1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hey DLP authors, there's a bit less than a month left to wow us with your story about Daphne or Azkaban.

    The Author applies the words to the paper or it gets the hose. Write or die! The more the merrier.

    Click here for more information!
    Dismiss Notice

WIP Made of Common Clay by Lomonaaeren - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Evil Shnitzel, Sep 29, 2018.

  1. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2005
    Messages:
    517
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chengdu
    Title: Made of Common Clay
    Author: Lomonaaeren
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Drama
    Status: In-Progress
    Summary: Gen. Harry has reached a very bitter thirty. His efforts to reform the Ministry haven't lessened the pure-blood bigotry. Then he finds out that he's apparently a part of a pure-blood nobility he's never heard of; he's Lord Potter and Lord Black. Unfortunately, that revelation's come too late for him to be a reformer. All Harry wants to do is tear down the system and salt the earth.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12599912/1/Made-of-Common-Clay

    Post canon-Hogwarts, powerful and connected Harry works to bring down the oppressive wizarding society.
    It's not a perfect story by any means but a very enjoyable one. Essentially, Harry plays on people's prejudices and stupid traditions and has far-reaching convoluted plans. The world itself is slightly more corrupt and slanted than JK's one; which is good for story and characters' motivation. Would give it 3.5-4 out of 5. Oh and it is different after the first 2 chapters if you are deterred by the supposedly naive Harry.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2018
  2. Methos

    Methos Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2016
    Messages:
    395
    High Score:
    0
    I slugged through the 30 chapters the story has.
    The story is interesting few fics try to tangle what happened in the aftermath, that while Voldermot was defeated and some of his DE died, the culture and sympathizers were not removed, that the system it self still remained.

    The old boy clubs or in this fic case the old lines club exists and still in power.

    It is annoying the author instead making Harry smart, his opponents are dumb.
    Dumb people don't rule a country, neither Harry is that smart as how he thinks about himself.
    Kingsley, Ginny boyfriend and Ginny her self portray is also lucking.

    Another question to author ignore, if the old lines have that much influence, you know all those Death Eaters families, why they supported Voldemort in the beginning, or how they didn't win the first war.

    I would put this fic in the Almost recommended section, 3/5.
     
  3. Download

    Download Dark Lord DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2014
    Messages:
    1,879
    Location:
    Adelaide, Australia
    Super average. Might get bonus points for being a "Lord Harry" fic that doesn't have the other shitty clichés in it. Couldn't get past about 5 chapters.

    2.5 rounded down.
     
  4. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    6,447
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Someone else want to read some of this and review it for me? I'd prefer to have 5+ votes and 3+ reviews before moving it. And by reviews I mean at least a paragraph with enough detail to know you read it.
     
  5. Silirt

    Silirt High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2018
    Messages:
    520
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    District of Columbia
    Oh what the hell, at least it sounds like it has a plot. I'll get back to this thread with a review.
     
  6. James

    James High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    503
    Eeeeh, pass.
     
  7. Jibril

    Jibril Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    50.26°N, 19.02°E
    As stated previously Harry isn't clever, his enemies are pure idiots and this looks like every other Lord Potter-type of story with bland characteristics, 12-year-olds outmaneuvering Dumbledore and other cliches. 2/5, don't waste your time.
     
  8. Silirt

    Silirt High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2018
    Messages:
    520
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    District of Columbia
    Starting on my review now lest I forget any of this bullshit.

    I have chosen to grade the annoying tropes as a monothematic sin of being an idiot and drinking the kool-aid on whatever HP forum/subreddit.
    Annoying tropes:
    Doesn't understand the elves.
    Enemies don't have an argument; can't think.
    Prejudices that were mostly subtle in the books have been turned up to 11.
    A single spell or something is a plot device.
    Harry is just sort of lazily better than everyone else at everything.
    Magic is has stamina for some reason.

    On a technical level there's not a lot bad I can say about it, the grammatical and spelling errors I noticed were few and far between, and they were the kind of thing that computers don't normally find. It's a moderately well-written story, and I have to be aware that my annoyance at the dumb tropes is probably the reason I think it takes too long to reach the conclusion, though the author could do without restating the argument to every single character. I'm curious why any reviewer would mention Dumbledore, since he isn't mentioned in the story as far as I've read/remember.
    The author starts by excusing the majority of wizarding Britain from fault by making the Sun Chamber into something that keeps justice out of law and order, and Harry states multiple times that peaceful reform would have been impossible, even for him and his friends, since the Sun Chamber is God and can just undo any legislation they pass. Simultaneously, the voice of the author blames every damn man, woman, and child by putting them in the path of this apocalyptic spell for not being woke enough. If there was no point to try to give reparations to goblins or put purebloods in jail, why are people being blamed for not trying? Harry demonstrates some willingness to not be just like the bad guys or to use their same tactics, but he's not allowing anyone not to take sides in the conflict. So instead of using their same tactics and killing people who don't agree with them, he's made repeated implications(direct foreshadowing, I suppose) that he's going to forcibly change their minds. Harry seems willing to allow the properties of House Black give him an unfair advantage, which one would think entitles others to use their properties, but the same apparently doesn't apply to titles and privileges that usually come with nobility.

