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WIP Harry Potter and the Temporal Beacon by willyolioleo

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Major Session, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. Major Session

    Major Session Muggle

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Title: Harry Potter and the Temporal Beacon
    Author:
    willyolioleo
    Rating:
    T
    Genre:
    Time travel, Adevnture
    Status:
    WIP
    Chapters: 70
    Words: 428,826
    Updated: October 19, 2013
    Published: November 30, 2010
    Library Category:
    General
    Pairings:
    Harry/Hermione
    Summary:
    At the end of 3rd year, Hermione asks Harry for some help with starting an interesting project. If a dark lord's got a 50-year head start on you, maybe what you need is a little more time to even the playing field. AU, Timetravel, HHr, mild Ron bashing. Minimizing new powers, just making good use of existing ones.
    Link:
    Harry Potter and the Temporal Beacon
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6517567/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Temporal-Beacon



    Hello DLP. This story is time travel done right.

    Now normally I hate time travel stories. They’re usually cheap, poorly written gimmicks to make Harry some kind of omnipotent, all powerful ‘hacks’ character. There are stories though, that manage to pull of time travel though; this is one of them.

    The story starts out slowly and is the only time I can find fault in the story. Hermione manages to create a new method of time travel in her third year. Now, most HP fans know how busy Hermione was that year with her absurd class load, friendship troubles and murderous godfathers (and the soul sucking abominations after him).

    However, willyolioleo does show faults with his method of time travel. And the first few chapters focus on this...
    and what they do to fix it, creating an even better method of time travel thanks to the memories of their future selves.

    As the story progresses we get to see Harry (re)learn many of the skills fans would deem most useful, such as occlumency. We see a gradual increase in power, over the course of numerous timelines as well as an erosion of many of the morals both Harry and Hermionie had
    things like just ‘stunning’ people becoming ‘cut off their hands with sectumsempra’ so they can’t re-enter a fight.

    Furthermore, we get to see the Triwizard and it should have been. A major international event that pushes the champions in multiple fields that actually relate to what they’ve studied as well as courage and riddle solving capabilities.

    In this story there are many ramifications of their time travel, causing changes
    each time. We also get to see just how twisted some characters are (coughDumbledorecough). Finally, there are many other intricate and delicate sub-plots that go on throughout the story which add a lot of depth to this AU.

    Such as Neville’s mother becoming possessed by one of Lord Voldemort’s horcrux’s after the Unspeakables perform experiments on her and Harry trying to get her to recover.

    One final spoiler, quoted from the story, to show you all just how dark this story really can be and why I believe this story should be added to the DLP library.

    The Must-Read-Me charm. They don't usually use that spell unless... Hermione braced herself for bad news. It was worse than she could have imagined. The front page was made up entirely of one word and one picture. ASSASSINATION! The picture showed a scene of destruction where there should have been celebration. Over twenty members of the British, French, and Bulgarian Ministries lay dead, with hundreds of others in the audience bleeding or wounded. On the final podium for the Triwizard Task was Viktor Krum, winner of the Tournament- still firing spells into the audience. Standing beside him, though, was an inferus- the reanimated body of Harry Potter.

    Go on, give it a try.

    My rating 5/5.

    Tags: time travel, harry/hermione
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2015
  2. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    My major problems with this story:
    - Maniupative evil Dumbledore - but stupid enough to be overheard by a student.
    - vague deus ex magical contracts (okay, this might be debatable, but having Harry's magic bind his wand (!) when he (not really) broke rules of a tournament he didn't enter doesn't sit well with me)
    - evil unspeakables who have no problems with doing human testing on humans (and protagonists at that)
    - Hermione

    So, while there are redeeming points in this story (as mentioned above), it's Recycling Bin quality at best, imo.

    2.5/5
     
  3. Saot

    Saot Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
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    This is sort of a mixed bag. It has its upsides - Harry and Hermione mostly progress gradually power-wise and (other than the beginning) character-wise. It has a pretty good TWT. It has characters facing appropriate threats, rather than just steamrolling everything or running into diabolus ex machina.

    The main bad part is that it spends a lot of time wallowing in stupid Harmony bullshit (although it does at least drop off over time once the author gets it out of his system...). Idiot!Dumbledore's pretty annoying as well.
     
  4. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    I really wish the title of this was Harry Potter and the Temporal Bacon.

    Anyways, I don't think I could stomach 400,000 words of Harry/Hermione, so I won't rate.
     
  5. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    500
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    Newberg Oregon
    Admittedly, that would be a great title.

    I have read this off and on since it was about 60k words. It has its good points and bad ones, but for the most part is average with only the occasional couple of chapters standing out. There's also way too much exposition, and the shipping is onerous for the first half of the story.

