Well, I just made this thread for everyone to share some of their funny ass flames they give, such as the ones people gave to raincheck (trident) recently.

For Oceans Eleven Style

Your story, plainly, sucks Dudley’s balls. You are the worst fucking writer ever you shitstain. I seem to recall you going as Tridentwatch, what happened, don't like having your reputation as a plagiarizer on that account, so you make a new one?

Is that it? You cockwhore, you faggoty, maggoty, man boobed little fuck; you ruined a perfectly good challenge. I hope you burn you little fuck.

EDIT: Trident is a major pussy, apparantly. Not only did he stop me from givig anymore reviews, he also stopped me from contacting him back after he eMailed me for my review. Idiot.

 

My favourite flame I've ever given was "The best thing about this story was the 'Shoot the Duck' advert next to it."

 

After careful deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that the funniest flame I have ever given can be found right here, in this link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=50226&posted=1#post50226

If you didn't understand the first time, let me repeat myself. Prepare for castration!

SECTUM-SEMPRA!

 

I'm loathe to admit it, but Lord Voldemort has given some of the best flames I've ever seen on this site.

Classic...


I'm not the in the habit of giving flames, but my two favorites:

and:

Another good one from the book Snow falling on Cedars goes something like this. [MATURE]

Spoiler

"...cornhole-fuckers ….jackoff artists with half-inch hard ons on the special time once a year when you can get your sorry dicks to stand at half mast…”

 

Wow... i never give flame, but i sometimes seem to annoy authors... just because i tend to say what i like and dislike about the fics. Not my fault if i want tp help fix their obvious plot holes...

 

Hey,
I remember seeing this thread a while ago. It was just tonight that I was feeling tired and vindictive and left this really nasty review on a story that hadn't had the proper warnings...i.e, Slash, MPREG.
It's cruel and petty...and I had a ball writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it...because the author of the story is sure as hell not going to.
Sincerely,
Shezza88

______________________________________________________________________

Hey,
My reaction to this seemingly innocent story is too hard to describe in mere sentences. Words cannot express the depth of emotion I am feeling right now. Prehaps...a little story, maybe...

________________________________________________________________
One day a group of Fanfiction readers crowded around a small computer monitor in a small room in a small house on a small island which belonged to a small nation. They were searching the Action/Adventure section, 10k limit, whent hey stumbled upon a seemingly innocent looking story. They clicked the link and started reading.

30 seconds later

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! S-S-S-S-Slash!" Yelled one reader, his eyes wide with horror and his face a pale green. He gasped frantically, one hand clasped to his chest as his heart tried to stop beating in order to end the readers anguish.

"R-Run away!" Shouted another, his hands making frantic jerking movements as he tried to claw out his eyes. Blood streamed down his face as his eyes were ripped apart, but nothing removes the mental eye.

"My God! MPREG! That's disgusting! He's going to have a little shit-baby!" A particulary scanadlised female reader cried out, her cheeks bulging violently and her eyes wide with revulsion, before she turned to the side and puked to the side.

"My friends, it's time to enact Plan B!" One brave and resigned reader said grimly. His companions recovered slightly, enough to pull out guns, their last resort. Smiling sadly at one another, they each raised a gun to their head, or in one case, opened thier mouths and placed the barrel inside, and in usion pulled the trigger.

BANG!


The moral of the story: Those people shot themselves rather than live in the torment of having read this pathetic and moronic ShitBaby!Harry and Poof!Malfoy (Because I refuse to call that piece of shit 'Draco') story.

The End

________________________________________________________________

So, what do you think? Have you got a decent understanding of my feelings right now? Hmmm?

 

LOL thats great, whats the link to the story? If the author replies to you, you've gotta post what he/she says.

 

Old thread? I know. Bumping? I know. Ask for advice to a mod? I did. So please don't bite my head off =).

While cleaning my computer, I stumbled across a flame I had copied/pasted from FF.net... And I just thought I'd share it with you before I delete it:

...And another one, for the same story; I couldn't resist, I just loved the faked puzzled tone:

*can't help laughing out loud again*

EDIT: Err... Sorry if I was being ambiguous... Those reviews, sadly enough, are not from me. I did review this story, but it was a pissed-off review, not a funny one. I am aware that this thread was supposed to be for the flames I gave, but I posted them here after taking advice from a mod. I'll think of posting a flame of mine soon, in order to redeem myself.

Although, I did read the incredible amount of flames the story received before finding those two gems hiding among them.

 

I am astounded by the fact that you could tell the toilet flush apart from the keyboard.

I have a great plot bunny for your fic. Go buy yourself some bullets. Then buy a gun for those bullets. Load it. Shoot yourself. Isn't that the greatest idea EVAH!.

I dont remember quite a few of my flames. SInce I havent flamed out of DLP in quite some time. This was my last one.

This was to an encouraging review I left for a new HPOC fic in which the author had misspelled Avada as Adava 3 times. (The email sender was some reviewer and not the author)

My reply:
Not sorry to sound mean. But when you decide to flood my inbox with such pathetic excuse for a flame, First, Go learn english, don't bother me with your fangirl attitude. Your incompetence knows no bounds.

Second, if the author seems fine with my review I most certainly dont need The Poster Child for Abortion to reply to my review with retarded posts like "ZOMG yr suuu mean."

*(This was the ist of it. The actual mail by the guy was even more horrible but I did my best to recreate the retarded feeling that the mail was oozing.)

 

Erm...my donation to this thread, a review for Wheezy1's Manipulative!Dumbledore fic:

This next one is for a story titled 'Misplaced Trust'...or actually, 'misplaced trust', as the author couldn't seem to be fucked to capitalize the goddamned title.

For 'Not Just His Twin Anymore':

 

Here's a flame Shezza88 and I developed as standard procedure for MPREG:

 

QUOTE

How can a child that's been squeezed through the small intestine, pushed out of the large intestine and crapped from the anus, appeal to you?

Quote

There is one problem with that statement. The person you gave the review to will say " But they didn't eat the baby."

Spawning from that cry for help the mpreg lurvers will descend upon you quickly or as fast as there magically bulging bellies will allow.

 

lol Amersion. Or you could just paste Chuck's lil' adventure in shit!babydom in their reviews.

 

This is what I just wrote for a story called Harry Potter and the Dark Lord.

I quite enjoyed myself .

Thanks Vash for helping me with a few things.

 

Out of curiosity what happened to the little guy, he amused me greatly.

 

To My Immortal. I loath her.

 

This a fairly old review. I usually hit the back button whenever they get incredibly bad.

 

I'd love to contribute to this thread, excpet my ff.net account only holds the _last_ two hundred reviews I've given....
I had this wonderful one which the author emailed me back and told me I had made her cry in the bathtub because I was so horribly mean.

 

HAHA, that's great. If only you could find it. If you still remember the story's name..you could go on the reviews...

I'd love to read that.

 

I don't usually flame fics (ok I do, but I've got nothing on Tinn in terms of flame length), but if I ever get around to logging into my FF-net account I'll paste a couple here.