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WIP Khan Victorious! - A Star Trek Timeline! by CaekDaemon - Star Trek

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Nerdman3000, Apr 30, 2018.

  1. Nerdman3000

    Nerdman3000 Seventh Year

    Apr 23, 2013
    Title: Khan Victorious! - A Star Trek Timeline!
    Author: CaekDaemon
    Genre: Alternate History
    Rating: T
    Fandom: Star Trek
    Words: About 187,474 on A03 at the time of this post (significantly longer and further along at alternatehistory.com)
    Published: 2018 (Original Thread on Alternatehistory.com began in 2017)
    Status: WIP
    Short Summary: Part timeline and part story, Khan Victorious aims to explore what happens in a world where Khan Noonien Singh won the Eugenics Wars, leading to the science of genetic engineering not being abandoned by mankind, but elevated and embraced to its full potential, a world where Augmentation is given to the entire world, from the end of the Eugenics Wars to Star Trek Nemesis and beyond.
    Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160555

    I went back and forth on whether to post a review of this, as it's a alternate history timeline set in the world of Star Trek rather than it is an actual fanfic. I eventually decided to hell with it and put it for review. However it's perhaps one of the most impressive and detailed pieces of fiction I've ever come across. Khan Victorious originally began on alternatehistory.com and in fact recently won the Harry Turtledove 2018 Award there.

    CaekDaemon often goes to Tolkien levels of detail in his writing, and it leads to perhaps one of the most impressive fan works I've seen, and it's certainly a highly recommended treasure for anyone who likes Star Trek. My vote would be 5/5.
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2018
  2. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

    Jan 18, 2011
    That isn't a fic. It's a timeline as the name implies.

    So there really are no characters, no real conflict, no nothing. It's just a dry list of events, lacking even the typical "history textbook" format some authors use for these.

    I understand if someone follows these from the beginning and than engages in the between update discussions, but trying to read this as a typical fic will bore you to death.

    Edit: Since I hadn't actually read this in ages I went back and tried to read some of this TL. While it isn't exactly as bad as I remembered it's still unreadable.

    Through the first two parts it's entirely exposition. The kind you would normally scan for a couple of keywords and go to the more interesting part. It never ever gets to the point.

    Overall this is like reading someones world building notes arranged in pseudo fic form.

    Overall it's 2/5 for me. Mostly because when I wrote my original comment I had confused this with "This sceptered Moon" and if nothing else this TL is a hell of a lot better than that abomination.
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2018
  3. pbluekan

    pbluekan Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Jan 24, 2014
    Dancing in the Mindfield
    This makes me leery as hell.

    This guy can’t write for shit, because he doesn’t understand basic grammar conventions. His “Tolkien level of detail” is closer to “Tolkien vomited his every stray thought onto a page with all the skill of a ten year old.” He can’t plot for shit and managed to write about 300k words of an ASOIAF au that didn’t even get beyond “the king is coming to Winterfell,” and had hairy cows as its “big thing.” IIRC, it spent a straight 50k words on Ned Starks finances.

    I imagine this is just as retarded as everything else that pours out of his head. I’ll still give it a look, but given it’s a timeline, it doesn’t deserve to be here anyway.

    Edit: I read it, and the very first part is actually a story, surprise surprise. To caekdaemon’s credit, he has learned some grammar, but he still doesn’t understand the value of a fucking period or the necessity of brevity. Run on sentences everywhere. More importantly, he still uses too much fucking detail. Sure it’s a lot of words, but most of it is pointless retarded shit or is wordy for the sake of being wordy.

    Also, his plot for the opening of this “timeline” is hard to even get behind.

    I mean really, suddenly, everyone has augment babies and won’t fight Khan because of that, so that makes Khan win. I mean, fuck, the guy is still an asshole. If everyone at the end of WW2 started having little hitlers would we have suddenly stopped bombing Berlin?

    1/5 for being fucking a worthless waste of my own time.
    Last edited: May 1, 2018
  4. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Apr 28, 2007
    The fact that it comes from Alt History makes me leery. Going into it, even more leery. I saw timeline in the thread title, but didn't take it to be a literal time line.

    This isn't engaging at all. This is the ramblings of a madman with word vomit.


    @pbluekan and @KGB if you comment in the thread, can you give a rating, and click the stars on the top so the thread can be properly sorted. <3

    When you get finished that is.
  5. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Apr 28, 2007
    While I'd really enjoy some more feedback on this just to get the contrast of opinions up, I feel like this has sat long enough. I'll mention it here as I have in other threads, but please make an effort to give actual feed back about the story so that you may inform everyone about your vote. Thanks.

    If someone wants to come back later and give more of an opinion on this story, it can be found in Almost Rec'd.
  6. Ceins

    Ceins Second Year

    Feb 14, 2007
    So I used to be pretty into the whole "Alternate History" timeline thing, and then I realized my niggling problem with the whole thing. That kept me from really enjoying the whole thing even though I thought the potential was there. Issue that even the "good" examples of the genre suffered from, which was that there was a whole lot of buildup slash potential that sort of fizzles out far, far, far away from any sort of payoff.

    And absolutely nowhere is that problem better exemplified than here.

    I keep coming back to this timeline business out of nostalgia and lingering hope that this time, someone has written something that I could unequivocally call a good. What I got was something that reminded me why I stopped reading it and what'll hopefully remind me to never give it another chance.

    As a timeline it's unbelievably bloated, endless writings on minutia development of technology, society, mentality and so on. Retreading the same decades for each field before jumping forward in time. Trying to show a realistic and coherent development of the world and politics, then twisting thing so that it could still be seen as part of the Star Trek universe. So it's 5/5 on that front.

    As a story I'll give it 1/5, I would have been happier if it never existed.

    So I'll average it out to 3/5.
  7. Otters

    Otters Sixth Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Jun 8, 2010
    High Score:
    I'm 99% sure you mean buildup/potential. My mind cannot help but interpret this as you being disappointed because there's no slash "payoff" scenes.

    As for the work itself...


    I'm not big on timelines, but this fails both as a timeline and a story. The word-vomit has no place in a timeline. The whole point of a timeline is to sharpen things up and describe events without getting bogged down in the prose.

    This is neither wholly a one or a two star for me. But it's damn sure closer to the bottom than anything else. I wouldn't recommend this even to a fan.