    It is really an almost recommendable story, or even a guilty pleasure, certainly not on the level expected of current submissions to the Library.

    3/5 only because I find it enjoyable.
     
  6. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    The vomit inducing Harmony can be forgiven if the story is good enough. Even incompetent evil Dumbledore can be ignored if one is desperate for a fic to read.

    What's really the nail in the coffin here is that the fic isn't going anywhere. The author clearly has no endgame.

    Fine for almost recommended, not good enough for the library. 2.5/5, rounded down to 2.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2013
  7. Saot

    Saot Groundskeeper

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    I assume that his intended "ending" is just that they'll eventually have a loop where nothing of interest happens, but I think making that work would require pacing the story very differently. The first main loop the author seems to have mostly forgotten about what the story's gimmick was, and by the time the story got back on track he didn't have enough ideas left.
     
  8. Knyght

    Knyght Alchemist

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    Why is there a poll?
     
  9. Another Empty Frame

    Another Empty Frame Fake Flamingo DLP Supporter

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    Male
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    Near Seattle
    High Score:
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    Yeah, I know I don't like this, I know this is not worth the time to read the whole thing, but I do not know why there's a poll D8
     
  10. bob99

    bob99 High Inquisitor

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    How do stories get approved for the library? I'm curious because while it usually seems like four or five star stories get approved, some four star stories get recycled and a few three star stories get in.
     
  11. Aerylife

    Aerylife Not Equal

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    Our Overlords decide based on there bias, duh.
     
  12. Knyght

    Knyght Alchemist

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    I assume that sometimes the rating changes because of new reviews. So they were four star stories when they entered Library, eventually got downgraded to three stars but never moved.
     
  13. Another Empty Frame

    Another Empty Frame Fake Flamingo DLP Supporter

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    1801
    Pretty sure this is explained in one of the library stickies :facepalm but I'll share what I remember atm, which should be pretty close to accurate

    When a story is submitted for review it remains there until it receives at least ten Star scores, five meaningful written reviews, and at least two (or four, but I think it's two) weeks in the For Review board.

    Once a fic has met all those requirements, it is sorted into either the appropriate DLP category as stated in the OP, or into the Recycling and Trash Bins if the rating is low enough.

    Stories in the Library and Recycling Bin can continue to be reviewed, both by text and stars, as long as the Library Moderators (usually Minion) don't see thread abuse (leads to locking)

    This means that the story's score can change over time either due to increase/decrease in quality or aging very well/poorly.

    The mods do not instantly move stories when the rating changes as a review several years after the fact can lead to follow-up reviews and more discussion.

    My favorite example of this is Back to the Garden which I love and I believe currently has 4 stars but it fluctuates occasionally back and forth so last I checked it remained in the Recycling Bin instead of the Restricted Section of the library.

    EDIT: Double Ninja'd but at least I provided a more comprehensive explanation :p

    Also dude, just read the stickies, they explain all this and last time I read them was when I joined and I still remember how this shit works (more or less)
     
  14. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    820
    I think this fic has more upsides than downsides. There are elements I don't particularly like or are even well thought out but I can't deny that each time a new chapter gets released I'm glad there is another one because I'm curious where it goes now. There are far too few stories left where I get that and that means the writer does something right at least in my case.

    Anything below 3/5 is imho unfair. I know that never ending stories are not everybody's taste but for some reason pacing doesn't really feel like a problem here because the actual plot concept changes with every reset.
     
  15. yojorocks

    yojorocks Seventh Year

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    Columbus, OH
    Personally, I really liked the fact that the characters actually grow an mature in this - in all too many time travel fics, you have a very static main character, generally Harry, and the story really is about the rest of the cast adapting to a fully grown character that already has all of the answers; you actually see the two main characters here grow, fail, pick themselves up, and even reflect back on how jaded they are becoming since the story started. It's a refreshing change, and although it's not Wastelands of Time or Circular Reasoning, it's pretty good; 4/5.
     
  16. ibskib

    ibskib Second Year

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    69
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    Denmark
    I agree, when I read it last year, the author actually mentioned in the summary that the story would never end. Basically it's like those eternal timeloop round robins, just a bit more coherent, being the work of one author. Perhaps he has now decided on an endpoint since the warning was removed, but that seems pretty late in a story, so my expectations aren't high.

    Despite that I ended up enjoying most of the story. I think what worked best for me was the earlier scenes where Harry was completely outclassed especially in connection with the Tournament.
     
