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Abandoned Harry Potter and the Halfblood Auror by Chelseyb1010 - T

Discussion in 'Romance' started by Republic, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Title:Harry Potter and the Halfblood Auror
    Author:chelseyb1010
    Rating:T
    Genre:Romance/Adventure
    Chapters: 40
    Words: 259,240
    Updated: Sep 26, 2013
    Published: January 16, 2012

    Status: Work In Progress
    Library Category: Romance
    Pairings: Harry/Tonks
    Summary: In his quest to stop Malfoy in his sixth year, Harry turns to an old friend for help. Along the way he finds new allies, a Horcrux, and someone to stand by his side. Alternate view of HBP. Rating for language and violence.
    Link: FanFiction.Net

    I run a (admittedly brief) search for this and couldn't find it anywhere, besides a brief mention of it in the Almost Rec'd thread. I found it there, some months ago, and have been following it since. It has recently hit a point of originality, quality and length that I believe warrants it a place in the Library.

    It is probably the best Harry/Tonks story I have read, or at least that I can remember. The author is known for making decent stories, and has another completed H/T story which I think currently resides in the Recycling Bin. From his/her past history and impressive update rate, I am confident that this will be completed within a rational timeframe.
    Besides the romance aspect of it, the Malfoy plotline was very well made, and now that it's over stuff should be picking up again soon.

    It has some (very few) cringe worthy moments or facts, but these can mostly be overlooked without much effort.

    A solid 4.5/5 from me so far. It would be a real shame if this didn't make it in the Library.

    Thoughts?


    Checked by Minion, February 6, 2016
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 6, 2016
  2. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    A very believable Harry/Tonks story. Been following this for a while.

    A solid 4/5.
     
  3. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    4/5.

    It has moments of clumsiness, and a May/December romance like this set in Harry's school years requires some suspension of belief, but this one is fairly well done. And it focuses on things other than the romance, as well.

    Quite readable.
     
  4. Silens Cursor

    Silens Cursor The Silencer DLP Supporter

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    AHEM. Best Harry/Tonks story ever, you say?

    The opening chapter doesn't really sell this story very well, as the prose is clumsy and the dialogue really doesn't make me all that interested. It certainly lacks some of the flow and occasional bite that the best dialogue has, but really it just comes across as overwhelmingly cheesy and a little saccharine. This sort of dialogue can work, but with the rushed series of flashbacks to shoehorn Tonks into Harry's life earlier (and btw, points docked for having Tonks at Hogwarts the same time as Harry - she graduated the year before he arrived), there's not enough time to establish the characters and any sort of personality to make the corniness tolerable. Also, 'my appearance tends to reflect my mood' - really, Tonks? It's a terrible line. And another nitpick, why does Tonks think she should have lost her job after the Department of Mysteries? It was proven Dumbledore was right and Voldemort was back, and thus there'd be no real justifiable grounds to fire her.

    The second chapter was typical Indy!Harry nonsense, as Harry turns the fact that Dumbledore won't tell him absolutely everything into an argument. Also, doing laps? I don't know about you, but considering how physically strenuous Quidditch looks to be, albeit somewhat lacking in cardio, you'd think they'd get enough exercise on their brooms, and running laps isn't going to help one in Quidditch. Also, why does Harry go after Malfoy and tell him he's bringing people in to figure out what he's going on - it's not going to scare him off, but drive him to be that much more secretive, and thus that much harder to track!

    Third chapter is the plot contrivance to get Tonks to stay at Hogwarts full time and continued the anti-Dumbledore nonsense, but I will say the dialogue has gotten a bit better... until we reached the part where Harry starts whining that 'I don't want to die' after Tonks gives him some tough love. Harry, you're going up against fucking Voldemort, pull yourself together. And then comes the cliche of 'chosen girl getting all incensed that Harry was abused and giant pity party ensues that allows Harry to get into her pants'. Fucking god, that cliche pisses me off. Also, I don't think Dumbledore is written well - the dialogue feels off, and he lacks some of the mystique that he should have.

    The next chapter's a bit better with Neville's introduction, but I have to cringe at the mention of 'hand-to-hand' combat - mostly because it's one of the other cliches about indy!Harry that pisses me off (if a wizard ever allows himself to get caught in melee, he's doing it wrong). And while I don't especially mind a message to Harry telling him to get his fucking act together, Tonks' lecture to Harry to 'be more confident' to get pussy is just awkwardly staged and feels incredibly clumsy. Also, Tonks says 'Wotcher' way too fucking often. Also, the romance in this story is PAINFUL: 'You have a nice facial structure' - really? And finally, conflict with Ron comes out of nowhere and feels incredibly contrived and clumsy for the purpose of conflict. Ugh - how the hell is this story getting 4/5?

