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I'm Wasting My Days-What Should I Do About It?

Discussion in 'Real Life Discussion' started by Salsa, Nov 8, 2019 at 5:07 AM.

  1. Salsa

    Salsa Groundskeeper

    Jun 30, 2019
    San Diego, California
    What the title says.

    I think it started after 8th Grade.

    Worst year of my life, although many people have certainly had it worse. Lots of bullying. I had gotten depression, probably starting two years back, as whenever I made some minor mistake on something in school (I was very grade-oriented, in a very unhealthy way) I lost all my energy, my confidence, etc.

    I did resolve the bullying problem at the end of 8th Grade, but I think the depression lingered.

    I recently looked up symptoms of depression: personally I don't think I have it, but a couple articles said that one symptom is denial of its occurrence.

    Before 8th Grade, generally Mid. School, I don't remember experiencing these sorts of feelings. I can't remember spending my days feeling hollow, not having the energy to do anything.

    I had electronics, sure, and I spent time gaming and the like, but I was still productive.

    I've recently tried ridding my daily life of electronics, and I'm not glued to the screen, but the feeling's still there. Even so, I always relapse.

    I think the problem is that I never really got over what happened: at best I had some conversations with my parents and sister about it, but it lasted all of a few seconds.

    I'm not trying to be melodramatic, or embellish what I'm feeling. I know that people on this site have had similar, and much much worse experiences, most probably much more intense and damaging.

    I just want to know what you guys think I should do. Nothing I've tried has worked.
  2. Shouldabeenadog

    Shouldabeenadog Auror

    Sep 3, 2010

    As my old boss used to say, "If you want something to change, you have to make a change."
  3. Microwave

    Microwave Groundskeeper

    Oct 21, 2017
    Hey, don't think too much about your regrets, you're still young.

    I'm not significantly older than you, and maybe there are some things I wish I'd done more, but I'm not worried, because I've got quite a bit ahead of me, and still plenty of time.

    And that's even more true for you.

    Just be a kid for now -- you're fourteen, just do whatever you want. Nothing will really become life-changing at your age, and if you really don't feel comfortable doing something, there will always be somewhere else to find yourself. If you're feeling left out, don't sweat it, you might not fit in with some, but you'll find somewhere where you can feel comfortable.

    Don't worry about your use of electronics, if you're enjoying yourself with them, might as well.

    And if you're really feeling lost and confused, therapy's always a good idea if you can get it. You'll get the most help from somebody who can understand your problems.

    Don't stress yourself out too much, anyway. You've got a whole life ahead of you. Relax and enjoy it while you still can.
  4. Raiko

    Raiko DA Member DLP Supporter

    Jan 30, 2011
    I take it you are still in high school.

    Is there anyone you can talk to at home or your school, a counselor or a teacher you trust?

    You could have depression, but it is hard to diagnose based on the fact that I don't know you and the minor point of not being a doctor.

    Depression manifests itself in different ways. I personally suffer from extreme apathy when not taking anything.

    I will say that I would try and not let it linger and hope that things work out for you. I started noticing signs of my depression in high school, didn't think I was depressed though, and didn't do anything about it until I was 26 and almost homeless.

    I started taking meds, and my life got measurably better. I stopped taking the meds because I moved and thought I was doing good. My apathy came back, but funny enough, I got multiple promotions and started making more money than I ever have. Mostly because I am good at my job, have a decent personality, and my coworkers were idiots. I got to the point where I only gave a shit at work mostly because I had someone I was answerable to and let my home life seriously deteriorate. It took me two years of being off meds to get to the point where I cared enough to ask to be put back on anti-depression meds.

    Seriously, talk to someone. It might not be depression, but don't avoid a potential issue that can cause you lots of problems down the road.
  5. Solfege

    Solfege Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Nov 21, 2008
    East Coast & the South
    Seventh or eighth grade tends to be the tipping point. Time starts to pass faster (one starts to lose time), colors become less saturated. A certain disillusionment comes as hormones kick in and adult guidance becomes more gatekeeping nuisance as awareness breaks on their arbitrary lack of any real control at all over reality.

    I'm describing adolescence, of course, but specific points that I think particularly jarring. Aspects that act as exogenous shocks to one's fundamental perception.

    For me, it was the start of a chronic depression. Where mental health is involved, you need powerful environmental changes to counteract the ennui and recover a sense of control. At least, I believe the mind hooks in to environmental triggers, which is why it helps to take up new routines that can alter the mind's biochemistry. This, I think, is why physical exercise is commonly described as an effective antidote to depression.

    Very little you do now has lasting impact on your life's trajectory, unless you have the focused self-control to pull a precocious J.S. Mill treatment. Revel in the lack of consequence (well, insofar as you don't jeopardise your ability to hit life's big milestones). My advice would be to explore, and pursue, some serious hobbies and interests beyond and beneath what's expected of you. What's important is realising a freedom to develop your own sense of standards, calibrate your own expectations of the world, separately from what the world expects of you.

    If it takes therapy to help get you on your way, to free up mental space to maneuver on your own terms, then get therapy.

    May I advise looking into a progressive lifting routine as part of a well-rounded package? If you've at all seen what I've written on the issue (unlikely given your recent membership), this isn't so much about aesthetic development as it is about familiarising yourself with your own physical machinery and developing a measure of basic strength that will benefit you no matter where you go. Your high school years are a perfect time to start, as puberty makes a natural cocktail of steroids that enhances your recovery abilities, so that you will literally have more strength per pound of muscle that you possess compared to people who start late.

    I've been told lifting and yoga make a potent combination. Or try progressive calisthenics (altho to do this one effectively requires a certain strength-to-weight ratio) or a freerunning routine that asks you to creatively and strategically reinterpret the world around you as freerunning obstacles.

    Practise deliberate decisions that take you away from the autopilot (electronics). Explorations don't have to be physical, but I find they can really help, given how much we neglect our relationships with our bodies out of some damnable belief in cartesian duality; and how much it can end up affecting our quality of life, including our gut/nutritional health and mental health.
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2019 at 9:16 PM
  6. DR

    DR Secret Squirrel ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Mar 13, 2006
    High Score:
    Get a goal, and work towards it. Nothing cures listlessness like a struggle. Being directionless is its own source of ennui. You're going to experience many times in your life when you're not sure where you're going. That doesn't make you broken, and it doesn't make you depressed, either.

    You're right at the age where on the one hand you're old enough to know want direction, but too young to know yet what that direction is. Try giving yourself a challenge and rising to the occasion. You might find it's just what you need.
  7. Arthellion

    Arthellion Lord of the Banned ~ Prestige ~

    Apr 14, 2017
    Georgia, USA
    High Score:
    Flamingo status doesn't count :p