1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. DLP Writing Competition
    Topic - Master and Apprentice (or Mentor and Protege!)

    Click here for more info!
    Don't miss the due date this time Guest - it's March 13th!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Master of Death by MadEyes - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Azrael's Little Helper, May 6, 2008.

  1. Azrael's Little Helper

    Azrael's Little Helper High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    558
    Location:
    Sydney
    Title: Master of Death
    Author: MadEyes
    Rating: T
    Genre: General/Adventure
    DLP Category: Alternates/Time Travel
    Pairing: none
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 35,487
    Updated: September 22, 2008
    Published: February 28, 2008
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: AU Reality is ever changing, but Magic will always be. Death is rarely final and the Soul, seldom complete. To become a Guide from a splinter, to have the Spirit to succeed, one thing will always be certain: to Master Death he will need.
    Link: linkage

    The interesting summary was what drew me into reading this story. The beginning is an acceptable re-take on the new dimension shift and Indy!Harry rush for freedom cliches and though there are more than a few one-liners the writing is wacky enough to be interesting. If you ignore the idiot reviews for the story and read it on its merits I believe it should prove an interesting read, despite not being very developed yet. A 4/5 for what is currently written.



    Checked by Minion, January 2, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2013
  2. Lokesin

    Lokesin Slug Club Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2008
    Messages:
    198
    Location:
    In front of a glowing monitor
    Much too early to be rating it, but I actually really like this so far.

    Good find.
     
  3. The Fine Balance

    The Fine Balance Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    1,065


    The connotations of that are all sorts of Fail. And shopping, Agian! Ugg...
     
  4. Bratling

    Bratling Professor

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2008
    Messages:
    409
    Location:
    middle of no where, Georgia
    You know it's a bad sign when you get so bored by the first chapter that you get up, without prompting, and start doing housework.
     
  5. The Fine Balance

    The Fine Balance Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    1,065
    Too much Snape in the first chapter already. Nice opening, crappy follow-up... one which leads me to assume that it is highly unlikely this story will have anything that I would enjoy. 2/5
     
  6. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2007
    Messages:
    833
    Location:
    Iceland
    Writing could be cleaned up a little bit, but I really like the tone of the story. It seems a bit anti-DLPish to me though, the author doesn't seem to dislike the later canon, like many members here. The way Goblins and House-elfs are used might get on some nerves, but that's not the case with me. I won't mind Snape, as long as he stays firmly in the background.

    I always enjoy a good mystery, the alternate dimension stuff is pretty intriguing. The fact that Harry's existence thrives on change bodes pretty well for this story.

    4/5
     
  7. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Far from a perfect story. Writing style is a bit too elaborate, the storytelling drags on and lingers too much on meaningless details, Harry's motivation for travelling to the past is suspect at best and the all-mighty deus-ex machina in form of that voice that is following Harry and helping him out when it's convenient for the author doesn't help plot integrity at all.

    However, some of this story's ideas and details are truly original and IMO worth suffering its flaws. Like that rippling effect of unformed reality. Or the house elf market. Harry's sneaky nature and introduction of a rarely mentioned Ravenclaw kid bodes well for the future too.

    Overall, the story is good enough for me to keep following it, despite its accursed allegiance to the REDO genre and suffocating torrent of details. At least for now.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2008
  8. Inziladun

    Inziladun First Year

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    29
    Location:
    Spain
    I liked the thing about making change so that a new reality is created, it is something that I hadn't read until now, usually when he travels to an AU, there was one action (like Voldemort attacks Neville first) that changed everything, now it is Harry who must make the action to change the timeline. Although it could be discussed if Harry alone might be able to change the whole world or if his influence could never reach outside britain. Then again there is the Butterfly effect that could be used to explain it.

    I'm not sure how the whole Goblin following Harry around is going to affect the fic, I never did like when Gringotts seems to be like a supermarket where you can buy anything, although I did like that what made the goblin impressed about Harry was that he wanted to make sure that he doesn't run out of money (and not that he remembers a name), even if it seems as if he sends caution to the wind when buying a house-elf.

    All in all I'm hopeful that this fic is going to be good when its a bit longer. 4/5
     
  9. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    Seems alright for a start. It's rather difficult to come up with a new way to start divergence fics anymore (Kudos Jbern). As such I'd say it's 3-3.5ish right now, and that it has a LOT of room to grow. Until it's farther along however I won't be giving it a definite rating.
     
  10. DoubleE

    DoubleE Third Year

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2008
    Messages:
    101
    Not the fastest paced story, but the grammar and style is there. I'm interested to see how he has planned out several years at this rate.

    Still, 10k words a chapter isn't bad, but the author does need to up the pace. As much as I hate to say it, I think he actually put too much detail into his work. Regardless, 4/5 for what is currently written, though this fic may putter out on us, especially if he updates once every three months.
     
  11. rahulsinghpune

    rahulsinghpune Backtraced

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2008
    Messages:
    14
    Location:
    India
    Story is little slow and too much house elf interaction, unless it is going to be very important character in the story. Let him be a house elf, don't try to make every house elf into Dobby.

    Anyways interesting start and good to see that for a change, an author has set a limit to how much Harry can spend unlike where he has like a zillion galleons.

    But still it is an interesting read and i simply love independent Harry so i give it a 4/5.
     
