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WIP Holocron by Raven3182 - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Distended Destiny, Dec 8, 2018.

  1. Distended Destiny

    Distended Destiny Fifth Year

    Joined:
    May 3, 2018
    Messages:
    145
    Title: Holocron
    Author: Raven3182
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: N/A
    Summary: Lost in a vast, underground system of caves, seven-year-old Harry Potter stumbles upon a glowing, blue cube that has lain forgotten in the darkness for thousands of years. Find out what happens when Harry embarks on his journey to Hogwarts with a Jedi Holocron in tow. The Force is strong with him, but a Jedi must always be wary of the power of the dark side…
    Link: Link

    I've always looked out for good SW/HP crossovers and this one is promising. It is a bit unique in its premise being played out in the Wizarding World. So, there are a lot of parallels with canon, and it reads more like a HP what if AU.

    It's formatted decently, has no jarring language failures and is quite absorbing.

    There are some irritating scenes in this fic(I am an anti-Hermione reader) and it repeats some of the cliches, like the one regarding the magic and force being two aspects of the same thing. However, the author doesn't go too far and keeps the story grounded and sane.

    Rating: 4/5 (Because that scene in which Hermione...)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2018
  2. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Banned

    Joined:
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    The real problem of the story is that it's far too rushed time wise. It's surely readable but it just feels lacking to me overall.
     
  3. Nexis

    Nexis Second Year

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    Yeah, I've read the first 7 chapters for now, and it's decent, but far too rushed. And I don't think there's any sort of plot going on, at least for now which makes it rather boring. Still, I haven't read anything Star Wars for a long time, so I'll probably read the rest of the chapters anyway. I'd like it far more if it wasn't so rushed (two years at Hogwarts took like ~10k words? or even less) and if there was actually some plot. Maybe it'll come later, I hope so. But honestly, if I had to rate it for the first 7 chapters, I'd give it 2.5/5. I'm kind of enjoying it, but it's probably because I craved something Star Wars and not because of the story itself. There were some typos and weird grammar, but after a while I stopped noticing them and they didn't bother me. Will give proper ranking when I read more.
     
  4. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Chief Warlock

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    I think I read the beginning of this last year and set it aside as... eh, immature feeling?

    Technically it's okay. It reads easily, but overall is fairly boring.

    Content wise, it's cookie cutter in plot.

    Harry finds holocron, meditates, becomes awesome (all behind the scenes), ignores master's warning and trains Hermione and Ron at eleven years old. Force = different kind of magic. Ron abuses Force and has dark side tendencies. Harry has visions of facing red-bladed foe. Can we guess where this is leading?

    Many HP scenes and plot points are tossed away without thought, but still manage to follow many stations of canon, only to be replaced with cliched scenes from fanfic past. ie. 'Death Eater attack during Hogsmeade weekend', among others.

    So, it's a skeleton of a story that favors "getting to the good stuff" in lieu of any interesting content.


    2/5
     
  5. Nevermind

    Nevermind Unspeakable

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    Pretty much that.

    I remember coming across this story when it was only three or four chapters long. The start was interesting (read: decent for a HP/SW crossover), but I noped out for the first time when Harry started “training” Ron and Hermione and there were some Harmony vibes I did not appreciate.

    I returned a while later out of a sheer dearth of other stories that managed to keep my interest, read on a bit, and just gave up after a while. Since I haven’t read the whole thing, I won’t give it an official score, but from what I read, it would probably not be much better than 2/5, Readable from a technical standpoint, but terribly boring and derivative.
     
  6. Distended Destiny

    Distended Destiny Fifth Year

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  7. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    I read the first few chapters of this recently, and it's pretty bad. It's kind of an embodiment of every bad decision when it comes to building the least interesting HP/SW crossover possible.
     
  8. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Chief Warlock

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    Like I said before, I picked it up sometime last year, and after nearly 60k words, if it hasn't gotten around to a decent plot, it's not really something worth reading. Anarchy said it well.

    HP and SW are far too different types of universes to build a coherent and interesting plot out of if the writer isn't careful about falling into the typical traps crossing them present. It's not, by any means, impossible, as a handful of stories in the fandom have made it work. However, this is not one of them. No amount of "It's gets better in later chapters" is going to save this one.

    I've always liked the holocron as a realistic teaching method where crossovers are involved. Lots of corners can be cut from the traditional rules of the Jedi. Teaching older people is acceptable. So, it's a genuinely decent way to introduce the Force into a story. The thing is, most writers toss in a holocron and in the next chapter it's pretty much tossed aside because the MC has become awesome and doesn't need it that much anymore.

    They've got their power boost and that's all that is important. If they need an additional power boost then they can always bring it back out... much like Harry did when he made his lightsaber (all within a few paragraphs) which was a cringe worthy chapter, by the way.

    There is no SW mythos involved here at all: no lessons about the Force beyond cursory statements, no actual lessons in any technique, virtually no talk about the Code, almost nothing about actually being a Jedi, other than the power-up and a few statements about what they did.

    This isn't an SW/HP story. It's Harry with more power and a laser sword. That's why I rated it a two. There's nothing of substance here.
     
  9. KingRoger

    KingRoger Second Year

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2012
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    Location:
    Australia
    I have to agree with the consensus here, it’s far too rushed. Harry learns force, becomes ninja, teaches friends, they all become quidditch superstars. All in the first few chapters. And all elements for a terrible story. This reads exactly like it was written for self gratification. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t have a place in the library. 2/5.