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Harry and The Magic Factory by DisobedienceWriter

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by deathtehfluffybunny, Jun 27, 2007.

  1. deathtehfluffybunny

    deathtehfluffybunny Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2006
    Messages:
    123
    Location:
    Texas
    Title: Harry and The Magic Factory
    Author: DisobedienceWriter
    Rating: T
    Genre: Humor/Adventure
    DLP: Alternates
    Pairing: Neville/Luna
    Status: WIP
    Summary:AU. Harry Potter defeats Voldemort as an infant…but then disappears. A year later, Potter Emporiums spring up throughout the magical world. No one knows how or why until 11 invitations fly out into the world years later.
    Link

    So, a Harry Potter/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. For that it starts as a 5 O' 5, but it did not do it as well as it could have. Id est, Harry is not as capricious as he should be, house elfs are called Oompahs for no other reason than the author wants to be like the book, so some points off. It veers off from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory later and gets idealistic, but I did not find it overly annoying. The writing and grammar are good as well. 4/5
     
  2. Stalicon

    Stalicon High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2005
    Messages:
    568
    Location:
    That one place
    This is bad, very bad.

    1/5
     
  3. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    I've been following this for quite a while. In a way, this is similar to the author's other two fics - super!Harry fixing up the world and everyone living happily ever after. Not much conflict, but solid writing style and the air of mystery (especially in the first chapters) kept my interest rather well.

    Oh, and this isn't exactly a crossover with Chocolate Factory; she just took an idea or two and used it in her HP fic.

    Overall, not bad for a light read. Some more conflict and less idealism wouldn't hurt it, but even as it is, it's much better than her previous fic (which is leaps and bounds above her first one). If nothing else, it's nice to see the author constantly improving her skills, even if her ideas, themes and style remained the same.
     
  4. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2005
    Messages:
    521
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Israel
    How could you even put such travesty for us to judge? I've seen this story before and couldn't continue reading after the second chapter. This story is very boring and not funny at all.
    1/5
     
  5. Lorelei of the Sea

    Lorelei of the Sea Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2005
    Messages:
    753
    Location:
    Southern California
    No. Just.... no. I read the first chapter, couldn't get farther.
    1/5
     
  6. The Dark Monarch

    The Dark Monarch Backtraced

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2006
    Messages:
    638
    Location:
    Stuck in the bleeding hot desert
    Overnight, the Wizarding World changed. Hundreds of years of stagnation was upended.


    Stupid.

    I got half way through the first chapter before i couldn't take anymore of the perfect sunshine and daisy world with no problems or plot.

    1/5
     
  7. Mindless

    Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2006
    Messages:
    1,355
    Location:
    United States
    Hmmm. Complete fail.
     
  8. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    2,129
    I've been following this one from the intriguing and curious start. At first it really was a Willy Wonka type fusion sort of fic. Since then the plot has unraveled and it is another godlike!Harry combating injustice and cruelty throughout the wizarding world. Handled in a way that's kept me very interested. Updated frequently enough that I barely have to re-read the chapter before if at all. Plenty of cliches but none that bother me significantly.

    I'm honestly enjoying the fic quite a bit and I'd rate it 4/5.

    But I'd never have sent this fic through the DLP review system. It just... doesn't fit.

    I'm saying this for anyone curious before this thread gets inevitably deleted, that it's not as bad as "complete fail" makes it sound, as it's more like "complete fail at DLP."
     
  9. redawgts

    redawgts First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2006
    Messages:
    45
    A weird enough twist to keep me reading, but only just. Seems to be getting better and I'm looking forward to the conflict between Harry and the Ministry/Dumbledore.

    3/5 with a possibility of 4/5 later on.
     
  10. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2005
    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Englandshire
    High Score:
    5,725
    It would be a good humour fic, but the author attempts to actually be serious with it...fail from that aspect.

    Still, it had a solid writing style and it wasn't actually that bad a way to waste half an hour.
     
  11. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Messages:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Forty-Six & 2
    High Score:
    1,832
    I don't think it was full of fail, but then again I like some of the stories that the rest of DLP hated. It was pretty amusing and I enjoyed it as much as the next fic. Their's not much good in the fanficton world these days and I take what I can get. 4/5
     
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