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Kira Orior by Dominus L - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by JackalTheRed, Jun 26, 2007.

  1. JackalTheRed

    JackalTheRed Muggle

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3
    Location:
    Conneticut, USA
    Title: Kira Orior
    Author: Dominus L (Myself)
    Rating: T
    Genre: Supernatural/Mystery
    DLP Category: The Alternates
    Pairing: None
    Status: Work in Progress
    Summary: The human whose name is written in this note shall die.' Harry Potter didn't believe this at first. The power of the simple notebook proved him wrong. Harry Potter will become justice. Harry Potter will become Kira. Crossover with Death Note.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3617210/1/

    A little idea that's been nagging at my mind. I don't know how often I'll update, but I have two chapters up so far and am working on the third. I managed to come up with some ideas so Harry doesn't win too easily.
     
  2. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    1,181
    Location:
    Buffalo Grove, Il. (Suburban Chicago)
    Hmm...sounds like an interesting idea. If you do it right, then it could turn into a moral dilemma-type fic.
     
  3. deathtehfluffybunny

    deathtehfluffybunny Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2006
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    123
    Location:
    Texas
    That line from deathbook is such a bad translation, hito.
     
  4. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Ah! a lot of us wanted to see a cross over when the Death Note craze took us. I'll check it out and review it later. Curious to see someone actually attempt this, seeing as IMO it isn't the best cross over verse for HP.
     
  5. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    6,957
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    o.o

    That happened to have been my idea for JBern's e-peen contest from... way back when. Working on it now (plot wise and how to execute it). Maybe later in the month I may put it out.

    But as far as yours goes, eh. 3/5. Its a good idea, and but your execution needs some work. Chapters are too short, but from what I glanced over, I didnt see any really glazring mistakes so a point for you. If you polished it up and gave a bit more thought to it it could easily be a lot better.
     
  6. MrINBN

    MrINBN Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    754
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Crudely executed so far, but it has promise. Polish it a bit and it'll be worth watching. 3/5
     
  7. ghst.san

    ghst.san Sixth Year

    Joined:
    May 31, 2005
    Messages:
    183
    Location:
    Austria
    I honestly didn't like it that much.

    A think that I have a problem with, is the fact that Harry is stupid enough to kill all of his relatives and Mundungus. Since he is the only survivor it would make him a higly suspicious.

    His personality change is also a bit aprupt. Killing Death eaters - yeah sure. But killing innocents, or even Members of the Order is a bit of a stretch.

    Another thing that I dislike is the fact that he learns Occlumency within weeks. Tibetian Monks that meditate daily for years aren't able to reach that level ;).
     
  8. Le

    Le Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    I agree with ghst.san: Harry's killing just goes too far. I mean, the Dursley's deaths are at least plausible in that he hated them enough to justify it. But Mundungus? I don't think so. Maybe if it were an Order member like Snape, who he actually dislikes . . .

    Other than that, I liked it well enough. With perhaps less over the top killing it will be superior.

    3/5
     
  9. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 2, 2005
    Messages:
    387
    Location:
    Heidelberg
    well, i haven't seen any cross-over of potter-death note. the story while original, is not very interesting. esp when harry starts to kill everyone. 3/5