  12. Avitus

    Avitus Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    Messages:
    375
    Location:
    Canada
    *looks around for MadEyes* ARE YOU STILL HERE? Cause this fic is pretty awesome so far, as per usual your writing style is descriptive and entrancing, I really hope you get more out of this. I'm still waiting for some more Earth's Emissary. I won't rate until I see MORE.
     
  13. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    677
    Pretty good, although I'm not to sure how I feel about Harry's new hair. As in I hate it and want it dead.
     
  14. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
    Messages:
    1,192
    Location:
    On Melancholy Hill
    This was actually a rather enjoyable read, though still far too early on to give a proper review.

    I liked the visuals presented as well as the way the author went about getting him out of the Dursley's. The Elf and Diagon bit (and by bit I mean chapters) got old really quickly, and the OC, Kev, got on my nerves from the moment he was introduced.

    I'll give this a 3/5 for now.

    Edit: Forgot about the hair.

    Revised score: 2.5/5
     
  15. Ancalion

    Ancalion First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2007
    Messages:
    43
    Location:
    East Coast, USA.
    I thought this was rather well done, if a bit tedious at times.

    I like the new take on the shot to hell redo genre, but certain things have me concerned, like the magical instruments weaving the Hogwarts wards.
     
  16. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    301
    Location:
    Murias
    High Score:
    2,451
    This being the first sentence of the story, killed all my hope. That and the six paragraphs of A/N I had to scroll before I began.

    Desipte that, I continued to read it for a little bit and it looks promising. Mysterious and confusing, but promising. I will rate when I find the patience to read it fully :p
     
  17. Ikaros Mephisto

    Ikaros Mephisto First Year

    Joined:
    May 23, 2008
    Messages:
    23
    Location:
    Sweden

    At first blush this story is a little hard to get into, it invites me on several occasions to look away or ponder things in my own mind rather than continue reading. The moment I get over myself and focus on the story however, I am delighted by its technique. The style is a little heavy at first, but once you find yourself in the flow of the story, it becomes an amicable read. ​

    I am actually quite delighted by the Authors take on the situation Harry finds himself in. There is a quality in the thought process which is seldom seen in fanfiction. I also very much like the way Harry isn’t running around trying to save the world upfront, but that he takes his time. Too often in these redo stories, Harry runs of half-cocked at the first opportunity to either bust out Sirius, or to do some other harebrained thing. ​

    The ideas, regarding change and how Harry is aware of the “strands of fate” if you could call them that, are actually rather cool. The way he sees each action as more solidifying his reality and actually creating it, I think is rather original. I’ve seen it before somewhere but I’ll be damned if I can remember clearly. ​

    Harry is allowed to be eleven to a degree in this story, which is charming. His own understanding that he cannot do whatever takes his fancy is also nice. This is a Harry that doesn’t need an extra character to slow him down or make him think. It’s a welcomed change to all the angst ridden stories or immediate action plots that so clutter up this genre. ​

    The solutions that are presented for Harry’s inability to move around freely are both believable and in some cases quite heart warming. At no time do I feel as though the reasons are false or over identified. ​

    I will agree with some criticisms regarding the shopping trips that Harry takes. Given the rest of the story and its flow, the shopping comes off a little choppy. The interactions stutter in the mind of the reader from time to time, disturbing an otherwise exemplary story. ​

    The instruments and the “magic of music” angle is not a problem in my view. That large musical instruments could weave the Hogwarts wards, I thought was rather funny; in particular, when I remember Dumbledore’s love of chamber music. I can easily see Dumbledore in the bowls of Hogwarts playing a huge pipe organ that reverberates through the castle and the look on Snape’s face as I imagine it. It’s a rather cool idea, given Dumbledore’s pension for humming; he might in reality be composing wards. ​

    There is a moment’s hesitation at the interaction of the house-elf and yes it is easy to critique it by saying that one shouldn’t make every house-elf like Dobby. Though in this case, I feel that’s a bit of a cop-out. At the outset, the house-elf display Dobby-esc characteristics, but they are not character defining. So while I can see the loopy nature of Dobby coming in to play, I can easily see a different character grow out of it. To some degree, I also think that Dobby’s nature is partially affected by Harry’s presence and therefore I have no trouble seeing the loopy nature as being an effect that Harry has on any house-elf. ​

    As for Harry’s hair: I like it. I’m rather tired of reading about messy, all over the place hair and conversations with mirrors about it. I may be in a minority here, but I actually prefer it when Harry wants to look more like his mother’s son.

    I readily give this a 4/5 as a preliminary rating. I cannot set that rating in stone, because I’m too interested in seeing how the next chapters will unfold. This is actually one of those stories where I have to keep myself from pestering the author for an update. Definitely, a recommended read.

     
  18. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    677

    The problem is not Harry's wanting to look like his mother. It's his doing it for SNAPE, instead he should have got prescription less brown contacts and strutted around Hogwarts smirking when he saw Snape.
     
  19. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    Very interesting start. I'll give it a tentative 4/5 for the first two chapters.
     
  20. Orm Embar

    Orm Embar Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    605
    Location:
    On the shores of Selidor
    I'll give this a 4/5. It's a strong beginning, with a Harry who actually thinks things through. The fact that the existence of this alternate reality depends on change is a very new concept, in a fandom where such things are the proverbial needle in a haystack. I enjoyed the fact that house elves were costly; such a valuable commodity shouldn't be cheap. I didn't much like the hair thing either, but I suppose you could chalk it up to change. If it keeps going in this manner it could merit a 5 in the future.
     
Loading...