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Complete Getting the Hang Of Thursdays by hayseed - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Tomster10010, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. Tomster10010

    Tomster10010 Third Year

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    Title: Getting the Hang of Thursdays
    Author: hayseed
    Rating: T (Presumably)
    Genre: Horror? (not on FFN)
    Status: Completed
    Library Category: Dark Arts
    Pairings: HG/SS
    Summary: A good day goes bad and then gets far worse than Severus could ever have imagined. Again and again and again. Inspired by the WIKTT Time-Loop Challenge.
    Link: http://www.obscurusbooks.org/html/Hayseed/Thursdays/index.html

    It is likely that people here will be turned off by the pairing, or the fact that it is not Harry-centric. I would be turned off by the pairing, but I was bored.

    The mechanics in the story are good. The characterization was... unproblematic, aside from the changing necessary for HG/SS. Snape was a bastard. Hermione was Hermione. The story was written in 2005, before DH or maybe HBP came out, so it is AU after that part. The romance is very understated, especially for the beginning.

    It is an unusual type of time travel fic. It repeats in the vein of Groundhog Day, with an interesting plot.

    I give it a 4/5, and hope that people wouldn't be driven to rate badly blindly without reading it.
     
  2. NoxedSalvation

    NoxedSalvation Temporarily Banhammered

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    This is a bad idea. The story might be great - I actually like HG/SS if it's well done, like Pet Project or The Quality of Mercy - but it's not going into the DLP library, even if it would be some secret "fan" writing by JKR herself. Next time you should post stuff like this in the Almost recommendable thread.
     
  3. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    Noxed, would you just shut the fuck up. Do you have to do this every single opportunity you get?

    All that happens is that Draco throws a jar of something into a bubbling cauldron in Potions class. It explodes, Hermione dies. The time loop happens three or four times, and it ends with the line "Snape had the oddest feeling this all happened before, wink wink."

    So it's just the Groundhog Day plot device, in the barest form. Read Sisyphus and Eternal Return if you want to read it done properly.

    2/5. It has nothing to offer anyone, to Hardline DLPers, Snape fans, Draco fans, or Hermione fans.

    It just makes you wonder "Why write this?"
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2012
  4. NoxedSalvation

    NoxedSalvation Temporarily Banhammered

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    Could I stop doing exactly what? I was just trying to be helpful to a new DLP member who shares my openness to ships hated on this board.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2012
  5. Anme

    Anme Professor

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    And then you go to the next chapter by clicking at the top of the page.
    I found the story to be rather boring after a while. Writing is good enough and it seems fairly well plotted although I didn't finish it. Not library worthy though it's probably far better than most other SS/HG fics. 2,5/5 rounded up for voting.
     
  6. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

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    Why in the world would he want go to the next chapter? The writing, while there isn't anything horribly wrong, is bland, dull, boring, whatever word you feel like using.

    The idea is unoriginal, and I feel absolutely no hint of a connection with any of the characters, or even any inclination to continue reading.

    I didn't even care when Hermione died, and she's my favorite character in the series.

    And that's all without talking about the utter blasphemy that is the Hr/SS ship. Why in God's good name would I want to read this?

    2/5 if only for the fact that the writing is technically fine.
     
  7. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    So, here I am. I've just learned there's a chapter two, and now I'm faced with a difficult, difficult decision to make.

    Do I go on to chapter two?

    Or not?

    I'm going to evaluate my reading experience with chapter 1.

    The potion burped again and about half of the students in the room -- the sensible ones, Severus rather thought -- jumped. “Everyone, get out of here,” he said as quietly as he dared, keeping one eye on Longbottom’s rogue cauldron. “As quickly as you can--”

    There was a loud rushing noise as the contents of the cauldron exploded.

    Several students screamed -- Malfoy among them. Potter and Longbottom both hit the ground, covering their heads with their hands; a Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw followed their example.

    But the loudest scream came from Hermione Granger. For whatever reason, she apparently had not had the good sense to move from her station as the cauldron foamed -- Severus suspected that she hadn’t been paying attention; Granger had an oddly one-track mind once she started working on something, and very little could distract her -- and the majority of the potion now flying through the air hit her in the face.

    There was an awful smell in the air as Granger continued to shriek, on the floor now -- the force of the scalding potion hitting her combined with probable shock had caused her to fall backward nearly immediately -- and Severus could see a strange sort of smoke rising from her chest.

    Instinctively, he was at her side, trying to see what was wrong. “Potter!” he bellowed, “get Poppy from the Infirmary, now!”

    The boy was gone from the room as if he had a dozen Dementors at his heels.

    Severus turned his attention back to Granger. She was completely covered in the stuff that had exploded out of Longbottom’s cauldron -- her face and hands were red with burns from the contact. And her chest was still smoking. Severus thought he saw shards of broken glass on her robes but hadn’t the faintest idea where they could have come from.

    She coughed. “Pro-f-fessor?” she whispered.

    “Help is coming, Granger,” he said, trying to be calm. “Just be still... you’re going into shock.”

    “Sh... shock?” she echoed, confusion clear in her expression.

    Hesitantly, unwilling to come in contact with the mysterious substance but wanting to do something for the obvious pain in her eyes, Severus laid a hand on her shoulder. She trembled under his touch. “It’ll be okay,” he muttered, knowing it was a lie even as he said it.

