1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Harry Potter and the Alchemist's Secret by Avitus - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Avitus, Dec 29, 2005.

  1. Avitus

    Avitus Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    Messages:
    375
    Location:
    Canada
    Title: Harry Potter and the Alchemist's Secret
    Author: Avitus (Formerly FallenLegacy)
    Rating: T (PG-13)
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Supernatural
    Pairing: None
    Status: WIP
    Summary: Harry's eyes are opened to the world around him by the last person imaginable. A surprise visit from a reclusive Alchemist sends Harry on a quest with the knowledge of the Alchemist's Secret. New Magics, and Mentor!Snape
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2472416/1/

    I just realised I haven't posted links to my other stories...sigh...I guess i'm just asking to have my ego beaten down here. I think its pretty good, somewhat original, although I do fall into cliche quite a bit (IMHO)..anyways this one was an experiment with a different writing style..i think.. lol.
     
  2. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Read it. Pretty interesting & original, but not without flaws.

    I didn't like that whole mentor!Snape thing. Interaction between Snape and Harry is lacking, it's poorly explained why exactly would Harry invite Snape along on a 1000 years long trip, instead of, let's say, Hermione. Their whole relationship is too vague for my liking.

    I liked the part where Harry teaches at Hogwarts. Hope you extend it a bit.
    I also liked all the new magic implemented here, it's always good to expand the canon a bit.

    I'll keep reading it, but I still prefer Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Trials. I hope you update that story too (or at least open a discussion about it here at DLP).
     
  3. DaytonDeusBlack

    DaytonDeusBlack Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    272
    Location:
    Mumbai, India
    I kinda liked it.

    The whole travel back in time for a millennium thing is nice. It's pretty original. I'll be waiting for an update.
     
  4. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2005
    Messages:
    624
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I like it. I normally hate Mentor!Snape stories, but Snape is much more canon than normal in fics where he's on good terms with Harry. Hope you update again soon.
     
  5. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Is he? That kinda is the whole problem here. Relationship between Harry and Snape should have been a big issue here, but it's hardly ever mentioned.
     
  6. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2005
    Messages:
    679
    Location:
    The land down under
    It seems i must agree with Dayton that this fic seems quite original, though it is seriously rushed going back to the founders time is rearly done well i think this maybe the exception other then Ravens EoH.
     
  7. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2005
    Messages:
    624
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I dunno, I felt he was still the same sarcastic, slightly jealous, arrogant, asshole he always is, it's just he seemed to enjoy verbal spats with Harry. But you are right, he didn't make the friendship out to seem like as big a deal as you would think.
     
  8. haroon_angel

    haroon_angel Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    karachi,pakistan
    Man This Mentor!snape Thing Is So Bitchy Otherwise Good Time Waster
     
  9. Chilli

    Chilli Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 27, 2006
    Messages:
    261
    Gender:
    Female
    Haroon, even though necroposting is allowed in the Library, it is expected that you will at least contribute something more meaningful than a one-line comment along the lines of "this was good". I strongly suggest you read the forum rules and just hang around without posting for a while, because honestly, the recent flood of your necroposts is starting to annoy people.
     
  10. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    2,541
    Location:
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand
    Too many page breaks.

    Also:

    A good, concise section to give you a feel for the type of story. And by type, I mean the sort where reading a book once gives wizards balls of steel and power over 9000.

    Besides, the rating (before my contribution) is enough to get this shit knocked out of the library.
     
  11. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    And the OC in the second chapter has an annoying fucking accent. Somehow the story has an overall feel of pointlessness, which perhaps comes with a story about training. I will say I admire Avitus's writing style though, pity he hasn't been writing lately.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2009
  12. jaspernoone

    jaspernoone First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2006
    Messages:
    44
    Location:
    Guanaba
    Why anyone still reads this story is getting beyond me, the story seems to drag on, doesn't have...cohesion I guess...but then thats just me...it has gotten to involved with the training and thats it, i couldn't drag through more of it.
     
Loading...