - Harry who acts like a Boggart
     
  20. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

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    I see 5th potential ending

    - Harry who sides with Voldemort and rules world with him.
     
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