  17. brad

    brad Third Year

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    Australia
    It's a somewhat frustrating story in that the author doesn't know where he's going or how it's going to end (I assume); I'd prefer a story that's guaranteed to finish rather than one that will odds-on languish forever incomplete. And the never-ending Tri-Wizard Tournament got pretty old after the first few cycles ... while I could appreciate the new wrinkles the author kept imagining the overall plot wasn't going anywhere during that time.

    But there's been some good stuff too ... particularly when the author has remembered that he's writing a time travel story and has leveraged off that facet of the tale.

    I've enjoyed the H/Hr, even if it is too 'tame' for some of the more testosterone-charged people here. :) In fact I was pleased with some more recent chapters where the couple had a chance to time out and smell the roses (if I'm recalling correctly). This all started, after all, with Hermione coming up with a way to help/save Harry and it stands the reason that the two of them can only grow (together) as they get more and more experienced.

    > I can't deny that each time a new chapter gets released I'm glad there is another one because I'm curious where it goes now.

    Yep. It's a clever story with enough innovation in it to keep me interested. (I also like how the author mentions the latest Rowling plot hole that he's encountered in his notes accompanying every instalment. Maybe he'll conclude the tale after he's iterated them all the canon errors ... only another 999 chapters to go then! :))
     
  18. Russano

    Russano Disappeared

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    I enjoy this story. It's similar to groundhog days fics which have fun exploring various ideas but taper off and eventually get bogged down by its own weight. It's pretty much the definition of a guilty pleasure.

    I love all the various ideas explored for the triwizard tournament, although it does drag after a while.

    Don't really like H/Hr, being stuck with 1 girl right from the start is pretty meh.

    I think this fic has one of the few portrayals of how Harry would realistically do in the tournament the first time without deus ex machina backing him up. Extreme embarrassment and failure.

    Unfortunately it eventually gets the point (and its starting to) where they sort of become too strong for their setting and it falls apart.
     
  19. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Okay, now that I've read up to the latest update, I have a new "worst thing about this fic", which is that almost everything is completely arbitrary and author-stipulated. The entire plot, the actions of the characters, the world, is all designed to create conflict for Harry and Hermione.

    Now, conflict is good, but arbitrary conflict is not. The fic reads like Harry and Hermione are playing a computer game and each time they loop they up the difficulty level. In doing so the fic manages to undermine itself massively. The whole premise of the story was a groundhog-day like mechanic, only one that lasted much longer than a day. But if the "day" they relive keeps changing, what's the point in having the mechanic at all?

    That's just one example of the way in which the fic dodges its own interesting consequences. Early on in the fic Hermione calls Harry out on being reckless because of their whole "save game" thing. And Harry immediately folds. Why? When you know that every time you die you're going to get to start again from your checkpoint, why not be reckless?

    And on the topic: Harry and Hermione are massively misusing their beacon. Why not just use a few loops hidden in the chamber learning everything they need? Why do they treat every loop like its the last one, trying to defeat Voldemort with the skills they have developed so far? It makes no sense. They have unlimited time - why are they trying so hard to do it all quickly?

    The answer is obvious: such a "training fic" story would be boring. But when plot details have to be explained by authorial motivations rather than in-universe causality you're in trouble.

    Another example of the fic dodging its own consequences: Harry and Hermione's relationship. They're, what, 14? And the time loop thing basically means they're stuck with each other for forever. All their arguments are trivial. Their relationship never changes. Neither of them ever express an interest in other people, even though they're only 14. They don't get bored of each other. They don't cheat or lie. It's just an incredibly unrealistic relationship.

    And don't get me started on the god awful author's notes commenting on canon. The writer seriously needs to reread the original series. Almost every single authors note contains some supposedly clever insight the author has about canon, most of which depend on the author having forgotten the relevant canon which answers the supposed "plot hole".
     
  20. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

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    Granted, but on the other hand, there are in fact relationships where the people involved are actually decent human beings and don't ever do more than contemplate cheating on their partners. If their relationship was a little more in the background, especially in early chapters I would be happy for seeing one without all the average, uninteresting teen drama bullshit. Also, I think at this point they are effectively 16/17ish because of the loops.

    They probably should express some degree of interest in other people, but probably the biggest hurdle to either of them even trying to have a relationship outside of the other would be that unless that person is trusted by both of them sufficiently to reveal the beacon, the relationship is doomed from the beginning to be wiped from existence, remembererd only by Harry/Hermione.

    Not that any of this crosses their minds because Harry/Hermione exists because the author says so and not for logical reasons. Ideally their relationship shouldn't have start for 2-4 loops. Let one (or both) them have a relationship during 4th year the first time, and then have it wiped by the time-loop.

    That they would end up in a relationship given the story premise is logical, the way it got there is not. At least that's my two cents.
     
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