    Characters:
    There's supposed to be no one but Ginny here who's under thirty, but it seems like none of them have aged a day. Oddly enough there's no Ron or Dumbledore bashing(wow much woke of tropes very wow) instead the bashing is relocated to 'Hogwarts' in the sense that while there, Harry had to fight for his life so now he hates the place. Weird rebrand, but okay. The Dursley family is also never mentioned, which I'm pretty sure is a usual source of Dumbledore bashing. In the sense that talking to everyone is like talking to a wall and this is basically the main conflict of the story, the characters are presumed to be static by the author as per her understandings of the characters, which makes me wonder about her 'Snarry' fics. I should add that instead of Dumbledore/Fudge/Umbridge bashing we have Kingsley bashing, and so much of his character has just been invented he's more like an OC than anything else. Arthur and Percy have basically been switched(wow much woke of tropes).

    Eclectic comments:
    I find it adorable that several countries sent Harry polite invitations to defeat their dark lords after he defeated Voldemort.
    "I gave them the chance to think and they didn't take it." Fucking wow Harry 'you get a choice as long as you make the right one' Potter-Black.
    I wonder if that's how every change in wizarding Britain is going to take place- someone decides the process is too slow and becomes a dark lord to scare everyone into going along with the plan.
    ALL MUGGLEBORNS AND CREATURES GO TO AZKABAN ALL THE TIME- how the hell do you explain Hagrid getting off?
    "three weeks, a fortnight" kys
    I know I lumped it in with the rest of the annoying tropes, but the elf rhetoric goes from stupid to absurd in chapter 33.
    The amount of times we've stretched out the reveal of the secret plot really pisses me off.
    I can't conceptualize how Harry is justifying killing the dementors, considering they're creatures of near human intelligence who basically just eat what they need to eat to survive. Why isn't he handing out wands for them? Let me guess, the werewolves are going to guard Azkaban now?
    "I don't care if muggleborns reverse things on purebloods"
    >it matters to him that the purebloods can't come back again in a hundred years and be prejudiced.
    >it doesn't matter to him that the muggleborns can do the same thing in a hundred years.
    >the only difference is blood
    Does this version of Harry have a tumblr account?
    Oh, look, it's the first mention of Dumbledore and we're criticizing him for getting Snape to work in his own suicide plot.
    Holy shit the Ministry wasn't enough for Harry, now he's outsmarting DEATH
    "My father had the invisibility cloak and yet he died" He gave it to Dumbledore, retard.
    "fuck free will" wow you've come full circle to a might makes right ideology.
    Please for the love of God look up 'author tract' on tv tropes.
    Can we get a crossover where Harry 'Dumbledore should've killed Draco in first year' Potter-Black-Slytherin-Gryffindor fights this retard? Let's see which is a better way of imposing your will on everyone else- mind rape or mass murder?
    "a secret government is immoral" I thought you said you didn't care about morality?
    Harry's literally going to hide in the muggle world so they can't take him to Azkaban. Why? There are no dementors there. You could escape wandlessly. You could escape the people trying to arrest you if you felt like it.
    Absolutely terrible ending, and I'm not surprised.

    Final score: 1/5 rounded up. Additionally, I'll rate the difficulty of this campaign 'game journalist mode'.
     
  9. Dresden11

    Dresden11 Third Year

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2014
    Messages:
    103
    This writer usually creates an angst filled mess. These reviews don't surprise me.
     
  10. James

    James High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    503
    I've read @Silirt's review with a compilation of all the times Gordon Ramsay kicks somebody out of the Hell's Kitchen, and all the 'Hey you', 'get out' and 'fuck off' made such a great background noise for it. Highly recommended.
     
  11. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    264
    Made of Common Clay has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 40
    Words: 126,285
    Updated: 2019-04-26 04:44:21 UTC
    Published: 2017-08-04 00:32:26 UTC
    Previously updated: 21 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  12. Silirt

    Silirt High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2018
    Messages:
    520
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    District of Columbia
    I'm not denying it, xion, I'm just absolutely mystified as to why.

    (Having read chapter 40, I leave my review the way it is.)