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WIP Harry Potter and the Agents of Attor - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by iamnotreal, Mar 18, 2019.

  1. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal Second Year

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    Title: Harry Potter and the Agents of Attor
    Author: Chromewe11
    Rating: T
    Genre: Supernatural/Mystery
    Status: In-Progress
    Pairings: Undecided.
    Summary: Harry's name comes out of the Goblet of Fire but no one could have foreseen that written on that same slip of paper was Draco Malfoy. Resented by their houses and forced to participate in the Triwizard Tournament together, the two once rivals form a grudging alliance in their struggle to survive the trials ahead. Rated MA.
    Ff.net Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7384423/15/Harry-Potter-and-the-Agents-of-Attor


    This is a story I only found recently and due to the fact it was the first thing I found in an authors favourites. It seems to have only updated recently after a very long hiatus - so take that as you will.

    I think this is actually quite good. It certainly meets the base level in terms of technical writing skill which I will admit was poor to begin with but improved as the story progressed.

    In terms of cliche's... yeah, they're there. But the more annoying ones such as Manipulative!Dumbledore, IndyTrainingSuper!Harry !Harems etc... are not in any way shape or form which is a relief. Draco's sudden self epiphany right off the bat is a little jarring as well; from absolute to wanker to 'oh maybe I better turn my shit around ASAP'.

    The real strength I feel is in its world building and characters. Harry, Daphne and Hermione even some of the OC's are done really well and feel like some thought was put towards actually developing them and giving them serious motivation other than just a tool for Harry to display !AWESOME!

    The overarching plot of the double champion selection shakes the regular formula of the GoF up and provides a good mystery which still is only barely hinted at; whose hand (or hands) are at work is still left up in the air currently, but the hints of something terrible and great coming looms over the characters and bears particular weight in their minds.

    Tentative 7/10 for now.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2019
  2. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Prestigious Tomato ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Why do you like it? What makes it worth reading? What are it's pros and cons?
     
  3. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal Second Year

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    My apologies, see the edit. My initial response in the title didn't go through.
     
  4. Jibril

    Jibril Headmaster

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    Edit the link as it leads to the last chapter.
     
  5. Wynter

    Wynter Order Member

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    Good spot on that, assumed it was Chapter 1 and dumped it because it was such a weird starting point.

    Will read and get a review on this soon.
     
  6. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal Second Year

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    I wish I could edit the link... I don't see any option to change the post content. Any help?
     
  7. Genghiz Khan

    Genghiz Khan Headmaster

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    It's actually not a bad time-waster. The good points are the technical writing, which, as iamnotreal points out, improves as the story progresses, and the feeling that the author has genuinely tried to write something of quality. Whether they've succeeded or not is a different story, but I feel the effort shows.

    Unfortunately, the biggest turn-off is Daphne's character. She doesn't read like a 14-year-old at all. People in their teens do not have plots within plots, and they are certainly not good at manipulating others. It's quite put-offing to read a Daphne four steps ahead of everyone, great at Quidditch, and with a sister remarking on how she had been forbidden by her father from practicing silent casting. It's Mary Sue-ish, despite her not really qualifying completely for the moniker. She's also got the "Ice Queen" nickname, for those who consider _that_ a put-off. While I ship Harry/Daphne as much as, say, Sesc, I found this Daphne to be a drag on the story. A little too perfect in precisely the kind of skill set very young teenage girls emphatically lack.

    Harry, on the other hand, is noticeably more competent than in canon. That would, ordinarily, have been for the better had the main characters not kept remarking on how they fell into certain situations because of Daphne knowingly manipulating them into such. It's fine a couple of times; any more and it gets on your nerves. Apart from that, he's a bit OOC here. A little too smooth, a bit too slippery. Just enough to stretch the bounds of canon Harry beyond more than mild discomfort.

    Perhaps the most believable character in the story is Ron, and he's shown as being cut off from the gang because of his jealousy issues. Now I don't really like that path in general, but this author seems to get this particular teenage angsty fight right. It's fine for Ron to get jealous, especially when Harry shares the spotlight with Malfoy of all people. He's hard-headed, and I can see it's difficult for him to reconcile Harry being civil to Draco in any shape or form.

    The rest of the characters don't really strike my attention as much as these did. Hermione exists in the story, is pretty, and people wonder if she's dating Harry. Krum exists and is a beast in the air. Cedric and Cho exist together, there's a bunch of OCs, Fleur is a snob but she seems to have a semi (at least, if not more) for Harry, and Dumbledore swoops into a scene where Harry is both smooth and calm and, heaven forbid, but my mental image was of him smirking. The character interactions aren't bad at all: they're much better done than in most other stories but they're not very compelling.

    It's definitely worth a flick if you wish: it's better than most of the crap out there, but it's not library-worthy, not with those flaws in the writing. 3.5/5 (I'll round down for rating) from me because Daphne. If you don't ship this pairing, then it's a 2.5-3, depending on how forgiving you are of the tropes. It'll definitely end up on a bunch of guilty pleasure lists.
     
  8. A Lizard By

    A Lizard By Any Other Name

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    Chapter 8 so far. I'm enjoying it, I think. Decent time waster, as others have said, nothing more. It skirts on the edge of being something more than it is but the author never quite manages to take it there.

    For example, for some reason that hasn't been made clear to me yet(Daphne Waifu?), Slytherin politics play a large role in this story. Daphne is seen plotting to get Blaise on the the dueling team using Malfoy who in return will receive help with the tournament. If I'm remembering that correctly.
    I'm thinking maybe we'll see some different trials and perhaps different methods of winning them. So far the only difference I've seen is they added a dragon for Draco. All of the plotting was for naught as well because Harry comes up with the brilliant idea of using his broom, which Daphne was shown to be very impressed by. Harry. Choosing to use his one talent. Truly astounding.

    Still, haven't actually gotten to the first task yet so we'll see.

    Also this story has more typos and run on sentences than pretty much anything else I've read in recent memory. It's getting better but the first eight chapters are a bit of a slog with characters talking like this they never seem to take breaths just more thoughts piled on top of thoughts who needs punctuation anyway certainly not me

    Edit: The quality jump after chapter 7 is rather drastic, although the typos and run ons are still rampant. It is a much better story after that point. I assume that's what happens when you write a story over the course of 8 years or so.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2019
  9. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros. Moderator

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    The story's point of divergence is during Goblet of Fire, where both Harry and Draco are chosen as joint champions. I don't think it's worth reading unless you're desperate for a time-waster.

    While there's a jump in technical quality after chapter 7 (and all credit to the author for improving), this is unfortunately a jump from being terrible to below acceptable for me. Problems still exist in the following points:
    • Dialogue Tag / Action Beat mix-ups
    • Overuse of ellipses
    • Fear of using said / overuse of said synonyms and adverbs
    • A lack of descriptive paragraphs
    • Too much telling
    • Random capitalization errors
    Although the author has not tagged the story as such, this appears to be angling towards a Harry / Daphne pairing given her prominence in the story. I'm lukewarm on that.

    The author hasn't really written Daphne well in my opinion. So far, she seems a bit too perfect. I can't recall a single significant flaw in her.

    I will admit that the author's use of two extra champions is novel, however, I'm not sure if it actually achieves anything in the story beyond novelty for novelty's sake.

    2/5.
     
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