    “Okay,” she sighed, her eyes sliding closed and her entire body relaxing.

    Frozen, Severus moved his hand away from her shoulder. As if in shock himself, he turned away from Granger’s body.

    “Severus!” came Poppy Pomfrey’s shout as she burst into the classroom. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

    He pushed his hair out of his eyes and tried to stay expressionless. “There’s been an accident, Poppy. Hermione Granger is dead.”

    I understated the ridiculousness of Hermione's death in the first post, but just to be clear, that's how Hermione dies.

    So, back to the question at hand: the answer is NO.
     
  8. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    No.

    I'm not even going to read this, and I'll be kind and rank it a 2/5. I can't even conceive of a scenario where I would want to read HG/SS. Unless the first few chapters features Snape learning the wonders of personal hygiene (ie brushing his teeth, using shampoo) I really don't want to read any story that is based upon a Snape romance. Well, to be honest, even if Snape did become an acceptable member of society I really wouldn't want to read a romance story featuring him.

    Use better discretion when submitting stories for review, OP.
     
  9. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    Well, Kensington, that's wrong. I reviewed the story to show that we'd give the story a fair shot, and that if it miraculously turned out to be a great story, then we'd recognize it. What you're doing just proves Noxed's point.
     
  10. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Kinda like to know that as well. Outside of having shitty tastes, of course.
     
  11. Fiat

    Fiat The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    I assume he meant either "being completely retarded" - a charge to which Noxed can't really respond - or "speaking on the behalf of everyone here and acting as though this is 2006 DLP and someone just posted H/G."

    I suspect the former, because I haven't seen Noxed do the latter until just now.
     
  12. Bill Door

    Bill Door The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    I've read the first three chapters so far, and all I can think of to describe this story is bleh. The writing is bland, the storyline is meh, so all in all it's bleh.

    It takes an unoriginal idea, expresses that idea in an unspectacular manner, and throws in an unbelievable pairing for good measure. There is nothing that I can point to and say "this here bit is terrible" but equally I can't say that any of it is particularly good.

    So 3/5 for being an entirely forgettable story, and since I restrained myself from deducting a point due to the pairing.
     
  13. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    My opinion exactly. Not even gonna bother reading it (though not just based on pairing, but it's a big factor of "why"). The plot sounds fucking retarded. Hermione dies from Draco with potion sabotage? This story can gtfo and die in a fire, especially since Hermione would no way in fucking hell would fall in love with a douche bag. Unless the population dwindled.

    Story sounds horrible, so I won't rate (nor read it).
     
  14. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

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    ...

    Or she was imperiused, love-potioned, or mind-fucked by some ancient ritual to become nothing more than a sex-slave.

    But, then again, that's rape than love. And bad writing.
     
  15. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    As much as that line made me chuckle and say, "Ah, the good old days", the truth of the matter is that it's no longer 2006.

    Andro is right, every story posted deserves an honest review.

    The people who've been here since then have mellowed for the most part, and DLP is no longer the hate-machine that it once was. At the time what we were doing was fine, the fandom was going strong , HP fanfiction sites were popping up every day, and amazing fics were being churned out weekly. That is no longer the case.

    DLP has changed, and as much as I enjoyed raging at fail-intros and fools dumb enough to post slash, the truth is that DLP has changed for the better.

    You want proof? We're still here. There are a great many HP FF sites that can't say the same.

    If you're going to post in the thread of a story up for review, either review the story or add something constructive to the discussion. Why post if you're just going to say "No, not going to read. Kill it with fire." ? Then again, I've done my fair share of that over the years. I'm not exactly innocent.

    This story may be bad, but it's not nearly as fuck awful as some of the shit that's been posted here. Some stories really deserve a napalm bath, this fic is just... unappealing.

    ---

    The story is bland, the concept is dated and unimaginative, and the dialogue is stilted and annoying (Even in the event of her death, Snape would have still called her Granger.)

    The "An accident in Potions class causes (Insert crazy effect) between (Insert Harry, Hermione, Ron, or Neville) and (Insert Snape, Malfoy, Zabini, Nott, or Parkinson) " was boring in 2003 and hasn't improved with age. It's a plot device used out of sheer laziness on the part of the author and doesn't contain a single ounce of originality.

    "Hmm, how will I ever get likeable character and unlikeable character together? OOOH, I've got it! An accident in Potions! Squee! I'm so clever."

    This story wreaks of unoriginality, has the plot of an old Bill Murray movie, and in general has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

    Also, the thought of HG/SS makes me want to vomit. Actually, the thought of Snape and anybody makes me want to vomit.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2012
  16. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

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    I did manage to read the story, well the first chapter anyway. I couldn't continue afterward because it was...well boring.

    The writing style is technically fine, and it seems well plotted, but it is just well boring.

    2/5. Mainly because it wasn't cancer, but it wasn't great either.
     
  17. Poytin

    Poytin The Arby's Hipster DLP Supporter

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    Read it all the way through. Was bland, uninteresting, and a chore to read in some places. The characters don't act in any way that a normal person would. The author tries to keep canon personalities but it's just off enough to hit the uncanny valley.

    2/5.
     
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