1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. DLP Writing Competition
    DUE DATE for Competition - June 20th!
    Please join us Guest! Ched will love you long time. Topic is EITHER Hogwarts Ghosts OR Duelling!
    Click here for more!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

WIP Lost In Translation by Dissonance - M

Discussion in 'Other Fandoms Review Board' started by valrie, Jun 9, 2021.

  1. valrie

    valrie Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2018
    Messages:
    144
    Title: Lost In Translation
    Author: Dissonance
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Drama
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Original Fiction
    Pairings: None so far
    Summary:
    If you're one to travel the roads, you may have heard of me. You may have heard my Names in the stories, the songs, and the whispers of the road. Perhaps you've even seen me during my travels, speaking to a bird of blue light, or on a city street, performing small acts for coin and repute. Or perhaps you may know me as the Skystrider, who walked with the wind. Or the Voiceless, a man of song without speech. You may know me as the Tutor, who taught the Lion of Summer how to fight, or the Traveler, who has walked all the roads of the earth. I am all of these things.

    And people have branded me a myth.

    Link: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/41511/lost-in-translation

    I'm having a bit of a hard time explaining the genre because it's not quite like most other stories I read. The story is about Immortals who have no name and only limited ability to interact with the world. But they are immortal and can learn some interesting abilities that normal people don't seem to be able to learn.

    The MC is a teenager that becomes an immortal because of a deal with an immortal. He has no idea what that means and has to explore his new abilities and limitations. His relationship to his family is also quite interesting and drives the MC and thus the story.

    I really enjoy the world that is built and explored in the story and the characters are interesting as well. There is a void creature who is quite overpowered but behaves like an innocent girl. This comes off a bit much like an anime trope but it doesn't bother me too much. She's also starting to gain a more developed personality, so things are looking up.
     
  2. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    361
    So, I’m nine chapters into this, will get to the rest in the next few days. As this stands now it’s 3 territory. The Author is on the verge of so many things and barely misses them.

    The first and most obvious one is the original status quo. The Author tries to write it as though the character is disinterested in the world. But it comes off as the Author not wanting to flesh it out, besides for the MC’s parents we see nothing of the village’s inhabitants and we’re forced to assume he just didn’t interact with them.

    Character interactions are a big issue so far. The lack of them. Besides the MC and a bird who doesn’t talk all the characters are transient.

    it’s chapter 10 and there was most if not all of a chapter spent on people not the MC and it wasn’t some type of interlude, I couldn’t find myself investing in them since none of the characters seem to stay around long.

    The Author attempts world building but the context isn’t great so oftentimes it just comes off as random facts about the world just to be there. This isn’t aided by the transients of the world itself, there’s a lot of location hopping without great weaving of what the locations are.

    the concept is interesting, the writing is technically fine, there’s just a lot to be desired so far.

    3/5