    Fifth chapter is pretty much entirely romance and fooling around with Tonks' Auror buddies, the former which is excruciating and the latter is pretty good if only for the guessing game I'm having picking out which one is the traitor. Also, wandless magic happened. /sigh

    After reading the sixth chapter, I'm rapidly reaching the conclusion that this story just doesn't engage on any level for me. I find myself skipping dialogue and prose, and that's never a good sign. There are a few good bits, but there's enough corniness and stupid in this story that prevents me from really rating it highly. 3/5, and definitely not the best Harry/Tonks story ever.

    EDIT: hmm, checked out the author's favourites, and it turns out she favourited a fun little fic called Point Game. And you know, I had wondered what the better dialogue in this story sounded like.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2013
  5. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    You...are not at all wrong. I had to go back and look for quotes, it sounded so damn similar. Wow.

    Point Game was a great one-shot, Silens :)
     
  6. Anarchy

    Anarchy Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    This author wrote 'rebel and the chosen' so I am very hesitant to read this. That Harry/Tonks story was one of the dullest, blandest, and most boring stories I have ever had the displeasure of reading. And There's hasn't exactly been a lot of glowing praise so far, so I will tentatively check it out.
     
  7. The Fine Balance

    The Fine Balance Headmaster

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    It's cute. Like most fanfic, expect a notable few, you can skip quite a bit and still be entire cognizant of the plot/theme/characters etc. Still, it's a good read on a long boring ride - which is how I did it. 3/5.
     
  8. MattSilver

    MattSilver The Traveller

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    Silens you whore you. If we're playing this game, THIS is the best Harry/Tonks story ever, and fuck yo couch.

    In all seriousness, this fic's pretty good. Lots of words to read, some neat little characterisations, and while the plot and its progress aren't anything revolutionary, I still like it. Whether or not it belongs in the library depends on how it ends to me, because I can totally see a let-down ending coming, but for now I'm all for it getting in. Maybe not as the best Harry/Tonks story ever, but hey, it's definitely ahead of its most of its ilk, and I had fun reading it.
     
  9. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Ok, lots of things to address here. Listen, you don't have to take everything so personally. You know that I was -still am- a great fan of Renegade Cause. Despite that though, I would never place it in the Romance category, even though it is one of the most notable Harry/Tonks stories out there. I'm sure you can understand why, can you not? The Harry/Tonks is there, but it is far from the main aspect of the story, at least if you ask me.
    As for Point Game, eh. I don't count it, being a one-shot and it's premise being what it is. And plagiarism is a pretty big accusation, are you sure you want to make it?

    Thing is, this thread isn't about whether this story is the best Harry/Tonks story ever. It probably isn't. This thread is to decide whether this fic is good enough for the Library. Take a look on the Romance section of the Library. Is this fic as good as the ones there? Yes, no?
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2013
  10. Silens Cursor

    Silens Cursor The Silencer DLP Supporter

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    Lol, you actually thought I took this personally? You're the one who raised the flag 'best Harry/Tonks story you've read' and then followed it up talking about the good stuff outside the romance, and then in your next post you made the comment that RC doesn't really count as much as a Harry/Tonks fic because the romance isn't the primary focus. Okay, I can reluctantly buy that... but if we're only considering a fic based upon the romance, we could go with that, but really, I don't think the romance is all that good - it's corny and clumsy and the characters lack chemistry. I think the best stuff that this author had was some of the smaller character moments with the Aurors, because the rest is rife with logical breakdowns and forced conflict.

    And no, I didn't raise the plagarism flag, but I can't help but note that the chapters published after I put Point Game up have a certain element to their dialogue that is remarkably similar to mine. Just an observation, that's all. Although along with that observation is a note that quick, fast-paced snark rapidly wears out its welcome if it isn't supplemented with something beneath it - there's a point behind all the meta commentary in Point Game, what's the deeper rationale behind the banter here?

    And really, even if I'm evaluating the story based on the romance alone, I wouldn't let this fic in the Library, forgetting comparisons to any of the stuff that's currently there (we all know not everything in the Library is a masterpiece). It's clumsy, lacks flow, has a lot of forced/contrived conflict, and none of the characters are compelling enough for me to root for their romantic development. I'm sticking with a 3/5.
     
  11. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    You have more gumption than I. Much of what I'd have to say about this story matches what Silens already brought up.

    I guess the thing that doesn't work for me in setting up a Harry/Tonks romance is that the two really aren't compatible as presented in this story. Harry acts his age (rightly so--I give the author credit for that), with all the emotional maturity of a teen. Tonks acts like a twenty-something witch. There's a reason (besides statutory rape law) why twenty-something women tend not to date teenagers.

