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Abandoned Harry Potter and the Next Great Adventure by Mordecai's - M - H/T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Levi, Sep 29, 2007.

  1. Levi

    Levi Sent Back to India

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
    Messages:
    143
    Location:
    Mumbai, India
    Title: Harry Potter and the Next Great Adventure
    Author: Mordecai's
    Rating: M
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance
    DLP Category: Independent Harry
    Pairing: Harry/Tonks
    Chapters: 9
    Words: 80,631
    Updated: June 3, 2008
    Published: July 14, 2007
    Status: Abandoned


    Summary: Dumbledore’s death hangs like a dark cloud on the future of the wizarding world. Evil has scored a crucial point. What happens when Harry Potter faces political troubles and fear of his own death while fighting the forces of evil? Experience magic at its extreme as the Grim Reaper comes knocking on your doors and a new force rises to fight the rising threat of darkness. Independent Harry!


    Story Link: Here


    Checked by Minion, October 25, 2015
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2015
  2. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Messages:
    11
    Location:
    Canada
    High Score:
    1,907
    The story was good up until the last chapter. I would have to say that the first five chapters rate a solid 4/5 while if you include the last chapter then I'd have to rate a 2/5.

    Looks like another Honks Story ruined.
     
  3. The Paper Blade

    The Paper Blade First Year

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    48
    The last two chapters dragged down the rest of the story, which seemed to be leading up to something more... climactic. Decent character interaction and all. The fight with Voldemort was dragged down by a lot of dialogue that didn't seem to go anywhere. Some of the lines were amusing, sure, but the scene struck me as whimsical while aiming for seriousness. The last chapter just went to hell.
    All in all, the story was pretty mediocre. Decently written, but not very interesting. 2/5
     
  4. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    3,947
    My theory is that the last chapters were written by the new author. The well-writte, previous ones, were by the original Mordecai before he passed away

    Perhaps you should consider starting your own story, rather than resuming your brother's?
     
  5. Levi

    Levi Sent Back to India

    Joined:
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    143
    Location:
    Mumbai, India
    If only you knew, Mordecai passed away before HBP was released. So, it may not seem like it, but the entire story is my own creation and is following the path that I have envisioned from the beginning.

    I would also like to ask what it was that you did not like in it, so that I could explain what I think about it, my POV while writing it, and also so that I can improve on any mistakes that I may have made.

    Constructive criticism is always welcome. Flaming, just for the sake of it, would only be good for my BBQ.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2007
  6. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

    Joined:
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    Woah. Pleasant surprise. Been awhile, Mord. :)

    I'll have to check this out sometime. Probably tomorrow. Brain is scrambled at this time of night.
     
  7. Croaker

    Croaker First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2007
    Messages:
    34
    Location:
    Arizona
    The last chapter is massively "what the hell?"
    Oh, and the Voldemort in the one before that is terrible.
     
  8. Levi

    Levi Sent Back to India

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Mumbai, India
    Yeah, i know, even when i wrote the chapter, i was like WTF!! but then all we ever get when harry dies is some sort of mysterious ball of energy, or some big phoenix, even some telling him that he is very powerful and so should go back and kick Voldy's ass.

    Also there is that stuff, where harry plays chess with fate or someone and when he wins he gets to go back.

    what i wanted to portray was that he was literally dead and his one true desire of meeting his parents is now fulfilled. i wanted to show a harry who doesn't want to go back.

    And about Voldemort, i am always peeved by all those Voldemorts out there who are like "Wormtail, Crucio!"

    I mean i've always believed that Voldy is like the most patient guy ever, what with his year long plotting schemes and stuff. But sometimes the authors use the Crucios a bit too much. i know he gets angry but its rare and only if his wishes are not fulfilled. i believe that with the amount of crucios some authors use, his followers will be no different than Neville's parents.

    also what i wanted to portray was a Voldy who is a bit over-confident now that Dumbles is dead. he didnt even use legilimency on Harry.
     
  9. Lincos

    Lincos Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
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    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    Sounds (or reads) like you've got some good ideas but you just have trouble incorporating them into the story.
     
  10. Levi

    Levi Sent Back to India

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Mumbai, India
    I have posted another chapter for this. Hope you enjoy it. Link:

    Chapter
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2007
  11. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Just a note; a great deal of old DLPers remember Mordecai and will rape your skull if you flame him just for the hell of it.

    Fair warning.

    Not gonna comment on the story until I read it though, just needed to throw that out there.
     
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