Temporarily stealing space in Aekiel's post to say this:

This is the official review thread for Forced Flight. When I figure out how to make a post and stick to the head of a thread I will do that, so I am no longer stealing Aekiel's space.

Title: Forced_Flight
Author: vlad_the_inhaler
Rating: R/NC17 maybe later, but probably not
Genre: Dresden, and all that that implies
DLP category: Dredsden
Pairing: Harry/Molly mentorship now, more much later
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,103
Updated: June 8, 2008
Published: May 21, 2008
Status: Abandoned
Summary: A traitor lurks within the Council's ranks. Unfortunatley for Harry Dresden, perception is more important than reality, and the consensus is, he's it.

DLP-Link: Forced Flight by Vlad the Inhaler
FF.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4269861/1/Forced-Flight


Nuhuh - Dastardly Shadow Mod signing off~

_____​

Post by Aekiel:

You're supposed to post it in the WbA section anyway, we just review/criticise here.

Anyways, I'm trying my hand at being a grammar nazi so here we go:

Reads like it should be one or the other, but not both.

Should be 'their'.

Up and down in the same sentence doesn't read right to me. Maybe take out the down, it still means the same either way.

Should be 'too'.

You were talking about several of them in the last sentence, so it jars a bit to speak about a single one straight after.

Should be a comma between emotionless and Warden.

Should be for.

Fallen should be capitalised, its their name.

Blasting rod, because wands are for sissies .

Otherwise it's good. I like where this is going and you've kept everyone in character enough. Though I really doubt Harry would ask if Lash had any way out, given that she's likely to recommend much killing and death.

Aekiel



Checked by Minion, January 5, 2013
Fixed the link and added another

 

Rofl, the first grammar correction is actually from a line taken directly out of WN. I'm inclined to leave it in...though I'll fix the others - thanks. (Especially the wand, what the hell I was thinking when I wrote that.)

I can see Harry asking, whether or not he'd actually follow through with it is a different story.

 

Vlad, mate, Fleur says she wants your babies.

What update rate can we expect?

 

You mentioned that they took away his mothers pentagram isn't that the thing evil Satanists use.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's called a pentacle.

Otherwise great start but from here it can go really bad or really good, just depends on you.

Reserving judgment.

 

They're the same thing. In Dresden it's the symbol for magic. He just tends to call it a pentacle. He's explained in the books about the Satanist thing.

 

No, there is a difference. The pentagram of Satanist fame is unbound, which represents the chaotic forces that are used with it. Dresden's pentacle is surrounded by a circle, showing that he is attempting to control the chaos, bring order, etc. It's a subtle difference but in Dresdenverse the subtle differences are important.

 

Indeed, there is a difference, at it is always called a pentacle in the books. This has been changed.

 

Is not a pentacle composed of a pentagram enclosed within a circle? Or is the difference merely semantic? See Small Favor for info on the whole satanist thing. Basically, he just says that it's a symbol for power because it unites the five elements: earth, fire, air, water, and spirit.

 

I was under the impression that in the Dresdenverse the Pentacle/gram was just a symbol that had been taken out of context as far as satanist stuff is concerned, and that it's the symbol of magic. The circle is the symbol of binding in Dresden, thus the elements bound, thus magic, and has no Satanist connotations whatsoever to those 'in the know.'

 

Yes, Dresden likens the pentacle/gram relation to Satanism to the Hindu symbol that the Nazi's perverted for their own use. He also makes it clear that it is very important that the points of the star are INSIDE and touching the boundary of the circle, and not outside of the circle.

 

A solid opening chapter with nice characterization especially Dresden's. You have definitely got my interest piqued, and I will definitely be following this story.

 

A solid and interesting beginning, I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment to see where you're going to go from here.

 

Forced Flight - Review Thread

I'd appreciate moving all reviews here, so as to keep the actual story thread tidy. Thanks.

 

Good chapter, I liked the way you had them escape. Especially the tuning of hellfire to produce more smoke than normal. There's one problem though; when he cast ventas servitas Lash helped him with it, but she shouldn't be able to do that without him making a conscious choice to accept her help.