    In both other notable Harry/Tonks stories with the characters retaining their canon ages (Silens's and Lorddwar's, though the latter hasn't aged particularly well), Harry's life experiences forced him to at least perceive the world more like a jaded adult and not as an annoying, emo kid. This sold the stories and the relationship for me in a way that this story doesn't.

    3/5 for me (through 10 or so chapters).
     
  12. BombTheHarbor

    BombTheHarbor Second Year

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    I'm going to give this story 2.5/5. There's just nothing in there that makes me care... So many of the character interactions and especially the main romance is so contrived, relying on cliches and tired old gimmicks. There's nothing new or unique in this fic at all - and that's why I can't say its library worthy. It seems to be a canon rehash of Half-Blood Prince, with Tonks thrown into the mix to add fluff throughout. We have the main plot with Draco Malfoy working on the cabinet to execute Voldemort's assignment, we have Dumbledore's hand and the beginnings of the horcrux hunt/lessons with Dumbledore...but unlike book 6 these elements are really just glossed over, almost in passing, as the author focuses on the Harry/Tonks element, of which there is nothing outstanding or unique about it.

    While its true that not everything in the library is a masterpiece, because there are some in there that are a straight 3/5, what separates the library worthy stories from the rest is they all have something unique about them. This doesn't stand out in any way... just my two cents.

    Edit: read the latest chapter, won't spoil it for any of you but this was the chapter that sealed the deal for me and I'm going to abandon the story... A major event has happened, but in such a routine, easy way for Harry that it came without any conflict or adversity, almost like just being handed an easter egg. The author is just pushing the story forward without putting in the work to make it exciting...just so fucking dull.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2013
  13. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    I'll say that it grows. The Harry-Tonks thing isn't free of friction, there are issues which you'd expect to be there (e.g. the insecurity, given Tonks older age and greater experience), and arguments, especially as Tonks work as an Auror comes into it -- so whatever it is, at least the author doesn't completely ignore that such a relationship isn't really easy to make work.

    But IMO, the interesting, challenging thing is to write a believable Harry/Tonks romance despite the mentioned compatibility issues, not because you changed Harry so much it runs on its own. I'm not saying this story accomplishes that, but it's not completely shabby.

    I guess I'd give it a 3.5/5, which I'll bump up to a 4 because Tonks -- I like her characterisation in the story --, because I kinda enjoy reading it, and because, given the track record, it will most likely be finished.
     
  14. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    I liked the story, but I dropped it once I reached the last chapter posted and didn't read it again. It's nothing personal, but I didn't find it followable. I have two thoughts concerning this library worthy: 1) There're already a lot of 6th year rehearsals, and despite how well done this fic is, it's the same old dance. 2) There are a lot of fics from the library that I feel shouldn't be there, IMO. So, it could be inserted without problems. In the end, it depends of my colleagues.

    Silens pointed out a lot of issues I agree with. But as I believe the author took some of his dialogs from Point Game for inspiration, he did the same with Lorddwar and nonjon to name a few.

    3/5 for me.
     
  15. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I had a lot of fun reading this. No regrets at all. It isn't anything special, but it's a solid story told in a way that's not boring as hell.

    4/5 from me. Definitely not amazing, but I'd be happy to see it in the Library.
     
  16. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    This story bored the crap out of me. I actually gave up around the New Years party, because I couldn't muster enough will to care about any of the characters. Grammatically this story is solid, but the author failed to grasp my attention at all.

    2/5
     
  17. Sn0rkack

    Sn0rkack Professor

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    Now I feel bad, I had a rant prepared and it turns out I have never even read this story! This author wrote - yes, you guessed it - another meh Harry/Tonks story. I do, however, remember reading this part where Harry like begs Tonks to teach him how to become Auror!Harry and she agrees.
     
  18. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    This just seems to be another boring Indy!Harry fic, and the romance is even well written. 3/5
     
  19. chelseyb1010

    chelseyb1010 Muggle

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    Author here.

    I was told my story was up for review here and decided to take a look. Thanks to all who've taken the time to read it. I'll definitely take your opinions into consideration, not only as I finish this story but in any I attempt in the future.

    To the author of Point Games: I assure you I didn't deliberately intend to copy either dialogue or style. Any similarities are coincidental and at most, unconscious influence which should only be taken as a compliment. I very much enjoyed that oneshot.

    I'll be checking back in to read other reviews. Thanks to Republic21 for putting it up for review and giving me a heads up.
     
  20. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Welcome to DLP, chelseyb1010. I hope you find the discussion of your story to be useful.

    If you are interested, I'd draw your attention to the Work by Author subforum where stories can be workshopped and constructive criticism sought. WBA is closed to non-members, so one can post works in progress there in a semi-private fashion and not interfere substantially with one's ff.net traffic.
     
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