Aside from that I didn't notice anything too bad and I'm liking where this is going. He's going to take up the coin, ain't he? That's why he wanted to get back to his threshold; so he could hole up for a while, pick up Bob and unearth the coin.

Aekiel

 

Nice chapter is nice.

 

The concept itself is very interesting. Harry running&hiding from the White Council sounds fascinating.

I was a bit annoyed at how easily Harry was sentenced to death however. Why did he not get a chance to defend himself? Surely Ebenezar for instance would have been willing to give him a chance. We know that in death sentences, Ebenezar would have to vote too. I just got this feeling that you were perhaps a bit too eager to get to the escape/hiding part of the story, even if that made the sentencing and characterisation look weak.

For instance, Morgan seems back to his insane self, however it was shown in the later books (7+) that Morgan has come to believe that Harry is not truly evil, just uncontrolled and young. His fanatical behaviour here would fit the early books but seems a bit wrong in events that are set in book 9.

Ramirez too seemed a bit off given that it was implied that he betrayed Harry, or atleast knew about what was going to happen and did not warn him. He has been shown to believe far more in Harry than he does in Merlin. It seems weird that he would turn against Harry like that without absolutely solid proof.

I dunno, it all just has this vague contrived feeling to it, as though you just want to get Harry sentenced, regardless of how reasonable it makes the other characters seem. Personally I would have thought it better if say Morgan would have been unsure if Harry truly was guilty and Ebenezar demanded that Harry get an opportunity to defend himself. The end results could have been the same with Merlin refusing to believe Harry and him having 4-6 votes while Ebenezar would only have 1-3. The way things are now Ebenezar, Morgan and Ramirez all seem more like mindless followers of Merlin, which is not how things are in the books. Compared to say Molly's trial in book 8, yours is pretty weak.

The action itself was cool however, I liked how Harry escaped from arguably the two most powerfull wizards+morgan&others. Very cool. I also liked Lash ofcourse, she is one of my favorite characters in the books. Harry admiring Molly felt a little strange given how adamantly he refused her in book 8, but so long as it wont go beyond that then I don't have a problem.

Despite the few annoyances, you have made me interested. I am looking forward to finding out where you are heading with this.

I hope not. Not only would that kill Lash, who I think is far more interesting than Lasciel. But it would also be totally out-of-character for Harry to do.

 

Not neccesarily, at the end of White Knight, Lash told Harry that she could teach Harry a technique where he would be able to take up the coin from any place. I don't see why she wouldn't do the same thing here. Although I hope to dear God that you are right, and Harry is finally taking up the coin.

The chapter itself was a good one. The escape was realistic, especially the part with only half the Senior Council being present. This way you don't make the Senior Council look too incompetent, while making Dresden look strong, but not a super Harry.

I liked all the sports references you threw in, but I had a problem with one of them.

That would be implying that Dresden is the greatest wizard of all time, but even Harry knows that is not true.

They didn't exactly need to ask Harry for his proof, as he has the mark of a Fallen on his hand, which is why they probably made him take the glove off. Harry can't say that hasn't taken up the coin yet either. From the Council's perspective Harry is allied with a fallen, because he has been using Hellfire and his ability to speak with ghouls comes from a Fallen.

 

I have a kinda quick question about that. Why does the Council care that Harry's allied with a Fallen? There's been no indication in the books that the Council gives a damn about the Fallen whatsoever. Luccio didn't know jack about them in Small Favor, and was only involved in that conflict because of the Archive. Has there been any indication that the Council hates the Denarians or something?

 

The Council is pretty much against anything to do with Black magic, and you don't get much blacker than the Fallen. Then again, it's not specifically against the 7 Laws to hold a coin, though I imagine 99% of Denarians have killed with magic before... And enthralled... And raised the dead.

Heh, you don't realise just how much power is at their fingertips until you look at what the bad guys can do >_>. I mean, almost everything the Denarians can do a wizard can do too. The only unique thing I can see is the demon form of the Denarians.

Aekiel